What do you make of this?

[Jada59]

Awhile back, a guy on a dating app asked me if I was interested in a hot Latino? I said I already had one. That was Carlos who seems to be ghosting me again. His loss.

Hot Latino contacted me again, maybe a week ago. Asked how I was doing? We texted and talked on the phone. He kept wanting to come over here with promises of sex and how he would wear me out. He's 41. I'm 60. I told him it would likely be the other way around. And I think I'm right.

We met earlier at a bar. I saw no point in going to a bar as neither of us drink but he insisted. Said he'd never been to a bar before. And he seemed like he hadn't. This was a small, dive bar with old time pinball, video games, pool table and a small stage. It was open mic night. One reason I don't like to meet a potential partner at a bar is because of the noise level. Can't have a conversation.

I got there first. Texted him and said I'd let him walk me in as the few times I've gone into a bar alone, men kept hitting on me.

He got there late, saw me, blasted ahead to open the door...as in not looking at me, not walking with me (I do walk slowly, especially in the dark).

We sat opposite each other and he crossed his arms over his chest, looking directly at the band. I was in a super good mood. Tried to keep my body language open. No crossed arms or legs. Smiling. I was tempted to join a couple of guys for a pinball game. I love pinball. Was also severely tempted to jump up on the stage and dance. Not sure that would be allowed. It was open mic night. We saw part of a set from two bands. Not bad. Not my kind of music. He liked the first band but asked to leave during the second one. That one almost caused me to have an orgasm, the vibrations were so strong!

I was sitting along the wall in the corner so kept moving closer to him. No touching whatever. He did finally uncross his arms and look at me. But I still felt he wasn't into me.

We went out to my car. Fooled around a little but it was weird because it didn't start out with kissing or anything like that other than me kissing his neck. He said he was exhausted, his allergies were bothering him and his back hurt. I tried to massage him but due to his heavy coat, could only reach his neck. Her reclined the seat, almost fell asleep, then put the seat back up. Attempted again to fool around. I put the kibosh on that only because I was one placed under arrest (not actually taken to jail though) for fooling around in the backseat of my car when I was 19. Didn't want that to happen again. There were a lot of people milling about outside.

I told him he could come to my house tomorrow night after he gets off work. I insisted on meeting him in a public place first as I've been having severe trouble with catsfishers, scammers and just plain time wasters. I also ran a check on him (for pay) and he came up clean.

I stopped at the store on the way home and he called me. He sounded happy, upbeat and excited to see me tomorrow. This is what's weird. He always sounds great on the phone and in texts. But in the bar, I felt like I was sitting with a statue.

What do you make of this? I'm chalking it up to his feeling unwell and maybe shyness or something. I'm just wondering if it will get any better! I'm a pretty high energy person and I had a rather exhausting day myself. But how can he be so chipper and eager on the phone and so Milquetoast in person?

 

[Tryharder62]

What do you make of this? I'm chalking it up to his feeling unwell and maybe shyness or something. I'm just wondering if it will get any better! I'm a pretty high energy person and I had a rather exhausting day myself. But how can he be so chipper and eager on the phone and so Milquetoast in person?

Something seems off. Meet him in public where you can talk. Maybe bars were not what he thought they were going to be like. Have coffee or an ice cream or something like that. Don't take him back to your apartment yet. I am just getting weird vibes about the situation.

 

[Conager]

I'm a big believer in pheromones. We have 'em for a reason.

I've come to find that if I feel more attracted up-close-and-personal than I did at a distance the pheromones are probably right and if the reverse is true they are probably wrong. If I'm not feeling it she's usually not feeling it and vice versa.

I'm assuming that general appearance was already well established and that everybody mas y menos matched how they presented themselves with pictures and video or what not.

You've always struck me as a fairly assertive woman and sexually confident in that may not be something he's used to. It may put him on his back foot. Not necessarily a turn off, but maybe it throws hid timing off, or he can't "lead" without more space.

. . .or he's just not that into you.

