Communication 101 🎓

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Communication 101

I think we can all agree that communication is bedrock in any relationship, but especially in a kinky relationship. Discussing limits and expectations as well as desires and motivations, are all things we’ve probably had to navigate in those early stages. For some people (raises hand), discussing why and exactly how something turns me on only adds the sexy levels.

How would you rate yourself as a communicator? How open are you to changing your communication style to meet that of your partners?

When discussing kink with a partner or future partner, how do you react when you’re questioned? Do you like discussing the “why” of your kink or do you just like to get straight to the point?

Have you ever had to help a partner communicate better? Or even tried?

I think these are important conversations to have. We say over and over again how important communication is but we never get into the HOW to do it. Some things don’t come as naturally or even occur in the same ways to some people.

Are you willing to help your partner grow and are you, in turn, willing to take criticism on your communication style?

 

[ultramarineblue]

I'm a huge fan of discussing what worked and how well it worked as well as what didn't work after a scene. I have no trouble discussing that at all. I do struggle coming up with things that I may want to try. I'm fairly willing to try things because I've learned even in regular life that what you think you may like-minded you don't and what you think you won't like, you do end up liking. Things I'm more nervous about I would only do with a highly trusted partner and I would tell them that those are things I'm nervous about. I like discussing the whys.

I know it's important to think of potential issues. I had an experience once that didn't go well and I didn't think fast enough to safeword. It was an emotional thing. I didn't fault the top at all but I know it shook him and shook his trust in me. Thankfully he was willing to discuss it and realized that I didn't think it was his fault at all and that I was mad at myself for doing that to him. It wasn't even one of the riskier emotional edge play things that I like so it completely caught me off guard.

I had always loved the communication aspect of all this bit that experience cemented the idea that it is completely essential. I try to by as thoughtful and open in my communication for that reason. I still feel bad about not using a safeword and I'm so thankful that he was willing to talk about it.

Eta: I don't think I answered all the questions and I rambled a good bit. I know I may be someone that people are cautious about playing with because I do like trying stuff as well as my difficulty with initial communication. I've worked on that a good bit especially because I don't want to hurt someone else in a bad way.

 

[LouisianaWild]

Communication 101

I think we can all agree that communication is bedrock in any relationship, but especially in a kinky relationship. Discussing limits and expectations as well as desires and motivations, are all things we’ve probably had to navigate in those early stages. For some people (raises hand), discussing why and exactly how something turns me on only adds the sexy levels.

How would you rate yourself as a communicator? How open are you to changing your communication style to meet that of your partners?

When discussing kink with a partner or future partner, how do you react when you’re questioned? Do you like discussing the “why” of your kink or do you just like to get straight to the point?

Have you ever had to help a partner communicate better? Or even tried?

I think these are important conversations to have. We say over and over again how important communication is but we never get into the HOW to do it. Some things don’t come as naturally or even occur in the same ways to some people.

Are you willing to help your partner grow and are you, in turn, willing to take criticism on your communication style?

It’s posts like this that make me love you PLP. Wait can I call you that when I’ve just been a lurker on these boards for a loooooong time?

Communication is key. I am an over communicator. I tell my partner everything if they ask. The problem I run into is when I communicate and get no response. I am not asking for a long response. But something along “I hear you, let me think.” Or even an okay. It always drives me nuts when someone just shuts down when I bring up feelings or my likes dislikes.

I try to be open and up front from the start because if I can bring up my kinks or what I want in the beginning it isn’t going to work for me.

And subscribing to get ideas.

 

[SissySalina]

She and sissy have chats, it is done while we sunbath, sitting on the sofa or watching tv, even in the kitchen while sissy fixes a meal. The discussions cover any topic and can go on for an hour or two. The relationship is based on friendship first, we now communicate as girlfriends do. We tell each other all, nothing is out of bounds. As far as "why" feelings of each-other often comes up and covers a lot of the "why" stuff. If She wishes to try something new She will usually (not always) ask how sissy feels about doing it.
Hope that answers most of your question.

 

[Acktion]

I mentioned recently... (er, that was recently, right?)... in another thread on the psychology of Dominance and submission, I've got a little different experience load (aka "baggage") coming to the party. I misspent some time (and no little money) studying to be a counselor in college, then went off into detention work, retired from that with a graduate degree in education and went off into teaching (until my health made that impossible).

And picked up a lot of odd-ball stuff along the way.

Communication, in its purest form, is the exchange of ideas between two parties.

Should be simple, right?

Au contraire.

