I'm gardening.

[dolf]

I fucking hate gardening. Even more than my mother's cooking, but not quite as much as raw onion.
We left the back garden until last, because it's such a shitter, but now everything else is done and we're sick of looking at it.

The previous owner...

She had a rabbit sanctuary, essentially. The must have spent a fortune to:

• remove the first foot of topsoil from the entire garden.
• lay wire mesh over the entire garden.
• lay a wooden grid, with mesh running vertically, from the mesh base to the raised wood.
• fill the entire garden with a one foot deep layer of sand.
• pave the entire garden.
• fill the entire garden with a 6 foot tall, walk through grid of interlinking hutches.

I have a design in mind, i have The Bodybuilding Toyboy With The Huge Cock©, i have time off work... This sucks balls!
Obviously I'm leaving all the back breaking labour for Mr Muscles, and he's now over halfway through digging out the wooden grid and removing the vertical mesh.

I have come to three conclusions:

• my guy is superhuman. seriously. nobody should be able to move that much wood and concrete and stone, in such a short amount of time, without dropping dead.
• i really, really, really fucking hate gardening!
• the previous owner was completely insane, and rabbits are best left for fields and pies.

This utterly pointless thread has only one purpose. It's been an excuse to stop fucking gardening for ten minutes.

 

[KimGordon67]

Turn it into a backyard sized hot tub, with a bar beside it. You already have the bartender. Is he good at cocktails?

 

[dolf]

Turn it into a backyard sized hot tub, with a bar beside it. You already have the bartender. Is he good at cocktails?

The best! And, yes, i have included a hot tub in the plans. And a small summer house. And a dining area. And a fenced off, easy clean area, where the dogs can't fuck anything up.

 

[hulmule]

LOL, Well I can see removing all that stuff if you don't want it there. But if you hate gardening so much, you must be doing it for Mr Muscles ? I have a good size garden, but I hate pulling all the weeds. But I know what I harvest hast been sprayed with a bunch of chemicals. But for the money and time I spend on it- My friend says , " You know you can but that stuff at the grocery store " AS for the bunnies, .22 caliper and you got a nice dinner with that rabbit and what ever you grow in the garden

 

[dolf]

Side note... The lemon tree we bought has flowers, and the smell can only be described as intoxicating. It sucks balls that we lack the climate to grow them outside here, because I would fill the garden with that smell.

 

[KimGordon67]

The best! And, yes, i have included a hot tub in the plans. And a small summer house. And a dining area. And a fenced off, easy clean area, where the dogs can't fuck anything up.

This sounds perfect - the summer house could obviously house a small bar.

 

[Adre]

What’s to hate? Sounds like you’ve done fuck all but watch Muscles move dirt around. Pretty smart I’d say.

 

[dolf]

LOL, Well I can see removing all that stuff if you don't want it there. But if you hate gardening so much, you must be doing it for Mr Muscles ? I have a good size garden, but I hate pulling all the weeds. But I know what I harvest hast been sprayed with a bunch of chemicals. But for the money and time I spend on it- My friend says , " You know you can but that stuff at the grocery store " AS for the bunnies, .22 caliper and you got a nice dinner with that rabbit and what ever you grow in the garden

I feel like I ought to help, because he did the entire front of the house. Must have lifted and shifting several tons in one day, just to get it ready to surprise me when I got home.

I like a nice garden, i just hate the work involved. That's why I took over the design. He wanted a lawn ffs! But I'm looking forward to a little sanctuary sun trap, with somewhere to eat and listen to the birds.

 

[dolf]

What’s to hate? Sounds like you’ve done fuck all but watch Muscles move dirt around. Pretty smart I’d say.

I've done plenty, just not of the garden.
I tore up/off all the floors, skirting, frames, etc. In the two rooms which didn't require skilled professionals, i laid the new floor. I did the bulk of the painting, while he did the cutting in. And I chose, ordered and assembled all of the furniture, because it stresses him out and I'm awesome at it. He did all the electrics and outdoor stuff.

 

[adrina]

Lawn = mowing = PITA

 

[SpeareChucker]

Skirting?

Mobile home park???


A butters alt?

 

[Adre]

Sounds like quite a restoration. Enjoy the fruits of your labor.

 

[dolf]

Lawn = mowing = PITA

Exactly! And they're so boring too a square of green with flowers around the edges is dull, and only makes sense if you have kids who need somewhere to throw balls at each other and fall over. Why does everyone seem to want that cloned looking cliché?

 

[dolf]

Apparently skirting board is called baseboard over there. Weirdos.

 

[SpeareChucker]

skittering with meaning

 

[adrina]

Exactly! And they're so boring too a square of green with flowers around the edges is dull, and only makes sense if you have kids who need somewhere to throw balls at each other and fall over. Why does everyone seem to want that cloned looking cliché?

This house has way too much lawn. When I moved in there were zero beds. Just grass from sidewalk to house. I've probably cut out almost a 1000 square feet of lawn for beds and have barely made a dent.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Sigh.

 

[dolf]

This house has way too much lawn. When I moved in there were zero beds. Just grass from sidewalk to house. I've probably cut out almost a 1000 square feet of lawn for beds and have barely made a dent.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Sigh.

You need a toyboy!

 

[adrina]

You need a toyboy!

Rent a Toyboy ©

 

[dolf]

Rent a Toyboy ©

I wonder how much postage I'd have to put on him...

 

[adrina]

I wonder how much postage I'd have to put on him...

Customs would be a bitch.

 

[chillywilly2]

Sorry but I can't see the work you are talking about. Aren't English backyard gardens only about 12' square...just going from what I see on Coronation street and Sally has the best garden but it ain't much bigger than a postage stamp.

As a side note I did a count in my back garden last night and I have 52 perennials

 

[Conager]

Side note... The lemon tree we bought has flowers, and the smell can only be described as intoxicating. It sucks balls that we lack the climate to grow them outside here, because I would fill the garden with that smell.

I planted a variety named "Eureka." It had variegated leaves, a great fragrance yuuuge, variegated lemons with purple flesh.

It will grow in a pot if you prune the branches and roots.

 

[bellisarius]

I planted a variety named "Eureka." It had variegated leaves, a great fragrance yuuuge, variegated lemons with purple flesh.

It will grow in a pot if you prune the branches and roots.

"Meyer's Lemon" blooms and bears year round.

 

[dolf]

Sorry but I can't see the work you are talking about. Aren't English backyard gardens only about 12' square...just going from what I see on Coronation street and Sally has the best garden but it ain't much bigger than a postage stamp.

As a side note I did a count in my back garden last night and I have 52 perennials

You watch soaps?! those urban terraces look fucking depressing, don't they?

It's fairly small. Only about the same size as the bungalow, but big enough to create something nice. And I really do fucking hate gardening.

I planted a variety named "Eureka." It had variegated leaves, a great fragrance yuuuge, variegated lemons with purple flesh.

It will grow in a pot if you prune the branches and roots.

I've never seen it. Citrus trees are a bit of a rarity here, and there's not a lot of choice. Sounds amazing though.

 

[FlowersForFun]

I guess it's just not for some folks......


Personally I love having killer gardens and a lawn that looks like a perfectly manicured golf course.