Sexless Marriages

[Vitriolhack]

You are strong CCS!

My wife keeps me on a teeter-totter. 1 week I think everything is great, the next I think I am best sleeping in another room. Talking sometimes works, but mostly ends up with her escalating any topic to an argument.

Just this morning, I asked if she would ever wear neglige' for me again. Short answer, likely not, even though she has a dynamite body. She said it is just something else for me to check off on my "not anymore" list.

I so understand how you feel. To me, it’s the innocuous resentful statement that gets blurred out that makes me cringe. I loose all sexual appetite and become angry for reasons I cannot fully understand.

Hang in there Goblin.

 

[ccs29745]

You are strong CCS!

My wife keeps me on a teeter-totter. 1 week I think everything is great, the next I think I am best sleeping in another room. Talking sometimes works, but mostly ends up with her escalating any topic to an argument.

Just this morning, I asked if she would ever wear neglige' for me again. Short answer, likely not, even though she has a dynamite body. She said it is just something else for me to check off on my "not anymore" list.

Not sure im strong or stubborn.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

I so understand how you feel. To me, it’s the innocuous resentful statement that gets blurred out that makes me cringe. I loose all sexual appetite and become angry for reasons I cannot fully understand.

Hang in there Goblin.

yup, that's what i get - spiteful, mean, demeaning statements blurted out now and then while an hour later it is laughing and doing whatever. I can't take the back and forth and the lack of sex just drives the wedge deeper...

 

[ccs29745]

yup, that's what i get - spiteful, mean, demeaning statements blurted out now and then while an hour later it is laughing and doing whatever. I can't take the back and forth and the lack of sex just drives the wedge deeper...

Wife like that some days. Throwing me out one moment then wanting to talk next. Rollercoaster rides everyday seems like.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

I so understand how you feel. To me, it’s the innocuous resentful statement that gets blurred out that makes me cringe. I loose all sexual appetite and become angry for reasons I cannot fully understand.

Hang in there Goblin.

This stands for me too.

Here it’s the total indifference and the silence that gets to me. We are friends, but conversation is minimal, there’s a lot of resentment on both sides, he’s very quick to anger, I have just about lost the will to even make the effort to kiss him when he leaves and returns. There’s no sexual desire on my side and apparently none on his either.

There’s just nothing left but resentment, some anger and it’s like we’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. But neither of us is quite ready to push it off the shoe rack yet!

Tonight he was just ‘off’ for an hour or more and I wasn’t sure if we were about to have it out, but he never escalated. I’m not sure he cares and I do but my need for an actual ‘life’ is winning steadily.

 

[ccs29745]

This stands for me too.

Here it’s the total indifference and the silence that gets to me. We are friends, but conversation is minimal, there’s a lot of resentment on both sides, he’s very quick to anger, I have just about lost the will to even make the effort to kiss him when he leaves and returns. There’s no sexual desire on my side and apparently none on his either.

There’s just nothing left but resentment, some anger and it’s like we’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. But neither of us is quite ready to push it off the shoe rack yet!

Tonight he was just ‘off’ for an hour or more and I wasn’t sure if we were about to have it out, but he never escalated. I’m not sure he cares and I do but my need for an actual ‘life’ is winning steadily.

Need to go to a boxing center. Have it out in ring. Just don't tell anyone you put a metal plate in you gloves and when you knock him out, tell him he owes you least 4 fucks a week anyway you want it. Lol

 

[DDBustyBrit]

Need to go to a boxing center. Have it out in ring. Just don't tell anyone you put a metal plate in you gloves and when you knock him out, tell him he owes you least 4 fucks a week anyway you want it. Lol

Yeh the problem is, I don’t want it from him!!

But I box most days

 

[asian2015]

I hope this is not taken the wrong way. I'm single, but I see/hear/read so many instances where the relationship/marriage is sexless. I understand sex is not the only factor in a relationship, though I think it is (should be) an important factor.

May I ask why most still stay in the relationship/marriage then?
As I said at the on-set, I hope this is not taken the wrong way.

 

[gentold]

I hope this is not taken the wrong way. I'm single, but I see/hear/read so many instances where the relationship/marriage is sexless. I understand sex is not the only factor in a relationship, though I think it is (should be) an important factor.

May I ask why most still stay in the relationship/marriage then?
As I said at the on-set, I hope this is not taken the wrong way.

There are many reasons mostly societal or to do with the family .
Kids need to be looked after and that in some cases may happen only if the sham of marriage is maintained .
Low libido in one of the partners could be a big dampener and could 'Set' in at any time .
Your views!

