Can someone explain the appeal of this?

[Jada59]

Some time ago, my guy said he wanted another woman to join us in bed. Not just any woman but a woman older than me. He's 41. I'm 61. He wanted a woman 70+. Wanted us both to suck him off.

I told him I was not into women at all and just would not do that.

And then? I was kinda bad. Dumped him and took up with a man that I thought was more suited to me but he flaked and disappeared. So... I'm back with the first guy.

We had several long talks and now he's back to wanting the other woman again.

So I said... Would you want me to be with another man? And he said he did. Said he wanted me to show him the pics of me having sex with the other guy. He knows I don't do pics so I said I had no pics. He already had me describe what we did in intricate detail. Said he liked erotic stories.

I did tell him that I have a fantasy of being with two guys and sucking them both off but in reality, I don't think I would do it. But the more I think about it... Perhaps if another guy were to magically appear and he appealed to me, I might be convinced to do it. But have intercourse with him? Probably not.

I know for sure I would not want pics taken. And if another woman was in the room, I would get sooo turned off, I'd have to leave.

I asked him why he wanted this and the only thing he would say was that he liked live sex. Hmmm... Aside from that time I was walking in the woods and accidentally came upon a couple in the bushes...or that time while driving through the arboretum and getting stuck in traffic with two gay guys having sex in the bushes, I have not seen live sex. Those two instances did not turn me on in the least. All I wanted to do was get out of there!

We have plans to potentially meet later today. But... Part of me wants to not go and just tell him that I can't do what he wants so he should just find someone else. Actually, I did tell him that but he refused to listen. Just kept telling me how he wanted ME to suck his cock because it felt so good when I did it. Please note: Pretty sure he will not have other people there as he wants *me* to find the other people.

The sex is really good with him. But I wonder... Will he leave me for someone else when he finally realizes that I can't do what he wants?

I'm not judging. I'm just trying to understand the appeal here. Personally, I think I'd like to see two guys having sex, but that's a fantasy and I realize that if it were to happen, I might not like it.

Anyone? Thanks!

 

[Hosebloke]

You sound very uncomfortable about the situation. Don’t go

 

[Jada59]

You sound very uncomfortable about the situation. Don’t go

I'm only seeing him later. That much I know. He doesn't know where to find the other people and wants me to find them. I'm not going to do that. I'm just trying to understand why it would appeal to him to see me having sex with another guy.

 

[Hitchiker69]

I can definitely understand the appeal of having two women in bed with me, both wanting my cock.
And I can understand your idea of watching two men together.
And I suspect he'd like photos to show off, or maybe just to wank to later on.

You want advice? Bargain with him. Tell him you want to watch him suck cock first, before you do anything unconventional.
And take pictures.

That way, you're not directly participating, just watching. But you can join in if you want to.

If you're comfortable with that, maybe you'd be ready to go the next step.

But over all, just take small steps, doing only what you're comfortable with. Make him do the gay sex, with you watching.

If you don't like it you can always leave.

Sounds like you don't have any trouble finding other, more conventional men. So you have nothing to lose.

 

[Jada59]

I can definitely understand the appeal of having two women in bed with me, both wanting my cock.
And I can understand your idea of watching two men together.
And I suspect he'd like photos to show off, or maybe just to wank to later on.

You want advice? Bargain with him. Tell him you want to watch him suck cock first, before you do anything unconventional.
And take pictures.

That way, you're not directly participating, just watching. But you can join in if you want to.

If you're comfortable with that, maybe you'd be ready to go the next step.

But over all, just take small steps, doing only what you're comfortable with. Make him do the gay sex, with you watching.

If you don't like it you can always leave.

Sounds like you don't have any trouble finding other, more conventional men. So you have nothing to lose.

Normally I would not have trouble finding others but... We are inching closer to lockdown again and as it is, we are not supposed to socialize with people we don't know. He wants me to find one of my friends (none would be interested to begin with) and with the man that disappeared. Um... Duh. He disappeared! LOL!

