How do you avoid sameness in sex scenes?

[ef_oh_ex]

Yeah, SimonDoom said it, but this is the key though right

There are only so many ways to describe "she took his dick in her mouth."

But there are an infinite number of emotional, circumstantial states that can make that interesting. "Sure she loathed him for what he did to his sister, and yet he didn't even know who she was. All she had to do was get past one awful hurdle, and then her sister would be out of jail. She took his dick into her mouth."

This was a well-posed question and a fascinating read throughout the thread.
But special kudos to Maeven for her making her literate analogy & to Simon for always providing instructive insight.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

Coming back to the OP's re-statement of their original question - if you're writing the same characters in the same story line, why is that sameness a problem? Isn't it going to jar readers out of their engagement with your story if they get to the second sex scene with the same characters and suddenly the narrative voice shifts, or the style changes, and (to take your art analogy) suddenly they're seeing Les Demoiselles d'Avignon when previously they were seeing the Blue Period? That's going to disrupt the flow, isn't it?

Or are you saying the rest of your narrative is Les Demoiselles, but every time you hit the sex scenes, damn, there's the lady in blue again? If the problem is the latter, then you need to unpick how you're writing the non-sexual narrative, your phrase and sentence cadence, your choice of words, etc., and make sure you're keeping those style tropes consistent across both plain narrative and sex narrative.

I guess, for me, it's understanding exactly what it is that defines your style and if that's what draws in your readers - and if you want to keep giving them that. Don't know if that helps - not even quite sure what I'm saying. Something about knowing what it is that defines your style and keeping it consistent within any given story.

I think I still haven't managed to convey what I really mean to ask.

 

[NotWise]

I think I still haven't managed to convey what I really mean to ask.

Are you asking about the act you're describing, the words you describe it with, or something else?

I thought you were asking about the emotional content and how you fit words to the feelings.

Even in that, there's an ambiguity. It's hard to discern the difference between emotional feelings and physical feelings.

 

[Damoiselle]

For me, it sounds a little like how I feel. I have a favorite regency romance novelist, Loretta Chase. While I love her work on the whole and sometimes returning to reading her is like re-uniting with an old friend, sometimes though, certain little themes she use really really often make me roll my eyes and smile the same way seeing that chick's feet thump against the windshield in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood did.



It just feels a little like, "of course she would do that/use that phrase/put that word there."

I can still love an author who does that even while wondering if I need to check my work to minimize it. It just takes you out of the story, just enough, to either love it or really want it to stop.

I just want to be sure I'm not more predictable than I want to be.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I think I still haven't managed to convey what I really mean to ask.

It might just be me, being slow on the uptake. Or me, awake at two in the morning .

 

[JamesMiehoff]

In some ways, I liken the writing of a sex scene to shooting a porn sex scene.

Yes when you get down to it, Part A fits into Slot B or Hole C and once in a while into the Hidden orifice D.

But creative porn directors find a way to make it original and sexy by changing the angles and the lighting and the props. It is the same with writing a sex scene. Don't use the same old descriptions. Describe what is going on in the heads of the characters. What sounds are they hearing, what are they smelling, what are they feeling, what is on the grocery list one of them is writing in their head?

There is no way to teach writing, you just have to do it.

James

 

[Salacious_Scribe]

This is a vexing issue. I enjoy writing sex stories but I find that the sex itself is the least interesting part to write.

I write stories that include sex, I rarely write strictly sex. I try to give my characters' lives and depth adn backstories. I don always succeed.

 

[NoJo]

..... changed reply to start new thread

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

Natatorium?

Oh my god, I know exactly what you mean about the limitation of language, especially in regards to specific sounds your character makes. We really, really need more words for how people laugh and gasp and moan.

----------

So, now when I actually succeed at presenting the whole picture, his acknowledgment is sometimes along the lines of "That's good stew."

I love the stew metaphor.

I think the insufficiency of words is a leading cause of excessive use of adverbs. Why can't we just have more words, damn it? Actually, we can't really even use all the ones we have. I don't think it would be remotely useful to describe a character as a philodox, for instance, even though it's the perfect word for a certain type of character, and even though it will take a paragraph of heavy-handed narration or many lines of dialog to convey what can be summed up in a single word.

