Dominatrix Attire

[Jada59]

Here's what I don't get. Doms are usually depicted wearing leather (I do love leather), latex, rubber, catsuits, body suits, etc. And much of the time they are wearing what I would call insufficient footwear. As in platform shoes. Yeah, stilettos are insufficient as well given then one can not stand up, walk around or move in them very well for any length of time but... I can at least see them serving their purpose because of the spiky factor. And they generally wear black If not black then red. Why?

My favorite footwear is comfortable. Ballet shoes if I'm in the house or if I need something more study, then sneakers, combat boots or just a nice pair of flats!

As for clothing, I prefer flowy. I can see why that might not work if one is going to be whipping someone or some such thing, but give me some nice soft pastel colors, especially if I'm about to do something brutal.

Please note that I am not actually a Dom but I have had thoughts of it.

When I took an art class, we referred to drawings and paintings as either hard line or soft line. Hard line having distinct edges and minimal colors. Soft line having more feathery touches and mixed/muted colors/shades. Why are Doms almost always depicted as being so hard line?

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Interesting topic Jada.

A woman in severe leather creates an expectation. I don't think it is necessary if teh woman is confident and self-assured. I actually like a sub in that kind of attire (see below). A Dominatrix as such is expected to dress like that, but change the title. A female Domme, in say a tight leather skirt and a while silk button up blouse with three or four button undone and 3-inch heels fits the bill very well. It seems to me that the stark difference between a Dominatrix and a Male Dom is another aspect of this. If you watch BDSM videos male Doms are mostly wearing n ordinary clothes: golf shirts, jeans, and the ever present Doc Martens (which I have seen some female doms wear also. Docs are practical and sexy).

When I am playing, I guess I am a bad dom (warning, stop reading now: this might gross you out). If I am dominating, she is likely wearing something interesting (and fun to take off or accessible while on), and I am naked. A hard-on in jeans is uncomfortable and if I'm playing, I'm hard. It also adds to the play by having me accessible for her attention. (You were warned).

 

[Jada59]

Interesting topic Jada.

A woman in severe leather creates an expectation. I don't think it is necessary if teh woman is confident and self-assured. I actually like a sub in that kind of attire (see below). A Dominatrix as such is expected to dress like that, but change the title. A female Domme, in say a tight leather skirt and a while silk button up blouse with three or four button undone and 3-inch heels fits the bill very well. It seems to me that the stark difference between a Dominatrix and a Male Dom is another aspect of this. If you watch BDSM videos male Doms are mostly wearing n ordinary clothes: golf shirts, jeans, and the ever present Doc Martens (which I have seen some female doms wear also. Docs are practical and sexy).

When I am playing, I guess I am a bad dom (warning, stop reading now: this might gross you out). If I am dominating, she is likely wearing something interesting (and fun to take off or accessible while on), and I am naked. A hard-on in jeans is uncomfortable and if I'm playing, I'm hard. It also adds to the play by having me accessible for her attention. (You were warned).

Hey! Not much puts me off. I have seen naked Doms too.

 

[twister947]

I trust that most of that silliness is costume wear for photo shoots.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

I believe there can be a big difference between what's the stereotype and the actual breadth of human endeavor. Doms/Dommes/PYT can damn well wear whatever they want, the wrapping has nothing to do with what's inside.

That being said, there's benefits in dressing to impress, to fit a stereotype and fulfill expectations. This is true in BDSM as it is in business, in recreation, in whatever segment of human expression you care to name.

The benefits of meeting these expectations is that you're tapping into previously-understood roles. You don't have to explain when you're "in" or "out" of the role - is that guy in business casual picking up that crop to move it out of his way, or is he going to Dom someone? That guy in the Donald Duck T-shirt at the conference table - what the hell's his role in this business meeting?

So, all that being said, the OPPOSITE can be true, too! (We humans are wonderfully complex and confusing beasties!) If you can pull off wearing a Donald Duck T-shirt in a serious business meeting, it implies you're a heavy-hitter and beyond compliance with the expectations. Sure, it'll take more work to get things going, but once they're going the guy in the T-shirt's way, they move faster as no one quite knows how to deal with him. The polite, smiling Dom/me who suddenly goes cold and firm can cause a shock to the system. Or the polite, smiling Dom who keeps a happy grin going while manhandling a sub and providing punishment? Head games. Serious head games.