As for him sucking cock, I would only go along with that if *he* wanted to. Otherwise it wouldn't appeal to me. And I would never take pics. I flat out don't like pics and hate taking them.

But for me to have another woman in the bed? Hard no. Just not something I could ever do.

 

[TheShez]

I'm only seeing him later. That much I know. He doesn't know where to find the other people and wants me to find them. I'm not going to do that. I'm just trying to understand why it would appeal to him to see me having sex with another guy.

I know it's hard sometimes to understand. I love when my wife makes out with others particularly in front of me. I would love to watch her fucking, especially if she gets to cum hard. For me it's about her pleasure and her enjoyment. It's the ultimate indulgence for me. I love her completely and want her to live her life with me without regret and free to do what makes her feel good. We only live once so live it free!

 

[Jada59]

I know it's hard sometimes to understand. I love when my wife makes out with others particularly in front of me. I would love to watch her fucking, especially if she gets to cum hard. For me it's about her pleasure and her enjoyment. It's the ultimate indulgence for me. I love her completely and want her to live her life with me without regret and free to do what makes her feel good. We only live once so live it free!

Interesting! My ex husband would freak if I so much as hugged or kissed another guy.

 

[TheShez]

Interesting! My ex husband would freak if I so much as hugged or kissed another guy.

Even when married, we don't own each other. I find almost all of my friends that are in a jealousy filled relationship full of suspicion and disrespect aren't even close to happy. My wife and i laugh, hug,kiss and fuck often and are always honest. Our friends hate us!

 

[Jada59]

Even when married, we don't own each other. I find almost all of my friends that are in a jealousy filled relationship full of suspicion and disrespect aren't even close to happy. My wife and i laugh, hug,kiss and fuck often and are always honest. Our friends hate us!

Oh he wasn't happy!

 

[TheShez]

Oh he wasn't happy!

Hence why he is now the ex husband.

 

[Jada59]

Hence why he is now the ex husband.

Correct!

 

[TheShez]

Jada59 don't forget if it's not something you enjoy don't do it. Be honest about it and all will be good. But if you think that you might. Give it a go. You only get one chance to try something knew.

 

[twister947]

No attraction for me at all. My first wife had a girlfriend...I respected their privacy.

 

[NightL]

Actually, I did tell him that but he refused to listen.


Will he leave me for someone else when he finally realizes that I can't do what he wants?

I love how you are enthusiastic for your love making but seriously give him a kick where it hurts.

Oh, it is not that you "can't" it is "Fuck off with that shit!!!"

Obviously you have got something this guy likes... either he can have that on your terms or just fuck off.

Jada you express yourself with openness here on Lit - just do the same with him. Draw a definitive line between role play and fantasy and what you will not partake in. Make it absolutely clear. Let him know in no uncertain terms where the line is.

Communication - so communicate with him "No!" then kick him again.

Don't do shit you don't want to do - simple as that - and if he does not get that then show him the door.

You deserve way more than to be coerced into areas that are not your thing.

If you went into areas that are beyond your wishes or comfort zone the relationship is already over.

Be strong Jada - stand your ground over this. If he doesn't understand you he does not deserve you.

 

[Corbal]

I love how you are enthusiastic for your love making but seriously give him a kick where it hurts.

Oh, it is not that you "can't" it is "Fuck off with that shit!!!"

Obviously you have got something this guy likes... either he can have that on your terms or just fuck off.

Jada you express yourself with openness here on Lit - just do the same with him. Draw a definitive line between role play and fantasy and what you will not partake in. Make it absolutely clear. Let him know in no uncertain terms where the line is.

Communication - so communicate with him "No!" then kick him again.

Don't do shit you don't want to do - simple as that - and if he does not get that then show him the door.

You deserve way more than to be coerced into areas that are not your thing.

If you went into areas that are beyond your wishes or comfort zone the relationship is already over.

Be strong Jada - stand your ground over this. If he doesn't understand you he does not deserve you.

All. Of. This.

Couldn’t have laid it out better myself.

 

[TheShez]

I love how you are enthusiastic for your love making but seriously give him a kick where it hurts.