It's hard to know where the line is on vocabulary, or at least it is for me. I want what I write to be accessible. On the other hand, I don't want to "talk down" to readers or assume their vocabularies are more limited than mine. It's an uncomfortable line to walk. Communication only works if what is said is the same thing that is heard.

So, since I'm griping about words we have but can't really use, I'd love anyone's thoughts on using the word "natatorium." Or better yet, a way to not say "natatorium." I've got one in my story, but does anyone really call it that? I can't just sidestep it by saying a character is going to the pool. In my story the natatorium is being converted for other uses, and it's the building itself being discussed. Since the natatorium is a project people are working on in the story, it's referenced too often to say "the building that houses the pool" over and over again.

And if I have to use "natatorium," should I have one character explain the word to another? Or is that condescending? I've come to hate the word. I'm even considering changing my story just to avoid the word. I feel like that would be a failure in problem solving, though.

 

[ElectricBlue]

So, since I'm griping about words we have but can't really use, I'd love anyone's thoughts on using the word "natatorium." Or better yet, a way to not say "natatorium." I've got one in my story, but does anyone really call it that? I can't just sidestep it by saying a character is going to the pool. In my story the natatorium is being converted for other uses, and it's the building itself being discussed. Since the natatorium is a project people are working on in the story, it's referenced too often to say "the building that houses the pool" over and over again.

And if I have to use "natatorium," should I have one character explain the word to another? Or is that condescending? I've come to hate the word. I'm even considering changing my story just to avoid the word. I feel like that would be a failure in problem solving, though.

How about "pool complex"? Unless, of course, your story's set in ancient Rome .

 

[NotWise]

I think the insufficiency of words is a leading cause of excessive use of adverbs. Why can't we just have more words, damn it? Actually, we can't really even use all the ones we have. I don't think it would be remotely useful to describe a character as a philodox, for instance, even though it's the perfect word for a certain type of character, and even though it will take a paragraph of heavy-handed narration or many lines of dialog to convey what can be summed up in a single word.

It's hard to know where the line is on vocabulary, or at least it is for me. I want what I write to be accessible. On the other hand, I don't want to "talk down" to readers or assume their vocabularies are more limited than mine. It's an uncomfortable line to walk. Communication only works if what is said is the same thing that is heard.

I like to keep my stories around the 5th grade level, language-wise. Very few people or going to think I'm talking down to them, and very few people are going to misunderstand me. Now, if you're writing for a newsletter for your Ivy League college, then maybe you should go for the eighth-grade level.

So, since I'm griping about words we have but can't really use, I'd love anyone's thoughts on using the word "natatorium." Or better yet, a way to not say "natatorium." I've got one in my story, but does anyone really call it that? I can't just sidestep it by saying a character is going to the pool. In my story the natatorium is being converted for other uses, and it's the building itself being discussed. Since the natatorium is a project people are working on in the story, it's referenced too often to say "the building that houses the pool" over and over again.

I've only heard the word used in the context of schools and universities. If you're in that context, then use it. Otherwise, maybe not.

If you're talking about dialogue by planners and architects, then "natatorium" might be reasonable, but maybe it's more likely for them to talk about it in terms of what it will become, rather than what it was. That's context-dependent.

If your dialogue is between contractors working on the job, I doubt that "natatorium" would come up. They'd probably talk about the structure in more specific terms.

And if I have to use "natatorium," should I have one character explain the word to another? Or is that condescending? I've come to hate the word. I'm even considering changing my story just to avoid the word. I feel like that would be a failure in problem solving, though.

You could do that, but do what feels good to you. I'd use the word judiciously.

 

[BelleCanzuto]

And if I have to use "natatorium," should I have one character explain the word to another? Or is that condescending? I've come to hate the word. I'm even considering changing my story just to avoid the word. I feel like that would be a failure in problem solving, though.

That workaround is done *a lot* in TV, so much that we usually dont even notice. Lots of times when a story (TV, movie, or writing) is taking place where the characters are likely to use jargon, the writers will add some kind of filler for the audience.

