Sexless Marriages

[Bitesback]

Why thank you

But trust me, I’m as flawed as anyone here. I’m just learning slowly from my life experiences, hopefully it will make me wiser before I kick the bucket!

From time to time I have popped in here of late to catch your updates on your recent adventures DD. I'm sure I've not been the only Litster familiar with this thread to do so.

Now this chapter has come to an end for you, I hope you can reflect that this adventure, as painful as it might be as you absorb now your secret pain, has given you a lift in life that will help you meet what comes your way.

Great change to your AV. Put on your red shoes and dance (away) the blues...

 

[DDBustyBrit]

From time to time I have popped in here of late to catch your updates on your recent adventures DD. I'm sure I've not been the only Litster familiar with this thread to do so.

Now this chapter has come to an end for you, I hope you can reflect that this adventure, as painful as it might be as you absorb now your secret pain, has given you a lift in life that will help you meet what comes your way.

Great change to your AV. Put on your red shoes and dance (away) the blues...

Thank you and he played his part in restoring me back to my happy self.

And at the David Bowie reference, so great I’m now going to add that line to my signature, as you are so right about appropriate

 

[Say_Oy]

Another man in a sexless marriage. First she did not want anal, then no BJ. Not willing more than once every couple weeks. Then she gained a ton of weight (OK, only got to 300lbs like her dad) and would come to bed sweaty and smelly - refused to shower. Also she is a horder so piled stuff around the bed to the point where I could not get in bed on my side... When I said I was moving to another room she said she would not have sex with anyone not sleeping with her.... I had already decided that being restricted to doggy style with a grimy, smelly obese woman was not my preferred life style. Loss of Financial trust and barely talking to each other also help keep us far apart.
Took a few years but I found a married woman. Stayed married for the kid and it became a habit. My girl is also married to a partner with no sex drive. This fall our affair will have run 16 years. I still don't get enough sex - 1-2 times per week is not enough for me, but it keeps me going. Also, she is not a playboy bunny, but we are a great personality match and truly enjoy each other's company when we see each other. IM almost every night. She is a little submissive and we enjoy BDSM / D/s play but in a very consensual way. I'm a bit laid back (I think). The spouses don't want an open relationship but don't ask a lot of questions about us getting home at 5am once a week or much about occasional trips. I plan to take her to Europe this summer.
Still, we are looking for a second girl for me since my sub is often limited to 1X per week - baby sitting the grand kids, etc. They key for both of us is not to put the affair in our spouses faces.

 

[Say_Oy]

We have never emailed in 6 months and only 2 calls I think total in 6 months, we spent an hour a day on cam minimum and thousands of texts. But the relationship was 90% face to face on cam from the moment we met. It’s one of the things that set him totally apart.

So I think it was totally reasonable to expect it to end that way.

And the email was more like to a business colleague and bizarre in another aspect I won’t share. Another couple of close friends have seen it and said WTF

Makes me wonder if he wrote it because he wanted to or the wife found out and made him write it while looking over his shoulder....

The nice thing is that it was only 6 months and it sounds like it was only on line. So hopefully you can recover and move on to another relationship, enjoy it while it lasts and figure it is likely to end as well, and look forward to the next adventure.

 

[AnnieLit]

Another man in a sexless marriage. First she did not want anal, then no BJ. Not willing more than once every couple weeks. Then she gained a ton of weight (OK, only got to 300lbs like her dad) and would come to bed sweaty and smelly - refused to shower. Also she is a horder so piled stuff around the bed to the point where I could not get in bed on my side... When I said I was moving to another room she said she would not have sex with anyone not sleeping with her.... I had already decided that being restricted to doggy style with a grimy, smelly obese woman was not my preferred life style. Loss of Financial trust and barely talking to each other also help keep us far apart.
Took a few years but I found a married woman. Stayed married for the kid and it became a habit. My girl is also married to a partner with no sex drive. This fall our affair will have run 16 years. I still don't get enough sex - 1-2 times per week is not enough for me, but it keeps me going. Also, she is not a playboy bunny, but we are a great personality match and truly enjoy each other's company when we see each other. IM almost every night. She is a little submissive and we enjoy BDSM / D/s play but in a very consensual way. I'm a bit laid back (I think). The spouses don't want an open relationship but don't ask a lot of questions about us getting home at 5am once a week or much about occasional trips. I plan to take her to Europe this summer.
Still, we are looking for a second girl for me since my sub is often limited to 1X per week - baby sitting the grand kids, etc. They key for both of us is not to put the affair in our spouses faces.