Setting aside for the moment language barriers, both speaking a different language altogether and the (often more troubling) dialects of what (on the surface) seems to be the same language peppered with colloquialisms and generational slang, there is still a difficulty in that often the person hearing or reading the words accesses them a different value based on their personal history or frame of reference or "Johori's window" than the person speaking or writing the words intended.

And, all too often, one or the other will think that communication occurred and not understand that it didn't. Or, alternatively, when they figure out that communication didn't occur, they feel frustrated because they feel it should have occurred and just stop trying.

That always makes me a little sad because it is an indication that the other person in the communication just wasn't important enough for them to keep trying.

Far back in my own, personal, history, I was something of a book worm. Due to health concerns, I wasn't able to get out and do the physical activities my cohort was able to safely. And as a result, was on a college reading level by the age of eight and doing college math not long after.

Pretty smart little snot-nosed punk, right?

Just one problem. If nothing that I'd read or otherwise been exposed to covered a particular concept, then how the fuck was I supposed to know about it?

I've told the story around here somewhere... or maybe it was elsewhere... Any road, I think I've told the story about when I asked a junior high coach and science teacher about why people called him "Scooter" instead of his actual name "Luther." And his telling me that I would understand when I was older... And just how that pissed me off since I knew damn well I was the smartest motherfucker in that pool and perfectly capable of understanding anything he had the capacity to explain!

Bear with me. I do have a point.

In another incident, I was walking home (which was a Big Fucking Deal for me to be allowed to not only be outside but actually be allowed to walk home) after school with... well, I couldn't really call him a "friend" per se. Robert just wasn't quite as cruel as the other bullies. And, pretty much out of the blue, he asked me how often I masturbated.

I had no clue what that word meant. And I told him so.

He knocked me down and stood over me with balled fists and told me if I didn't want to answer, just not to answer, but not to pretend to be stupid. Because he knew I was the smartest kid in our school.

Still not sure which of us was more surprised when I boiled up off the ground and knocked him on his ass (I was still a runty little thing, just barely beginning to transition, and he had about a half a foot and a good fifty pounds on me) and told him that I didn't know what that word meant, that I'd never heard it before. That if he didn't want to tell me, then that was fine. But, not to be a dick because he finally knew something I didn't. And how would he feel if the next time he asked me a question in class, I told him not to be stupid?

Yeah... it was not really all that strange that I got my ass kicked a lot back before I got a bit better at fighting back.

For those that might be curious, he apologized and explained what he meant. But, it took me knocking him on his ass and, more importantly, explaining that I didn't understand, that I didn't have the vocabulary.

And that, right there, is where I think communications via these here infernal-nets often break down. Oh, my lexicon is plenty broad these days. And when I don't know a term someone trots out, I've got four dilapidated dictionaries (although more often the urban dictionary is more helpful). But, it's so damn easy to just say "you don't understand" and shove back from the keyboard...

Er.. or, I suppose "swipe left" or whatever it is since I guess I'm the last of the techno-dinosaurs that doesn't own one of those handheld computers but do everything on an old antiquated tower.

Several years back, right here on Lit, I had a question about a comment on one of the stories I'd written. And someone mentioned "pegging."

And we were right back in that alley asking me how often I "what the fuck does that word mean?"

Oh, I've long been aware of strap-on dildos and that some men and women prefer for her to strap on a dildo and take him anally. Not my thing, but I was aware of it and had absolutely no problem with them getting their jollies however they could so long as everybody consented. And understood that I didn't consent to having diddly diddling my ass.

However, I'd never heard the term "pegging" and didn't immediately make the leap.

And when I mentioned that I wasn't familiar with the term, got some hard side-eyed shade for not being accepting of their kink.

Accept or not didn't have jackshit to do with anything. I didn't know what they meant by the term!

But, of course, everyone has access to the internet now. And everyone should know what all the terms mean before they even try talking to anyone about anything that had nothing even close to do with that particular term just in case it came up in the course of conversation or you must automatically be just like all the others who keep them repressed.

And that is exactly what I mean... For communication to occur, both parties have to share the concept to mutual understanding. And the vocabulary is just the beginning.

The one speaking or writing has to take responsibility for expressing the idea to the best of their abilities, as clearly as they are capable.

The one listening or reading has to take responsibility for attempting to read what is written or listen to what is said to the best of their abilities and attempt to understand.

Both have to own the responsibility of continuing the communication until both are certain that the idea or concept is, indeed, understood similarly by both parties.

