Female-Led Relationships

[littlecordelera]

I find it kind of interesting that my in-laws, my husband's parents, are a female-led relationship, and while I used to think it must be an absolute misery for my father-in-law, now I am beginning to wonder.

My mother-in-law is a complete bitch. I don't think I can exaggerate that statement. She is so mean to everyone, and she bosses my father-in-law around in front of people in a condescending manner. She is always angry with him and the world, and that's the part I cannot understand. My father-in-law is one of the nicest people I've ever met.

But what is so ironic is that she is forever reminding me that "the husband rules the marriage." That is always followed by telling me that it is written in the Bible, and then she will make some statement about how she is sure her son rules our marriage. She will then look at my husband with such pride, and say, "I raised men, not boys."

Oh, please.

God, if she only knew.

But then around my in-laws, my husband and I pretend that he is the "man of the house." And if we are so secretive about what goes on behind closed doors in our marriage, I wonder what goes on behind closed doors in their marriage. Is my father-in-law really miserable? Maybe he loves the way she treats him.

And is it simply a coincidence that my husband, given the way his mother is so domineering, married his way into an FLR?

He and I don't think so, but he admits that his mother is over the top, and he feels sorry for his father. He has talked to his dad about it, and he says his dad always shrugs it off.

We're all so weird.

 

[MsChief80]

I watched an interesting episode of Wife Swap the other night. The actual TV show, not the sexual kind. Ha ha ha!

The set up was that one family was a FLR and the other family was a male dominated "women should be seen and not heard" type. Super interesing to watch because it became very clear to me right away that the "traditional" male-dominated realtionship was actually totally controlled by the wife. It was the way SHE wanted it and he had to stay out of the kitchen and sit in his chair while she did all the chores because SHE needed it that way. They were doing things her way, but like thinking it was like Male Dominated when actualy she was making him a baby. So even though it looked "traditional" and they tried to paint him as some dominating biker dude with the Swap it became clear that we would literally do what ever the woman wanted. Help in the kitchen, do chores and that he actually liked it that way, helping out in the house and not being waited on hand and foot. He actually tells his wife at the end when the two couples sit face to face that he would like to help out in his own home that it doesnt make him happy to not do anything. The supposedly dominated but actually dominating wife breaks down cause she realizes she had made her husband unhappy in his own home, which is like opposite to what she thought she was doing.

The other family, the one put up as the FLR one does have a strong, tiny bit of a diva, wife who is the breadwinner through her YouTube workout videos. But her husband is like just an incredibly supported partner who is totally happy. There is this fun interchange where the supposedly "submissive" wife tells him to stay out of the kitchen and tries to wait on him hand and foot. He is like really annoyed and is all "I am a grown ass man who likes to do things for myself."

Anyway, super interesting when thinking about the non-sexual dynamics of a FLR. Here is a trailer for it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=379IczrEiI0

It shows some of the true picture that both relationships are FLR but one is actually much healthier than the other.

(Love this topic, thanks for bringing it up. I have so many thoughts that I will share as this continues to develop.)

 

[littlecordelera]

Anyway, super interesting when thinking about the non-sexual dynamics of a FLR. Here is a trailer for it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=379IczrEiI0

From that clip alone, I couldn't help but notice the similarities between the black woman and myself.

1. She is very fit. I've always loved fitness. I go to CrossFit 5 times a week, and if there is any reason I can't go to the gym, we have a very well equipped home gym.

2. She is vegan. Ok, so I am not vegan, but I eat very healthy, and I do limit the amount of animal protein I eat.

3. She is self-employed. I own my own business.

4. She is the breadwinner. My income is many times that of my husband's. But honestly, I've never seen that as having any bearing whatsoever on our relationship. I know others see it differently.

5. She always seems calm and measured. I am the same way. It is very rare for me to raise my voice.

6. She is assertive and "being in charge" is just her personality. It's just who I am, too.

I hope none of that sounds self-promoting. I don't consider my personality traits to be any better than anyone else's. I just think it is interesting that the things she enjoys, and the things she does, are so similar to me and in so many ways.

