My wife wants to go to a swingers party!

[Thor9550]

My wife has just told me that she wants to go to a swingers party, because she has a strong desire to watch other people having sex. She says she just wants to be a voyeur. Sounds like a great idea to me and we would go together, but this would be totally new for both of us. Any suggestions on where to begin, do's and don'ts would be most welcome.

Also, any suggestions from experience of UK scene would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

 

[luckyseven]

My wife has just told me that she wants to go to a swingers party, because she has a strong desire to watch other people having sex. She says she just wants to be a voyeur. Sounds like a great idea to me and we would go together, but this would be totally new for both of us. Any suggestions on where to begin, do's and don'ts would be most welcome.

Also, any suggestions from experience of UK scene would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

My initial reaction is how would you both feel if either wanted to take it further?

In my experience, it rarely stops at voyeurism.

 

[HoldYouDown]

Why not try a club? Safe, public (well it's private but you know what I mean) atmosphere with management and rules.

 

[jharp]

My wife has just told me that she wants to go to a swingers party, because she has a strong desire to watch other people having sex. She says she just wants to be a voyeur. Sounds like a great idea to me and we would go together, but this would be totally new for both of us. Any suggestions on where to begin, do's and don'ts would be most welcome.

Also, any suggestions from experience of UK scene would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

My first reaction is to be cautious. Either something is going on under the Surface or she's looking to branch out and have a little extramarital fun. If this is cool with you then go have fun together. If the idea of your wife having fun with other men doesn't thrill you then I would suggest not going. You dont want to be put in an awkward situation that is clearly going to test your wife's fidelity. As luckseven said, it rarely stops at voyerism. Doesn't mean she'll go all the way that first time, but if she gets excited that first time she may well want to go back and push the boundaries more and more.

Just make sure you know what you're possibly getting into.

 

[Nekid62]

Talk to each other openly on every scenario you can think of that could happen at this party. All of the What ifs you can think of. Get a clear understanding from each other of what is allowed by the both of you and not allowed. This way you both know what the other is ok with you doing. You don't want to assume anything is ok with the other unless you talk about it first to make sure.
The watching WILL escalate to 'I want to do that'.
Also, you will want to be open minded about same sex activities to, cause it may happen at the party, and talk to each other on how feel about this too.

Keep in mind that others there will want you to join in with them. Someone there will assume you are there to participate as well. Its not a peep-show event. You don't go to a friends BBQ to watch them eat, they will expect you to eat as well. lol

Good luck and hope you both enjoy it. Been there, done that. It all works so much better when you both have an understanding with each other and know what not to do or do prior to going there.

 

[Thor9550]

Many thanks to all of the above. All really helpful and wise advice.

 

[OldFred65]

My wife has just told me that she wants to go to a swingers party, because she has a strong desire to watch other people having sex. She says she just wants to be a voyeur. Sounds like a great idea to me and we would go together, but this would be totally new for both of us. Any suggestions on where to begin, do's and don'ts would be most welcome.

Also, any suggestions from experience of UK scene would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

I say go for it! We've been swinging for 24 years no and love it. Not just watching, but actively participating, both of us with both men and women.

 

[Feshta]

Set some mutually agreed rules. Have fun.

 

[ag2507]

Cautious Enthusiasm

This is a first step into swinging, even if you don't participate.
2) Make sure your relationship is strong. Swinging strengthens a strong relationship, and kills a weak one.
3) Agree that either of you can veto and you will both back off: no arguments - nothing sexy about a couple squabbling at a swinging meeting.
4) Establish rules of engagement before you go and keep to them. You can always try again but there is no way back if one of you does something outside the rules.
5) No alcohol - or limit it to one or two drinks.
6) Have fun.
Swinging is NOT, repeat NOT a mechanism to fix a dying marriage: well it does fix it, permanently!

 

[Thor9550]

Great advice all!
Many thanks

 

[NightL]

My suggestion would be for a club first.

Do a Google search for UK fetish club sex on premises

there are lots of returns

Depending on desired involvement may influence choice

Attending a swingers party may have the expectation to be involved and have sex with other people.

A swingers club maybe more accepting of a soft swing couple attending, but there is still a likely hood that you will be approached by others.

A third alternative is fetish clubs - clubs that may have back play rooms. There will be many who attend purely for the chance of dress to impress and they will enjoy a certain amount of voyeuristic attention. Many or even most may not venture into back play rooms at all. These clubs will be more accepting for couples to venture into back rooms just to have a look. While there may be many forms of play it won't be solely focused on swinging. Find a quiet corner and settle in, cuddle up with your partner and watch how things unfold around you.