I know what I meant, but did you understand what I meant? And, vice versa. You know what you meant, but did I understand what you meant?

And, often, we don't wanna. I know what I meant and I know what you said and fuck this is just too much trouble.

We sling terms, jargon, phrases at each other's heads and just assume that since everybody is slinging the same terms, jargon, and phrases then of course everybody must mean the precise same thing. (Or else "they should follow the fuckin' link to the BDSM dictionary if they don't and stop wasting our fuckin' time while the grown-ups are tryin' to talk!")

Which is fine out in open forum.

You say, "I'm a rope bunny."

I say, "Oh, cool. I used to be a pretty good Rigger."

You say, "Oh, cool."

And that's fine, 'cause we don't really know each other and neither is offering to play with the other at that point. We don't need to know anything more than that in a general discussion of bondage techniques.

Ah, but then, we decided, based on that exchange, to play together sometime...

Small joke. Because I damn sure wouldn't be willing to play with somebody that just wanted to slap the label "rope bunny" on their ass and expect me to come at them with a hundred yards of treated jute and a hard dick based on no more interaction than that.

And frankly, the ones that have wanted to play with me just because I admitted that I used to be a pretty decent Rigger made me nervous as shit. Primarily because they just showed me how naive and inexperienced they were, that they didn't know just how bad shit could go if I (or anyone) started bending them into a pretzel and trussing them up in a suspension rigging without pausing to get to know a whole lot more about them than that.

And then there was the conversation that went;

"I'm a sub. You're a Dom. I am on my knees, waiting to serve you, Master?"

"Uh, who the fuck are you, exactly?"

"I am your willing slave, Master."

"Uh, yeah. You said that. But, who the fuck are you? I don't remember ever speaking to anyone with this screenname before... Or even seeing you, for that matter."

"Would Master like to see this slave?"

"Uh, what? No. I mean, yes. I'm a dude. Of course, I would. But what I meant was-..."

<insert nude picture here>

"Okay. Yes. Thank you. Very nice. But, who the fuck are you, lady?!"

<insert more provocative nude picture here>

"Yes. Thank you. I see you. And you are very, very attractive. Enough to be in magazines if you aren't. But, that still doesn't answer the question just who the fuck you are!"

"I am your slave, Master, to do with what you will."

​

That's enough of that particular conversation to give the idea. And, no. The conversation didn't get a whole lot better (although it was one of my more hilarious adventures on a BDSM oriented site).

(And, no, I have absolutely no idea if that was even a real attempt at anything or just someone fuckin' with me. I would be tempted to say the latter, but there was enough... strangeness that it might have been a bored housewife that read 50 Shades. Not to mention, it went on for weeks, every time I was online before she gave up and went away. So, it was either someone trying to really experiment for the first time with nary a clue just how to go about it. Or someone really, really dedicated to a joke.)

I don't just randomly Dom someone unwilling to give me any more than "I'm a sub." That's a level of responsibility that I will not enter into without having more understanding of them than some idle stranger I might pass on the street, or the gal running the register at my smoke shop.

And I am not going to willingly Master a slave that I don't know everything about any more than I would walk up and marry someone I didn't know everything about.

How would you rate yourself as a communicator?

I think I'm pretty good. Accusations that I'm too long-winded notwithstanding.

I will assume nothing at the beginning and only build a lattice of understanding from within the framework of prior communications on a personal level. On a public level, I generally assume that someone new may not know and start from ground zero. Although, I've been told that I tend to overexplain and give more than what was asked.

And I'm generally infamous for "grilling" people that move from the public realm to the more intimate circles, asking questions and then not just listening to, but studying their answers. ***shrug*** The overwhelming number have hated it and withdrawn. But, it's the only way I know to get to understand them as an individual rather than the labels they wear for more public consumption.

On the other hand, very few have actually stayed, so perhaps I give myself too much credit...

How open are you to changing your communication style to meet that of your partners?

I've generally tried. If someone states that it bothers them that I explain too much, I try to tone it down. But, then they get annoyed when I give one or two-word answers. Or, if they get annoyed with me for asking too many questions, I stop asking. But, then they get annoyed with me for not asking anything.

And, yes, I'm being serious.

***shrug***

With the exception of a scant handful, almost no one has had the tenacity to hang in there until I can tweak the communications dial to their comfort level while maintaining growth of understanding.

When discussing kink with a partner or future partner, how do you react when you’re questioned?

I don't mind at all.

