the "woman" problem on Lit (a wheat/chaff conversation)

[TheDarksiders]

We're an open-minded online couple and we enjoy exploring a wide range of fantasies out here, often involving another woman. We've messaged with a number of women ("women") and we've caught more than a few men posing as women. There's nothing new about this and in a sense it doesn't bother us; we're Lit libertarians. But it's still tiresome and pathetic, and it means that we're hesitant to commit to a deep or personal conversation without some kind of verification. We're always wary when a woman wants to limit exchanges to Lit messages, especially if she seems too good to be true, though we completely understand that impulse.

We realize that women don't have exactly the same problem when they message with men but the bottom line is that anyone can pose as anything. We've been mulling this recently and we'd like to pose a few questions.

--Do you believe you can tell who is a real woman by the tone or language or content of their writing? (We don't; a good imagination and creative writing skills can convince anyone.)

--Are you comfortable messaging with someone, especially a woman, without verifying? Is it more about the erotica than who's writing?

--A silly question: what percentage of "women" with low post counts would you guess are men posing?

--Any other thoughts on this problem? Perhaps we're just cynics?

 

[PaulieJay]

We're an open-minded online couple and we enjoy exploring a wide range of fantasies out here, often involving another woman. We've messaged with a number of women ("women") and we've caught more than a few men posing as women. There's nothing new about this and in a sense it doesn't bother us; we're Lit libertarians. But it's still tiresome and pathetic, and it means that we're hesitant to commit to a deep or personal conversation without some kind of verification. We're always wary when a woman wants to limit exchanges to Lit messages, especially if she seems too good to be true, though we completely understand that impulse.

We realize that women don't have exactly the same problem when they message with men but the bottom line is that anyone can pose as anything. We've been mulling this recently and we'd like to pose a few questions.

--Do you believe you can tell who is a real woman by the tone or language or content of their writing? (We don't; a good imagination and creative writing skills can convince anyone.)

--Are you comfortable messaging with someone, especially a woman, without verifying? Is it more about the erotica than who's writing?

--A silly question: what percentage of "women" with low post counts would you guess are men posing?

--Any other thoughts on this problem? Perhaps we're just cynics?

There is no way I would be arrogant enough to say yeah I can tell when I'm talking to an actual woman, I've been "fooled" plenty of times ugh

But that said Im more than comfortable messaging a "woman" without immediate verification, but Ive also messaged guys to get more clarification on a post & things of that nature. Also tho Ive noticed that guys seem to be more open these days about their sexuality, Ive gotten a bunch of PM compliments on my personal pic posts, I'm straight & it doesnt bother me cause at least their being honest

Call me nieve, but if I had to guess on Lit I would say its a low percentage, now I havent really interacted with a lot of women on here so I could be way way off, now on other sites its prob way higher

I think the biggest issue on Lit which will also really hinder your exploration is the cliquish nature & a lot of times childish behavior of many peeps on here Im prob more cynical about that than I am about the posers

Good luck & welcome to the internets lol

 

[StrongMaster7]

I'm sure I can't tell 100%, but I can tell 90% easily, I bet.

Is it more about the erotica than who's writing? Yes.

I'd love to know the actual stats, but I reckon Lit chat is 90-99% male, including posers.

I mean no offense to anyone, but I always assume 'couples' are really just a male who's trying to seem more approachable. I may be wrong about that.

It's nature. I'm 60 and I've never met or even heard whispers about the unicorn-rare 'hotwife', 'swinger', or 'nympho'.

Men drive the sex industry. As the great comedian Larry Miller said,

"The difference between a man's sex drive and a woman's sex drive is the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing a bullet."

And yes, I'd be happy to be proven wrong by lady out there.

 

[Nubbin2Declare]

It's the nature of anonymous internet forums. You have to assume that no one you "meet" online is anywhere near what or who they claim to be.

Lower your expectations, and you won't be disappointed by deception. Your expectations are still unrealistically high. I'm sad to say it, but it is obviously true from your posting.

As to being able to tell with whom you are dealing, specifically determining that person's biological sex, whether that person is 46,XY or 46,XX from reading, it is of course not possible. However, I have been an avid reader of literature for more than five decades, and in multiple languages.

I have observed over time, for example, that I much prefer male authors in English, and female authors in Spanish. I can't do so with 100 percent accuracy, but give me a couple of paragraphs from a novel in any language in which I am fluent or near fluent, and I can probably tell you with 85 percent accuracy whether the author is a man or a woman.

 

[Bjerget]

I can tell you from a fact that there are TONS of women on here- myself included. We're just picky and not at all interested in verifying ourselves for your amusement.

 

[TheDarksiders]

I can tell you from a fact that there are TONS of women on here- myself included. We're just picky and not at all interested in verifying ourselves for your amusement.

As the female half of this couple, I can understand what you're saying. I've had my own account on Lit much longer than you have and I know that men are constantly trying to get pictures from me. Sometimes they ask on the first message!

