Multi character conversations

[Brutal_One]

Another thread on character conversations but how best to handle multi character conversations.

Assume in the same chapter.

With two character conversations it tends to be easy to follow the conversation if written clearly. The assumption is that there is a decent reference to who the 2 characters are at the start of the conversation it works and often maybe a , character name said.

But what about multiple characters? What’s best to keep it clear who is saying what? Maybe a single alpha character by name? For each dialog line or is it better to have ,he said, she said . Quite often there may be dialog with several one liners e.g question, answer.

I have kind of had this in some chapters but usually non dialog making it clearer.

Just curious on how other writers handle it.

Brutal One

 

[MelissaBaby]

Another thread on character conversations but how best to handle multi character conversations.

Assume in the same chapter.

With two character conversations it tends to be easy to follow the conversation if written clearly. The assumption is that there is a decent reference to who the 2 characters are at the start of the conversation it works and often maybe a , character name said.

But what about multiple characters? What’s best to keep it clear who is saying what? Maybe a single alpha character by name? For each dialog line or is it better to have ,he said, she said . Quite often there may be dialog with several one liners e.g question, answer.

I have kind of had this in some chapters but usually non dialog making it clearer.

Just curious on how other writers handle it.

Brutal One

I think too many "he said/she saids" is better than not enough. I think readers generally gloss over them, noting who spoke in a sort of shorthand.

I often give my characters something to do or add a little something while they are speaking, to breaks up the monotony.

Like this:

"What time is it?" Jane asked.

Joe looked at his watch. "It's seven o'clock."

"We better get going," Jim said, putting down his coffee cup.

 

[sirhugs]

I think too many "he said/she saids" is better than not enough. I think readers generally gloss over them, noting who spoke in a sort of shorthand.

I often give my characters something to do or add a little something while they are speaking, to breaks up the monotony.

Like this:

"What time is it?" Jane asked.

Joe looked at his watch. "It's seven o'clock."

"We better get going," Jim said, putting down his coffee cup.

Totally agree with this.

Also, even in a multi-character conversation, it will sometimes be obvious which is speaking. In those situations, you can just put the quote without added words, to mix things up. This needs to be done with caution of course.

For example, in you have established that Dolores is married to Sam, she can say "Sam is a wonderful husband. I'd love to jump into bed with you two, but I'd hate too cheat on Sam" without adding 'Dolores said' or 'Dolores was already stripping off her clothing.'

Darn, now I think I need to write the story about Dolores...

 

[lovecraft68]

How many are we talking about?

I did a scene with 12 people having a meeting in one book, in another it was 8 detectives/FBI agents talking about a case...in a situation like that the name is always going to have to be called out...unless they have a few consecutive lines.

"I think there are ritual aspects to this," Parsons agreed, "But," he added, "Its not like anything I've seen before."

 

[SimonDoom]

I agree with Melissababy. The important thing is clarity. It should always be clear who is speaking.

 

[MelissaBaby]

Totally agree with this.

Also, even in a multi-character conversation, it will sometimes be obvious which is speaking. In those situations, you can just put the quote without added words, to mix things up. This needs to be done with caution of course.

For example, in you have established that Dolores is married to Sam, she can say "Sam is a wonderful husband. I'd love to jump into bed with you two, but I'd hate too cheat on Sam" without adding 'Dolores said' or 'Dolores was already stripping off her clothing.'

Darn, now I think I need to write the story about Dolores...

https://i.imgur.com/rTLDBSO.gif

 

[Brutal_One]

How many are we talking about?

I did a scene with 12 people having a meeting in one book, in another it was 8 detectives/FBI agents talking about a case...in a situation like that the name is always going to have to be called out...unless they have a few consecutive lines.

"I think there are ritual aspects to this," Parsons agreed, "But," he added, "Its not like anything I've seen before."

Probably at most 5 or 6 characters. I guess in a Q & A dialog if it’s clear who the character Is asking the response is also clear. I too have used character said so this is probably best. I was just wondering if we had say 5 or 6 characters say Frank, Mike, Veronica, Sophie, Michelle I could use F: M: V: S: M: to prefix dialog so it is crystal clear.

