Labels

[TheBrat42]

As I was taking my shower this morning my brain wanders (as it normally does) and I started to think of labels, and how I don’t fit into so many of them and why I hate them. Do you love or hate your labels and why?

Yes hate is a strong word but highly dislike probably doesn’t care the right connotation to it. Let’s start with my figure. I am a plus-sized, girl. I do all my shopping in every store in the plus sized section. If I label myself as curvy, I am pretty much told (in nicer terms) I am too fat to be curvy. If I label myself BBW I am too small. Then what the fuck am I? Full figured doesn’t cover it either? And don’t even get me started on the people who just tell me I am fat and unhealthy. Like they have any right to judge this life.

When it comes to the whole Dom/sub I started out thinking I am a brat (just look at the name), but over the course of the journey with Him I am learning that there is not just one label, but multiple. Luckily this group, and real, like minded people aren’t as judgmental and don’t expect any of us to fit an any one box.

Okay I am done with the rant, but I am curious as to other people’s opinions.

 

[Lothario1956]

As I was taking my shower this morning my brain wanders (as it normally does) and I started to think of labels, and how I don’t fit into so many of them and why I hate them. Do you love or hate your labels and why?

Yes hate is a strong word but highly dislike probably doesn’t care the right connotation to it. Let’s start with my figure. I am a plus-sized, girl. I do all my shopping in every store in the plus sized section. If I label myself as curvy, I am pretty much told (in nicer terms) I am too fat to be curvy. If I label myself BBW I am too small. Then what the fuck am I? Full figured doesn’t cover it either? And don’t even get me started on the people who just tell me I am fat and unhealthy. Like they have any right to judge this life.

When it comes to the whole Dom/sub I started out thinking I am a brat (just look at the name), but over the course of the journey with Him I am learning that there is not just one label, but multiple. Luckily this group, and real, like minded people aren’t as judgmental and don’t expect any of us to fit an any one box.

Okay I am done with the rant, but I am curious as to other people’s opinions.

I agree that labels can be very constructing....my girls and I have a relationship that covers many aspects...Dom/.sub, Owner /pet...daddy/daughter.

When it comes to personal labels, Brat is good, though brat can be a temporary state of mind.

As for physical attributes...I'm not looks-orientated...but I guess BBW lite is one I hear a lot...or plumper lite..

 

[littlebirdjoy]

I like Zaftig <3

I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I'm a linguist who enjoys the study of word origin and inter connectivity, so for me I like putting things into boxes. I've written pretty extensively on labels in the BDSM world recently. That doesn't mean that I believe any one person can fit into one category. I believe we all fit into innumerable categories at any one time, and those will change markedly, sometimes rapidly, sometimes over the course of years or decades.

Labels that i ascribe to:
zaftig, plump, fluffy (points to anyone who gets it), little, middle, mittle, submissive, slave, mom, daughter, wife, lover, beloved, Lady, slut (only for him), Aspie woman, and quite a few nilla ones.

 

[yukonnights]

I think the word "label" has become a label. I'm with littlebirdjoy and AnjaPPunk. In a sense, most of our words could be called labels...and likewise what some construe as "labels" could just as easily be called words. is it a chair, or an easy chair...or recliner? Without words and their common definitions we could not communicate, we couldn't read and learn more about ourselves, and we couldn't understand those around us.

I think maybe it's when some particular word/label becomes weaponized to hurt, embarrass or denigrate another person or group of people is when we get frustrated. So, in regard to the OP's frustrations; Some of those words are weaponized. But you're not alone in the usage of words used to hurt another person. I think you're the best one to know what "label" — what words — describe you. Perhaps just ignore as ignorant those who try to apply words to you that don't fit with what you know about yourself.

And, some "labels"/words are so vague as to be useless. I like 'plus-size girl' just fine...I'd rather accept the self discovered "label" from the source than what others might say. In the end, words often fail us — our thoughts, emotions, sexualities, attractions, etc. are just too complex and unique to be perfectly named or labeled.

 

[Acktion]

Starting point or trap?

Labels have always baffled me. Right from the very start. For forty-eight years, I just frankly didn't worry with them. I was too busy being me.