I've gotten mire or less ghosted a couple of times where in person it was going well until right at the end as we are parting company and I just sensed a little something off and it was with two completely different women at different times so I figured it was something I was doing. I put in a minor amount of effort and then just dropped it because I figured if they're not that into me how's that going to feed my ego? I like women that like me. I mean, I'm handsome and personable so women that don't see it that way are obviously suffering from poor taste, and how you gonna fix that?

One of them contacted me like a month later, I responded, then it trailed off again. Obviously not hot for me, so why bother?

 

[SophieUK]

Something seems off to me. You’ve actually worked quite hard on this. If it were me, I’d meet in public again first, but that’s just me ..

 

[Jada59]

Something seems off. Meet him in public where you can talk. Maybe bars were not what he thought they were going to be like. Have coffee or an ice cream or something like that. Don't take him back to your apartment yet. I am just getting weird vibes about the situation.

I have a house, not apartment. I don't drink coffee or eat ice cream but the problem is he isn't free until 9:30 at night. There's not much open here then. We have casinos. Still no good for talking. Or a select few mediocre to seriously disgusting 24 hour restaurants. I had picked one near the bar where we went, but for some reason, he didn't want to go there.

I think he was not expecting the bands. I wasn't either and didn't know of the open mic until just before I left the house. I have been in some bars that have no bands but around here, those places seem to have gone the way of the wind.

It's a done deal on his coming over. I don't live alone. My gardener still lives here and I have an obsessive neighbor who watches me like a hawk so I feel safe here.

 

[Jada59]

I'm a big believer in pheromones. We have 'em for a reason.

I've come to find that if I feel more attracted up-close-and-personal than I did at a distance the pheromones are probably right and if the reverse is true they are probably wrong. If I'm not feeling it she's usually not feeling it and vice versa.

I'm assuming that general appearance was already well established and that everybody mas y menos matched how they presented themselves with pictures and video or what not.

You've always struck me as a fairly assertive woman and sexually confident in that may not be something he's used to. It may put him on his back foot. Not necessarily a turn off, but maybe it throws hid timing off, or he can't "lead" without more space.

. . .or he's just not that into you.

I've gotten mire or less ghosted a couple of times where in person it was going well until right at the end as we are parting company and I just sensed a little something off and it was with two completely different women at different times so I figured it was something I was doing. I put in a minor amount of effort and then just dropped it because I figured if they're not that into me how's that going to feed my ego? I like women that like me. I mean, I'm handsome and personable so women that don't see it that way are obviously suffering from poor taste, and how you gonna fix that?

One of them contacted me like a month later, I responded, then it trailed off again. Obviously not hot for me, so why bother?

See that's what's weird. With Carlos, there was an immediate attraction, even before we met and it was much stronger when we met. Seemingly from both of us but... This new guy told me that Latino guys tend to run away once they have sex. Odd because he too is Latino! Ha!

I did seriously have to restrain myself. If I don't then I'll be the life of the party and that wasn't the effect I wanted.

We didn't video chat. He did send me a pic. He looked much better in the pic. More refreshed. Maybe he was just super exhausted and feeling so unwell that it showed on his face. I dunno.

Mercury is in Retrograde. There is that. And maybe I'm comparing him to Carlos who couldn't stop smiling when he was around me. I can still see his smile in my mind. Maybe I was just expecting that. Hmmm...

Thanks for your input!

 

[Dos_Equis]

Why not just fool around with the gardener, or the obsessive neighbor, or both at the same time?

 

[uncle easy]

rope. Maybe

I read every post that I see you make. I think you need to put yourself in a higher standard. I feel that if you try to make things happen and the guy does not even attempt to meet you,,, then he is a loser. You deserve more. I would love for you to post of a record setting night. Hope I see it. By the way,,, going back to another post by you. Have you ever got the head of your Hitachi in YET? Hope so. Well,,, enough said. Hope to hear more soon.

 

[Rightguide]

You said he'd never been in a bar, so maybe the experience was a little unsettling for him. Maybe he isn't the right guy. Him saing he was tired seems to be to be either low energy, or disinterest. Pay attention to your intuition. Maybe you ought to walk away.

