Female-Led Relationships

[Kitschshaman]

Male chastity a prevalent theme from what I've read thus far. How popular is this with those experienced in this dynamic?

The one person I'd be willing to indulge in FLR with and I have sorta kinda discussed it (more innuendo and playful thoughts exchanged) and we're both were intrigued by the possibilities but I think she was for some reason reluctant to bring those playful thoughts out into to the light. If we tried it I have no idea if she'd like it or not, but there was a certain playful spark when we touched on the subject. That's as far as I've gone, but then I live in a world of steaming forward in the confident hope of a miracle.

xoxo

 

[twister947]

I only lead, because it's expected of me. I suspect some women follow for the same reason. We just need to hook up; the rest of this will sort itself.

 

[JamesCole]

Perhaps a bump?

I haven't been on this thread in quite some time and I'm pleased to see that it's taken off in so many interesting directions.

I've used different online dating site's over the years, with mixed results. After one period of meh results from a dating ad I decided to revise the ad into one seeking an FLR, which after much thought is what I'd come to realize I really wanted.

Essentially the ad read, "Looking for a strong woman willing to lead and direct our relationship. one I can be faithful to, but is not required to be so to me." I went on to explain in the ad that while I am in leadership positions in my work and social life, I wanted a relationship where I defer to my partner and she would have majority decision making power. Obviously there was an element of cuckoldry there too, but that ad got more responses than any I'd ever posted. And more than a few were from women who described themselves as submissive in their former relationships.

Ultimately I ended up meeting someone in rl and not from that ad. It's not an FLR but we do have a dominant/submissive cuckold dynamic.

I wish I had saved the text from that ad to share here for comment because it certainly got a lot of response from the ladies.

If you're single and looking online for a FLR, ask for what you want. You might be surprised by the reaction you get.

 

[lady_jennaxx]

I haven't been on this thread in quite some time and I'm pleased to see that it's taken off in so many interesting directions.

I've used different online dating site's over the years, with mixed results. After one period of meh results from a dating ad I decided to revise the ad into one seeking an FLR, which after much thought is what I'd come to realize I really wanted.

Essentially the ad read, "Looking for a strong woman willing to lead and direct our relationship. one I can be faithful to, but is not required to be so to me." I went on to explain in the ad that while I am in leadership positions in my work and social life, I wanted a relationship where I defer to my partner and she would have majority decision making power. Obviously there was an element of cuckoldry there too, but that ad got more responses than any I'd ever posted. And more than a few were from women who described themselves as submissive in their former relationships.

Ultimately I ended up meeting someone in rl and not from that ad. It's not an FLR but we do have a dominant/submissive cuckold dynamic.

I wish I had saved the text from that ad to share here for comment because it certainly got a lot of response from the ladies.

If you're single and looking online for a FLR, ask for what you want. You might be surprised by the reaction you get.

Well said, James. I hope that men who are truly interested in living a dynamic like this (not online, but real life) follow your advice. Be clear about what you want after you have been honest with yourself and fuck everyone else's opinion

 

[JamesCole]

Be clear about what you want after you have been honest with yourself and fuck everyone else's opinion

It wasn't until you just said that, that I realized how little other's opinions mattered to me about all this. I believe in this case giving zero fuck's about what others think of me is a healthy place to be.

Thanks!

 

[lady_jennaxx]

It wasn't until you just said that, that I realized how little other's opinions mattered to me about all this. I believe in this case giving zero fuck's about what others think of me is a healthy place to be.

Thanks!

Couldn't agree more. Valuing my own opinion of myself has made not settling, much easier. Thanks James for the input

 

[Longhairsmile]

I feel this is the best male audience to pose a question to.

Would a female led relationship appeal to you and, if so, what would it look like?


Yea! I love strong women. And in many ways the relationship balance would need to be struck with her. But beyond her low key controlling my sexuality, I’d love to basically live for her physical and emotional pleasure.

 

[lady_jennaxx]

I feel this is the best male audience to pose a question to.

Would a female led relationship appeal to you and, if so, what would it look like?


Yea! I love strong women. And in many ways the relationship balance would need to be struck with her. But beyond her low key controlling my sexuality, I’d love to basically live for her physical and emotional pleasure.

Nice to hear Longhairsmile...nice to know there are guys like you out there.