There is no such thing as a non-consentual BDSM, without consent it becomes abuse.

 

[lanceGibs]

There is no such thing as a non-consentual BDSM, without consent it becomes abuse.

There are people here who post pictures of their wives because they have fallen out .I feel that is abuse too .
Only a strong man gets a good women ,or so I feel .

 

[CreativeMaster]

Sexless Marriages - a solution?

I too am in a sexless marriage. But I love my wife, and will never physically cheat on her. However, the way to make this situation sexually tolerable I think is to have an online-only relationship, in which nudity can happen, via pics or cam, but on the strict understanding that the two people will never meet. Additional security, if needed, can be provided by appearing disguised online. Yet in spite of this seeming to be the obvious solution, I have tried for years to find someone for such a relationship, and have met with no success. Most women are just too scared of appearing naked. When I have asked for advice on this online, back comes the cliche: "Well, get to know the woman first, and the rest will follow." But it doesn't.

I have basically come to accept the situation that I will never have sex again. The best I can do is masturbate while looking at porn. This is sad, and I wish it were otherwise, but I am adamant that I will not cheat on my wife. I just wish there was some woman out there who would be flexible about online visuals.

 

[AnnieLit]

I too am in a sexless marriage. But I love my wife, and will never physically cheat on her. However, the way to make this situation sexually tolerable I think is to have an online-only relationship, in which nudity can happen, via pics or cam, but on the strict understanding that the two people will never meet. Additional security, if needed, can be provided by appearing disguised online. Yet in spite of this seeming to be the obvious solution, I have tried for years to find someone for such a relationship, and have met with no success. Most women are just too scared of appearing naked. When I have asked for advice on this online, back comes the cliche: "Well, get to know the woman first, and the rest will follow." But it doesn't.

I have basically come to accept the situation that I will never have sex again. The best I can do is masturbate while looking at porn. This is sad, and I wish it were otherwise, but I am adamant that I will not cheat on my wife. I just wish there was some woman out there who would be flexible about online visuals.

Of course there are women that are very flexible with visuals, come to AmPics board, there quite a few of us there. Will you be able to interest one of us to have a relationship, that I can't tell, but we do exist.

 

[AnnieLit]

There are people here who post pictures of their wives because they have fallen out .I feel that is abuse too .
Only a strong man gets a good women ,or so I feel .

I am sure moderators of Lit feel the same way too. If you see any pictures posted without knowledge of the subject, report them to the mods and they will take them down.

 

[CreativeMaster]

Thanks for that AnnieLit. Admittedly I haven't visited AmPics, but I suppose my feeling is that the women who post there are showing themselves online, on their terms, and it does not follow that they want to do a 'private show' for anyone, with an attached relationship. Also, I have to say that many amateur pics on sites I have seen are headless shots - and although I have no objection to a woman being disguised, I do find headless shots completely unsexy. There seems something almost inhuman about them - I don't want to reduce a woman to a torso. The other thing is that I think the nudity should be interactive - for instance, a woman might be gradually stripped, as a forfeit for something, in a game. And again, that is very different from just posting pics. I am not saying that women don't exist who might strip for me, but I haven't found one yet, and I don't hold out much hope that I ever shall.

 

[AnnieLit]

Thanks for that AnnieLit. Admittedly I haven't visited AmPics, but I suppose my feeling is that the women who post there are showing themselves online, on their terms, and it does not follow that they want to do a 'private show' for anyone, with an attached relationship. Also, I have to say that many amateur pics on sites I have seen are headless shots - and although I have no objection to a woman being disguised, I do find headless shots completely unsexy. There seems something almost inhuman about them - I don't want to reduce a woman to a torso. The other thing is that I think the nudity should be interactive - for instance, a woman might be gradually stripped, as a forfeit for something, in a game. And again, that is very different from just posting pics. I am not saying that women don't exist who might strip for me, but I haven't found one yet, and I don't hold out much hope that I ever shall.

It follows that in general they are more open to showing themselves. Of course it is on our terms, but isn't it always the case? Even if I shoot something on request, I still get to choose how to go about it and whether or not I want to do it in the first place.

 

[CreativeMaster]

Hello again AnnieLit - Yes, I take the point that it is always on the women's terms, but the point is those terms may well include no relationship, strictly headless shots, etc. I just think AmPics is unlikely to lead to the kind of 'solution' to a sexless marriage I would like. I have sometimes thought I would like to find a woman I could strip in a thousand different ways, really exploring the creative potential of a private striptease. I think that is very different from a woman posting some nude shots of herself for everyone to see.

