Masculine and Feminine Energy

[Jada59]

I found this Australian dating coach online who is hot as hell! I've been watching his videos. Not necessarily to get his advice but because I love to look at him and hear him. Heh! He had a guest on who was talking about masculine and feminine energy. I joined a private group that she helps coach but... I can't get into this stuff! According to these coaches, unless I embrace and stay in my feminine energy, I won't appeal to men. I don't seem to have a problem finding men. But...

I seem to be more in my masculine energy most of the time. I was talking to a guy who knows me pretty well and he agrees with me. He did point out a few things he sees as my flaws that I should work on, and he's spot on there. But... He told me I shouldn't change because how I am, is working for me.

Here is a list but it's aimed at men:

https://attractionlab.com/sub-topic/masculine-vs-feminine-traits/

This site is aimed at women:

https://katarinaphang.com/what-is-feminine-energy/

The more I read, the more confused I get! Supposedly, we women are not supposed to message men, ever. We should not ask them out. We should not suggest places to go on a date. We should only want a committed relationship. Never FWB and never sex before commitment.

Ohhh... I can't. I just can't. I am always trying to work on myself and do better. Particularly in the listening and communication dept. I know I'm not a feminist and hate that word. But I am for equality.

Thoughts on this? Thanks!

 

[Feshta]

This is just my opinion, but no.

There are so many different personality types out there that you’ll be a perfect fit for some and a totally wrong fit for others. Be who you are because you can’t be anyone else, they’re already taken.

Confirming to stereotypes is just like living in a dictatorship. Fuck those who set the stereotypes! Just live life to your own standards. As long as you’re not hurting anyone who cares.

Again, just my opinion.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

I agree with above.

Men cannot get massages? That bites?

Be at peace with yourself, and things will be how they should.

(That is what I tell myself, anyway. )

 

[Twitche]

No, just, no

Frankly, someone had best not put me in a box. One thing I have learned from these many decades on this earth is that no one should tell me how to express myself. My DH and I compliment each other. I tend to have more “masculine” personality qualities. Some of the more important places DH is more feminine. He is the sentimental, sensitive one and even tempered. I tend to be more aggressive, logical, hot-headed and outgoing. We tend to meet in the middle on a lot of other qualities and also switch at times.

My teen daughter has been reading a whole lot of feminist books lately. Younger generations tend to look at ‘feminism’ differently. Unfortunately, the word has been given an ugly definition by opponents. The need or desire for equality hasn’t gone anywhere. The next generation will have to coin a new word for this effort. There is zero wrong with feminism, just in how those beliefs are executed in real life. Sort of like conservative religious values. Nothing wrong with conservative values until they start controlling aspect of your life instead of guiding them.

Anyway, maybe the only take away from their information is that you might attract more men if your behavior falls into an expected pattern men are looking for. In the end do you want a guy who is expecting all these qualities? I don’t know what I would do if my husband expected a quiet and submissive wife. It would drive me mad. He told me the other day that my drive and independence is one of the things he loves about me - “I love that you don’t take shit from anyone”

 

[dashie33]

Also chiming in to agree with what everyone else has said; everything is a spectrum, and no one is 100% meant to be one thing or the other.

 

[Jada59]

Just no! I know I am not the one most would really like an opinion on this from, but I love it when women are equals, like taking the initiative to ask me out, say what they would like.
Maybe it’s a generational thing...but I’m just not into the idea of women having to quietly wait for others to make the move!

Thanks!

 

[Jada59]

This is just my opinion, but no.

There are so many different personality types out there that you’ll be a perfect fit for some and a totally wrong fit for others. Be who you are because you can’t be anyone else, they’re already taken.

Confirming to stereotypes is just like living in a dictatorship. Fuck those who set the stereotypes! Just live life to your own standards. As long as you’re not hurting anyone who cares.

Again, just my opinion.

Thank you!

 

[Jada59]

I agree with above.

Men cannot get massages? That bites?

Be at peace with yourself, and things will be how they should.