 

[policywank]

Couldn't agree more. Valuing my own opinion of myself has made not settling, much easier. Thanks James for the input

Isn't it interesting how when we are truly honest with ourselves and others that we find that we are not alone. I think it is human nature to see all of our own internal complexities and contradictions and imagine that everyone else is so much more clear, directed and "normal" (whatever that means). As soon as the barriers come down we see just how complex and multi-faceted is each one of us.

Every time something that was previously taboo gets past the filters of society we find that more people than ever imagined share that predilection.

Consensus and cooperation are important features in most relationships. But when you look at any high functioning team or organization there is a single leader. A good leader supports and leads by example rather than being bossy but she/he does have real authority. Most high functioning teams (and a marriage is a team) do not work on the basis of communal/committee decision making. Democracies don't manage by plebiscite - we use periodic elections to choose leaders because we know that on a day-to-day basis things work smoother when someone is in charge.

When we look at the challenges many married couples face they are quite similar to the challenges that are faced by organizations where there isn't clear leadership. Fighting for position causes anxiety and resentment. Lack of clear authority absolves individuals of the responsibility to be balanced and compassionate. Once a clear leader is identified that person is vested with the necessary authority but also the responsibility to care for those that are their followers. A leader is more than a boss.

Personally I feel as though in most relationships there is one partner who is more the natural leader. Historically the problem was that it was presumed that the man was the natural leader. That was often not the case. The worst leader possible is one who is not qualified for the role and is just trying to mimic other leaders.

Women could never be treated fairly until we shook off the premise that men are the natural leaders. But I think that we erred in assuming that an equal model was correct. It sounds nice, but equal means nobody is in charge and that can cause unproductive behaviour from both partners.

Surely some couples do great as collaborators. For others the better model is to accept that one partner will be the leader - just don't pre-ordain that the leader must be the one with a cock. If the female is the natural leader then let her lead. And expect of her what you would expect of any leader. Men might be surprised how much easier things will be.

With my husband I don't nag or pester and there is no passive-aggressive bullshit. I don't expect him to guess what I am thinking or feeling. I tell him. And if I want something done a tell him and fully expect it will be done or he will be punished. If he asks for something it is a clear yes or no without attached emotional baggage or guilt. He obeys and I take seriously my responsibilities to lead for both of our benefit. There are perks to leadership which I earn and enjoy responsibly. Meanwhile he basks in the simplicity and clarity of not having to decide.

He described it once to me on the basis of the age old debate of what to have for dinner. We've all been there - "what do you want?" "I don't know what do you want?". Sometimes that reflects a genuine intent to be flexible and open. Sometimes it is a selfish attempt to avoid making a decision. Wanting to please your partner isn't necessarily all about generosity - some people prefer to be the one serving because that is how they are most comfortable. Having what he wants for dinner is genuinely less important and valuable to my husband than not having to decide and wonder how I feel about the decision. The most generous and positive thing I can do for him is to lead.

 

[eroticspank]

I only lead, because it's expected of me. I suspect some women follow for the same reason. We just need to hook up; the rest of this will sort itself.

Obviously there was an element of cuckoldry there too, but that ad got more responses than any I'd ever posted. And more than a few were from women who described themselves as submissive in their former relationships.

I wonder if the women who responded and described themselves as submissive in previous relationships were subs because they were expected to be as mentioned above by @twister947?

I find my personality clashes with women who are more blatant or the more overt take charge types. I tend to work well with women who take charge because they fell into it, like something they haven't done before, but it feels right.

ES

 

[Goldenfinger]

Everyone’s relationship is different. Some like the idea but they tell their partner what to do while their on the bottom. Some try to lead from the bottom only to find themselves in a controllable situation that they now are in a FLR.

 

[Longhairsmile]

Nice to hear Longhairsmile...nice to know there are guys like you out there.

Sometimes I think it would be hot if the girl I dated picked out my clothes or style as well.

 

[eroticspank]

Sometimes I think it would be hot if the girl I dated picked out my clothes or style as well.

Try getting married, it happens daily.

ES

 

[eroticspank]

Every time something that was previously taboo gets past the filters of society we find that more people than ever imagined share that predilection.