There was a show in the US in the early 2000s, called The West Wing, and it got to almost be a joke that there'd be "exposition girl," a scene or part of a scene where one female junior assistant would explain all the political jargon from the senior staff to another female junior assistant. The problem was only that it became too predictable and (once the original writers left) wasn't as well woven into the rest of the story.

I think writers can use a variety of tricks to explain without it being obvious. Having one character define a term for another is one way, using synonyms, and phrases that are almost synonymous are other ways.

I tend not to worry about the vocabulary I use, other than making a concerted effort not to repeat words unless that's my intention. I figure most readers will get the gist, and a few may actually look up a word if they don't know it.

 

[Cfnmlover84]

So, my boyfriend is my editor. He frequently has to encourage me to just get more detailed in my sex scenes, because you know...I'm writing for a porn site, and that makes my tendency to shy away from explicitness a little absurd. The hurdle for me to get over is that I genuinely find emotional tension more sensual to focus than specific physical descriptions. And I realize that's just not the case for most people.

So yeah, when I'm actually having to write the physical details I often feel like I'm floundering, and even more so when I realize I have to do it again and again and change it up. Like, how do I do this without saying the word cock thirty times in a row and wait is that even a problem.

One thing that kind of helps is trying to think of what the tone a specific character would go for. I'm personally a little flowery in how I describe things, which can be a problem when I'm trying to write a guy who would probably just think about bouncy tits.

I guess in the end, the best approach I've landed on is picking your terms and tone (which I realize might speak more directly to your question) based on how you think the perspective character would think. Hopefully getting into the mindset of different characters will guide you into helping things vary.

You and i think alike. I enjoy writing and coming up with characters but when it comes time to write the sex that's when i get stuck.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

How about "pool complex"? Unless, of course, your story's set in ancient Rome .[/QUOTE

What's in a pool complex besides a pool? I Googled it and got everything from amusement parks to conference centers. Google tends to cast a wide net when there's a commercial interest attached to what you want to look up.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

I've only heard the word used in the context of schools and universities. If you're in that context, then use it. Otherwise, maybe not.

If you're talking about dialogue by planners and architects, then "natatorium" might be reasonable, but maybe it's more likely for them to talk about it in terms of what it will become, rather than what it was. That's context-dependent.

If your dialogue is between contractors working on the job, I doubt that "natatorium" would come up. They'd probably talk about the structure in more specific terms.

The natatorium in question is on private property in a semi-post-apocalyptic setting. It's just a big building with a giant pool, some changing rooms and showers. The pool is being converted to an aquatic garden. The roof opens, but needs to be fixed. I need to be able to say things like, "we're going to have to fix the roof on the natatorium," or "I'm meeting John at the natatorium," There's no technical discussion related to its characteristics as a natatorium. It's just used as an identification of the building, like calling a gymnasium a gymnasium, with the obvious distinction that "I'm going to the gymnasium" sounds fine, but "I'm going to the natatorium" sounds terrible.

 

[ElectricBlue]

How about "pool complex"? Unless, of course, your story's set in ancient Rome .

What's in a pool complex besides a pool? I Googled it and got everything from amusement parks to conference centers. Google tends to cast a wide net when there's a commercial interest attached to what you want to look up.

Maybe it's an Australian usage - a swimming pool is usually an outdoor complex, a swimming centre usually a half olympic pool indoors, and a pool complex something a big hotel or apartment block might have, with a quarter-sized pool. I've never heard of a natatorium - neither has my auto-predict (it keeps suggesting moratorium).

 

[NotWise]

The natatorium in question is on private property in a semi-post-apocalyptic setting. It's just a big building with a giant pool, some changing rooms and showers. The pool is being converted to an aquatic garden. The roof opens, but needs to be fixed. I need to be able to say things like, "we're going to have to fix the roof on the natatorium," or "I'm meeting John at the natatorium," There's no technical discussion related to its characteristics as a natatorium. It's just used as an identification of the building, like calling a gymnasium a gymnasium, with the obvious distinction that "I'm going to the gymnasium" sounds fine, but "I'm going to the natatorium" sounds terrible.