HOW these stereotypes came to be? I haven't the slightest clue! Sorry about that, anything I got there is pure guesswork, but I'm sure there're people who've looked into it, I haven't spent the time to find 'em.

 

[witchydiana85]

I usually just wear comfortable underwear (if anything at all) when I'm playing domme. Leather's nice and all, but you're also gonna get very sweaty and gross, and sweat plus leather aren't a great combo.

 

[Bluebird369]

Interesting topic Jada.

A woman in severe leather creates an expectation. I don't think it is necessary if teh woman is confident and self-assured. I actually like a sub in that kind of attire (see below). A Dominatrix as such is expected to dress like that, but change the title. A female Domme, in say a tight leather skirt and a while silk button up blouse with three or four button undone and 3-inch heels fits the bill very well. It seems to me that the stark difference between a Dominatrix and a Male Dom is another aspect of this. If you watch BDSM videos male Doms are mostly wearing n ordinary clothes: golf shirts, jeans, and the ever present Doc Martens (which I have seen some female doms wear also. Docs are practical and sexy).

When I am playing, I guess I am a bad dom (warning, stop reading now: this might gross you out). If I am dominating, she is likely wearing something interesting (and fun to take off or accessible while on), and I am naked. A hard-on in jeans is uncomfortable and if I'm playing, I'm hard. It also adds to the play by having me accessible for her attention. (You were warned).

Pictures Please! or it didn't happen!...

 

[jackofthedawn]

I am a submissive who finds the stereotypical dominatrix attire off-putting. I want my dominant partner to feel sexy, and I don't understand how one can feel sexy in uncomfortable clothes.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Here's what I don't get. Doms are usually depicted wearing leather (I do love leather), latex, rubber, catsuits, body suits, etc. And much of the time they are wearing what I would call insufficient footwear. As in platform shoes. Yeah, stilettos are insufficient as well given then one can not stand up, walk around or move in them very well for any length of time but... I can at least see them serving their purpose because of the spiky factor. And they generally wear black If not black then red. Why?

It's hard pinning down why any particular fashion emerges, but some considerations:

A lot of the classical fetish material, stuff like this, was created by men and primarily for men. So considerations of practicality and comfort were not exactly high priorities, and even the "dominatrices" were being drawn primarily for the sake of male arousal. Modern fetishwear is heavily influenced by that, and also by gay leather culture.

Platforms/stilettos make women taller, which is often associated with dominance. Especially by people who've never encountered small fierce women. (Stilettos are also good for inflicting pain.)

It's easier to dye stuff black than white, and white stains/shows dirt very easily.

Black and red are commonly associated with pain, blood, and gothic menace.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Doms/Dommes/PYT can damn well wear whatever they want, the wrapping has nothing to do with what's inside.

Thiiiiiis.

I'm dressing for me, not for him.

 

[theslutbunny]

Thiiiiiis.

I'm dressing for me, not for him.

Fuck off. Of course you're dressing for him. The whole idea of sexy clothing is a bit of patriarchal bullshit, anyway. If you enjoy it, great; if not, wear nothing (or whatever else you want), but don't pretend ill-fitting leather is something you're into.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Fuck off. Of course you're dressing for him. The whole idea of sexy clothing is a bit of patriarchal bullshit, anyway. If you enjoy it, great; if not, wear nothing (or whatever else you want), but don't pretend ill-fitting leather is something you're into.

Yeah, yeah, we get it. You’re irreverent.
Go pee in someone else’s Cheerios.

 

[puppett]

why does it have to be ill fitting. i am a sub, but i have leather skirts dresses, pants... even a corset and all of it fits and looks good. i usually mix the leather with softer fabrics...

heck i even wear lingerie, and like it...
and shoes... i have lots of heels most are 4-5 inch but i have one thats 5.5, that one is too much for comfort.

 

[theslutbunny]

Yeah, yeah, we get it. You’re irreverent.
Go pee in someone else’s Cheerios.