 

[butters]

Awhile back, a guy on a dating app asked me if I was interested in a hot Latino? I said I already had one. That was Carlos who seems to be ghosting me again. His loss.

Hot Latino contacted me again, maybe a week ago. Asked how I was doing? We texted and talked on the phone. He kept wanting to come over here with promises of sex and how he would wear me out. He's 41. I'm 60. I told him it would likely be the other way around. And I think I'm right.

We met earlier at a bar. I saw no point in going to a bar as neither of us drink but he insisted. Said he'd never been to a bar before. And he seemed like he hadn't. This was a small, dive bar with old time pinball, video games, pool table and a small stage. It was open mic night. One reason I don't like to meet a potential partner at a bar is because of the noise level. Can't have a conversation.

I got there first. Texted him and said I'd let him walk me in as the few times I've gone into a bar alone, men kept hitting on me.

He got there late, saw me, blasted ahead to open the door...as in not looking at me, not walking with me (I do walk slowly, especially in the dark).

We sat opposite each other and he crossed his arms over his chest, looking directly at the band. I was in a super good mood. Tried to keep my body language open. No crossed arms or legs. Smiling. I was tempted to join a couple of guys for a pinball game. I love pinball. Was also severely tempted to jump up on the stage and dance. Not sure that would be allowed. It was open mic night. We saw part of a set from two bands. Not bad. Not my kind of music. He liked the first band but asked to leave during the second one. That one almost caused me to have an orgasm, the vibrations were so strong!

I was sitting along the wall in the corner so kept moving closer to him. No touching whatever. He did finally uncross his arms and look at me. But I still felt he wasn't into me.

We went out to my car. Fooled around a little but it was weird because it didn't start out with kissing or anything like that other than me kissing his neck. He said he was exhausted, his allergies were bothering him and his back hurt. I tried to massage him but due to his heavy coat, could only reach his neck. Her reclined the seat, almost fell asleep, then put the seat back up. Attempted again to fool around. I put the kibosh on that only because I was one placed under arrest (not actually taken to jail though) for fooling around in the backseat of my car when I was 19. Didn't want that to happen again. There were a lot of people milling about outside.

I told him he could come to my house tomorrow night after he gets off work. I insisted on meeting him in a public place first as I've been having severe trouble with catsfishers, scammers and just plain time wasters. I also ran a check on him (for pay) and he came up clean.

I stopped at the store on the way home and he called me. He sounded happy, upbeat and excited to see me tomorrow. This is what's weird. He always sounds great on the phone and in texts. But in the bar, I felt like I was sitting with a statue.

What do you make of this? I'm chalking it up to his feeling unwell and maybe shyness or something. I'm just wondering if it will get any better! I'm a pretty high energy person and I had a rather exhausting day myself. But how can he be so chipper and eager on the phone and so Milquetoast in person?

sounds like a total lost cause to me

unless you are both just in this for the sex, what good is a guy who can't even socialise with you when you first meet? i'd say he's sending out all kinds of weird vibes and is a bit of a twat. if he's only meeting back up with you expecting sex in your house, and given he's already told you he's likely to fuck right off as soon as the deed is done, why would you bother? of course, if your goals are the same as his then whatever, but if he doesn't even have the commoon manners to 'be' with you when you were tehre together, why give him a second bite of the cherry? seriously, don't you think you deserve something a little better?

 

[RobDownSouth]

Guy's been cougar-hunting his whole life.
Finally got one and has no idea what to do with it.

And Butters, if he says he's tired on the first date he's got no interest in sex.

Plus, Jada has made it clear that she's lookin' for a Carlos clone.

 

[juttjaw]

By your discriptions, he seems scared. Maybe he's inexperienced, or was married and faithful to the same woman for many years. If he almost fell asleep and wouldn't kiss on the lips, he sounds very nervous. It's easy to talk all big and bad when you're not looking eye to eye with someone. Or, maybe he thinks playing hard to get is actually some master plan. If that's the case, he spends way too much time reading hacks on the internet. All talk and no game usually means problems. Maybe you can work through them, maybe you can't, but it's pretty early to having to work at a 2 date relationship.