I think the important point as mentioned is for the reader it’s very clear so they do not get confused about who is saying what to whom where this may well matter in particular if it changes how characters may feel about each other.

Brutal One

 

[sirhugs]

Probably at most 5 or 6 characters. I guess in a Q & A dialog if it’s clear who the character Is asking the response is also clear. I too have used character said so this is probably best. I was just wondering if we had say 5 or 6 characters say Frank, Mike, Veronica, Sophie, Michelle I could use F: M: V: S: M: to prefix dialog so it is crystal clear.

I think the important point as mentioned is for the reader it’s very clear so they do not get confused about who is saying what to whom where this may well matter in particular if it changes how characters may feel about each other.

Brutal One

I find the use of [name]: distracting and annoying personally, because it is not proper under any style guide that I know of, but I'm an old guy who should loosen up...

 

[MelissaBaby]

I find the use of [name]: distracting and annoying personally, because it is not proper under any style guide that I know of, but I'm an old guy who should loosen up...

I'm not an old guy, but I agree with you. It's like seeing the man behind the curtain. It takes the reader's mind out of the story to show them the mechanics.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I'm writing a two woman one man story at the moment and it's doing my head in using the characters' names so often to keep track, and knowing which she is doing what to the other she.

I use Worditout to keep track of who the story is about:

https://worditout.com/word-cloud/4283334/private/66b1a4148aa72afd8087ea9a6fcf315f

 

[BuckyDuckman]

I've written several group scenes filled with group conversations and have mixed it up with how I help the reader understand who is talking by referring to established traits about the speaker instead of repeating their name over and over.

"I always bottom out and don't know what it's like be balls deep." (Everyone would know who was speaking because the guy with the giant dick had already been established.)

I've also referred to people by their relationships. (Building off that line)
"It's why I do Kegel exercises so I can relax to take as much of him as possible."

(Everyone would know that's his partner without further explanation.)

Another ploy I'll often use is keeping in mind where people are in the room and what they are doing.

"Which I had that problem," he said while flipping the burgers one last time. (Everyone knows who is working the grill.)

"So do I," she said, flashing him a smile. (Everyone knows who she is, she would be his partner.)

Hope that helps!

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Even as I write a two person dialog I sometimes get confused as to who is doing the talking and if I'm confused I know the reader will be too. So, I use a lot of said, asked, replied, etc. with the name of the speaker to clarify who is speaking.

But I agree with what had been said by others. You have to make it clear who is who and which of them is speaking.

 

[SimonDoom]

I was just wondering if we had say 5 or 6 characters say Frank, Mike, Veronica, Sophie, Michelle I could use F: M: V: S: M: to prefix dialog so it is crystal clear.


Brutal One

Definitely DON'T do this. For many readers it would be jarring and strange, especially if it's not the way you've handled dialogue earlier in the story.

Some authors tend to overthink dialogue. They think it's boring, or repetitive, or insufficiently creative if they use "he said/she said" too often. But if you look at published fiction you'll see that most authors rely heavily on "he said/she said."

Keep it simple.

 

[Brutal_One]

How many are we talking about?

I did a scene with 12 people having a meeting in one book, in another it was 8 detectives/FBI agents talking about a case...in a situation like that the name is always going to have to be called out...unless they have a few consecutive lines.

"I think there are ritual aspects to this," Parsons agreed, "But," he added, "Its not like anything I've seen before."

Definitely DON'T do this. For many readers it would be jarring and strange, especially if it's not the way you've handled dialogue earlier in the story.

Some authors tend to overthink dialogue. They think it's boring, or repetitive, or insufficiently creative if they use "he said/she said" too often. But if you look at published fiction you'll see that most authors rely heavily on "he said/she said."

Keep it simple.

Thanks Simon. I have used that with a 3 character example where it’s important in the conversation to know who is responding (reaction to a conversation) so In that scenario it was fine {will try and find example with an edit later} but as I will later plan to have a game scene so multiple players characters maybe up to around 8 it’s thinking about the best natural dialog and discussion but making the who is speaking clear for the reader because it will definitely matter.

EDIT - the dialog


"What!? Is this the reason Michelle agreed to this ... slave contract thing?"

