BDSM and humour

[Blackandstrong]

Does the intensity of a full-time BDSM relationship reduce the opportunity for humour between the couple than in a more vanilla relationship? Discuss.

 

[seela]

Does the intensity of a full-time BDSM relationship reduce the opportunity for humour between the couple than in a more vanilla relationship? Discuss.

Not in my experience, no.

Things aren't intense 24/7. There's lots of space for humor, paying the bills, stupid misunderstandings, loving, and everything else that goes with a relationship.

 

[cookiecat]

Why would you correlate BDSM with lack of humor?

Agree with Anja that it can bring on pretty humorous situations. Like the time I was flogged with a rubber chicken.

I saw some great pictures on another site where a girl had balloons stuck to her body from chest to ankles. The guy popped all of the balloons with a cane. In between he made a balloon animal with a round base and made her wear it like a crown. The scene looked lighthearted and fun.

And for sure, as seela mentions, a relationship with a D/s foundation isn't always dark, intense and in the dungeon. It's a pretty regular relationship most of the time.

 

[AliceLittle]

Does the intensity of a full-time BDSM relationship reduce the opportunity for humour between the couple than in a more vanilla relationship? Discuss.

Not in my experience. If anything, it gives food for some laughs cause no matter how serious you make it... eventually things dont go as planned and why not approach the situation with humor?

 

[riverj]

Does the intensity of a full-time BDSM relationship reduce the opportunity for humour between the couple than in a more vanilla relationship? Discuss.

No... it enhances the opportunities for humor to be interjected. Easy example is while out in public previously ignored items ( such as shopping carts with straps etc ) are no longer just there to use..... they become discussion points for mobile bondage vehicles etc.

And... when coupled with some of the shoppers you might see the combo becomes a comment filled mocking session....

BDSM is about structure...... not a loss of fun / humor / growth.

 

[Acktion]

~snip~ Like the time I was flogged with a rubber chicken.
~snip~

You know, I was about to mention a scene with me wearing my pajama bottoms with the smiley face across the crotch through the whole scene. And interrupting every time she started to orgasm by making her laugh (which is how I practice orgasm denial).

But, now I'm heading off to Amazon to order a rubber chicken and wondering why I hadn't thought of this shit before!

The pre-emptive marshmallow self-defense strike ain't got nothin' on what I'm goin' to do with this rubber chicken, a hot tub full of cool whip, and a weedeater.

And, no, OP. As Love found out across twenty-five years of being my thrall as well as my bride, just because I have Master and Daddy tendencies doesn't mean that I can't do some silly assed shit in search of the elusive giggle-gasm. And my sweet little spice is learning. If she doesn't almost pee from laughing too hard, that just means I've gotta try harder next time.

Now, let's see... rubber chicken... with squeaker, definitely. Wait, no. TWO rubber chickens...

Ooh, yeah. And that antique bicycle horn... That's got some possibilities for orgasm interruption...

 

[Bramblethorn]

to my little knowledge there's even a bigger chance of humour and such in a BDSM relationship than in a more vanilla relationship

It's hard to stay deathly serious when somebody gets an itchy nose while tied up.

 

[seela]

Like the time I was flogged with a rubber chicken.

Hey, I've been the target of a rubber chicken, too! *high five*

Gotta love those whippy chicken legs and the thuddy, squeaky body.

 

[SissySalina]

All relationships have some form of humor involved.

https://www.barnorama.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/05-Funny-Pictures-1601.jpg

 

[cookiecat]

Hey, I've been the target of a rubber chicken, too! *high five*

Gotta love those whippy chicken legs and the thuddy, squeaky body.

I watched a scene where the Top wore hulk hands and spank/punched the bottom. The absurdity of those giant green hands inflicting fun thuddy smacks was interesting to watch.

 

[littlebirdjoy]

Yeah... I've got to say some of my greatest laughs over the years have been D/s scene related. I can neither confirm nor deny me trying desperately to clip two rubberbanded together chopsticks to an uncooperative clit while already having 4 clipped to my nipples squealing every time I accidentally knocked one. i gave up and was mercilessly teased while he laughed telling me all he could think was "helicopter tits"

^that was a thing.