Personally I feel as though in most relationships there is one partner who is more the natural leader. Historically the problem was that it was presumed that the man was the natural leader. That was often not the case. The worst leader possible is one who is not qualified for the role and is just trying to mimic other leaders.

Surely some couples do great as collaborators. For others the better model is to accept that one partner will be the leader - just don't pre-ordain that the leader must be the one with a cock. If the female is the natural leader then let her lead. And expect of her what you would expect of any leader. Men might be surprised how much easier things will be.

There are perks to leadership which I earn and enjoy responsibly. Meanwhile he basks in the simplicity and clarity of not having to decide.

He described it once to me on the basis of the age old debate of what to have for dinner. We've all been there - "what do you want?" "I don't know what do you want?". Sometimes that reflects a genuine intent to be flexible and open. Sometimes it is a selfish attempt to avoid making a decision. Wanting to please your partner isn't necessarily all about generosity - some people prefer to be the one serving because that is how they are most comfortable. Having what he wants for dinner is genuinely less important and valuable to my husband than not having to decide and wonder how I feel about the decision. The most generous and positive thing I can do for him is to lead.

I love your comments as always, especially above. The "what do you want for dinner?" is a perfect example of a couple mini fight. It just takes one person to take charge and end it, with maybe a few rules like no complaining after the selection has been made etc.

Some of us men are very good at being in charge in the real word due to our jobs and do have leadership skills etc. But when it comes to a relationship, feelings, emotions, and seeing forward into the future for us both maybe that can be taken on by woman. Some women are a natural at it. If the relationship is well led by the woman, many good things result...and a lot of it involves strong emotional bonds, friendship, and deep love.

ES

 

[policywank]

I love your comments as always, especially above. The "what do you want for dinner?" is a perfect example of a couple mini fight. It just takes one person to take charge and end it, with maybe a few rules like no complaining after the selection has been made etc.

Some of us men are very good at being in charge in the real word due to our jobs and do have leadership skills etc. But when it comes to a relationship, feelings, emotions, and seeing forward into the future for us both maybe that can be taken on by woman. Some women are a natural at it. If the relationship is well led by the woman, many good things result...and a lot of it involves strong emotional bonds, friendship, and deep love.

ES

Thank you.

I think that people who are in charge in their work life or other aspects of their life are much more likely have an understanding of the challenges of leadership. If your wife does choose a dinner that maybe you weren't so keen on you already know that comes with the territory. It is much easier to accept and abide by that "no complaining after the fact" rule.

Arguably that scenario makes you more ideally suited to an FLR in the same way that anybody who has experienced the challenges of leadership is more sensitive to and appreciative of good leadership. The husband of a strong leading wife in an FLR has many advantages. For many men (not just those who see themselves as submissive) they get at least as much as they give into such an arrangement.

 

[eroticspank]

Thank you.

I think that people who are in charge in their work life or other aspects of their life are much more likely have an understanding of the challenges of leadership. If your wife does choose a dinner that maybe you weren't so keen on you already know that comes with the territory. It is much easier to accept and abide by that "no complaining after the fact" rule.

Arguably that scenario makes you more ideally suited to an FLR in the same way that anybody who has experienced the challenges of leadership is more sensitive to and appreciative of good leadership. The husband of a strong leading wife in an FLR has many advantages. For many men (not just those who see themselves as submissive) they get at least as much as they give into such an arrangement.

I completely agree. Thank you

ES

 

[lady_jennaxx]

I'm amazed this thread has persevered, which is nice to see.

Even nicer to hear that more men are figuring out what they truly need

 

[Kitschshaman]

I'm amazed this thread has persevered, which is nice to see.

Even nicer to hear that more men are figuring out what they truly need

The thread has persevered because of the environment you have engendered here that is non-critical of beautiful unconventionality...you inspire dreams...

 

[lady_jennaxx]

The thread has persevered because of the environment you have engendered here that is non-critical of beautiful unconventionality...you inspire dreams...

Thanks Kitschshaman

 

[Scareltt]

I quick story from this weekend.

Saturday we had planned to go strawberry picking. My husband set everything up and we arrived at the place at 11:15 I went inside (with my mask on) and gave them my name and our appointment time.

The woman behind the counter looks at me and says. “We don’t have 11:30 appointments they are on the hour.”

Not good I think to myself.

She then tells me they have another Strawberry Farm across town.