(That is what I tell myself, anyway. )

Thanks!

 

[Jada59]

Frankly, someone had best not put me in a box. One thing I have learned from these many decades on this earth is that no one should tell me how to express myself. My DH and I compliment each other. I tend to have more “masculine” personality qualities. Some of the more important places DH is more feminine. He is the sentimental, sensitive one and even tempered. I tend to be more aggressive, logical, hot-headed and outgoing. We tend to meet in the middle on a lot of other qualities and also switch at times.

My teen daughter has been reading a whole lot of feminist books lately. Younger generations tend to look at ‘feminism’ differently. Unfortunately, the word has been given an ugly definition by opponents. The need or desire for equality hasn’t gone anywhere. The next generation will have to coin a new word for this effort. There is zero wrong with feminism, just in how those beliefs are executed in real life. Sort of like conservative religious values. Nothing wrong with conservative values until they start controlling aspect of your life instead of guiding them.

Anyway, maybe the only take away from their information is that you might attract more men if your behavior falls into an expected pattern men are looking for. In the end do you want a guy who is expecting all these qualities? I don’t know what I would do if my husband expected a quiet and submissive wife. It would drive me mad. He told me the other day that my drive and independence is one of the things he loves about me - “I love that you don’t take shit from anyone”

Ha! I don't need to attract more men. I just need to attract the ones more suited to me. I seem to do very well with attracting those that are not suited to me. Still have to figure out what the problem is there.

 

[Jada59]

Also chiming in to agree with what everyone else has said; everything is a spectrum, and no one is 100% meant to be one thing or the other.

Thanks! I know when I take those right brain/left brain quizzes, I always come ou exactly 50% on each. Most people I know lean more one way than the other.

 

[de_valmont]

My 2 cents on this:

* Feminism or gender or inclusiveness is about equal emancipatory behaviour of all sexes.
* Feminine energy is not reserved for women, and masculine energy is not reserved for men. If you have a lot of masculine energy, fine, you are not alone among others having the "female" label on their body and clothes. If those coaches try to make "real women" out of females, and "real men" out of males, that's bullshit. In that case, get away from them and be yourself.
* I never liked a passive woman in my life, I was always attracted by women with a deeply developed strength (not the rough, harsh, aggressive ones), though we always argue a lot, because I am strong deep inside too. Only strong people can do the hard work of relationship, and that's true for all sexes.
* I know my avatar here on Lit is not known for treating women "equal" or subordinate myself under a woman. That's a totally different thing: BDSM is roleplay, real life drama. If we are free to behave like we want, as long as we don't hurt other living beings nor ourselves, a deliberate D/s experience or fantasy is not contradicting our freedom, rather the opposite.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

I agree with de valmont in that if there is indeed such "energies" they are definitely not bounded to particular sexes - each of us probably have both of them and at different times one or the other may flow more forcefully.

Ultimately though, I call bullshit on such new-age nonsense. Rather than getting "in touch" with some fixed notion of who you are supposed to be, based on someone else's idea of "feminine energy" get in touch with you - be you! There are no universal models of who each of us are supposed to be, that is the beauty of humanity...

 

[Jada59]

My 2 cents on this:

* Feminism or gender or inclusiveness is about equal emancipatory behaviour of all sexes.
* Feminine energy is not reserved for women, and masculine energy is not reserved for men. If you have a lot of masculine energy, fine, you are not alone among others having the "female" label on their body and clothes. If those coaches try to make "real women" out of females, and "real men" out of males, that's bullshit. In that case, get away from them and be yourself.
* I never liked a passive woman in my life, I was always attracted by women with a deeply developed strength (not the rough, harsh, aggressive ones), though we always argue a lot, because I am strong deep inside too. Only strong people can do the hard work of relationship, and that's true for all sexes.
* I know my avatar here on Lit is not known for treating women "equal" or subordinate myself under a woman. That's a totally different thing: BDSM is roleplay, real life drama. If we are free to behave like we want, as long as we don't hurt other living beings nor ourselves, a deliberate D/s experience or fantasy is not contradicting our freedom, rather the opposite.