 

[MsChief80]

From that clip alone, I couldn't help but notice the similarities between the black woman and myself.

Interesting you see the comparison. They don't show it in the clip but at the end of the show the other wife tells her that she wishes to be more like her. It was quite sweet.

So many of these shows end with both couples opposed to each other. It was nice to see people open to learning.

And not embarassed by it.

 

[4yourpleasureiam]

mine chose our partners and what we could do, She still controls my releases sometimes I wish I could suggest a relationship but if I do( it tried once and it was not well received) but I knw to keep quiet.

 

[bitslinger]

My marriage is female led, although not by any definition or explicit agreement - and not exactly sexually speaking. My wife would probably say that our relationship is male led, and that might be her perception but that's not the way it works in most things. There is a lot of respect for each other and most often we do appear to arrive at decisions by mutual consent, but after 25+ years there's no doubt in my mind that for all practical purposes, it's female led. When she decides that she wants something, or has a definite opinion about something then she asserts herself. It's not subtle or manipulative either. She just says "this is the way it is". If she has no preference or wants me to take the lead on a decision, then I may take the lead - but only because she has deferred to me.

Sexually, I have always been very much in love with going down on her. Fortunately she's never had any hangups about herself and lets me take as long as I want. It is almost always me who initiates oral, because I'm always thinking about it and want it, so I guess in that sense it is male led but it's about being so intimately connected and serving her in that way too. So, while she may not be taking charge in the bedroom in an overt or discernible way, she's usually laying back and enjoying having my face between her legs without reciprocating. There have been times when she's been reading a book or watching her tablet while I've been lost in lust between her thighs. When she gets close to orgasm, she'll put it down and then pick it up again after she cums. That may sound selfish, but it's definitely mutually satisfying and after all these years it's pretty normal for us. It's a kind of service but also just having her in all of my senses as once is incredibly intimate and satisfying.

I think that where we differ from a fantasy FLR is that it's not completely one-sided and she doesn't usually initiate sex. When I make my needs known, she takes care of them. If I'm going down on her and indicate that I'm craving something in return, she'll turn the tables. If I assert a preference during something as mundane as picking out a faucet, she'll consider it - and then either give me some logical explanation about why her choice is better or let it drop if she doesn't have a strong opinion. That works for me, because quite honestly I am happy if she's happy in most things.

I think the fantasy FLR is about a woman who takes more overt control of things, especially inside of the bedroom if it's wank fodder and maybe outside of it if there's a more submissive grain to the person.

Things do occasionally break down tho. When she decided that we needed to replace all of the floors in the house, she "consulted me" but wasn't really listening to what I had to say. That chafed a bit, and was compounded by the level of effort and expense some of the things she wanted required. That said, all she had to do was grind her pussy in my face and I was drugged enough to happily comply. True story that. I just love everything about it, and to be honest if she's happy then I'm happy - especially when she's sitting on my face.

 

[pumperguy191]

Sunday Funday

Since we have embarked on our new FLR lifestyle, we are experiencing many changes and many renewed past activities, with a twist. One of the things we have always enjoyed is showering together. Starting last week, I was told that I would have wash Mistress completely. I have done so before but never on a regular basis or with as must zest. Today, was the second time and was so much more intense. I started by lathering the shampoo in her hair. I then proceeded to give her a scalp massage. After the rinsing, I took a body scrunchie and filled it with bath soap. I proceeded to wash my Mistress completely from head to toe and in between. It was incredibly erotic. I knew what my limits were, no touching of her intimate parts other than to cleanse. So, after she was rinsed, she proceeded to return the favor. I admitted to her that it was much more sensual to give than to receive, for me anyway.

After lunch, she turned to me and said, "I think I want a full body massage". Hot damn, I knew it was on. Oh, by the way, yes I was caged in the shower and during the massage. She stripped naked and laid across the bed. I had been only wearing a shirt all morning, I was told to take my pants of shortly after I got dressed. I aske how she wanted me and she replied, "naked of course". I took off my shirt, grabbed the massage oil and started to rub her down. It lasted quite a while and my cage was extremely snug around my strained but ill fated attempt at an erection.

