Feed back on new story please

[Salacious_Scribe]

I don't usually ask for feedback on my stories, but would love to get constructive criticism on this one.

Agatha Allbutt & the Bimbo Squad 02: Agatha Starts College

It's the 2nd part of a twelve part series about a timid girl becomes wild. All parts have been submitted and will post as approved.

 

[AlinaX]

Not really getting into it, but some brief comments:

The grammar could really use some work. You have commas where you need stops, & v-v. Also, spell-check: voyeurism.

"It's a '57 Chevy Bel Air Hardtop. Before you ask, yes, It's got all original parts, and I'm the 2nd owner." She said in a monotone, She had grown tired of gear heads drooling over the car.

"It's a '57 Chevy Bel Air Hardtop, and before you ask: Yes, it's got all original parts, and I'm the 2nd owner," she said in a monotone, tired of gear heads drooling over the car.

Also, distracted by the metaphor here:
"Why...," she squeaked, unable to get the rest of the words past the Gordian knot of her tongue.

 

[Salacious_Scribe]

Not really getting into it, but some brief comments:

The grammar could really use some work. You have commas where you need stops, & v-v. Also, spell-check: voyeurism.

"It's a '57 Chevy Bel Air Hardtop. Before you ask, yes, It's got all original parts, and I'm the 2nd owner." She said in a monotone, She had grown tired of gear heads drooling over the car.

"It's a '57 Chevy Bel Air Hardtop, and before you ask: Yes, it's got all original parts, and I'm the 2nd owner," she said in a monotone, tired of gear heads drooling over the car.

Also, distracted by the metaphor here:
"Why...," she squeaked unable to get the rest of the words past the Gordian knot of her tongue.

Thank you for your honest input. I had someone editing the story, but she fell ill and I needed to get it up to keep a promise. Believe it or not, I did run Grammarly over it.

One question

The grammar could really use some work. You have commas where you need stops, & v-v.

What is v-v?

 

[AlinaX]

Vice versa.