 

[juttjaw]

Guy's been cougar-hunting his whole life.
Finally got one and has no idea what to do with it.

And Butters, if he says he's tired on the first date he's got no interest in sex.

Plus, Jada has made it clear that she's lookin' for a Carlos clone.

I doubt almost falling asleep was lack of interest. I think he was pretending to almost sleep to look cool and relaxed and stall. Pretending to sleep is a way to hide the panic he has inside. Just a guess.

 

[raindancer]

Trust your gut
I do think you are worth more than all the hassle, though.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Jada59]

Something seems off to me. You’ve actually worked quite hard on this. If it were me, I’d meet in public again first, but that’s just me ..

Thanks!

 

[Jada59]

Why not just fool around with the gardener, or the obsessive neighbor, or both at the same time?

The neighbor is creepy AF and he did try to mess around with me but I'm not interested. The gardener is hot but he doesn't like me in that manner. Otherwise I would!

 

[Jada59]

I read every post that I see you make. I think you need to put yourself in a higher standard. I feel that if you try to make things happen and the guy does not even attempt to meet you,,, then he is a loser. You deserve more. I would love for you to post of a record setting night. Hope I see it. By the way,,, going back to another post by you. Have you ever got the head of your Hitachi in YET? Hope so. Well,,, enough said. Hope to hear more soon.

I think you're right. Haven't got the head in yet. Still trying.

 

[RoryN]

Said he'd never been to a bar before.

Wait, what?

 

[Jada59]

You said he'd never been in a bar, so maybe the experience was a little unsettling for him. Maybe he isn't the right guy. Him saing he was tired seems to be to be either low energy, or disinterest. Pay attention to your intuition. Maybe you ought to walk away.

My intuition is usually spot on but I', coming up empty on this one. I'm still going to give him one more chance.

 

[Jada59]

By your discriptions, he seems scared. Maybe he's inexperienced, or was married and faithful to the same woman for many years. If he almost fell asleep and wouldn't kiss on the lips, he sounds very nervous. It's easy to talk all big and bad when you're not looking eye to eye with someone. Or, maybe he thinks playing hard to get is actually some master plan. If that's the case, he spends way too much time reading hacks on the internet. All talk and no game usually means problems. Maybe you can work through them, maybe you can't, but it's pretty early to having to work at a 2 date relationship.

He was never married but has a 15 year old son. Baby mama had a child prior that he helped raise. She left him, married some other guy and had another kid. After that he said he had a relationship with an older woman near the Canadian border but it was too far to drive.

 

[Jada59]

sounds like a total lost cause to me

unless you are both just in this for the sex, what good is a guy who can't even socialise with you when you first meet? i'd say he's sending out all kinds of weird vibes and is a bit of a twat. if he's only meeting back up with you expecting sex in your house, and given he's already told you he's likely to fuck right off as soon as the deed is done, why would you bother? of course, if your goals are the same as his then whatever, but if he doesn't even have the commoon manners to 'be' with you when you were tehre together, why give him a second bite of the cherry? seriously, don't you think you deserve something a little better?

We did discuss sex and it's supposed to happen tonight. He even asked if I would let him stay here if we have sex. We'll see. I did tell him that I don't want a sex only relationship. Doesn't mean he listened though.

 

[LincolnDuncan]

Are you certain that the guy you talk with on the phone is the same guy you meet?

 

[Jada59]

I doubt almost falling asleep was lack of interest. I think he was pretending to almost sleep to look cool and relaxed and stall. Pretending to sleep is a way to hide the panic he has inside. Just a guess.

Ah... I remember doing that as a child when we had a creepy babysitter. It worked. He left me alone.

 

[Jada59]

Are you certain that the guy you talk with on the phone is the same guy you meet?

Pretty sure. Voice sounds the same. But you never know. I've had so much weir stuff happen lately.

 

[butters]

We did discuss sex and it's supposed to happen tonight. He even asked if I would let him stay here if we have sex. We'll see. I did tell him that I don't want a sex only relationship. Doesn't mean he listened though.

stay... as in overnight, or move in?

well, hope it goes well for you but all i see are red flags