Help with translation of dialogues

[bushyTrail]

Hello, everyone!
So, in Italian there is a word, "esclamare", that expresses the fact that one is talking louder than usual, generally because of some emotion, like surprise, amusement, excitement and so on. It's not shouting or yelling, the volume is just somewhat higher than normal.
I looked for a translation and the dictionary provides "exclaim". However, it does not convince me much.
Is it right? Are there synonyms I can use in dialogues?
Thanks!

 

[SimonDoom]

I can't think of a verb that quite says this. You are correct that "exclaim" does not quite mean this. To exclaim is to call out suddenly.

I would say this something like this:

"I want pancakes now," he said, raising his voice.

"I want pancakes now," he said in a louder than normal voice.

In other words, I would use a standard dialogue tag -- "he said" -- and then modify it with a phrase to indicate the voice is louder, rather than trying to find just the right verb as my tag. I think this also fits with the guideline (my guideline, not everyone's) that it's generally better to keep dialogue tags simple.

 

[bushyTrail]

I can't think of a verb that quite says this. You are correct that "exclaim" does not quite mean this. To exclaim is to call out suddenly.

I would say this something like this:

"I want pancakes now," he said, raising his voice.

"I want pancakes now," he said in a louder than normal voice.

In other words, I would use a standard dialogue tag -- "he said" -- and then modify it with a phrase to indicate the voice is louder, rather than trying to find just the right verb as my tag. I think this also fits with the guideline (my guideline, not everyone's) that it's generally better to keep dialogue tags simple.

I was fearing that this was the situation: an untranslatable word! Pity... I like being precise with tags. Thanks anyway.

 

[ElectricBlue]

"I want pancakes now," he insisted.

That's got a slightly stronger nuance than "said."

Maybe you could drop us a chunk of your dialogue, translated as you think it might work, so we can see the context.

 

[bushyTrail]

Well, this is a recurring issue for me, but this time it occurred in this scene:
--- A woman sees a pierced penis, with a thick ring through the glans and seems unfazed. Later she is going to pretend that she's the guy's girlfriend. ---

“That’s your reaction?” Patrick BLANK. “Can I be your actual boyfriend?”

I mean, perhaps italics is enough, but without being able to use an exclamation point, I really miss using "esclamare".

 

[SimonDoom]

Well, this is a recurring issue for me, but this time it occurred in this scene:
--- A woman sees a pierced penis, with a thick ring through the glans and seems unfazed. Later she is going to pretend that she's the guy's girlfriend. ---

“That’s your reaction?” Patrick BLANK. “Can I be your actual boyfriend?”

I mean, perhaps italics is enough, but without being able to use an exclamation point, I really miss using "esclamare".

The additional difficulty is that the line of dialogue, as you've written it, is a question, so the verb in question must be a synonym of "asked." I can't think of a synonym of "asked" that indicates a raised voice.

If I were you I would write "asked" plus a bit of description, like "Patrick asked, incredulous" which conveys a heightened sense of emotion in the question. But that only works if the story is from Patrick's point of view.

 

[lovecraft68]

Maybe "I said, do it," his voice rose for emphasis. That and the similar his voice rising is all I can think of. That's a pretty rare term, so I don't think you have to worry about conveying that exact meaning.

Keep it simple stupid (Kiss) is always my motto for myself.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

“I want pancakes - now,” he said. A slight increase, mainly with respect to immediacy.

“I want pancakes,” he stressed. A bit more emphasis than ‘he said’.


But, no, I cannot think of a verb in English with that shading.


As a thought, I’m not sure if this meets your criteria, but I find that the use of italics can be useful. Some may disagree, but consider this exchange:

“I want pancakes,” he said.

“How about a nice fruit cup?” she replied.

“I want pancakes.”​

To me, this shows a more forceful statement.

 

[ElectricBlue]

As a thought, I’m not sure if this meets your criteria, but I find that the use of italics can be useful. Some may disagree, but consider this exchange:

“I want pancakes,” he said.

“How about a nice fruit cup?” she replied.

“I want pancakes.”​

To me, this shows a more forceful statement.

It does, but relies on html not falling over. Even simple italics can go horribly wrong, or not code at all. I've got half a dozen chapters with <html> brackets still visible - not worth the effort to fix them.

 

[ElectricBlue]

The additional difficulty is that the line of dialogue, as you've written it, is a question, so the verb in question must be a synonym of "asked." I can't think of a synonym of "asked" that indicates a raised voice.

If I were you I would write "asked" plus a bit of description, like "Patrick asked, incredulous" which conveys a heightened sense of emotion in the question. But that only works if the story is from Patrick's point of view.

You could change the tag to a descriptor:

"That’s your reaction?” Patrick looked astonished. “Can I be your actual boyfriend?”

The double rising inflections might need to be kept under control, though, or we won't know if Patrick's Canadian or just got a squeaky voice. To be sure:

"That’s your reaction?” Patrick looked astonished. “Can I be your actual boyfriend, eh?”

To be sure, to be sure, and he's Irish .

 

[jaF0]

Vociferous or boisterous would probably fit the definition, but not be practical for use in a story.

Maybe 'emphatically'?

"I want pancakes NOW," he said emphatically.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Vociferous or boisterous would probably fit the definition, but not be practical for use in a story.

Maybe 'emphatically'?

"I want pancakes NOW," he said emphatically.

That's doubly emphatic, with the caps and the emphasis. That sounds like a toddler tantrum.

"If you want the fucking pancakes that badly, make them yourself," Suzie exclaimed, turning on her heel in a huff. "Mutter, mutter; mutter, mutter," she mumbled under her breath.