It made me uneasy the first time we realized that a woman we were messaging with was a man. I'm simply not comfortable opening up knowing that the person we're messaging with might not even be honest about his gender. Casual banter is fine, but if we have established a connection with a woman out here, especially if she has a low post count, I like to be sure before going too far. That's not about our amusement. It's about basic honesty and comfort.

 

[TheDarksiders]

I mean no offense to anyone, but I always assume 'couples' are really just a male who's trying to seem more approachable. I may be wrong about that.

No offense taken! We often think that women should verify *us*!

If you have Skype, perhaps you'd like to verify us?? You'd be doing us a service out here!

 

[Bjerget]

As the female half of this couple, I can understand what you're saying. I've had my own account on Lit much longer than you have and I know that men are constantly trying to get pictures from me. Sometimes they ask on the first message!

It made me uneasy the first time we realized that a woman we were messaging with was a man. I'm simply not comfortable opening up knowing that the person we're messaging with might not even be honest about his gender. Casual banter is fine, but if we have established a connection with a woman out here, especially if she has a low post count, I like to be sure before going too far. That's not about our amusement. It's about basic honesty and comfort.

The problem with looking for a connection on lit is that people treat this place as a disposable wank bank. If you're looking for something real, try an app like badoo where they make you put up a picture in order to use it and make you verify the picture to get more than five messages.

 

[TheDarksiders]

The problem with looking for a connection on lit is that people treat this place as a disposable wank bank. If you're looking for something real, try an app like badoo where they make you put up a picture in order to use it and make you verify the picture to get more than five messages.

Badoo? We'll take a look. We've been looking at other websites but haven't found anything suitable. There are some wonderful people out here, though in general we might wish for a higher standard of manners, honesty, and basic literacy from many of the men.

 

[Nubbin2Declare]

I already posted, but I'll add this. You've been sampling various websites, including literotica, and you aren't satisfied. Your basic problem is what I call "acquisition cost." It's the painstaking and time-consuming discovery that what was purported to be wheat is almost all chaff.

I've been at this for about 10 years, and you really do have to change (lower) your expectations for online engagement, if you want to be happy.

The only viable alternative to those with a low tolerance for high acquisition cost is to live life entirely in three dimensions. Log-off, power-down, and go outside and play.

The online world is rich in static content. It's a wasteland for meaningful interaction. Probably, it always will be.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

Ha this is not at all what I thought it would be from the title.... but truly it blows my mind how many men will pretend to be a woman here just to get some!!

My question is... does that make them Bi?

 

[PaulieJay]

Ha this is not at all what I thought it would be from the title.... but truly it blows my mind how many men will pretend to be a woman here just to get some!!

My question is... does that make them Bi?

But the true question is are they really getting some tho? LOL

 

[TheDarksiders]

Your basic problem is what I call "acquisition cost." It's the painstaking and time-consuming discovery that what was purported to be wheat is almost all chaff.

I've been at this for about 10 years, and you really do have to change (lower) your expectations for online engagement, if you want to be happy..

(The male half here.) I'm sure you mean to be helpful but your patronizing tone is misplaced; I've "been at this" more than twice as long as you have and I remain an optimist about great connections. In fact, we're proof: we met out here years ago and are still merrily rolling along. Further, we're not looking for advice or a diagnosis. We're quite happy together, thank you! We just like to open up new kinks and curiosities with others every so often.

We really are genuinely interested in the questions we asked, so here they are again, with a new BONUS question added:

--Do you believe you can tell who is a real woman by the tone or language or content of their writing? (We don't; a good imagination and creative writing skills can convince anyone.)

--Are you comfortable messaging with someone, especially a woman, without verifying? Is it more about the erotica than who's writing?

--A silly question: what percentage of "women" with low post counts would you guess are men posing?

And now we can add a fourth: does posing as a woman make a man Bi???? (Great question! Deep waters, as the philosopher Bertram Wooster would say.)

 

[DDBustyBrit]

But the true question is are they really getting some tho? LOL

I know some of them are lol, but I’m pretty sure who they’re getting it from has no clue they’re in a jack + jack and not jack + Jill

 

[PaulieJay]

I know some of them are lol, but I’m pretty sure who they’re getting it from has no clue they’re in a jack + jack and not jack + Jill

And when they find out.......

https://media3.giphy.com/media/h56b7ZOGJngsw/giphy.gif

 

[DDBustyBrit]

And when they find out.......

https://media3.giphy.com/media/h56b7ZOGJngsw/giphy.gif

Or maybe not!!

I wonder how many women pretend to be men?

 

[PaulieJay]

Or maybe not!!

I wonder how many women pretend to be men?

Very very very tru its prob easy to pretend when you're not really pretending lol

 

[Moochienanu]

I'm sure I can't tell 100%, but I can tell 90% easily, I bet.

Is it more about the erotica than who's writing? Yes.