Now I could have walked back out to the car and been all huffy with my husband. Instead I went back to the car and took his hand and said. “I think we’re at the wrong farm.” I started putting the address into his navigation, and we got to the correct place just a few minutes late.

What I didn’t do was ruin the trip for myself or the rest of our family. Controlling my reaction to a frustrating situation saved the day for everyone.

Later he came to me and apologized. He explained that he had to leave a message when he called and didn’t think to ask, what location the person was calling from. He learned his lesson..

I also was reminded that sometimes a calm reaction is, better for everyone. If I would have gotten in the car and reacted poorly he would have been flustered and our whole day would have been ruined..

 

[pplwatching]

What I didn’t do was ruin the trip for myself or the rest of our family. Controlling my reaction to a frustrating situation saved the day for everyone.

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/6a/4c/06/6a4c0669d2ff5e7f609475715fc54c30.jpg

 

[newhere2learn]

Saturday we had planned to go strawberry picking. My husband set everything up and we arrived at the place at 11:15 I went inside (with my mask on) and gave them my name and our appointment time.

The woman behind the counter looks at me and says. “We don’t have 11:30 appointments they are on the hour.”

Not good I think to myself.

She then tells me they have another Strawberry Farm across town.

Now I could have walked back out to the car and been all huffy with my husband. Instead I went back to the car and took his hand and said. “I think we’re at the wrong farm.” I started putting the address into his navigation, and we got to the correct place just a few minutes late.

What I didn’t do was ruin the trip for myself or the rest of our family. Controlling my reaction to a frustrating situation saved the day for everyone.

Later he came to me and apologized. He explained that he had to leave a message when he called and didn’t think to ask, what location the person was calling from. He learned his lesson..

I also was reminded that sometimes a calm reaction is, better for everyone. If I would have gotten in the car and reacted poorly he would have been flustered and our whole day would have been ruined..

Isn't that the route 99%+ of adults would take?

 

[Erosfan]

Sometimes I think it would be hot if the girl I dated picked out my clothes or style as well.

I dated a lady way back when and I would sometimes ask her to pick out what she wanted me to wear, while I took a shower. She usually would lay out what she liked on my bed and I would get dressed in that.
I was running late, due to work and asked her to meet me at my house. We both arrived at the same time. I told her I was going to shower and asked her to pick out what she would like me to wear.
When I got out of the shower, I looked on my bed and there was nothing there. I was feeling playful so I walked out to find her in the kitchen. When she saw me standing there, naked, she asked what are you doing? I said, I asked you to lay out what you wanted me to wear tonight and since nothing was there, I figured this is how you want me. She got a huge grin on her face, said you are crazy, picked up her purse, took me by the arm and said lets go. When we got to the front door, I chickened out. I got dressed and we went out for the evening.
The next morning, over breakfast, I asked what she would have done with her naked man if I had not chickened out. She looked at me with a sly grin and said, I guess you will never know. She never answered that question and I have always regretted not going out the door with her. Oh the possibilities if I had just followed her lead.

 

[lady_jennaxx]

I dated a lady way back when and I would sometimes ask her to pick out what she wanted me to wear, while I took a shower. She usually would lay out what she liked on my bed and I would get dressed in that.
I was running late, due to work and asked her to meet me at my house. We both arrived at the same time. I told her I was going to shower and asked her to pick out what she would like me to wear.
When I got out of the shower, I looked on my bed and there was nothing there. I was feeling playful so I walked out to find her in the kitchen. When she saw me standing there, naked, she asked what are you doing? I said, I asked you to lay out what you wanted me to wear tonight and since nothing was there, I figured this is how you want me. She got a huge grin on her face, said you are crazy, picked up her purse, took me by the arm and said lets go. When we got to the front door, I chickened out. I got dressed and we went out for the evening.
The next morning, over breakfast, I asked what she would have done with her naked man if I had not chickened out. She looked at me with a sly grin and said, I guess you will never know. She never answered that question and I have always regretted not going out the door with her. Oh the possibilities if I had just followed her lead.

Opportunities can abound one just needs to capitalize on them

 

[Erosfan]

Opportunities can abound one just needs to capitalize on them

So true. I do have regrets like this one. I also have had the good fortune to experience having some of my fantasies come true, thanks to my wife taking the lead. I don't regret any of these experiences.