This type of club will allow you to dip your toes in gently, you can retreat back to the main dance rooms to catch your breath before returning to the play rooms and deciding if you wish to take things further.

Don't hesitate to offer admiration to those who have gone to great effort in their costuming, it will be appreciated and it is a great way to start conversations. Be open about it being your first time attending and just ask questions. You may be surprised just how friendly everyone is.

For my experience this type of club was more about couples (whatever gender combination) to be out socialising and having fun. While there were swingers in attendance they were like all in accepting and respecting that people were there for a wide variety of interest and participation levels.

 

[Sentai]

I've never been to a club or party.
I hope you'll share your experience. I would be so nervous the first time.

 

[Thor9550]

I've never been to a club or party.
I hope you'll share your experience. I would be so nervous the first time.

I'm sure we'll be very nervous too!
I'll let you know what happens...

 

[Bigboobbabe]

Our first experience was a club. We watched some couples and groups. We danced, including topless Electric Slide.
While standing at a window watching in a room, there was another couple beside us. The husbands exchanged hello's and they rubbed our asses above clothes. Each other's wife.

Hubby and I went to a small room, left the door open for voyuers and had some great oral and vaginal sex.

As long as you set rules (hard pass) guidelines (ok if agreed upon mutually) and green light for OK under any circumstances, you could have a bunch of fun.

Examples; rule - no penis in my vagina or was
Guidelines - I give oral - we have to agree the guy looks nice and clean and respectful.
Green light - bare breasts, no touch cum on breasts.

Best wishes

 

[Thor9550]

Really helpful suggestions. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

Go. Have a good time. Be prepared for anything to happen. You may find yourselves in the middle of a full-blown orgy. You may find that absolutely nothing happens. You may find that everything is happening behind closed doors. There is no way to predict what you will be exposed to or the activity level that will occur.

Wear sexy clothes--especially the wife. Take some condoms and whatever you like to drink. Don't get drunk, but drink just enough to lower your inhibitions. Talk to people. Socialize. The vast majority of the people you meet will respect your limits, but be wary of sharks who are interested in volume and are quick to sniff out fresh meat. Don't be afraid to let people know it is your first party. Everyone there had a first party at one point in their lives. Discuss your limits beforehand but be prepared to exceed them. You may find that the charged atmosphere gets you in the mood to do more then you planned. Go in with an open mind and just try to have fun.

 

[screwher]

I'm inclined to agree that your wife is probably looking for more than the voyeur idea. Women generally aren't the visual animals that men are. So if you're not 110% on board with the idea of her being physical with another man, you should have the limitations discussion beforehand.

 

[Veeweewee]

All the above advice is great, but even still, ask yourself two questions:

How would you feel about watching your wife, with three guys thrusting into every available oriface, cumming into her mouth, ass, pussy, or wherever?

How would your wife feel watching you, balls deep up an incredibly beautiful woman's ass and having the most sensational orgasm of your life?

If you didn't answer "Oh Fuck yeah!!!" to either of the above, don't do it.

 

[screwher]

All the above advice is great, but even still, ask yourself two questions:

How would you feel about watching your wife, with three guys thrusting into every available oriface, cumming into her mouth, ass, pussy, or wherever?

How would your wife feel watching you, balls deep up an incredibly beautiful woman's ass and having the most sensational orgasm of your life?

If you didn't answer "Oh Fuck yeah!!!" to either of the above, don't do it.

This forum needs a "like" button.

 

[NightL]

If you didn't answer "Oh Fuck yeah!!!" to either of the above, don't do it.

but they still may enjoy a soft swing while that all happens around them.

 

[Justfantasies]

but they still may enjoy a soft swing while that all happens around them.

Just watching your wife make out with another guy is pretty exciting

 

[miska_darling]

Depending on how you feel, you may want to consider an event or a club rather than a house party.

That helps being more anonymous and "in the background" so you may feel less pressured and stressed about anything or people approaching you (since the crowd is larger) and can just observe. Then you can really see how you feel about that type of environment and whether it's both your thing.

Regardless of where you'll go, communication is key. You really need to be both be able to communicate how you feel at the moment and respect each others. You may even start by admitting to yourself that communication might not be perfect the first time, but if you have an open mind and discussion about it then at least you can work on improving it. That can simply be as simple as any failure to communicate "I didn't like that situation then but I didn't say it clearly enough" or "I didn't like that you reacted that way, or didn't react this way". You should be able to communicate in the aftermath without holding any grudge or having any issues.