When I was finished, she was on her back and she spread her legs for me. I was told to lick her pussy to as many orgasms as she wanted. I did as I was told. If I thought that my cage was snug before, it was freaking tight now. I love to perform oral sex on her, almost as much as she loves to receive it. After she came down from her orgasm, she thanked me and rolled over, just as I was hoping. This has happened twice since we made love last. It was 11 days between my orgasms last time, I have feeling it's going to be longer this time.

God I love this woman, she is way too good to me.

 

[pplwatching]

God I love this woman, she is way too good to me.

You both sound lucky because you can communicate with each other, hopefully outside of the bedroom too. Show and tell her how much you adore her, and I'm sure she'll keep you hard and desperate. That's livin' the dream .

 

[cuckoldbill]

Great thread.

 

[pumperguy191]

Things were not always this great. For years, I hid things and unknowingly, it messed with my head. Let's just say that I finally started thinking with the correct "head" and first asked for a Male chastity cage. After being locked up, I found out about a FLR. Things have been amazing since. When I gave time, I'll have to write about last night.

God I love this woman. She's so good to me.

 

[phil1955]

My 62 year old wife has taken control of our sexual relationship. Not in a domineering way but with some obvious guidance. She makes her wishes known and I am very happy to take her advice.

 

[pplwatching]

When I gave time, I'll have to write about last night.

Voyeuristic-ally looking forward to reading about it. This is not an easy subject area to explore on the Interwebz. There's a few real-life couples who post great blogs here and there, and the out of the bedroom posts make the in the bedroom posts much more intriguing.

By and large though, the focus on most sites is on female led sex (not female led relationships), sexual domination, and orgasm denial fetishes. OD is amazingly intense and exciting, but most videos are professional Dommes and unrealistic settings. It's the glimpse of the relationship as a whole that I think is interesting.

 

[Kitschshaman]

Voyeuristic-ally looking forward to reading about it. This is not an easy subject area to explore on the Interwebz. There's a few real-life couples who post great blogs here and there, and the out of the bedroom posts make the in the bedroom posts much more intriguing.

By and large though, the focus on most sites is on female led sex (not female led relationships), sexual domination, and orgasm denial fetishes. OD is amazingly intense and exciting, but most videos are professional Dommes and unrealistic settings. It's the glimpse of the relationship as a whole that I think is interesting.

I have to agree. I also have to agree that the videos are professionals and what I'd like to hear are real things from real people, not fantasies of what they think people want to hear, with a gentle approach to OD and dominion. You're absolutely right that it's about the relationship. Maybe I'm just an old foolish romantic, but there should be love involved, you know?

 

[pplwatching]

Maybe I'm just an old foolish romantic, but there should be love involved, you know?

If not love, then at least mutual respect, communication, and intimacy - all of which I think can be seen in the way lovers interact. Obviously, whatever works for them is their business - but sometimes it seems one sided.

On the other hand, I had a math professor who seemed to be kind of clueless. Usually had a dirty shirt on, didn't really seem to have much of an opinion on anything except math (we shared a common background in one area), and seemed to miss cues from his students. Brilliant, but maybe introverted math nerd is an accurate description (affectionately speaking).

Towards midterms he started holding review sessions in the evenings. He obviously cared about his students, but didn't quite understand what our problems were or how to speak at our level. His girlfriend showed up to bring him dinner after a couple of sessions. I knew her; always tastefully dressed, outgoing, sociable, and nice - but this was a different side of her. After watching and talking to her over the weeks, she was clearly in charge of every aspect of their relationship and it was very natural for both of them.

She stepped in to facilitate the communication between the prof. and students. It was interesting watching her interpreting student's questions and facial cues for him, telling him what to do and how to behave when we'd socialize afterwards - all very kind and respectful - while his eyes showed that he worship the ground she walked on.

Anyway, it was an interesting dynamic to watch. I'll bet she leads the relationship inside and outside of he bedroom and they both are happy that way.

 

[Kitschshaman]

If not love, then at least mutual respect, communication, and intimacy - all of which I think can be seen in the way lovers interact. Obviously, whatever works for them is their business - but sometimes it seems one sided.

