Sub seeking advice

[AnnieLit]

His kids are grown-arse adults, and wouldn't die if they didn't see him for a week.

The week she was talking about included a holiday, hence a three day weekend. His kids were not going to be there the whole week, only a few days, so most likely they don't live anywhere close and were visiting for the holidays.

Sure, all of this might be not true, he can have a wife and a 5 yo kid, but I would think that in 7 month it would have to come up one way or another. Married people are usually much less free with scheduling any evening contact, be it texting, talking, or video chatting.

 

[AnnieLit]

I think Primalex was inferring that perhaps this man has lied to the OP about his current relationship status and is using an adult daughter as a deterrent to keep her from being around while a possible attachment was instead.

Could be... It's just that they've been talking for 7 month, I would think that in that time one would know. But maybe some people are good at hiding and others are equally good at not noticing what's right in front of them. Plus, I would not go visit somebody at home without knowing their real name and address, which leads to all the rest of the information in two min. But maybe it is not a must for everybody.

 

[Moochienanu]

The week she was talking about included a holiday, hence a three day weekend. His kids were not going to be there the whole week, only a few days, so most likely they don't live anywhere close and were visiting for the holidays.

Sure, all of this might be not true, he can have a wife and a 5 yo kid, but I would think that in 7 month it would have to come up one way or another. Married people are usually much less free with scheduling any evening contact, be it texting, talking, or video chatting.

I think you’re making many leaps here about what actually happened. The circumstances of what did will only be clear to the OP and this man she’s been chatting with. We can make inferences about someone else’s relationship(s) as much as we like, but it feels a bit unproductive - we have only a partial side of what might have transpired and over what timeframe/whether kids live further away or were even staying with him/why he wouldn’t want to have her meet the children... etc.

I’d also like to toss out that I am married and very chatty at all hours, so generalizations about what a demographic might be like online don’t always fit.

Could be... It's just that they've been talking for 7 month, I would think that in that time one would know. But maybe some people are good at hiding and others are equally good at not noticing what's right in front of them. Plus, I would not go visit somebody at home without knowing their real name and address, which leads to all the rest of the information in two min. But maybe it is not a must for everybody.

7 months is a while, but there are VERY private people who would be able to hide something like marriage well in an online only (to this point) relationship. If they don’t want you to know something, lying or lying by omission is something that happens. It’s probably happened to anyone you ask on lit.

Just because you or I wouldn’t visit someone’s home without a full name and address doesn’t mean everyone wouldn’t.

I’ll be forthcoming now: I wouldn’t even have agreed to staying at another person’s place for a full week, marriage or not aside. I read that part and thought like Cookie: I would NEED a hotel room of my own. I would also ask to meet somewhere else first. Perhaps even do a whole date or outing in a public space (Nice walk in a park/on a beach?) before deciding if we were compatible enough to spend time in private together. It is just scary to me to even consider spending every moment of a week without a break from someone I had never even been in the same room with before. Again, this is just my opinion/thoughts on the whole situation.

 

[AnnieLit]

I think you’re making many leaps here about what actually happened. The circumstances of what did will only be clear to the OP and this man she’s been chatting with. We can make inferences about someone else’s relationship(s) as much as we like, but it feels a bit unproductive - we have only a partial side of what might have transpired and over what timeframe/whether kids live further away or were even staying with him/why he wouldn’t want to have her meet the children... etc.

I’d also like to toss out that I am married and very chatty at all hours, so generalizations about what a demographic might be like online don’t always fit.



7 months is a while, but there are VERY private people who would be able to hide something like marriage well in an online only (to this point) relationship. If they don’t want you to know something, lying or lying by omission is something that happens. It’s probably happened to anyone you ask on lit.

Just because you or I wouldn’t visit someone’s home without a full name and address doesn’t mean everyone wouldn’t.

I’ll be forthcoming now: I wouldn’t even have agreed to staying at another person’s place for a full week, marriage or not aside. I read that part and thought like Cookie: I would NEED a hotel room of my own. I would also ask to meet somewhere else first. Perhaps even do a whole date or outing in a public space (Nice walk in a park/on a beach?) before deciding if we were compatible enough to spend time in private together. It is just scary to me to even consider spending every moment of a week without a break from someone I had never even been in the same room with before. Again, this is just my opinion/thoughts on the whole situation.

Of course lying happens a lot, this is the downside of anonymity, no way to completely avoid it. I don't need to ask anybody, I've been there.

You situation is different -- your husband knows, so you can be available to chat when he is home. If somebody is hiding the fact that he is married from an online partner, I am pretty much sure he is not telling his wife either.

OP said that the deal was for her to stay at a hotel only for a part of the week, not the whole time. I am not saying it's impossible, but this does not sound like a wife situation to me...

As for taking it slowly.. The ideal scenario would be a date in a public place, then a limited time visit, then maybe to spend a night together. But if they live on the opposite coasts, I don't think either one will fly over for a coffee. I would still stay in a hotel though, at least first couple days.

 

[Daddysslut1968]

I'm a babygirl needing advice on my relationship with my Daddy. We've been in a committed relationship for about 7monthsand I'm going to visit him at the end of the month for a week. For the most part everything is great, we have the same interests in and out of the bedroom, we've established what we both want/expect from a D/s relationship. We've even talked about the future, moving to his state as well as very active and fulfilling Daddy/babygirl 'playtime'. That was until the past few weeks. I've told him I need playtime with Daddy, flirted with him, and just today said that he's making me feel like he's not interested in being my Dom anymore.
His response was, 'If u feel like that then that's on u'. He also said I was being very needy lately and he didn't know why. I answered, 'its on me? Well that hurts and I have and did tell you why, you just don't care. Haven't got a response. Chance's r when he does text me he won't respond to anything I said. Is it wrong to want/need a little attention from my Daddy? He doesn't even talk to me in a dominant way anymore. He says it's bc we've said all that needs to b said, and now need to meet in person. Any advice we would be appreciated

Thank you for all the advice and comments. They really helped me out of a dark place. I have since ended things with him and he didn't give me any resistance so it was for the best. I have moved on and am in a better place and happy again.thsnks again everybody

 

[ashkitten]

Thank you for all the advice and comments. They really helped me out of a dark place. I have since ended things with him and he didn't give me any resistance so it was for the best. I have moved on and am in a better place and happy again.thsnks again everybody

I'm glad you're in a better spot, tbh, my first reaction to your initial post was RUUUUUN and not even just b/c of red flags from him but b/c it sounds like the two of you both had communication styles or needs that just don't work together. In my experience, when those communication conflicts happen early on, they tend to become a pattern and it's not good for anyone.

 

[DVS]

On line relationships don't always move into real time relationships. They can, but sometimes, one of the partners likes the distance factor and when moving to real time, that distance factor is gone.

I've never been one to even understand an online relationship, unless there has already been a real time relationship and one that might be rekindled later. But that's just me, so don't gauge anything by my point of view.

I don't know what caused your break up, and maybe you don't either. Just keep this in mind. You probably saved yourself some trouble, by finding all of this out before you actually went to meet.

We all learn in different ways. Maybe he learned that he wasn't really into a real time relationship and in his opinion, maybe you were too needy. We all have our opinions on things. Now, you have this experience to fall back on, when you meet someone else. You are stronger, you are wiser and you will probably be able to sense trouble a lot sooner. This is how we grow.