I enjoy talking about this stuff. Even with strangers on these boards. So, to me it just makes sense that I would enjoy talking about it even more with someone I like enough to maybe actually do some of it with. Or, if I don't enjoy talking about it with them personally and privately, then what the fuck are we doing trying to do it?!

However, there is a small proviso...

I do remember one in particular that had a tendency to interrupt me when I was speaking. In the culture that I was raised to, this is a sign of rudeness beyond disrespect. Rather ironically, as her purported Dominant, I would accept this behavior from her with little beyond a mild correction. And demonstrating by example by never interrupting her while she was speaking, but waiting until it was clear that she was done. Even when she interrupted me to begin that particular verbal foray.

However, after she ended that relationship (in no uncertain terms) during a conversation she attempted to interrupt me and lost her ever-loving mind when I wouldn't let her get away with it, but talked over her. In the ensuing diatribe, I returned her insult by interrupting her several times in turn, when I'd never done so before, and she did not like it at all. And even less when I pointed out that was exactly the discourtesy she had shown me again and again and again.

I don't mind questions. I enjoy them and the ensuing discussion. But, I do have limits to the disrespect, discourtesy, and outright rudeness I will accept from even a stranger, much less someone supposed to be in dynamic with me.

However, as that particular person found out, I will only attempt to correct for a short time before I just flat refuse to engage any further and ignore any further attempts at interaction.

Do you like discussing the “why” of your kink or do you just like to get straight to the point?

I love getting into the why.

Not so much about my "why" because a) I already know and b) in some past experiences, it has ruined the illusion for several going into too much detail. Although I will gladly explain anything she asks, I typically only offer very little explanation until she does.

Reciprocally, however, I will question everything... to the point that I've often been told she feels like "a suspect being grilled" ... right up to the point of "just shut up and fuck me."

At which point, we'd better at least have the safe word very, very clear...

***shrug***

My deceased wife of two and a half decades, I was confident of my understanding of her enough that I rarely questioned anything. Mostly 'cause we'd been there and done that and had the scars.

Anybody less than a decade, I'm gonna be askin' questions and studying everything about them.

Have you ever had to help a partner communicate better? Or even tried?

Oh, fuck yes!

If I had a nickel for every miserable little shy submissive that wanted me to just DO everything without making her talk it out first...

And, yeah. More than few that just wanted to jump right to me Dominating them without giving me more than minimal insight into their mind...

Hell, my wife that I've mentioned time and again had this... thing (that I think more than a few reading this might identify with) where she would lament about how nobody talked to her. And I would ask her, "Well, have you talked to them?"

And fuck me if she wouldn't say, "Well, no. But, they probably don't want to talk to me since they didn't talk to me first."

Of course, then my sense of humor would get the better of me and I would point out it had certainly never stopped her from talking to ME... with results you might can imagine (so long as your imagination eventually gets to me carrying her to the bedroom over my shoulder).

But, yeah. I've tried to help... well, honestly, I'm embarrassed to admit that I've lost count just how many submissives communicate better. With me and with the world in general.

And it has typically boiled down to, "if you have a need that isn't being met, but you didn't say anything, then you have no one to blame but yourself."

I'm pretty fuckin' good at picking up on what is not said. In person. (I suck at LDR.) But, just because I signed on to be her Dom didn't mean I wanted to have to pull a crystal ball out my ass to actually get to understand her. (Or read her public posts that she damn sure never so much as attempted to whisper to me in private.)

Are you willing to help your partner grow and are you, in turn, willing to take criticism on your communication style?

Yes, I am willing to help my partner grow. If I'm not helping her grow, then I'm personally baffled just what the fuck we are doing since that is just an intrinsic part of D/s for me.

And, yes. I have always been willing to learn better how to communicate with someone I have cared enough about to enter into a relationship with. Well, for the duration of that relationship. Once she packed her shit and left, she could take her criticisms with her panties.

 

[Jasminelit]

Communication is like driving. Everyone thinks they are great at it. They never recognize or fail to admit it when they are poor at it. You never hear, "I'm a bad driver. Or I'm a bad communicator."

As for me.. I stink at both. I fail at relationships and I stick to small cities with rural roads. But I'm working on it.

 

[Mei5ter]

Communication is like driving. Everyone thinks they are great at it. They never recognize or fail to admit it when they are poor at it. You never hear, "I'm a bad driver. Or I'm a bad communicator."

As for me.. I stink at both. I fail at relationships and I stick to small cities with rural roads. But I'm working on it.

Perfectly said. I'd also suggest that not everyone remembers that communication involves the use of the ears as well as the mouth.