 

[Elite_Goblin]

I hope this is not taken the wrong way. I'm single, but I see/hear/read so many instances where the relationship/marriage is sexless. I understand sex is not the only factor in a relationship, though I think it is (should be) an important factor.

May I ask why most still stay in the relationship/marriage then?
As I said at the on-set, I hope this is not taken the wrong way.

A needy child.

 

[KPaulNeilson]

I hope this is not taken the wrong way. I'm single, but I see/hear/read so many instances where the relationship/marriage is sexless. I understand sex is not the only factor in a relationship, though I think it is (should be) an important factor.

May I ask why most still stay in the relationship/marriage then?
As I said at the on-set, I hope this is not taken the wrong way.

In my case it's just sexless. Every other aspect is very good and I am happy being with her. Very
She just happens to not care for sex. While sex is important, it's not the only thing.
We've talked about it and I mentioned the result earlier (a lot earlier). We'll see how things go.

 

[TTawhere]

I hope this is not taken the wrong way. I'm single, but I see/hear/read so many instances where the relationship/marriage is sexless. I understand sex is not the only factor in a relationship, though I think it is (should be) an important factor.

May I ask why most still stay in the relationship/marriage then?
As I said at the on-set, I hope this is not taken the wrong way.

Sex is just one facet of our marriage. It is an important factor as you say.

We still share love and a degree of intimacy. She's still the woman that I love and married. Her health issues are the reason we are sexless and I cannot conceive of throwing our relationship away for something that is beyond her control. We have children together whom we love, we have family whom we love and care about. We have plans for the future. We have other more practical entanglements related to property and finances. I cannot see ripping all of that to shreds over sex alone.

With that said, I understand her perspective and can't see spending the rest of my life as a monk, which is what she would have me do.

That's just my perspective. YMMV.

 

[Mtnmike]

Sex is just one facet of our marriage. It is an important factor as you say.

We still share love and a degree of intimacy. She's still the woman that I love and married. Her health issues are the reason we are sexless and I cannot conceive of throwing our relationship away for something that is beyond her control. We have children together whom we love, we have family whom we love and care about. We have plans for the future. We have other more practical entanglements related to property and finances. I cannot see ripping all of that to shreds over sex alone.

With that said, I understand her perspective and can't see spending the rest of my life as a monk, which is what she would have me do.

That's just my perspective. YMMV.

Very well said, my situation to a T.

 

[ccs29745]

I hope this is not taken the wrong way. I'm single, but I see/hear/read so many instances where the relationship/marriage is sexless. I understand sex is not the only factor in a relationship, though I think it is (should be) an important factor.

May I ask why most still stay in the relationship/marriage then?
As I said at the on-set, I hope this is not taken the wrong way.

Can't afford to be on my own plus have a 5 year old I don't see much as is.

 

[ccs29745]

Yeh the problem is, I don’t want it from him!!

But I box most days

Ok, you win, he pays for your trip trip Canada

 

[DDBustyBrit]

I hope this is not taken the wrong way. I'm single, but I see/hear/read so many instances where the relationship/marriage is sexless. I understand sex is not the only factor in a relationship, though I think it is (should be) an important factor.

May I ask why most still stay in the relationship/marriage then?
As I said at the on-set, I hope this is not taken the wrong way.

Good question to ask as a single person and happy to answer.

We are still friends and generally I have been happy and had a full life here. I also didn’t expect to get to totally sexless but now I am.

So I have only recently decided I can’t stay like this for the rest of my life. What’s kept me here until now is a generally good and happy life, in a home I love and with financial comfort. Plus I’ve been Divorced once and I really did not want to have to entertain another, and a potential third marriage!! Not happy about that and never wanted or expected to end up there potentially.

One thing is certain, if I ever do marry again, I’m going to be very sure before I go there! Because husband #4 will not be happening!

My advice to you is be very sure, take your time, and if you have any doubts do not marry that person. Plus assume the sex will drop off and be less adventurous the longer the marriage, with some rare exceptions it seems. So make sure you have a great sex life before you marry!

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Sex is just one facet of our marriage. It is an important factor as you say.

We still share love and a degree of intimacy. She's still the woman that I love and married. Her health issues are the reason we are sexless and I cannot conceive of throwing our relationship away for something that is beyond her control. We have children together whom we love, we have family whom we love and care about. We have plans for the future. We have other more practical entanglements related to property and finances. I cannot see ripping all of that to shreds over sex alone.

With that said, I understand her perspective and can't see spending the rest of my life as a monk, which is what she would have me do.

That's just my perspective. YMMV.

similar situation, though also a personality that adds to the challenges and makes me not really desire her sexually. But there are so many other aspects of our relationship that are quite positive and our lives are so deeply entangled.

