Innocuous yet erotic

[fannyrat]

Has anyone ever read a passage in a story on here where a seemingly innocuous line or description has surprisingly been the most erotic part of the story?

I once read a story here (sorry but I can't remember the story or the actual passage involved) but it was an often used - white women in banana republic airport - corrupt guards order to undress for drugs etc etc storyline. The point of the question is that the description of the mother involved, pushing down her panties and stepping out of them unaided and with a resigned manner, in heels, was done so evocatively it beat the subsequent description of the following sex romp by miles.

I know my description is poor and the actual passage would have been perfect to illustrate my point but has anyone else found a similarly innocuous yet thrilling passage.

 

[NotWise]

Has anyone ever read a passage in a story on here where a seemingly innocuous line or description has surprisingly been the most erotic part of the story?

I once read a story here (sorry but I can't remember the story or the actual passage involved) but it was an often used - white women in banana republic airport - corrupt guards order to undress for drugs etc etc storyline. The point of the question is that the description of the mother involved, pushing down her panties and stepping out of them unaided and with a resigned manner, in heels, was done so evocatively it beat the subsequent description of the following sex romp by miles.

I know my description is poor and the actual passage would have been perfect to illustrate my point but has anyone else found a similarly innocuous yet thrilling passage.

I think those scenes happen, but they're in the mind of the reader. As an author, I don't know that I can make them happen, but I try.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I have a short series where in one chapter the erotic promise is given in two short words:

I felt a hand on my arm. "Adam, it is you. Can I stand with you?"

"Delilah. Are you okay? This is unbelievable, isn't it?"

"It's horrible. Look at me, I'm drenched."

She was.

The next chapter ended with a longer sentence, still a promise.

The bus swung on to the bus-way, and ahead of us I could see the tail lights of more buses, each one self-contained, a myriad separate stories. Ten minutes up the track, the driver slowed for the first stop.

"Adam," said Delilah, "you're getting off here, with me. I'm not going home by myself."

 

[oggbashan]

I think those scenes happen, but they're in the mind of the reader. As an author, I don't know that I can make them happen, but I try.

I agree. I have had readers complain that there was no sex in a story where other readers saw sex everywhere.

 

[NotWise]

This line from one of my first stories (since removed from Lit) caused a reader to comment that it was highly erotic:

He felt the weight of his aching hard-on laying on his belly and thought again about how Elsie's body felt when she pressed against him and whispered “Mom is going to need pills to get to sleep tonight and after that she won't hear a thing until morning.”

I wrote that line as a transitional scene and setup, but I'm glad the reader found it erotic.

 

[Salacious_Scribe]

Not an erotic story but the same type of thing. A friend of mine wrote a book about seal hunters. He had a single sentence of four words that evoked an extremely visceral reaction from readers. I don't remember the words but it was about clubbing baby seals.

Everyone said it was too graphic and disgusting, again it was a four-word sentence.

 

[YDB95]

One of my favourite examples of this is in "The Rich Boy" by F. Scott Fitzgerald (which also happens to be where his most famous quote - "The rich are different from you and me" - is from).

"I'm hot," he said when they reached 71st Street. "This is a winter suit. If I stop by the house and change, would you mind waiting for me downstairs? I'll only be a minute."

She was happy; the intimacy of his being hot, of any physical fact about him, thrilled her.

The first time I read that, it reminded me of a date I'd been on once on a very cold day. We were meeting outside a school, and my date was wearing a short skirt. I said I hoped she wasn't too cold, and she said, "No, I'm wearing tights." Just knowing she was wearing tights was a major thrill, which I honestly thought was kind of weird. So when I came across exactly that trope in the work of one of my literary heroes, I was delighted.