On the other hand, I had a math professor who seemed to be kind of clueless. Usually had a dirty shirt on, didn't really seem to have much of an opinion on anything except math (we shared a common background in one area), and seemed to miss cues from his students. Brilliant, but maybe introverted math nerd is an accurate description (affectionately speaking).

Towards midterms he started holding review sessions in the evenings. He obviously cared about his students, but didn't quite understand what our problems were or how to speak at our level. His girlfriend showed up to bring him dinner after a couple of sessions. I knew her; always tastefully dressed, outgoing, sociable, and nice - but this was a different side of her. After watching and talking to her over the weeks, she was clearly in charge of every aspect of their relationship and it was very natural for both of them.

She stepped in to facilitate the communication between the prof. and students. It was interesting watching her interpreting student's questions and facial cues for him, telling him what to do and how to behave when we'd socialize afterwards - all very kind and respectful - while his eyes showed that he worship the ground she walked on.

Anyway, it was an interesting dynamic to watch. I'll bet she leads the relationship inside and outside of he bedroom and they both are happy that way.

This sounds like they have a beautiful relationship on their own terms. I don't know that she's so much a Domme type (from reading what you've written, I'm talking from the cheap seats not having actually seen them) as she is a helpmate in recognizing his limitations in natural communication. No one can communicate on all levels with all people. A case in point being the love of my life. She has some trouble communicating on some levels, as she has a very difficult time simply saying 'I love you' except in very quiet intimate situations in the dead of night and even then it's so soft you can barely hear it and is so infrequent that one is sometimes left to wonder if it's true. In more cerebral situations she's very well spoken but in intimacy she's...even in the most intimate of circumstances, ephemeral.

 

[bitslinger]

.....

 

[pumperguy191]

Ok, so last Wednesday night, it was predetermined that I would be unlocked from my cage for a thorough cleaning. Well, I'm not allowed to ask for much, if anything. That goes against the basis of a FLR. As the evening progressed, I was getting more anxious. Finally, I was told that it was time to get unlocked and get cleaned up. After a quick shower, we went to lie down on the bed. After a few moments, my Wife who is my Mistress, told me to crawl between her legs and start licking. Of course, I did as I was told. After a couple of minutes, she told me to stop and roll onto my back. Again, I did as I was told. She then climbed on top of my face and held onto the headboard while sitting down on my tongue. She simply said, “Lick”. Again, I did as I was told. This went on for a few minutes, occasionally she would sit farther down on my tongue. Eventually, she had a nice long orgasm.
At this point, she laid down on her back and I climbed on top. Instead of entering her, I proceeded to masturbate on top of her. The whole time she was encouraging me on. Finally, I shot a nice load all over her. It was a great evening.

 

[jackofthedawn]

Sharyn Ferns posted this on her blog today:
https://www.domme-chronicles.com/2020/04/24-7-d-s-vs-flr-whats-the-difference

Thoughts, anyone?

 

[lady_jennaxx]

Sharyn Ferns posted this on her blog today:
https://www.domme-chronicles.com/2020/04/24-7-d-s-vs-flr-whats-the-difference

Thoughts, anyone?

Closest I've seen (finally) to what I want/expect. This articulates the concept rather well, for those who still don't get it.

 

[SissySalina]

Sharyn Ferns posted this on her blog today:
https://www.domme-chronicles.com/2020/04/24-7-d-s-vs-flr-whats-the-difference

Thoughts, anyone?

Very interesting, it is very close to Her & sissy's relationship. She does ask sissy about things and opinions but She also realizes that sissy will do what She wishes without Her asking. As far as the cleaning things it is understood sissy will do all of it without question or concern.

 

[littlecordelera]

My husband and I were in the grocery store weeks ago, and I was in a hurry. Jason stopped to look at barbecue sauce, which we didn't need, and so with a roll of my eyes, I took the basket and kept moving. By the time he caught up to me, I was almost finished checking out. He looked at magazine covers while I paid the bill, so the checkout boy didn't realize that we were together. The checkout boy handed me the receipt, and leaving the bags on the counter, I began to walk out.

