CandiCame
Rocket Grunt
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Posts
- 26,765
I have news about McGruff the crime dog- but I know some folks are from not America so first I'm gonna explain the core concept of who McGruff is.
So in the 80s, the US was in the middle of a massive cocaine epidemic; I wasn't there, I dunno what the fuck y'all were doing- but I did watch Scarface so I like to think I experienced it vicariously. But like the CIA was apparently out here selling crack on the streets and shit- everybody was in on it. It was the kind of shit that we've not seen before or since.
Of course, this led to all kinds of general fuckery, but part of it was that apparently drug lords were snatching kids off the streets to use as drug mules, leading to a SIXFOLD increase in child abductions. So they decided the best way to combat that was to have a cop in a fursuit come to your school and tell you 1: Not to get kidnapped and 2: Not to do cocaine. This furry was named McGruff the Crime Dog and he was fucking awesome. I didn't heed his anti-drug lesson until much later in life, but I wish I had.
But here's the thing- me and my middlest brother had this program, but my little brother and Bitsesize didn't. And we were fucking around today, and one of us mentioned McGruff the crime dog, and I was explaining this to them the way I just explained it to you- BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.
And part of McGruff's presentation- the whole thing was called "Stranger Danger" and it did have a cultural impact- if you're watching an American show and somebody says, "I need an adult" or "my no-no zone" or "take a bite out of crime" all that was McGruff- was that they would play this CD where he sang songs about not doing cocaine and the guy in the fursuit danced to it and pretended to sing, like... as best you can in a fursuit. He had a huge cultural impact. So it was blowing my mind they didn't know who he was.
But I wanted to hear the "Don't do cocaine" song because me and my brother were trying to remember the lyrics to it. Because it was actually a good song. Like... 10/10 would do cocaine to this song. And it still slams: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMOXxX5_wAA
But here's the best part. When I tried to google that song, the FIRST thing that came up was this article: https://time.com/5234/mcgruff-the-crime-dog-actor-jailed-for-pot-grenade-launchers/
A FUCKING POLICE DOG CAUGHT MCGRUFF WITH DRUGS AND GRENADE LAUNCHERS AND MY MAN MCGRUFF IS IN JAIL! FOR THE SHIT HE SPECIFICALLY TOLD ME NOT TO DO!
I have SO MANY objections to this.
There are two things you told me, McGruff - 1: Not to do drugs and 2: Not to get abducted, which can translate to NOT TO GET CAUGHT
So I'm trying to read this out loud, on this, the lord's day, laughing my ass off, and my brother starts doing the McGruff voice like, "I need those grenades. I launch um at people who do drugs. TAKE A FUCKIN BITE OUTTA CRIME!"
And I'm like, "You said 'war on drugs' so I'm going to war while on drugs".
But is this not the most beautiful thing you have ever heard in your whole life? A fucking POLICE DOG caught MCGRUFF with DRUGS and GRENADES.
https://images.mysecuritysign.com/img/lg/K/McGruff-Safe-No-Guns-Sign-K-4072.gif
Motherfucker you got a grenade launcher you ain't got shit to say. I trusted you.
So in the 80s, the US was in the middle of a massive cocaine epidemic; I wasn't there, I dunno what the fuck y'all were doing- but I did watch Scarface so I like to think I experienced it vicariously. But like the CIA was apparently out here selling crack on the streets and shit- everybody was in on it. It was the kind of shit that we've not seen before or since.
Of course, this led to all kinds of general fuckery, but part of it was that apparently drug lords were snatching kids off the streets to use as drug mules, leading to a SIXFOLD increase in child abductions. So they decided the best way to combat that was to have a cop in a fursuit come to your school and tell you 1: Not to get kidnapped and 2: Not to do cocaine. This furry was named McGruff the Crime Dog and he was fucking awesome. I didn't heed his anti-drug lesson until much later in life, but I wish I had.
But here's the thing- me and my middlest brother had this program, but my little brother and Bitsesize didn't. And we were fucking around today, and one of us mentioned McGruff the crime dog, and I was explaining this to them the way I just explained it to you- BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.
And part of McGruff's presentation- the whole thing was called "Stranger Danger" and it did have a cultural impact- if you're watching an American show and somebody says, "I need an adult" or "my no-no zone" or "take a bite out of crime" all that was McGruff- was that they would play this CD where he sang songs about not doing cocaine and the guy in the fursuit danced to it and pretended to sing, like... as best you can in a fursuit. He had a huge cultural impact. So it was blowing my mind they didn't know who he was.
But I wanted to hear the "Don't do cocaine" song because me and my brother were trying to remember the lyrics to it. Because it was actually a good song. Like... 10/10 would do cocaine to this song. And it still slams: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMOXxX5_wAA
But here's the best part. When I tried to google that song, the FIRST thing that came up was this article: https://time.com/5234/mcgruff-the-crime-dog-actor-jailed-for-pot-grenade-launchers/
A FUCKING POLICE DOG CAUGHT MCGRUFF WITH DRUGS AND GRENADE LAUNCHERS AND MY MAN MCGRUFF IS IN JAIL! FOR THE SHIT HE SPECIFICALLY TOLD ME NOT TO DO!
I have SO MANY objections to this.
There are two things you told me, McGruff - 1: Not to do drugs and 2: Not to get abducted, which can translate to NOT TO GET CAUGHT
So I'm trying to read this out loud, on this, the lord's day, laughing my ass off, and my brother starts doing the McGruff voice like, "I need those grenades. I launch um at people who do drugs. TAKE A FUCKIN BITE OUTTA CRIME!"
And I'm like, "You said 'war on drugs' so I'm going to war while on drugs".
But is this not the most beautiful thing you have ever heard in your whole life? A fucking POLICE DOG caught MCGRUFF with DRUGS and GRENADES.
https://images.mysecuritysign.com/img/lg/K/McGruff-Safe-No-Guns-Sign-K-4072.gif
Motherfucker you got a grenade launcher you ain't got shit to say. I trusted you.