I see Michelle squeeze Sophie's hand.

"No it's not." Michelle speaking. Michelle looks at me and continues."

"I'll admit, at the beginning I could feel it's power, you had asked me a question about being submissive, which I answered initially and said I think I was. But you then explained to me this meant sexually as well as in other ways."

You can imagine my initial gut reaction." Michelle turns to look at Sophie again.

"But you know how I feel. How happy and excited I feel."

"Of course Doll." Sophie turns to me.

"You better fucking look after her Professor".

"I fully intend to. I take my responsibility to her as her Master. Very seriously and to be honest you have no reason to doubt otherwise."

"Fair enough, but clearly something is up, what is it?" This from Sophie.

"It's about the ring, oddly enough. For reasons I can't even begin to fathom there is someone else who knows of it's existence, or maybe it's correct to say an organisation."

"Which organisation?" This time Michelle's question.

"An organisation that founded Bondage Life. An organisation with deep pockets. An organisation that likes to arrange certain BDSM events but it's not really a BDSM thing really. An organisation who has members that are in very powerful positions. Positions of influence shall we say."

"So what are they after exactly? The ring. Why not just give it to them?" This from Sophie.

"No No No No!" Sophie is taken aback.

"Let him explain." This from Michelle.

"They don't have a clue how it might operate, and quite frankly are not interested. They don't want to get their hands dirty so to speak. They just want it to provide players for their sadistic game."

"Game? What game?" Sophie again

"I don't know what it's called exactly. I just have heard about it."

I hadn’t realised I had been quite specific in signposting. Maybe there was a better way of doing this but where I will have maybe up to 8 character is this still the best way to make it clear. To your point how much detracts from the story for the reader.

 

[AnnasFriend]

I actually had this in my Nude Day competition entry. I have four characters in a car talking. And actually, I decided it would be fun to explicitly not indicate directly who was speaking. It was a fairly trivial conversation so to be honest it didn't really matter who said what anyway, though I knew.

On reflection, maybe it was more fun for me than the reader. Sigh.

 

[SimonDoom]

Thanks Simon. I have used that with a 3 character example where it’s important in the conversation to know who is responding (reaction to a conversation) so In that scenario it was fine {will try and find example with an edit later} but as I will later plan to have a game scene so multiple players characters maybe up to around 8 it’s thinking about the best natural dialog and discussion but making the who is speaking clear for the reader because it will definitely matter.

EDIT - the dialog


"What!? Is this the reason Michelle agreed to this ... slave contract thing?"

I see Michelle squeeze Sophie's hand.

"No it's not." Michelle speaking. Michelle looks at me and continues."

"I'll admit, at the beginning I could feel it's power, you had asked me a question about being submissive, which I answered initially and said I think I was. But you then explained to me this meant sexually as well as in other ways."

You can imagine my initial gut reaction." Michelle turns to look at Sophie again.

"But you know how I feel. How happy and excited I feel."

"Of course Doll." Sophie turns to me.

"You better fucking look after her Professor".

"I fully intend to. I take my responsibility to her as her Master. Very seriously and to be honest you have no reason to doubt otherwise."

"Fair enough, but clearly something is up, what is it?" This from Sophie.

"It's about the ring, oddly enough. For reasons I can't even begin to fathom there is someone else who knows of it's existence, or maybe it's correct to say an organisation."

"Which organisation?" This time Michelle's question.

"An organisation that founded Bondage Life. An organisation with deep pockets. An organisation that likes to arrange certain BDSM events but it's not really a BDSM thing really. An organisation who has members that are in very powerful positions. Positions of influence shall we say."

"So what are they after exactly? The ring. Why not just give it to them?" This from Sophie.

"No No No No!" Sophie is taken aback.

"Let him explain." This from Michelle.

"They don't have a clue how it might operate, and quite frankly are not interested. They don't want to get their hands dirty so to speak. They just want it to provide players for their sadistic game."

"Game? What game?" Sophie again

"I don't know what it's called exactly. I just have heard about it."

I hadn’t realised I had been quite specific in signposting. Maybe there was a better way of doing this but where I will have maybe up to 8 character is this still the best way to make it clear. To your point how much detracts from the story for the reader.

