Sexless Marriages

[AnnieLit]

That's true! I should say that it's not as often spoken in public spaces. There's a few articles for sure, but generally lack the kind of personal experience that I see people sharing here. I wouldn't consider cheating sites as being common for the general public but that could very well be my own ignorance. That's why I'm so interested, though.

Ok, call them "dating sites", that's better? LOL
It is just that on some sites people talk in the open about being "married and looking", and on some it is more common not to say anything at all (and then to have the other party go ballistic on you when you eventially tell them that you are married and are not interested in changing that.)

By the way, registration on Ashley Madison is free for females, so you might want to create an account and take a look. Don't engage in any conversations, just filter for age and your area, then read profiles. You will be surprised how many "married, but looking" you will find. Might be good for your story research. Hopefully, you will not stumble upon anybody you know

 

[SnakeBurton]

Ok, call them "dating sites", that's better? LOL
It is just that on some sites people talk in the open about being "married and looking", and on some it is more common not to say anything at all (and then to have the other party go ballistic on you when you eventially tell them that you are married and are not interested in changing that.)

By the way, registration on Ashley Madison is free for females, so you might want to create an account and take a look. Don't engage in any conversations, just filter for age and your area, then read profiles. You will be surprised how many "married, but looking" you will find. Might be good for your story research. Hopefully, you will not stumble upon anybody you know

Finding someone I know would DEFINITELY make my research much more intriguing!

As for "dating sites," I'm not unfamiliar with that aspect! When I was younger I had the chance to help out a couple that was having a problem that is close to the topic at hand, though she ended up being not as excited about the idea as her husband.

Making an account is tempting but I'm well aware of their past vulnerabilities and leaks and don't trust the site quite that much. I would also feel bad about leading on people there, I doubt anyone would be receptive to me asking them questions when they realize they won't get a lay!

 

[AnnieLit]

Making an account is tempting but I'm well aware of their past vulnerabilities and leaks and don't trust the site quite that much. I would also feel bad about leading on people there, I doubt anyone would be receptive to me asking them questions when they realize they won't get a lay!

Why do you have to trust anybody? Made-up name + a google e-mail created specifically for this purpose and they can leak all they want!

As for leading people on, that's not what I suggested at all! I was talking about registering as a way to look at other accounts, not to actually interact with people.

 

[AnnieLit]

Over the years I think I've probably met about equal numbers of men and women who have reached the middle of life and found themselves vastly more interested in sex than their partners. If only there were some easy and safe way of matching them up...

So sorry about what happened with your wife! It must be double hard to know that that woman is still in there, just can't come out

As for matching people up, there is an easy way - dating sites, or more specifically, cheating sites. Not sure about the men, but for women they do work. Only there is no such thing as a safe way when two other unsuspecting partners are involved.

 

[Hardcane69]

Anyone here to help men who are in a sexless marriage release just words

 

[biggirllover425]

Been in a sexless marriage for 3 years

She lost all sex drive and mine is non stop I masterbate three to four times a day. I’m hoping to find a nice woman to chat with and eventually sexy with and exchange pics and vids. My kik is the same as here if anyone is interested

 

[AnnieLit]

Sadly cheating sites are not an option for guys where I am. I've tried both the big ones - there are well over 100 guys registered in my area and in 3 months I found only 2 genuine women. Given they cost a small fortune for us guys to be members sadly the model doesn't work, at least in this part of the world.

Really? Wow!
If I understand it correctly, you are about an hour drive from a metro area of about 2.5 mln people. And you have only a hundred or a two guys on a cheating site?! I was expecting to see that you live on a military base in the middle of nowhere, or in a tiny mountain village, or in a deeply religious country, something like that. But large metro area of a European country?! Just wow!
Could it be that you stumbled upon the least popular cheating sites? Also, sites I have seen are usually free to join for anybody, one (usually men) have to pay only when they want to contact somebody. So just checking the sites out should be free for you.

 

[Draven_Crow13]

45 male here. Married not "happily" more like room mates. No playfulness always initiating or trying to initiate everything. Saw this thread maybe find that longerterm connection friendship flirtationship etc. Notifications on my phone for messages would really be cool. Here goes nothing lol.

 

[Twitche]

Thank you AnnieLit, that's very kind of you.

Yes, it's frustrating for both of us, and as long as I know it's both of us working together I can handle it. Her depression is linked to the hormonal cycle and there are 2 or 3 days every month where she hits a point where it feels like she's fighting me and she will never want any kind of physical or emotional intimacy again. Even though rationally I know it will pass those days are the darkest times of my life and every month I find myself wondering if I can do it. Then at the top of the cycle, where she is right now, this morning we had a long intimate cuddle and an open chat about sexual things and everything feels fantastic.

Sadly cheating sites are not an option for guys where I am. I've tried both the big ones - there are well over 100 guys registered in my area and in 3 months I found only 2 genuine women. Given they cost a small fortune for us guys to be members sadly the model doesn't work, at least in this part of the world.