Oh, it is not that you "can't" it is "Fuck off with that shit!!!"

Obviously you have got something this guy likes... either he can have that on your terms or just fuck off.

Jada you express yourself with openness here on Lit - just do the same with him. Draw a definitive line between role play and fantasy and what you will not partake in. Make it absolutely clear. Let him know in no uncertain terms where the line is.

Communication - so communicate with him "No!" then kick him again.

Don't do shit you don't want to do - simple as that - and if he does not get that then show him the door.

You deserve way more than to be coerced into areas that are not your thing.

If you went into areas that are beyond your wishes or comfort zone the relationship is already over.

Be strong Jada - stand your ground over this. If he doesn't understand you he does not deserve you.

Exactly.

 

[Jada59]

Jada59 don't forget if it's not something you enjoy don't do it. Be honest about it and all will be good. But if you think that you might. Give it a go. You only get one chance to try something knew.

I know if another woman was there, I'd have to walk out. Another man? It's possible that I might do it. Not sure though.

 

[Jada59]

I've put a little bit of thought into this before, trying to understand it. In my head, what makes sense is that men like the erotic aspect 9f a threesome. They could watch another man's cock entering their woman and it makes them harder. It's a turn on for many. I'm not sure how many get turned on BECAUSE that cock is entering their woman, but just seeing the sexual act excites them.
Women, on the other hand, tend to be more jealous. They want their man to have his hardest reaction to them. Seeing him get just as hard for someone else tends to be a blow to their self esteem or something. So the experience is totally different for the two sexes. But I suspect there are lots of variables. If a woman actuallly cares for the man emotionally it will affect how she feels about seeing him with other woman.
That's just my opinion. This is nothing I have ever experienced, so it could be a load of crap.

I'm not jealous. It's just that I can't get into women. Now if he wanted to be with another man? Yes, I would like that. But he doesn't swing that way. And that's fine.

 

[Jada59]

I love how you are enthusiastic for your love making but seriously give him a kick where it hurts.

Oh, it is not that you "can't" it is "Fuck off with that shit!!!"

Obviously you have got something this guy likes... either he can have that on your terms or just fuck off.

Jada you express yourself with openness here on Lit - just do the same with him. Draw a definitive line between role play and fantasy and what you will not partake in. Make it absolutely clear. Let him know in no uncertain terms where the line is.

Communication - so communicate with him "No!" then kick him again.

Don't do shit you don't want to do - simple as that - and if he does not get that then show him the door.

You deserve way more than to be coerced into areas that are not your thing.

If you went into areas that are beyond your wishes or comfort zone the relationship is already over.

Be strong Jada - stand your ground over this. If he doesn't understand you he does not deserve you.

Thanks! That's what I was trying to do but he keeps trying to wear me down. Perhaps he thinks he can do this because I did go back to him. But... I'm the one that dumped him. He did nothing wrong there. I just saw something that seemed more appealing and went for it.

 

[Jada59]

All. Of. This.

Couldn’t have laid it out better myself.

Thanks!

 

[oneblueye]

hey ...

I'm not jealous. It's just that I can't get into women. Now if he wanted to be with another man? Yes, I would like that. But he doesn't swing that way. And that's fine.

I don't think you would really know that until you give THE ultimatum...
I still hold to that old adage about we all just 6 beers away from sucking dick or eating pussy.

 

[pplwatching]

.....

 

[Jada59]

I don't think you would really know that until you give THE ultimatum...
I still hold to that old adage about we all just 6 beers away from sucking dick or eating pussy.

Ah... I don't drink though.

 

[Jada59]

In my opinion, he clearly doesn't respect you or your boundaries. If I recall correctly, your relationship has been all about sex from the beginning, maybe even fuck buddy situation, so it seems natural that he's just trying to get what he wants sexually. If that's the case, you're a ticket to that ride precisely because he doesn't have to worry about your feelings. He doesn't have any real incentive to consider the other parts of a relationship, like respecting your boundaries (or you, for that matter). He knows he's "plan B" until something better comes along, assuming you told him about the other guy.