You could've chosen not to respond and I wouldn't have come back, AlwaysForgettable.

 

[AlwaysFara]

You could've chosen not to respond and I wouldn't have come back, AlwaysForgettable.

Yet here you are, remembering...

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

^5



...

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

I'm going to go out n a limb and say that Jada posed an interesting question looking for a range of opinions. Some of those opinions may be in conflict with others. We should he able to disagree without being disagreeable. If Honey says that she dresses for herself, cool. She didn't say everyone necessarily does that. And if she did, that's an opinion open to civil debate.

You don't start an exchange of ideas with "fuck off" .

Fuck off.

 

[twister947]

Wow.
Adults only.

 

[AlexBailey]

Well fuck me!

I love seeing a femme form in leather and harness, just looking at pictures or even imagining it can be a big turn on. Being topped by such a beauty who plays with control and denial, “don’t look at me you worm...” can have a more titillating feel than with a Dom in drabs, but then I have a fetish for such attire.

Being tied and blindfolded but able to hear heals clicking on a hard floor, hearing the creaking of a stiff leather bodysuit or a harness, a jingle of buckles or the smell of leather and pheromones!

Whew!

 

[Bramblethorn]

Thiiiiiis.

I'm dressing for me, not for him.

Fuck off. Of course you're dressing for him. The whole idea of sexy clothing is a bit of patriarchal bullshit, anyway. If you enjoy it, great; if not, wear nothing (or whatever else you want), but don't pretend ill-fitting leather is something you're into.

I've been having a fantasy about being collared and leashed lately. Speaking purely for myself, I think I look good with a collar.

*scratches head* I'm a little confused now about whether people are or aren't allowed to dress for their own pleasure.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

*scratches head* I'm a little confused now about whether people are or aren't allowed to dress for their own pleasure.

Offhand, I'd say it was "essential" to be dressed (or undressed) for your own pleasure when giving and receiving pleasure. Just my $0.02.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Fuck off. Of course you're dressing for him. The whole idea of sexy clothing is a bit of patriarchal bullshit, anyway. If you enjoy it, great; if not, wear nothing (or whatever else you want), but don't pretend ill-fitting leather is something you're into.

It's not. Neither are stilettos. Neither is latex, et al.

That's why I said that I was dressing for myself, not for him.

We good now?

 

[Jada59]

I trust that most of that silliness is costume wear for photo shoots.

Ahhh... That could be!

 

[Jada59]

I believe there can be a big difference between what's the stereotype and the actual breadth of human endeavor. Doms/Dommes/PYT can damn well wear whatever they want, the wrapping has nothing to do with what's inside.

That being said, there's benefits in dressing to impress, to fit a stereotype and fulfill expectations. This is true in BDSM as it is in business, in recreation, in whatever segment of human expression you care to name.

The benefits of meeting these expectations is that you're tapping into previously-understood roles. You don't have to explain when you're "in" or "out" of the role - is that guy in business casual picking up that crop to move it out of his way, or is he going to Dom someone? That guy in the Donald Duck T-shirt at the conference table - what the hell's his role in this business meeting?

So, all that being said, the OPPOSITE can be true, too! (We humans are wonderfully complex and confusing beasties!) If you can pull off wearing a Donald Duck T-shirt in a serious business meeting, it implies you're a heavy-hitter and beyond compliance with the expectations. Sure, it'll take more work to get things going, but once they're going the guy in the T-shirt's way, they move faster as no one quite knows how to deal with him. The polite, smiling Dom/me who suddenly goes cold and firm can cause a shock to the system. Or the polite, smiling Dom who keeps a happy grin going while manhandling a sub and providing punishment? Head games. Serious head games.

HOW these stereotypes came to be? I haven't the slightest clue! Sorry about that, anything I got there is pure guesswork, but I'm sure there're people who've looked into it, I haven't spent the time to find 'em.

Thanks for your thoughts!

 

[Jada59]

I usually just wear comfortable underwear (if anything at all) when I'm playing domme. Leather's nice and all, but you're also gonna get very sweaty and gross, and sweat plus leather aren't a great combo.

True.