psychology of pain in the bedroom

[Bbwlonghairedlover]

So here lately I have been doing some reflecting on what I enjoy and why I enjoy it. What my hard limits are and what they aren't. I guess all people need to do this from time to time. But what I am interested in, is why some people love being flogged and paddled, but can't stand a cane. I know a lot of it is personal preference, and the limits set between the Dom and his/her submissive.

For me I know that a hard limit is a cane, I have taken a tobacco stick to the back and ass on more then one occasion and that is a trigger for me. For those of you who don't know a tobacco stick and about 4-5 feet long 1 inch by 1 inch piece of wood that they use to hand tobacco plants on in a barn so they can dry out properly,

So I guess what I am asking, is why do we love this so much. What makes us crave submission to someone? And, why do we hide it, from even our closet friends and family.

For me, with the except of a few, my family is very straight laced, and super vanilla. So I get it, but even the ones who aren't don't get to see the me, that needs this.

 

[Darkhand98]

I think it's the being set free nature of it giving yourself entirely to the trust of someone else. A thrill for an act of pure connection with someone.

 

[ashkitten]

So I guess what I am asking, is why do we love this so much. What makes us crave submission to someone? And, why do we hide it, from even our closet friends and family.

Honestly, it feels good. I looove to be touched and pain is another form of that. I also love giving up control and not having to make decisions.

Re: family. I don't really talk about sex with my family. Re: friends. Friends I'm close enough to know, we just don't really talk details.

 

[Lascivity]

For a lot of people pain just makes them feel good. For others it's hot; not pleasurable in and of itself, but something which turns them on and makes things that are pleasurable more enjoyable.

That's as far as it goes for me - I've never enqured too deeply about why I'm into what I'm into. The reasons - if there are any - are probably buried pretty deep, but it's enough for me to know that I am.

 

[Nubbin2Declare]

It's usually rooted very early in life and we learn to sexualize the urge as we discover sexuality later on, and further as our understanding of sex and sexual urges develop. It can generate tremendous sexual energy.

Maybe you were spanked as a chld, and hated the humiliation and lack of control. Those strongest of emotions led you to associate being spanked with sexual urges when you are age 15. Lastly, in the decades of adulthood that follow, you learn how to engage willing partners in socially acceptable ways, and how to harness all of that sexual energy around flogging, spanking, or whatever your particular triggers are. The progression is natural, as well as iterative, through trial and error. Some go down paths of maladaptive behaviors and end up harming themselves; others don't.

Why? Well, take something that is unequivocally unpleasant when, early in life, you had no control and had no hand in the selection of the sadist administering the punishment, the timing, or the instrument. Now, you select your tormenter and you have control. Departing from the poster who said you are "giving up control," quite to the contrary, you are taking control and deciding to participate.

This isn't a prison-cell gang-rape. You picked the partner and the instrument of inflicting pain, Your hard limits are being acknowledged and respected. You're adding control, and deriving sexual pleasure from that control.

It's a garden-variety masochism. A dog-bites-man story. Very common.

 

[Knoturnal]

Love a good smack on the ass it seems to get me more aroused and harder! I think a paddle on ass would be nice too or whip nothing to break skin

You might want to stay away from some bigger whips then. Some if you have a careful person welding it might just cause a welp but some can very easily break the skin.

 

[kayumi712]

I’ve ponder this at different levels. The deeper psychological root of it is still unanswered for me. That being said I’m someone who in my day to day have to make a lot of high level decisions, am a high level leader and have a lot of things I need to be responsible and in control of. So for my sexual (And love) life giving up that control to someone I trust completely is a relief. My brain doesn’t turn off easily but when I’m being whipped or spanked and also pleasures I feel like I can live in the moment fully and to me it’s a complete release. It heightened my awareness of things happening with my body and it just feels amazing. This is however at the hands of someone I trust with my life and who knows me to my core which also helps with that being able to let go.

 

[edontario559]

I’ve ponder this at different levels. The deeper psychological root of it is still unanswered for me. That being said I’m someone who in my day to day have to make a lot of high level decisions, am a high level leader and have a lot of things I need to be responsible and in control of. So for my sexual (And love) life giving up that control to someone I trust completely is a relief. My brain doesn’t turn off easily but when I’m being whipped or spanked and also pleasures I feel like I can live in the moment fully and to me it’s a complete release. It heightened my awareness of things happening with my body and it just feels amazing. This is however at the hands of someone I trust with my life and who knows me to my core which also helps with that being able to let go.

I've read much the same thing, and can relate to much the same. "People in powerful roles often want to forfeit that power." I've seen that, and it might be something of a pattern, but that's hardly the same as saying "all CEO's are into BDSM." You might as well say that all artists are gay. There's a pattern, but it's not a perfect correlation by any means.

What time do you normally go to bed at night?
How much sleep do you get?
Beef, chicken, or neither?
Are you an aggressive driver?
Do you tend to be overweight, or underweight, or HWP?

Etc.

Maybe it's just me, but I've come to simple accept who I am, in and out of the bedroom. If I see an article, well written, that seems to provide something of interest in this regard? I'll read it... but I won't search it out.

We are all different. We sleep differently, eat differently, drive differently, etc.

I like pain in the bedroom, because I find it unbelievably erotic to see a woman (or a man) being sexually deviant, completely naked (emotionally), and being more and more aroused even as the blows mount, the clamps tighten, the wax burns, etc.

I've never felt a wetter pussy than when a woman is deeply "in the zone," crying, snot running down her face, and yet still obediently offering her tender bits for more strokes, more weight, etc.

I've had subs pass out during orgasms. I once had one "relieve herself" during an orgasm.

It's just a whole different level.

Why? I have thoughts, but I don't dwell on them. I prefer looking for the perfect mouth to occupy, the perfect nipples to clamp, the perfect ass to stripe, etc.

 

[crazyangel7]

The concept of pain and pleasure is somewhat new to me, but I feel truth in the above responses. For me, I think I like the pain to be combined with restraint. It allows for the ultimate disconnect. Like riding a roller coaster; once you are strapped in all you can do is breathe and enjoy yourself. It will keep going or it will stop in its own time and there is nothing you can do about it.