 

[Jada59]

I thought I was a good communicator but... I just got back with an ex BF who speaks Spanish as his native language. His English is pretty good. I'm learning Spanish. His English is better than my Spanish.

We had a couple of long talks before we got back together. I found out I had been doing the opposite of what he wanted. We did have a laugh about that. And he hadn't been doing some things that I wanted. I think we're back on track now.

 

[Smoothshavendad]

I don’t wanna talk about it.

 

[Lascivity]

Communicating well makes everything else so much easier. Seriously. It's the kink skill that's worth working on over and above any other.

For myself, I use checklists and paperwork. Helps me remember everything, and gives a framework for negotiation that means you don't forget important stuff. Plus it just makes sense for my autistic brain.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I'm a huge fan of discussing what worked and how well it worked as well as what didn't work after a scene. I have no trouble discussing that at all. I do struggle coming up with things that I may want to try. I'm fairly willing to try things because I've learned even in regular life that what you think you may like-minded you don't and what you think you won't like, you do end up liking. Things I'm more nervous about I would only do with a highly trusted partner and I would tell them that those are things I'm nervous about. I like discussing the whys.

I know it's important to think of potential issues. I had an experience once that didn't go well and I didn't think fast enough to safeword. It was an emotional thing. I didn't fault the top at all but I know it shook him and shook his trust in me. Thankfully he was willing to discuss it and realized that I didn't think it was his fault at all and that I was mad at myself for doing that to him. It wasn't even one of the riskier emotional edge play things that I like so it completely caught me off guard.

I had always loved the communication aspect of all this bit that experience cemented the idea that it is completely essential. I try to by as thoughtful and open in my communication for that reason. I still feel bad about not using a safeword and I'm so thankful that he was willing to talk about it.

Eta: I don't think I answered all the questions and I rambled a good bit. I know I may be someone that people are cautious about playing with because I do like trying stuff as well as my difficulty with initial communication. I've worked on that a good bit especially because I don't want to hurt someone else in a bad way.

This was a really interesting anecdote because it shows you and your partner learning from a lack of communication. I mean, it wasn't even a lack, it was just a hesitancy right? And talking about why you hesitated or froze, and why he needed you to use your safe word to trust, all those conversations probably let you both explore new corners of yourselves.

I agree with you though. I've always loved the communication aspect. It adds so much more to the words or actions. Because when he says "I'm going to do x y z" I know how x turns him on, what he feels when doing y and how he'll feel about himself for z. It's so rich.

It’s posts like this that make me love you PLP. Wait can I call you that when I’ve just been a lurker on these boards for a loooooong time?

Communication is key. I am an over communicator. I tell my partner everything if they ask. The problem I run into is when I communicate and get no response. I am not asking for a long response. But something along “I hear you, let me think.” Or even an okay. It always drives me nuts when someone just shuts down when I bring up feelings or my likes dislikes.

I try to be open and up front from the start because if I can bring up my kinks or what I want in the beginning it isn’t going to work for me.

And subscribing to get ideas.

The equity of communication is a really interesting idea. I'm also an overthinker and an oversharer. I've had to learn how to filter that to a certain degree because while I want to share everything, it's so much more rewarding to share those things because you're being asked or the information is being teased out of you. A curious top is a gift to overthinkers and oversharers!

That feeling of sharing something and getting no feedback is the worst. It's a shout into the void and nothing makes me want to hide under a rock as much as feeling invisible.

Communication is like driving. Everyone thinks they are great at it. They never recognize or fail to admit it when they are poor at it. You never hear, "I'm a bad driver. Or I'm a bad communicator."

As for me.. I stink at both. I fail at relationships and I stick to small cities with rural roads. But I'm working on it.

I love a good analogy and this is perfect.
I think "working on it" is all any of us is doing and it's more than a lot of other people ever thing about doing.
This made me smile.

Perfectly said. I'd also suggest that not everyone remembers that communication involves the use of the ears as well as the mouth.

Very true. It makes me think of something we talk about in theater classes - active listening. Not just hearing and not just listening to think of a response, but really hearing to what someone is saying actively.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Following up on the point of oversharing -

How good are you at communicating your needs or thoughts purely. Simply and clearly?

 

[Dardesstra]

Communication -

There was a time that, when asked, I'd have said I was excellent at communicating with others, particularly within my relationship. My husband and i knew exactly how the other would respond in almost any given situation, knew automatically how a phrase was meant to be taken (serious, joking, criticism, worry). I knew how far he tilted his head when looking at something and appraising it as opposed to the tilt of his head that showed he was concerned about what he was looking at. Hell, I must be good at communicating because it seemed so natural, so easy. Then he died...