There's a natatorium attached to the high school my daughters went to. When people went there, they said "we're going to the pool."

Similarly, "We're going to fix the roof over the pool." and "I'm meeting John by the pool." or "by the new garden." I can't think of very many reasons why you have to use the word "natatorium."

 

[tomlitilia]

If we're talking multiple sex scenes within a story, I try to hold back in the earlier ones--both in language and intensity--so there's another gear left for the final bang. But in terms of writing too similar scenes across stories, I don't worry about it. My kinks are what they are, and hopefully the characters and plots are unique enough to flavor the same acts differently.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

There's a natatorium attached to the high school my daughters went to. When people went there, they said "we're going to the pool."

Similarly, "We're going to fix the roof over the pool." and "I'm meeting John by the pool." or "by the new garden." I can't think of very many reasons why you have to use the word "natatorium."

This pool has been empty and disused for many years. Nobody would be talking about going to the pool, nor would it make sense for them to be talking about the new garden when not a single thing has been done to turn it into one. These people have to get the roof fixed on the building before they even know whether it's possible. I'm so fed up with the word natatorium that I really may just change the plot to eliminate the building. I feel like I ought to be capable of finding another workaround, but I have natatorium-induced word blindness.

I've thought about "the pool building" but that's pretty clunky, too.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

If we're talking multiple sex scenes within a story, I try to hold back in the earlier ones--both in language and intensity--so there's another gear left for the final bang. But in terms of writing too similar scenes across stories, I don't worry about it. My kinks are what they are, and hopefully the characters and plots are unique enough to flavor the same acts differently.

That's a good point about pacing the intensity. Harder to do in a longer series, but some attenuation should be possible.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

Maybe it's an Australian usage - a swimming pool is usually an outdoor complex, a swimming centre usually a half olympic pool indoors, and a pool complex something a big hotel or apartment block might have, with a quarter-sized pool. I've never heard of a natatorium - neither has my auto-predict (it keeps suggesting moratorium).

I think your auto-predict was on to something.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

Moratorium on the natatorium

Thanks for the natatorium-related ideas. Thinking over your responses helped. I just figured out what to do. Naturally, it's painfully obvious. I'll just call it, "the old pool."

Now I won't have to go burn down my local natatorium to avenge my story.

 

[SimonDoom]

This pool has been empty and disused for many years. Nobody would be talking about going to the pool, nor would it make sense for them to be talking about the new garden when not a single thing has been done to turn it into one. These people have to get the roof fixed on the building before they even know whether it's possible. I'm so fed up with the word natatorium that I really may just change the plot to eliminate the building. I feel like I ought to be capable of finding another workaround, but I have natatorium-induced word blindness.

I've thought about "the pool building" but that's pretty clunky, too.

I don't like "natatorium." It's a word I never use and never hear anyone else use.

I think of "pool complex" as a place that would have more than one pool, so I'm not sure about that.

I'm not sure how big a problem this really is going to be when you write the story. Call the pool a pool and the building a building. Or give the building a name and refer to it that way. Is it part of a gym? A fitness center? An athletic complex?

Imagine how the characters in your story would refer to it. That may solve your problem. They probably would not refer to it as a natatorium -- unless that's part of the official name of it so the would call it that.

 

[NotWise]

This pool has been empty and disused for many years. Nobody would be talking about going to the pool, nor would it make sense for them to be talking about the new garden when not a single thing has been done to turn it into one. These people have to get the roof fixed on the building before they even know whether it's possible. I'm so fed up with the word natatorium that I really may just change the plot to eliminate the building. I feel like I ought to be capable of finding another workaround, but I have natatorium-induced word blindness.

I've thought about "the pool building" but that's pretty clunky, too.

I guess if you can't be pleased, then I'll just stop now.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Thanks for the natatorium-related ideas. Thinking over your responses helped. I just figured out what to do. Naturally, it's painfully obvious. I'll just call it, "the old pool."

Now I won't have to go burn down my local natatorium to avenge my story.

How about "the derelict pool" or "the derelict pool building" - given the context you describe?