 

[AnnieLit]

Hello again AnnieLit - Yes, I take the point that it is always on the women's terms, but the point is those terms may well include no relationship, strictly headless shots, etc. I just think AmPics is unlikely to lead to the kind of 'solution' to a sexless marriage I would like. I have sometimes thought I would like to find a woman I could strip in a thousand different ways, really exploring the creative potential of a private striptease. I think that is very different from a woman posting some nude shots of herself for everyone to see.

I can't speak for all women on AmPics, but I would rather shoot for an audience of one, than many. Or at least shoot much more for him than show to the world. A private preview? Maybe a video chat during the shoot... My guess is I am not the only one like that.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

I can't speak for all women on AmPics, but I would rather shoot for an audience of one, than many. Or at least shoot much more for him than show to the world. A private preview? Maybe a video chat during the shoot... My guess is I am not the only one like that.

You are totally not alone... I think the key here that CreativeMaster needs to know is I will do all he wants when I’m in a one on one intimate relationship only. Then you build up that trust and have that relationship. I have achieved this just twice here and it’s the best when you find it. I know that is what I will not miss the most, but you have to find the mental connection, develop it and the rest will follow.

 

[AnnieLit]

You are totally not alone... I think the key here that Creative Mind needs to know is I will do all he wants when I’m in a one on one intimate relationship only. Then you build up that trust and have that relationship. I have achieved this just twice here and it’s the best when you find it. I know that is what I will not miss the most, but you have to find the mental connection, develop it and the rest will follow.

The caveat here is that CreativeMaster wants to keep it strictly online. I think both you and me are looking for an online play that has at least a potential of transitioning into real life.

(I don't see how online play is any less cheating than physical contact, but that's a different story.)

 

[DDBustyBrit]

The caveat here is that CreativeMaster wants to keep it strictly online. I think both you and me are looking for an online play that has at least a potential of transitioning into real life.

(I don't see how online play is any less cheating than physical contact, but that's a different story.)

This is true

 

[ccs29745]

The caveat here is that CreativeMaster wants to keep it strictly online. I think both you and me are looking for an online play that has at least a potential of transitioning into real life.

(I don't see how online play is any less cheating than physical contact, but that's a different story.)

I think that's why I don't do more online play. I feel like it's cheating some.

Yes I give compliments and thoughts, but I also have a few compliment words meant for my wife only, no matter how much she won't let me touch her.

I even started writing out my fantasies/ stories, but have hit a boredom brain fart at moment and stopped writing for a while.

 

[AnnieLit]

I think that's why I don't do more online play. I feel like it's cheating some.

Some? To me it is much more than some
But I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing

The love and affection to our spouses live in out heads, not in our sexual organs. In online play (text, voice, video, does not matter what type), the only organ that is used to stimulate and be stimulated is our brain. So how possibly this can be not cheating?

To me the only, criteria is "Will this hurt my partner? Will they get upset if they find out? Do I need to hide it from them?" If the answer is yes, I better hide it, then it is cheating.

For different families the exact line can be different, but the criteria is still the same. When I just came to the boards a bit over a year ago I had a relationship with a married guy. Very early on he asked what my take on cheating was, did I think what we were doing was wrong. And we were ONLY exchanging messages at that point. Later on we talked on the phone couple times, but it was very clean, not phone sex at all. Anyway, my answer was that I can't answer that for him -- I don't know his wife, but he does. So I put together a list and ask him to draw one line atbwhat he thinks is ok with his wife and another one at where he thinks we were at that moment. He did not do either, but he got my point

Here is the list with some minor modifications:

The line is her reaction. Will she be hurt if she knew:
- about you watching porn? How about anything that is not vanilla hetero porn?
- about you reading this board? Not stories on Lit, but discussions, they are much more realistic. (This was about the BDSM board, but feel free to insert any other Lit board.)
- about you talking to me in PMs?
- about you talking to me about her in PMs?
- about you role playing in chat rooms?
- about you talking to a pro on the phone? (To me this is actually much less personal than talking to a Lit friend.)
- about discussing some erotic pictures with me? (not my or your pictures, just something from the web, but imagining that it is us.)
- about any form of sexting? Masturbation while exchanging texts?
- about us exchanging our actual pictures and playing with words around them?
- about me domming you in written words?
- about you having phone sex with me?
- about you having cyber sex with me?