So fast forward 2 and a half year, to now. I've been in a relationship for a little over a year now with someone and we're separated by 333 miles or a 5 hour drive. Every 6 weeks or so, we're able to spend 6-9 days. And this is what I've learned.

For starters, of course communication seemed easy and natural with my husband. We met when I was 18, moved in together when i was 19 and got married when i turned 21and except for one year when he worked out of town and only made it home on the weekends, we were together pretty much every day until I was 48 and he died. Some people grow up and get married, we got married and then grew up(well, mostly).

Now, here is where I've run into problems in my new relationship. It's hard to always remember the person I'm with doesn't automatically know what I mean when I "this" or what I'm trying to tell him with "that" look. I have to explain what I want or need and not expect him to always know from my tone or body language. The next hurtle in communications in this new relationship is having to un-learn expected responses. I'd come to expect certain reactions and responses to my own actions and words. It was something I didn't even think about anymore, if I did this then he'll do that, right? Wrong, or at least not always right. He isn't my late husband and he won't react the same. That's straightforward, easy concept, only it's a lot harder in practice. And if, for the last 30 years, you've known the reresponse you'll get for certain actions or words, it can be both confusing and frustrating when you're suddenly faced with different responses. The last hurtle I'm going to bring up is that just because the man i'm with now says the same thing my husband would have said it doesn't guarantee that those words mean the same thing. Same goes for body language. His head tilted at same angle as my husband's when he was worried about something could mean confusion instead of worry, slumped shoulders could mean he's tired, instead of frustrated. And it's often hard not automatically reacting to his body language the way I would have if my husband was doing the same thing.

I guess long story, short (yeah, too late, I know) good communication in a relationship can also include having to unlearn much of what you've learned in a previous relationship.

And if you made it here, to the end, I hope you're not rolling eyes and wondering why you just wasted the last few minutes reading this. Happy day, ya'll.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Communication is like driving. Everyone thinks they are great at it. They never recognize or fail to admit it when they are poor at it. You never hear, "I'm a bad driver. Or I'm a bad communicator."

As for me.. I stink at both. I fail at relationships and I stick to small cities with rural roads. But I'm working on it.

Perfectly said. I'd also suggest that not everyone remembers that communication involves the use of the ears as well as the mouth.

Such great points. We understand what we're trying to communicate but semantics, etc can really throw a wrench in things. Plus it doesn't matter how well you can communicate if you can't listen or your partner doesn't listen.

This was a really interesting anecdote because it shows you and your partner learning from a lack of communication. I mean, it wasn't even a lack, it was just a hesitancy right? And talking about why you hesitated or froze, and why he needed you to use your safe word to trust, all those conversations probably let you both explore new corners of yourselves.

I agree with you though. I've always loved the communication aspect. It adds so much more to the words or actions. Because when he says "I'm going to do x y z" I know how x turns him on, what he feels when doing y and how he'll feel about himself for z. It's so rich. (Snip)

I don't think it was a hesitancy so much as I reacted badly quickly without time to realize I needed to safeword. Or at least it seemed that way to me. There were probably cues that I missed that led up to it.

I think part of the reason I shared it is that even with a lot of communication prior as well as previous sessions, things can still go sideways and it's so important to continue to communicate. The urge is to completely back away because stay away from bad stuff, right. However, you're completely right that it allowed me you to explore more of myself and it emphasized exactly how important it was for me to safeword if I needed to do so. I think I meant to add some of this but have been so scattered lately I forget a good bit. Thank you so much for your insight and comments!

 

[LouisianaWild]

Following up on the point of oversharing -

How good are you at communicating your needs or thoughts purely. Simply and clearly?

I’m not. Simply, purely, and clearly. Nope. Especially if I get no feedback. Though if I am asked to think about it and answer later I can.

Wait let me try this again. If I have time to process my thoughts, organize them, and get all my ducks in a row I can. If I am asked a question or put on the spot I can just vomit words. Sometimes I need the reminder to think before I speak.

 

[Mutau]

I’m not. Simply, purely, and clearly. Nope. Especially if I get no feedback. Though if I am asked to think about it and answer later I can.

Wait let me try this again. If I have time to process my thoughts, organize them, and get all my ducks in a row I can. If I am asked a question or put on the spot I can just vomit words. Sometimes I need the reminder to think before I speak.

Diarrhea of words, constipation of words.

 

[DeviantLovers]

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