Not to be simplistic, because these situation just aren’t, have you offered to go to a marriage counselor with her? I was in your wife’s position a few years ago. Caused a sexless marriage for a number of years. The hormonal ups and downs were bad. To this day, 2 days out of the month I simply would prefer for everyone in the household to leave me the F alone. Those sexless years were so full of endless stress, I felt like a failure and I do think I was borderline depressed. Over time I changed jobs and just woke up one day and decided I didn’t want my marriage to be like that anymore. One encounter opened the flood gates to some pretty honest conversations. Now I’m the over sexed spouse. Lol shoe is on the other foot. Karma I guess.

Maybe she just needs an open an opportunity to talk in a safe place? If you still want that relationship with your wife, maybe this is a better means to both more consistent sex and a better relationship? Idk I could barely fix my own shit, so I may not be one to speak. Is it worth considering?

 

[Kaprisj]

F34 and already been in a sexless relationship for 9 years.

As the title goes. It is not only women who is the one not wanting sex. My husband has never really had the drive. I do. So we did it for some years, but after knowing he was happier when he didnt need to stress about sex it got less.. and first it was a week, then suddenly two months and before you know it 9 years.
But it was a choice I did. He was honest about it from the beginning. And he really is my best friend. I love him and we have a great life and marrige. But I wont hide that its hard never to have sex again for the rest of my life (beside with my self and my fantasy). I watch porn, I chat, I play... but I really do miss it. But what can I do. And the worst. Its so tabu not to have sex so you cant 5alk to anyone either.

 

[adventurelover]

48m here..... Pretty sex less for 5 years now....

Hey Kapri,

Congrats to having the initiative and courage to post here.
You'll find that there's a large percentage of sex less marriages out there. Not just on this site, but in general.

My story started about 15 years ago. I was in my 30s and very sexually active. I met my wife when she was dating (ok.... Fucking) a friend of mine
She was also super into sex and we actually explored the local swing scene . Life was good .
.
Until we got married in 2010.

We never had kids.

Nevertheless, life became more busy as we bought a house, moved on in our careers.
She gained a pound here or there... Every though I still find her attractive, and tell her so, she became increasingly unhappy with her body.

She didn't feel sexy

She didn't want to see our swing friends... Etc.

About 2014 we had so little sex, I started keeping notes. First it was weeks, then months. Nowadays I get about one mercy fuck a year.

I love her as a friend.
She is a great person.

But last year I started seeing an old girlfriend from back when again n
We're both sexually compatible and have a great time.

However, now with covid there's hardly any chance to get out she met y.

Oh well.

Maybe if you feel like occasionally chatting,. Pm me here or on Kik adventurelover72

Best wishes to everyone

 

[AllSass1]

My husband has always had a low sex drive. It can be frustrating of course but in every other aspect we have a great relationship. I have no interest in cheating but I do enjoy outlets like Lit now and then. Sometimes you simply click with someone in a similar situation and it's comforting and exciting to explore those burgeoning connections.

 

[EdPeyronie]

With me, it’s not that we *never* have sex, it’s just that I wish we could more often. It seems that everything else with her takes higher priority. So it’s frustrating.

 

[goodguy9922]

Sexless marriage

My husband has always had a low sex drive. It can be frustrating of course but in every other aspect we have a great relationship. I have no interest in cheating but I do enjoy outlets like Lit now and then. Sometimes you simply click with someone in a similar situation and it's comforting and exciting to explore those burgeoning connections.

Yep...know what u mean. No interest in cheating, but do enjoy discussion of mutual interests, and coping w lack of sex.

 

[adventurelover]

Yep...know what u mean. No interest in cheating, but do enjoy discussion of mutual interests, and coping w lack of sex.

I think another good thing is to see that others are in the same situation. I've often wondered if I'm the crazy one, expecting sex after living together and being married.

I'm very happy to see there are women out there who actually enjoy sex and not just "give in" to sorts do their hubby a favor occasionally.

I personally have given up trying to get my wife "in the mood" after being rejected for years now.
I'm tired of being turned away.
Just tired.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

I did it… I finally left... I’m living in my own place, and it’s so much better. We’re still friends but that’s about it. I don’t look at her sexually anymore. Her loss.

Oh this really made me smile, I’m ridiculously proud of you for actually doing what many want or hope to do. I wish you nothing but happiness & plenty of sex

As for me, I died & went to heaven in the arms of GreenManOfTheWood. I adore him & he adores me right back I think it’s safe to say we’re both done searching

I wish everyone of you the happiness & contentment we have found, & hope all my old friends here are well

 

[nicklucas]

Congratulations, Rik. I wish you well.

I've considered doing exactly that for so long now. But I have a kid in college. I just can't swing it right now. Maybe in a year, when she graduates.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

I did it… I finally left... I’m living in my own place, and it’s so much better. We’re still friends but that’s about it. I don’t look at her sexually anymore. Her loss.