If I were to guess, he saw your coming back to him as you having a change of heart. If you left because of this and then came back, you basically told him that your boundaries are flexible, and that he just has to push a little harder to get what he wants. If you are basically fuck buddies, then his attitude seems par for the course. That kind of relationship is very "me centered". Get what you want and let the other person worry about themselves.

Your situation is like any other that isn't going to change. Either leave it and find something that suits you better, or stay and live with the constant badgering. Maybe he'll eventually give up, but he has everything to gain and nothing to lose. He just has to keep bugging you until he gets what he wants, because you've shown him that you aren't going to leave - or if you do that you'll come back.

You're mostly right. He initially said he was looking for a relationship but I have found that most men will say this just to get sex.

Where we live, we are inching closer to lockdown. The current rule is that we can only have contact with people outside of our household 5 times per week. Yeah, I know. That makes no sense. So... I could see 5 friends once a week. Him, 4 times a week and my daughter once a week.

We are not allowed to see strangers. As in to socialize with them. At this point we are still allowed to go to the grocery store or a few other places, but it has to be a quick in and out.

And this is to go on indefinitely. Most people feel that if anything, we will be put back on lockdown.

So... Seeing someone else is not an option for any of us. Yes, he is very good with sex. But... He has also giving me conversation and touching me in non-sexual ways. Both of these things are things that I told him led me to look elsewhere.

Essentially we agreed to just try to make this work for the time being because we can't see anyone else. What he really wants is for me to bring one of my female friends into the bedroom with us. Even if I did want that to happen, it wouldn't. Most of my friends are male. The few female friends that I do have would *never* do that and most of them have a severe dislike foe men and sex. They can't understand what I like being around men or why I'd want sex.

He also wants me to bring the guy I left him for into the bedroom. And oddly enough, that guy wanted me to bring another man into the bedroom. So he would agree to it but... He's history. For whatever reason, I've heard nothing back from him for something like two weeks and haven't seen him in the flesh for about a month.

So in a nutshell, for the time being, we are stuck with pretty much having a sexual relationship. We aren't really allowed to go out on a date anywhere. Yes, a few restaurants are open, but I don't think that's a safe thing to do and neither of us likes to go out to eat. Actually neither of us really likes to go out much at all. We're both homebodies. He watches TV. I don't. So we can't really hang out and do that.

I do have a funny though. I have gastroparesis. No, that isn't funny. It's paralysis of the vagus nerve to the stomach. Mine is not constant. But when it acts up, I get sick to my stomach.

I was supposed to go to his place about 7 hours ago but I woke up in the wee hours, realizing that I was sick. And unlike some times, this time I stayed sick. Am better now but not fully 100%.

I contacted him to tell him I was sick. He seemed unduly concerned and said. Maybe I can get you pregnant!" I laughed and told him I couldn't get pregnant.

Later, I contacted him again to say that I wasn't getting better and was going to stay in bed. Again, he was unduly concerned.

The more I thought about the pregnant thing, the more comical it seemed! So I contacted him again to tell him this.

Long story short, the poor guy thought he had gotten me pregnant and that I had morning sickness. Heh.

I need to work on my Spanish.

Since he is expecting me to find these other people, that's not going to happen! I guess I just don't want him to think that he can't have what he wants because of me. Maybe he can just keep his fantasy as a fantasy.

I also don't want him to get upset if I leave him for someone else. I mean... In the future. I did tell him this. He claims he wasn't hurt when i did do this, but I could tell that he was. I want to spread light and love. Not hurt people.

I guess we'll see.

 

[HoldYouDown]

Essentially we agreed to just try to make this work for the time being because we can't see anyone else.

My personal opinion is that this is not a good reason to stay with someone. I would rather be alone than be with someone I'm not on the same page with. Even during lockdown.

Regarding your original question, it's difficult to explain the appeal of a fetish. It's like explaining why you think one comedian is funny but another isn't, or why you like one type of music but not another. We're all different. Ideally we get with people who share a lot of similar interests. It sounds like you two don't, sexually.