Another one was when my phone which is notorious for dying at the most inopportune times died immediately after I was told "do not move until i tell you. " ...... waits...... waits more..... waits more.... did the phone die? FUCK YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. I call back to him in fits on the other side he was just rolling over the timing of it. We joked about it for months and months afterward.

Now that's got nothing on a rubber chicken spanking for sure ^__^

The other night the following happened ... we were discussing how to handle D/s play with a child in the house and I said "locks on doors do exist ya know? Then I added that my mom used to tell me little girls should be put to bed in their nightgowns and cowbells and from the other room at 1 am I hear a horrified 80% asleep "WHAT?!"
We died. We both absolutely died. He choked out "SEE SEE!!!!!" xD
We have decided we need a soundproof room *sagenod*

 

[KimGordon67]

I could only have a d/s based relationship with someone I got on with really well. Getting on with someone really requires a shared sense of humour - I would say that's pretty fundamental really. Sex is pretty ridiculous at the best of time - the more bells and whistles that are involved, the more opportunity there is for things to go wrong. If you don't laugh at those moments, it all gets a bit awkward - nothing less sexy than 'awkward'.

 

[AlanSir]

Why would you correlate BDSM with lack of humor?

Agree with Anja that it can bring on pretty humorous situations. Like the time I was flogged with a rubber chicken.

I saw some great pictures on another site where a girl had balloons stuck to her body from chest to ankles. The guy popped all of the balloons with a cane. In between he made a balloon animal with a round base and made her wear it like a crown. The scene looked lighthearted and fun.

And for sure, as seela mentions, a relationship with a D/s foundation isn't always dark, intense and in the dungeon. It's a pretty regular relationship most of the time.

Or the time I had her in a dentists chair and was using a violet wand. Thinking to myself 'careful don't touch any metal parts on the chair with the wand.


Then I lent my knee against the chair, kinda ruins the moment when you're hopping around the room and your subs near wetting herself laughing.

 

[littlebirdjoy]

Or the time I had her in a dentists chair and was using a violet wand. Thinking to myself 'careful don't touch any metal parts on the chair with the wand.


Then I lent my knee against the chair, kinda ruins the moment when you're hopping around the room and your subs near wetting herself laughing.

^That'll do ^__^

 

[EdEc]

Not in my experience, no.

Things aren't intense 24/7. There's lots of space for humor, paying the bills, stupid misunderstandings, loving, and everything else that goes with a relationship.

I agree. I've had personal information exchanges with a number of subs. It did not interfere with the hot and spicy chats.

 

[Kim_Burly]

In my case my relationship with Sir is infinitely closer than I was in my marriage to my vanilla ex-husband (whom I truly loved). Sir knows me inside and out, after taking me to my mental and physical limits, and beyond, how can he can he not? I know him better than I think anyone ever has, or ever will, even though he is the epitome of a tough guy, I know his weaknesses, triggers, as well as his strengths.

I think it makes everyday life easier and much more fun, but it also makes us more forgiving of each others "mistakes" intentional or not. We don't do what I would call "dark scenes". He does what he wants because He enjoys causing me pain and humiliating me and He doesn't have to pretend that He doesn't. I enjoy the flip side. There are times he goes beyond what I prefer, but that is his choice and while I may not enjoy his ham fist inside of me, I love that it makes him so happy. I hope that makes sense.

 

[sally_sparrow]

Does the intensity of a full-time BDSM relationship reduce the opportunity for humour between the couple than in a more vanilla relationship? Discuss.

I think it depends on your partner and whether or not your humor matches. I would hope with as close as you become you are able to share humor in things; though I have been on both sides of the spectrum. I have a weird sense of humor so it is not always well-received.

I had a partner in the past that I was able to laugh with and be silly. I've also had a partner where when I tried to share humor and silliness, it was ill-received and he thought I was being a smart ass.

Win some and lose some.

 

[lilcuriouscatt]

In my experience a D/s relationship has plenty of opportunity for humor. I have been a Domme most of my life and I could many a tale of equipment malfunctions, bouncing off beds, over lubing/oiling to the point where you just slide off everything, and the ever-present danger of a giggle attack when trying out something new. I think the humor is needed as a balance to the intensity,

 

[Blackandstrong]

In my experience a D/s relationship has plenty of opportunity for humor. I have been a Domme most of my life and I could many a tale of equipment malfunctions, bouncing off beds, over lubing/oiling to the point where you just slide off everything, and the ever-present danger of a giggle attack when trying out something new. I think the humor is needed as a balance to the intensity,

Doesn’t the humour spoil the intensity though?