Good luck! Hope you find the connection(s) you desire and deserve.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Oh this really made me smile, I’m ridiculously proud of you for actually doing what many want or hope to do. I wish you nothing but happiness & plenty of sex

As for me, I died & went to heaven in the arms of GreenManOfTheWood. I adore him & he adores me right back I think it’s safe to say we’re both done searching

I wish everyone of you the happiness & contentment we have found, & hope all my old friends here are well

Hey DD, nice to see you flit through our world, even if just to gloat! Congratulations to you both! You deserve the happiness and fulfillment.

btw, are you in touch with ccs??? he went mia... Hope he is hanging in there

 

[HampshireBoy]

I did it… I finally left... I’m living in my own place, and it’s so much better. We’re still friends but that’s about it. I don’t look at her sexually anymore. Her loss.

I wish you and your family every happiness.

I did it 13 years ago, things were a bit fraught and took a while to settle down but we were both so much happier for it. We're now friendly, she told me a couple of years ago that she hadn't had sex since we last did (she doesn't masturbate) and doesn't miss it. So I know that, if we had stayed together, I would still be in the sexless or rarity sex club.

 

[HampshireBoy]

Oh this really made me smile, I’m ridiculously proud of you for actually doing what many want or hope to do. I wish you nothing but happiness & plenty of sex

As for me, I died & went to heaven in the arms of GreenManOfTheWood. I adore him & he adores me right back I think it’s safe to say we’re both done searching

I wish everyone of you the happiness & contentment we have found, & hope all my old friends here are well

Thanks for the update DD, I hope that you both continue to be happy and have long and happy lives together.

 

[my_other_life]

I'm likely not leaving anytime soon, it just seems like a lot of trouble! I do really miss the outlet of flirting with women in the stores and other places like the gym. Just smiling and getting a smile back, or seeing pretty eyes. I've never had the courage (or skills, or charisma, or whatever!) to actually go further than a short conversation, but at least it was nice to think that maybe, just maybe, it could happen.

 

[Ruggerr]

Been in a sexless marriage for 5 years now. Was sleeping with best girlfriend but since she'd found a man I'm out in the cold. Just me, porn, and my trusty vibrator. Quick, quiet, lonely. Sucks!

I'm sure we can all 'come' together to find a few inspired solutions to help with that

 

[jayjay04]

Little update, just asked her if we have problems and she basically balled it all out and we have split up (amicably).

I'm not sure it could have come at a worse time with the lockdown but hey ho, it's done.

Pretty gutted as it's over a decade of my life but at least I now know where I stand.

I thought I would come back and offer an update on this...
Long story short, we have not really had sex for 3 years since our little one was born. Everything else was fine (I thought) up until the end of March when she just seemed to be really off. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she didnt love me anymore.

After a few weeks in lockdown I could sense she wasnt being completely truthful and I found out she had been cheating on me for 6 months - the amicable break up then went into an argument for a couple of days but it all settled down.

We have since talked it all out and basically she just wanted more attention. When I did give her attention it was usually at night (so basically I wanted sex) or it was in a jokey way. We never went out for a meal or drinks together as a couple, we didnt cuddle up on the couch and watch a film together, basically we did things with each other but it was usually as a family which I was happy with but she wanted time alone, which is understandable.

When I did make an effort it wasnt often and usually because I was wanting one thing. She wanted me to make an effort over a longer time and not just when I wanted to get my leg over.

Im not blaming myself for this, I did make an effort but was pushed away so it made it harder to make an effort.

The reason for the update was just for people in a similar position who might still be able to rescue their relationship to make an effort where it doesnt necessarily lead to sex.

 

[Polranny]

I thought I would come back and offer an update on this...
Long story short, we have not really had sex for 3 years since our little one was born. Everything else was fine (I thought) up until the end of March when she just seemed to be really off. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she didnt love me anymore.

After a few weeks in lockdown I could sense she wasnt being completely truthful and I found out she had been cheating on me for 6 months - the amicable break up then went into an argument for a couple of days but it all settled down.

We have since talked it all out and basically she just wanted more attention. When I did give her attention it was usually at night (so basically I wanted sex) or it was in a jokey way. We never went out for a meal or drinks together as a couple, we didnt cuddle up on the couch and watch a film together, basically we did things with each other but it was usually as a family which I was happy with but she wanted time alone, which is understandable.

When I did make an effort it wasnt often and usually because I was wanting one thing. She wanted me to make an effort over a longer time and not just when I wanted to get my leg over.

Im not blaming myself for this, I did make an effort but was pushed away so it made it harder to make an effort.

The reason for the update was just for people in a similar position who might still be able to rescue their relationship to make an effort where it doesnt necessarily lead to sex.

It's a familiar story.
I always say it takes two to tango but it also requires effort on both sides. Don't beat yourself up about it.it would be interesting to know how much additional friction has been caused by lockdown.