Early on I was willing to have affairs which made it easier coping with the negative aspects of our relationship. But I let that take over my life, it was addictive and destructive, so I stopped...

 

[Lost_Yonder]

I should add that it was really a number of different people on Lit who became close virtual friends that also helped cope with the marriage. Without Lit, it would have been tough. There are truly some pretty amazing people flitting around the boards - a few assholes too, but most are quire decent and caring.

 

[TTawhere]

Good question to ask as a single person and happy to answer.

We are still friends and generally I have been happy and had a full life here. I also didn’t expect to get to totally sexless but now I am.

So I have only recently decided I can’t stay like this for the rest of my life. What’s kept me here until now is a generally good and happy life, in a home I love and with financial comfort. Plus I’ve been Divorced once and I really did not want to have to entertain another, and a potential third marriage!! Not happy about that and never wanted or expected to end up there potentially.

One thing is certain, if I ever do marry again, I’m going to be very sure before I go there! Because husband #4 will not be happening!

My advice to you is be very sure, take your time, and if you have any doubts do not marry that person. Plus assume the sex will drop off and be less adventurous the longer the marriage, with some rare exceptions it seems. So make sure you have a great sex life before you marry!

Third time is the charm?

 

[DDBustyBrit]

Third time is the charm?

I may just cohabit and become a strident feminist who refuses to be tied to another man or take his name!

 

[ccs29745]

I may just cohabit and become a strident feminist who refuses to be tied to another man or take his name!

Got a coworker like that. 12 years together, yet never married

 

[Mtnmike]

I may just cohabit and become a strident feminist who refuses to be tied to another man or take his name!

My feelings exactly, if and when I get out of this one, there will never ever be another marriage !!!

 

[asian2015]

Thanks to those who replied! As I figured, usually its either kids or that they are happy in other facets of the relationship.

and while health-affected-libido is not something that they be held responsible, what happens to the needs of the partner?
I've had a few chats with a guy who is in this exact situation, he seems a pretty nice guy, they're not married, but live together. I think he is beginning to feel that he does not want to live this way forever, and he's tried to talk to her (which just results in her crying, then the conversation is forgotten), at the same time, he seems reluctant (maybe afraid?) to push the matter or take the next step (whatever it might be).

To those who have mentioned that you don't see a life as a monk, whats your next step?

Note: If this is not acceptable for this thread, those who might want to send some thoughts - feel free to send me a PM.

Hugs to all of you for sticking-on in your relationship!

 

[TTawhere]

Thanks to those who replied! As I figured, usually its either kids or that they are happy in other facets of the relationship.

and while health-affected-libido is not something that they be held responsible, what happens to the needs of the partner?

Really depends on the couple. Is the partner who is affected willing to have an open relationship? Is there still some sexual act left for the two of them that allows for some sort of satisfaction for both?

I've had a few chats with a guy who is in this exact situation, he seems a pretty nice guy, they're not married, but live together. I think he is beginning to feel that he does not want to live this way forever, and he's tried to talk to her (which just results in her crying, then the conversation is forgotten), at the same time, he seems reluctant (maybe afraid?) to push the matter or take the next step (whatever it might be).

That's a hard decision - particularly if he loves her and is committed to her. The marital status doesn't really matter here. A couple is a couple.

To those who have mentioned that you don't see a life as a monk, whats your next step?

For me, personally? I'm too young just to say that I'm done with my sex life. I can't see it. At this point, I'm looking for a woman in a similar situation who is fairly close to me geographically that is looking for the same things. The trick is how to find such a person within the constraints of societal "norms" and keeping things under wraps. Not easy.

I don't want to hurt my spouse or anyone else. Figuring all of that out is tricky.

Hugs to all of you for sticking-on in your relationship!

Thank you.

 

[asian2015]

Really depends on the couple. Is the partner who is affected willing to have an open relationship? Is there still some sexual act left for the two of them that allows for some sort of satisfaction for both?

==> Nope, there is none.


That's a hard decision - particularly if he loves her and is committed to her. The marital status doesn't really matter here. A couple is a couple.

==> He's not happy though...


For me, personally? I'm too young just to say that I'm done with my sex life. I can't see it. At this point, I'm looking for a woman in a similar situation who is fairly close to me geographically that is looking for the same things. The trick is how to find such a person within the constraints of societal "norms" and keeping things under wraps. Not easy.

I don't want to hurt my spouse or anyone else. Figuring all of that out is tricky.

==> Perhaps finding someone else in an exact situation might help, otherwise, I'd say an affair would end up hurting one or all parties involved. Even if its just sex, is it fair to the other woman?