If you wish to take liberties with dialogue style, it's your choice, but my recommendation would be to revise this significantly. This is full of irregularities and missing punctuation and sentence fragments.

You don't use the standard, normal dialogue tag "she said" once in this dialogue fragment, and I can't figure out why. It would be MUCH better if you simply did it that way. It seems like you are unnecessarily complicating the way you do things.

"Sophie again" is not a sentence. It's a sentence fragment. Write it this way:

"Game? What game?" Sophie asked.

I strongly, strongly recommend that you look at some stories by other authors to see what the customary way is to handle dialogue. To me, the way you've done this makes it awkward to read.

 

[yowser]

It is certainly more complicated if early in the narrative, then one must clearly identify who is speaking or it gets to be a confusing mess. Later in the story, if your characters are well defined, you can get away with individual dialog tics or other means that clearly indicate speaker agency.

Sometimes including visuals ('cocking an eyebrow', 'pointing to Loraine' or otherwise identifying a character by a distinctive feature) is handy shorthand.

 

[SimonDoom]

Here are two How To articles published here at Literotica about dialogue. I recommend reading them.

https://www.literotica.com/beta/s/dialogue-this

https://www.literotica.com/beta/s/let-the-characters-do-the-talking

 

[Brutal_One]

"Sophie again" is not a sentence. It's a sentence fragment. Write it this way:

"Game? What game?" Sophie asked.

I strongly, strongly recommend that you look at some stories by other authors to see what the customary way is to handle dialogue. To me, the way you've done this makes it awkward to read.

Thanks Simon. Yes I tend to write but do not spend so much time on the edits. As you suggest I can try and read from other authors. It’s still a time thing as it takes time to write. I am probably better of with an editor but with this type of story arc it can be better to just get to the next chapter.

Another approach would be to write a lot more initially and then have it edited.

I can also try in the initial writing to make it more standard I guess I just need to pay more attention when writing dialog where as you say he said or she said or in this case asked avoids the awkward way I have written it.

 

[KeithD]

My characters are usually all men, which makes this all the harder (even in two-character conversations). Clarity of who is talking is all important and published works are tending not to keep it clear. I try to have some character distinctions there (older/younger, blond/bald guy) so that I don't have to use names all of the time.

 

[Brutal_One]

Here are two How To articles published here at Literotica about dialogue. I recommend reading them.

https://www.literotica.com/beta/s/dialogue-this

https://www.literotica.com/beta/s/let-the-characters-do-the-talking

Excellent links! Many thanks.

 

[HeyAll]

If, for example, it's a mom/son story. The third person will be in italics. Like if they go to see a doctor or something

"...." Mom said.

Jeff replied,"..."

Paragraph

"....italics..." the doctor said.

Or I'll keep the focus on one person's dialogue and have the other characters talk at the same time.

For example.


"......" I explained.

paragraph
paragraph

I saw the puzzled looks on their faces.

"....." Jeff said. "...."

Clara chimed in, "....."

paragraph

"......" I replied.

 

[sirhugs]

If, for example, it's a mom/son story. The third person will be in italics. Like if they go to see a doctor or something

"...." Mom said.

Jeff replied,"..."

Paragraph

"....italics..." the doctor said.

Or I'll keep the focus on one person's dialogue and have the other characters talk at the same time.

For example.


"......" I explained.

paragraph
paragraph

I saw the puzzled looks on their faces.

"....." Jeff said. "...."

Clara chimed in, "....."

paragraph

"......" I replied.

never heard of this. Never seen it.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I write, then re-read and put the punctuation in, editing a bit, and if it's not clear from the dialogue who's speaking, I put in an extra 'he said' or 'Dan replied' so it becomes clear. That edit is also needed to get rid of excess adverbs and long rambling sentences with too many 'ands'.

Sometimes if there's a crowd speaking and it really doesn't matter who's saying what, I'll leave it.

"You're mad!"
"What are you on, man?"
"Your head's a marley!"
"Don't be bloody daft!"
Will realised his plan wasn't going down well with the table.

 

[KeithD]

never heard of this. Never seen it.

Ditto. Would be interesting to know if any publishing house has published this technique.