 

[Brucimus_Maximus]

I've known a lot of D/s couples that took themselves very seriously. Maybe that was just the Playspace Persona, but I can't be sure. If it was an act, it was convincing.

In my case, my Goddess and I both get off on humor. Which is good, because I can't go more than a few minutes at a time without making some kind of joke or doing something mildly cheeky. I can only be about 95% serious even in public. I would frustrate the hell out of a Domme who was very serious about the whole thing (ask me how I know this).

So I guess it's all up to the individual, but there's nothing inherent in the Scene that disallows humor. It's like asking "can a lesbian/gay relationship have humor during sex"?

 

[seela]

Doesn’t the humour spoil the intensity though?

Not all scenes have to be super intense to still have plenty of BDSM oomph. Sometimes humor, tenderness, or the absurdity of it all adds to the experience greatly.

Intense can be amazing, but it's not everything BDSM is about, at least not for me. Not as a relationship (like I mentioned, plenty of room for just lounging in sweatpants talking about beer and laughing at juvenile jokes) and not as sex (as exemplified by the absurd rubber chicken spanking scene).

I definitely agree, though, that if you're aiming at something crazy intense, dark, moody, the kind of stuff a lot of people tend to associate with BDSM, fits of laughter can spoil the intensity. Especially with a new person. And at least for me, when I'm nervous and scared, I tend to giggle pretty easily and I can see that someone who's trying to be all domly and intense might not find that a stellar quality in a subby leaning person, no matter how natural that reaction is.

However, if you're with someone you know well, the laughter, giggles, funny moments and just mishaps in general can be spun to your advantage pretty easily. If not during the same scene, then at the very least it can be used as fodder at a later time.

Like once, I had a butt plug on while getting fucked. It all kinda was a lot to begin with, so I didn't even notice during the pretty intense pounding that my ass decided it's time to swallow the entire plug, base and all. The plug was the kind with an eyelet at the base that you can attach a rope or something to, and amid fucking the toppy person decided to do that. Except that he couldn't find the plug anymore and the quizzical look on his face was just priceless (and then I kinda freaked out because I realized what had happened, but I definitely laughed a lot for a while there). Let's just say that the mood went from one kind of intense to completely different kind of intense real fast, and after the plug was safely removed, we were both laughing pretty hysterically. The rest of the scene was a bit different than originally imagined.

But. Fastforward a few weeks and he comes to me with said plug in hand. I start to giggle, because it reminds me of the funny look on his face and the laughter we shared afterwards. He laughed with me for a moment, then started to point out the size of the plug and especially of the base, comparing it to the size of different items, wondering if this or that would fit. "It's not like we don't know that your greedy asshole wants something bigger than this plug and can easily fit even the base. I mean, why else would your ass have swallowed the whole plug if not because it was hungry for something bigger? It really was a lucky coincidence, because you're such a prude that you never would have told me yourself your asshole wants something bigger. Good thing your ass did the talking for you." Etc. You get the point.

I would say that was a mishap spun to perfection and it ended up being plenty intense, even if a few weeks later.

Anyways, the more you (general you) do These Things, the likelier it becomes that something funny or unexpected happens. I think it's good to realize and come to terms with even before it happens. It doesn't have to spoil the scene or make it somehow "less" or "less BDSM" if it happens, it's just different.

 

[Scentofawoman]

I am the ultimate... now kiss my ass!

 

[pollyannaowt]

Not being smart enough to keep quiet - here is my unsolicited $0.02:

Non mainstream sexual relations BDSM, poly, fetish, etc are likely to have higher degrees of trust than more mainstream relationships.

More trust = More freedom and more understanding (and more fun)

Not less.

-Polly

 

[lilcuriouscatt]

Doesn’t the humour spoil the intensity though?

Maybe for a moment. But it isn't that difficult to build it back up if you have a good rapport with your partner.

 

[SissySalina]

Doesn’t the humour spoil the intensity though?

Humor at the right time can intensify the feelings thereby making the bdsm more enjoyable.