"Ma'am! Ma'am!" the checkout boy called, "you're forgetting your groceries!"

I glanced back at Jason and then turned to the checkout boy.

"I don't carry groceries," I replied, and out the door I went.

 

[eroticspank]

Sharyn Ferns posted this on her blog today:
https://www.domme-chronicles.com/2020/04/24-7-d-s-vs-flr-whats-the-difference

Thoughts, anyone?

I like it a lot. I feel that it does a good job of describing the nonsexual aspect of the FLR very well. I feel many of us are in relationships close to an FLR because the woman typically takes charge of the relationship and the home. Relationships are important to women as well as the home or Castle. She makes it hers when she is comfortable.

My wife will tell me right away IF I am wearing something she does not like. She will also tell me to put on something she wants me to wear and not think of it as an FLR thing. IF I don't do as she says she will let me know in some small way that she is disappointed, so I do as she asks.

Husbands compromise all the time to please their wives and make the relationship work. (I know wives do as well) In an FLR it is more formalized and the husband differs to the wife to take control where she wants to. In many cases it is a perfect fit because it fits both of their styles and personalities. But there is no set of rules. I guess the rules are, you make up your own rules. What works for one couple, does not for another, and so on.

ES

 

[eroticspank]

Agreed. A confident woman is a very sexy one. Admire a woman proud to be herself.

Unfortunately the Porn industry both video, books, and sites have come up with all kinds of Dominant women out there. Most of them dressed up in expensive lingerie, a certain body type with big breasts, and a very convenient male-oriented fantasy to go along with the scene. I will admit that I fell into this trap and I found a video that was a BIG turn on to me. I thought it was the garter belt and stockings, then I thought it was a woman who was tall and curvy, then I thought it was about all the toys in the dungeon.

After sitting down and talking to a friend/therapist I realized the main turn on for me was one thing: A confident woman, a woman who was proud of herself and her body especially in the bedroom. I looked back at my gf's and most of them were confident women. It is not what you wear but who you are on the inside...I find that I connect with confident women.

ES

 

[Lookin4babes1]

Interested in FLR

But I know very little.. just how I feel. I LOVE an aggressive woman in every day matters and especially in the bedroom. I LOVE when a woman takes charge and. I LOVE sky games what she wants me to do. I want to be controlled manipulated teased humiliated dominated force feminization even cucked

 

[bitslinger]

She begins by saying that D/S and FLR are the same for her, which I disagree with. Much of my perspective has been formed lurking around boards like the BSDM forums here on Lit, which seems to be different than my experience with my wife

Then she continues

I lead, he follows. ... But the bottom line is that in our relationship, at all times, I have the decision-making authority, and he honours that. I dominate, he submits.

Again, not my experience but to each his (her) own.

My wife paints a picture of what she wants and sees as possible, and inspires and engages me to turn that sometimes abstract vision into reality. From lurking around discussion boards, I gather that a dominant may feel no need to share her vision (if there even is one), expecting only subservience and compliance. My wife thinks beyond what each of us does individually and sees what we can do together. It seems that a dominant may focus only on controlling actions and situations. What can the submissive do.

My wife embraces change and knows that even if things are working, we can always improve our relationship. Sometimes that create waves and we learn to steady the boat together. Dominants seem to tend to stick with what works, refining rewards and punishments to get the results that she wants.

My wife is willing to be herself and let our relationship ebb and flow. If the D&S boards I've lurked on are any indication, dominants seem to want to mimic things they learn from others and adopt a definition rather than defining the relationship herself.

My wife knows that I can solve problems or find solutions. She doesn't tell me what to do or how to do it. I often have answers, can work through problems, or am able to learn and apply myself - sometimes making mistakes. She knows that a mistake is not a failure. I'm competent and making the best of a situation encourages me to do better and try harder. Dominants seem to assign tasks and dictate how to do them, and reward or punish based on the results. Anything else would be considered a breakdown of authority. She must remain in control.

I am well beyond just following my wife's leadership; I'm her raving fan, cheerleader, and running back. If the boards are any indication, submissives seem to want to follow directions and seek to please the boss.

But, not considering myself a submissive I really am not in any position to say.