That should then also evolve to your respective boundaries, like other said. What's a hard no, what's a no... but flexible. Depending on how you both feel, you just need to understand that you're putting yourselves in a situation where something is more likely to happen organically than it would at your local shopping mall. So, you may end up going with the flow of the moment and then find yourself way down the rabbit hole and realise you're no longer sure about it or you didn't expect this or that. In any case, it is absolutely ok to change your mind in the middle of something. And it is absolutely ok to tell someone "no". In my experience, the situation always immediately ended there. But you shouldn't find yourself in a situation where one of you is throwing a tantrum on the moment because of what your partner did/is doing. Dramas would be a big no. Think of it all as hedonism, it's all about pleasure. You two set where the pleasure line lays.

So set your clear mutual boundaries, and see how you feel about it all... you can always mutually change your boundaries later but it's better to be more restrictive than going back to restrict something that already happened (cause someone may already feels hurt by it).

Or you can communicate things like, what's your mutual secret word to tell each other if something happens and you're comfortable with it, or are uncomfortable with it.

On the contrary of the bs some said... there is no pressure to play or do anything. Some couple will never play with other guys, some couple will only play with another guy if he is bisexual for the male partner. Some just want to stay together and exhib. and for exhibitionism to exist, some will just want to watch.

And Consent is key in all regard. If people can't respect that then usually you can report them and they'll get evicted, or communicate with each other to leave. From experience, people will surprisingly be very respectful, and some people may even stand up to tell someone off that is getting too close to you guys without following proper decorum.

Also, well do expect that some people may approach you to chat and see where your interest lies. Whether you're interested or to say they would be interested in playing with you, should you be. Be clear about how you feel and don't feel pressured. As an introvert, I sometimes felt overwhelmed by being suddenly approached like that if it didn't feel like the right time. Hubby often reassured me that it is 'ok to say no' which then gave me the strength to respond. So check on your partner sometimes too if she's ok. Don't necessarily respond for her, but empower her to respond if she's uncomfortable.

It's even further normal that as a first timer, you will just observe. It's even normal to just always stick with each others (we sticked to each other for months before we even considered doing anything with anyone). Some will never pass that line. Or some will leave it to kissing/dancing only, etc.

And then listen to your guts, if you both feel a venue or some people at a venue are not trusty... just leave. If you feel it wasn't for you after you've seen how it is the first time... then don't force it.

 

[ronmcc2448]

All the above advice is great, but even still, ask yourself two questions:

How would you feel about watching your wife, with three guys thrusting into every available oriface, cumming into her mouth, ass, pussy, or wherever?

How would your wife feel watching you, balls deep up an incredibly beautiful woman's ass and having the most sensational orgasm of your life?

If you didn't answer "Oh Fuck yeah!!!" to either of the above, don't do it.

This is the best advice. Jealousy is a bitch. I have seen it rear its ugly head more than once in Swinging situations both on the male and female side.

A few words of advice: Do not drink at all if your attending a party. Couple reasons. Your already nervous, and ladies dont find drunk dick attractive when it comes time.

Make sure you and your wife are completely open and honest. You know you, your wife. If you get that gut instinct, even though she tells you, you are OK , you are not OK to be with that lady doing whatever your doing.

The first night we went and danced and met people and made acquaintances. We came back the next night after being invited back.

 

[OldFred65]

All the above advice is great, but even still, ask yourself two questions:

How would you feel about watching your wife, with three guys thrusting into every available oriface, cumming into her mouth, ass, pussy, or wherever?

How would your wife feel watching you, balls deep up an incredibly beautiful woman's ass and having the most sensational orgasm of your life?

If you didn't answer "Oh Fuck yeah!!!" to either of the above, don't do it.

I agree with you 100%, and I say "Oh Fuck yeah!!!" to that! We have done all of that and more. You left out having your wife watch you with two guys, one balls deep in your ass and the other balls deep in your mouth, which is my favorite position.

 

[ChrissyCD64]

I agree with you 100%, and I say "Oh Fuck yeah!!!" to that! We have done all of that and more. You left out having your wife watch you with two guys, one balls deep in your ass and the other balls deep in your mouth, which is my favorite position.

That's my favorite position too, Fred. All of us in sexy lingerie, too!