 

[ccs29745]

Some? To me it is much more than some
But I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing

The love and affection to our spouses live in out heads, not in our sexual organs. In online play (text, voice, video, does not matter what type), the only organ that is used to stimulate and be stimulated is our brain. So how possibly this can be not cheating?

To me the only, criteria is "Will this hurt my partner? Will they get upset if they find out? Do I need to hide it from them?" If the answer is yes, I better hide it, then it is cheating.

For different families the exact line can be different, but the criteria is still the same. When I just came to the boards a bit over a year ago I had a relationship with a married guy. Very early on he asked what my take on cheating was, did I think what we were doing was wrong. And we were ONLY exchanging messages at that point. Later on we talked on the phone couple times, but it was very clean, not phone sex at all. Anyway, my answer was that I can't answer that for him -- I don't know his wife, but he does. So I put together a list and ask him to draw one line atbwhat he thinks is ok with his wife and another one at where he thinks we were at that moment. He did not do either, but he got my point

Here is the list with some minor modifications:

The line is her reaction. Will she be hurt if she knew:
- about you watching porn? How about anything that is not vanilla hetero porn?
- about you reading this board? Not stories on Lit, but discussions, they are much more realistic. (This was about the BDSM board, but feel free to insert any other Lit board.)
- about you talking to me in PMs?
- about you talking to me about her in PMs?
- about you role playing in chat rooms?
- about you talking to a pro on the phone? (To me this is actually much less personal than talking to a Lit friend.)
- about discussing some erotic pictures with me? (not my or your pictures, just something from the web, but imagining that it is us.)
- about any form of sexting? Masturbation while exchanging texts?
- about us exchanging our actual pictures and playing with words around them?
- about me domming you in written words?
- about you having phone sex with me?
- about you having cyber sex with me?

She knows I look at porn, read stories on here. Doesn't know im in here. I've not exchanged any pics- I'm not much to look at.i do PM you and couple others on occasion, and no phone or cyber sex yet. Can't masturbate and type at same time☺.

 

[AnnieLit]

Can't masturbate and type at same time☺.

Oh yes you can! If I can do it, I am sure you can figure it out too

 

[Say_Oy]

There is no such thing as a non-consentual BDSM, without consent it becomes abuse.

I think there are degrees of consent. For example, a woman might consent to the guy doing whatever he wants without asking for additional consent... the "No Limits" relationship. Or the never ask her what she wants...
My sub likes it when I take control and do what I want ... but I often ask her what she would like and she is free to make requests, which I usually grant. Only occasionally do I say no. Though sometimes our sessions do morph as my mood shifts.

 

[ccs29745]

Oh yes you can! If I can do it, I am sure you can figure it out too

Might try one of these days

 

[MatureChattyMan]

Oh yes you can! If I can do it, I am sure you can figure it out too

I thought that was part of the entrance test for being admitted to Lit!

 

[wifewatcher1997]

For years my wife had a very high sex drive. After role-playing, chatting, etc, she started to meet other men to get all of her wants and desires met in the bedroom. Our sex increased the more she played with other men. The last two years have been rough for her mentally and physically at work and all. Stress and anxiety have attacked her (she is seeing doctors, etc) and her sex drive decreased immensely. We used to be 2-3 or more times a week and now it is lucky for once a month or every other month. She rarely talks with her old lovers and no matter what amount of flirting and teasing takes place, she is always too tired, or not in the mood. I am hoping after some more medical events take place that this will change back, but I have no idea. It is difficult going from a lady who was a nympho, to someone who never wants intimacy. We still have our love and friendship but I miss the bedroom fun!

 

[ccs29745]

For years my wife had a very high sex drive. After role-playing, chatting, etc, she started to meet other men to get all of her wants and desires met in the bedroom. Our sex increased the more she played with other men. The last two years have been rough for her mentally and physically at work and all. Stress and anxiety have attacked her (she is seeing doctors, etc) and her sex drive decreased immensely. We used to be 2-3 or more times a week and now it is lucky for once a month or every other month. She rarely talks with her old lovers and no matter what amount of flirting and teasing takes place, she is always too tired, or not in the mood. I am hoping after some more medical events take place that this will change back, but I have no idea. It is difficult going from a lady who was a nympho, to someone who never wants intimacy. We still have our love and friendship but I miss the bedroom fun!

Wonder if no meds, no doctors, no pressure would work some. Just tell her when she's ready or wants to do something intimate, you'll be there for her.

Don't know if that'll work, but worth a shot