Was I a jock in those long-ago years? Well, I did play football and transitioned to kickboxing and back alley cage matches. So, to a certain extent, I could have been.

But, I was also in the marching and concert bands and several ensembles. So, I was also a "band geek."

And then there was voluntarily taking calculus and physics as electives and being a co-founder for the chess club...

And our backyard looked like the overflow from a vet's office...

Then there was my penchant for computers... (and although I admit to programming, I categorically deny any "hacking")...

No. No, I didn't ascribe to any labels. Ever. Not beyond my name and a couple of nicknames. And even those were problematic as they rotated between which aspect of my personality I was showing and/or which they wanted to call out of me.

Enter sexuality and specifically D/s... Oh, sure, I knew about it. Studied it in college before I actually explored it as a personal need, actually. But, even there, even in my twenty-five year marriage to my slave, my mittle, my pet, my brat, my S.A.M., my love and best friend, I just didn't worry about labeling jack. We were who and what we were organically. And the most discussion was "let's do more of that" or "nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope." Primarily because we were too busy doing to worry about talking or labeling.

It wasn't until after she died, and after a mourning period, when I started interacting on here, in both open forum and private LDR, that labels became so vitally important.

And I began running into problems.

Right off the bat, I didn't see it as my responsibility to tell a miserable little self-proclaimed "people pleaser" subbie in a frenzy what she was to call me. That should be her first task in serving me, to come out with how I resonate with her (with me maintaining veto rights, of course). Shouldn't it? I mean, I didn't really care whether she called me by my screen name, my name from my birth certificate, Master, Sir, Daddy, Maestro, Professor, Wolf, or whatever so long as she did call me, did so with deserved respect, and delivered herself wholly into my waiting hands.

(Yes. I had a steep learning curve transitioning from what I'd been in the flesh for so long to words on a screen. Bite me.)

(Wait! No, you don't have permission to bite me!)

And, oh! My! Christ! The number of women (sorry guys) who came at me labeling themselves "submissive" in PMs like that was supposed to tell me a damn thing! And then would get shitty with me for "pressing" for specifics!

One gal, over the course of time, I asked for twenty-seven specific things. Out of which, she gave six before I just stopped bothering. This from a self-described "people-pleasing submissive" who supposedly "it makes me happy to make people happy."

And then one night, she gets pissy with me and starts yelling "You are NOT my Dom!"

"Well, no shit. You don't say. I've known that for months now. What was your first clue?"

And don't... really, just do not... get me started on the little twit who watched 50 Shades and just would not understand that is NOT me for two fucking months!

***sigh***

I'm out of the game. (Thank God!) I have found everything I need or want (or rather was found). And all the reply anyone looking to "be my submissive" gets now is, "thanks, but I'm off the menu. Best of luck, though."

Yet, the "labels" go on.

I am "Lord and Master." And "Daddy." And "Sir." And... Well, I'm not going through the whole litany for your entertainducation. But, it takes all those labels (and more) to try to describe even part of what I am.

And each label is very carefully defined between us, despite what the same or similar labels might have meant between others or even one of us and others.

And that, I think, is the inherent trap. Labels are a convenience. But, only if they are presented as a starting point to see whether there is even any interest in delving further in conversation to get to know the priceless unique individual that wears said label as a part of their self-definition.

 

[littlebirdjoy]

"And each label is very carefully defined between us, despite what the same or similar labels might have meant between others or even one of us and others."
~Acktion

aside: (thanks for being kind)

I think that part was fantastically important! Yes, labels are useful for starting the conversation... but then the conversation must HAPPEN. I think many people, new and old, get into the habit of taking the label, once offered, at face value. I had no idea that there was such a wide array of interpretations on some of the terms until I ran into someone who challenged my ideas. I had thought we were both speaking the same language, until I found out we most certainly were NOT. I've certainly been guilty of the same.
because it could not be helped!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ge53QaDpKQ
~Angie

 

[TheBrat42]

Ah. Thank you for all the input. There is a lot to consider!

I am towards the feeling while labels are needed in a way for others to maybe understand a person, it shouldn’t define the person either. Descriptors are great until they are labels I guess is how I feel. I definitely have more to ponder and can’t think since I just finished the 3rd hat for the night and I need rest so I can wrap my presents and work in the morning.