I'd love to know the actual stats, but I reckon Lit chat is 90-99% male, including posers.

I mean no offense to anyone, but I always assume 'couples' are really just a male who's trying to seem more approachable. I may be wrong about that.

It's nature. I'm 60 and I've never met or even heard whispers about the unicorn-rare 'hotwife', 'swinger', or 'nympho'.

Men drive the sex industry. As the great comedian Larry Miller said,

"The difference between a man's sex drive and a woman's sex drive is the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing a bullet."

And yes, I'd be happy to be proven wrong by lady out there.

*tiptoes through hoping to go unseen*

 

[ChrisPharmD]

There’s nothing more annoying on Lit than the “couple” problem - where supposedly a “couple” creates an account an posts equally on it. Yeah, right. We know why this happens. The man knows he has a better shot of getting a woman on Lit to bite if he has his significant other, supposedly being female, to be associated with the account.

I don’t try to speak on everybody else’s behalf, but I *NEVER* take a couple account seriously. It’s such a joke. Posing as one or the other. It’s honestly one of the stupidest things I’ve seen here.

 

[LadyJS]

There’s nothing more annoying on Lit than the “couple” problem - where supposedly a “couple” creates an account an posts equally on it. Yeah, right. We know why this happens. The man knows he has a better shot of getting a woman on Lit to bite if he has his significant other, supposedly being female, to be associated with the account.

I don’t try to speak on everybody else’s behalf, but I *NEVER* take a couple account seriously. It’s such a joke. Posing as one or the other. It’s honestly one of the stupidest things I’ve seen here.

The only couple account that I know of to be legit is LIVINRFANTASIES (there may be others). Sadly, they've been MIA for two years now. From what I've heard, neither was in the best of health.

Good to see you again Chris, btw.

 

[ChrisPharmD]

The only couple account that I know of to be legit is LIVINRFANTASIES (there may be others). Sadly, they've been MIA for two years now. From what I've heard, neither was in the best of health.

Good to see you again Chris, btw.

What's up, LadyJS!?

OH I do remember them. Weren't they an older couple?

Okay, I take it back. I did assume that account was legit a couple, but they weren't trying to hook up with anybody, IIRC. So, they're the exception to the rule.

But generally, when I see these accounts that are claiming "couple," I'm like "That's just a dude."

Anyway, there's only 27 hours left until ANIMAL CROSSING NEW HORIZONS... Oh my god, I'm so excited!

 

[TheDarksiders]

There’s nothing more annoying on Lit than the “couple” problem - where supposedly a “couple” creates an account an posts equally on it. Yeah, right. We know why this happens. The man knows he has a better shot of getting a woman on Lit to bite if he has his significant other, supposedly being female, to be associated with the account.

I don’t try to speak on everybody else’s behalf, but I *NEVER* take a couple account seriously. It’s such a joke. Posing as one or the other. It’s honestly one of the stupidest things I’ve seen here.

Right. We agree! It's mostly nonsense out here. In fact, that's exactly our point; many posters are fakes--and no one can tell if *we* are legit, which works against us. That's why we always offer to verify for any woman we feel a connection with. In fact, we offered the same to StrongMan on here.

 

[ChrisPharmD]

Right. We agree! It's mostly nonsense out here. In fact, that's exactly our point; many posters are fakes--and no one can tell if *we* are legit, which works against us. That's why we always offer to verify for any woman we feel a connection with. In fact, we offered the same to StrongMan on here.

There is something so disingenuous about saying "We" when speaking to me. First of all, there's no way that any one person can speak on another's behalf. I don't care if they're married, been together for 50 years, etc. It's essentially the forum version of hear-say. Even if your partner is sitting right next to you.

It's such a weird thing. Why not have a profile for each partner?

I mean, it's your prerogative. If you want to continue posting as a couple, it's whatever. But you're really being hypocritical when you're bitching on the forum about people portraying themselves as something they're not.

Like I said, for me... it's a huge red flag when somebody posts as a couple. I would imagine everybody else feels the same way. Honestly, I'd rather get baited by a guy pretending to be a woman than a couple pretending to be a couple.

 

[Ray Roberts]

I'm the male half of a couple

The most common member designation of this site, couples almost never combine to contact others so the likelihood is somewhere in the high 90% of a male impersonating a woman in contacts where a female is being actively sought by the writer. You need to know this before you go down the road of re-laying too much information about yourselves.

We all have different reasons to enjoy membership of this site and it is an unfortunate truth that not everyone is not being honest. I am in that minority who do speak the truth, but then not many members want to correspond with a late 70's married man who mostly wants to reminisce about life's experiences, most of which happened many moons ago. Best of luck with your search.

 

[Suzie85]

Yup, I don't have a problem with couple accounts myself, but I never engage with them. To me, it feels weird speaking to two people using the same account. Much prefer they get an account each and then speak to me because otherwise I feel like I'm speaking to one entity with one personality.