"Yes, dear?" Simon's mom queried, wiping the flower from her hands.

"Bloody hell, that got confusing," EB remarked. "We're translating from German, after all."

"No, that's the other thread, the porno word list guy. Keep up."

 

[jaF0]

'Glad you liked it so well' the poster muttered quietly.

 

[ElectricBlue]

'Glad you liked it so well' the poster muttered quietly.

Mind you, the OP is talking Italian, so there's always the option of an extravagant hand gesture.

Or jazz hands. We could create a musical: Patrick and his Pontificating Pancake. There's a big empty square with a balcony for the Juliet scene. We can put it on in that .

 

[GroverLang]

I only speak a little Italian. It’s what I’ve picked up when visiting friends in Italy mainly. I remember a few years ago they complimented me on getting better and said “you are even using your hands without thinking about it.”

Anyway, when I can’t think of an alternative word for what I want I just google for synonyms or antonyms. Sometimes it’s helpful, sometimes it isn’t. I’ve just done that for exclaim and it’s come up with:

Assert. Blurt. Shout. Proclaim. Utter. Yell. Bellow.

But it’s not always perfect. It also came up with “ejaculate” and I’m not sure that would work for what you want.

“I want pancakes Now,” he ejaculated.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I only speak a little Italian. It’s what I’ve picked up when visiting friends in Italy mainly. I remember a few years ago they complimented me on getting better and said “you are even using your hands without thinking about it.”

Anyway, when I can’t think of an alternative word for what I want I just google for synonyms or antonyms. Sometimes it’s helpful, sometimes it isn’t. I’ve just done that for exclaim and it’s come up with:

Assert. Blurt. Shout. Proclaim. Utter. Yell. Bellow.

But it’s not always perfect. It also came up with “ejaculate” and I’m not sure that would work for what you want.

“I want pancakes Now,” he ejaculated.

Once upon a time, that would have been a perfectly good word choice. Not so much these days.

Another solution is to convey what you want to convey by other channels - for instance, as the character speaks, describe him making big movements with his hands. Although this doesn't explicitly describe the volume, it should imply it to most readers.

 

[bushyTrail]

As a thought, I’m not sure if this meets your criteria, but I find that the use of italics can be useful.

I don't know. I don't like relying on formatting in general: words should suffice, shouldn't they? Besides, I associate italics with emphasis, which is not the same thing as saying something out loud because you are, I don't know, surprised. Emphasis, for me, is when you somehow underline some words with your voice, which can be done with pauses, pitch, tonal accent etc. It's more general, you see? Therefore it may be misunderstood. Indeed, here I would use emphasis on "That" and "esclamare" as a tag, because during the sentence pronounced loudly, the guy emphasizes the source of the surprise.

I only speak a little Italian. It’s what I’ve picked up when visiting friends in Italy mainly. I remember a few years ago they complimented me on getting better and said “you are even using your hands without thinking about it.”

But it’s not always perfect. It also came up with “ejaculate” and I’m not sure that would work for what you want.

“I want pancakes Now,” he ejaculated.

Yeah, ejaculate... Let's... Let's not.

Assert. Blurt. Shout. Proclaim. Utter. Yell. Bellow.

Utter, however, was another translation of "esclamare" according to Wordreference, but I've always heard or seen it written with a neutral meaning, like "say". How about it?

 

[bushyTrail]

Also... [he raises his index finger]
I would like to point out that I [he points both his hands to his chest]
don't gesticulate [he pretends to gesticulate in order to convey the idea of gesticulating]
that much! [palms up, he moves them in circular motion, as if he's weighing something]
That's a silly prejudice! [he points his index finger to you]
Think about that! [the index is now pointing up, moved in little circles]
Jeez [he pats his hands on his flanks]

 

[UsuallyPresent]

I run into this occasionally, and for me it depends on the story context. A couple solutions I've found that have worked for me in some cases -


"I want pancakces," he told me. After learning about his sleep, the state of his pillow, the tree branches rattling in last night's wind, what today's weather would be like, he vehemently interrupted his own explanation of why he missed newspapers with, "No, I want pancakes!"

- -

"I want pancakes"

"That's fine, dear. Did you sleep well?"

"Hold on! I want pancakes!"

- -

As he walked into the kitchen, he said "I want pancakes."

"We can make them tomorrow, hon."

Frowning, he shook his head. Louder, he said, "I want pancakes."


- - -
(And because it's funny and it's something I can see in an Italian-American community...)

Joey Fabrizzi, the Italian stud, stalked up. "Yo. I want pancakes."

"Ooh, look at the little man! Do ya want Mommy to butter them for ya, too, sweetiepie?"

Stopping dead in his tracks, he stared at Georgie. Joey raised his voice a little, "I want pancakes."

"Such a tough guy! Look, look, I'm shaking!" Laughter rang around the table.

Joey didn't look upset, he just said, "I. Want. Pancakes."

- - -

Dunno if any of these will work in your story, but what I'm trying to do in different ways in each of these is to paint a picture for the reader to expand on in their own head. Yes, it's not a direct translation of 'esclamare', it's just another approach to try to get a similar concept through in a different language.

Hope it's at least a little helpful.

 

[sbrooks103]

Hello, everyone!
So, in Italian there is a word, "esclamare", that expresses the fact that one is talking louder than usual, generally because of some emotion, like surprise, amusement, excitement and so on. It's not shouting or yelling, the volume is just somewhat higher than normal.
I looked for a translation and the dictionary provides "exclaim". However, it does not convince me much.
Is it right? Are there synonyms I can use in dialogues?
Thanks!

Unlike some others here, I have no problem with using exclaimed.