Yes. What you say is true.

I don't think I'm aggressive but I can't be sometimes in bed. I can be imposing though. Not that I would normally do that in a relationship but I use it as I see fit. Such as the time I was approaching a little drive through coffee place. My gardener noticed a guy trying to break in, I just drove up there rapidly, shined my headlights on the guy and gave him a look like I meant business. He fled.

I have done similar to people who approached my house and seemed up to no good.

I do believe I am strong. I have had people say I am too strong. I am working on that. I was raised to believe that I must be able to count on myself because nobody else was going to be there for me. Of course this is not true!

One example is my gardener who lives with me. I initially hired him only to do those tasks I can not. Like a major yard cleanup or cleaning the gutters. The problem came for me when he began doing things that I didn't need him to do. Like taking out the trash, bringing in the groceries or cooking food for me. I sas so used to doing these things myself that it was hard for me to let him do this stuff. Until... I realized that he was getting satisfaction in doing these things fo me! Once I realized that, I became grateful. I know try to thank him and tell him how much I appreciate the things he does.

As for men, I'm not sure that the Alpha male would be right for me. I think I need a guy who has a softer side, at least sometimes.

 

[Jada59]

I agree with de valmont in that if there is indeed such "energies" they are definitely not bounded to particular sexes - each of us probably have both of them and at different times one or the other may flow more forcefully.

Ultimately though, I call bullshit on such new-age nonsense. Rather than getting "in touch" with some fixed notion of who you are supposed to be, based on someone else's idea of "feminine energy" get in touch with you - be you! There are no universal models of who each of us are supposed to be, that is the beauty of humanity...

Thanks! The more posts I read on this group I joined, the more I think it's aimed at clueless young women. It's a private group so I can't really repeat thing word for word but there are things like...

I texted this guy at 5:05. It's 5:15 now. I know he's at work but he hasn't texted me back. Should I dump him?

I checked my BF's phone. He was looking at porn when he went out out town. Could he be cheating on me?

I've known him for three days and we're in a long term relationship.

I make sure to always wit 24 hours before I text him back.

I'm dating a guy in a LDR, but we've never met.

He looked at me a certain way. What does that mean?

On and on like that. It's frustrating to me.

They all use the term "lean back" too. Which to me in a nutshell means... Give him some damned space! I'm not going to message a guy around he clock and I sure don't want him to do that to me but these "feminine energy" people seem to need constant messages from their guy. Eek!

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Thanks! The more posts I read on this group I joined, the more I think it's aimed at clueless young women. It's a private group so I can't really repeat thing word for word but there are things like...

I texted this guy at 5:05. It's 5:15 now. I know he's at work but he hasn't texted me back. Should I dump him?

I checked my BF's phone. He was looking at porn when he went out out town. Could he be cheating on me?

I've known him for three days and we're in a long term relationship.

I make sure to always wit 24 hours before I text him back.

I'm dating a guy in a LDR, but we've never met.

He looked at me a certain way. What does that mean?

On and on like that. It's frustrating to me.

They all use the term "lean back" too. Which to me in a nutshell means... Give him some damned space! I'm not going to message a guy around he clock and I sure don't want him to do that to me but these "feminine energy" people seem to need constant messages from their guy. Eek!

sounds more psychotic than feminine!

Honestly, such notions are driven by psychology, anxiety, and extreme insecurity given our individualized phones and access to internet - which means access to the world, to others, that we can't control or always even be aware of. Thus the need for constant communication is to keep the other distracted enough so they can't be searching for or communicating with others.

I can see no legitimate reason to even be a member of such a group - what motivates you to listen to all of this??? just curious

 

[jharp]

I just glanced at it but from a cursory view a lot of this is on point. I'm going to go against the grain and give a different POV, but I feel it's worth getting a different opinion in order to generate a discussion.

I've noticed that when I'm in my masculine element, (aggressive in pursuit of my goals, decisive, take charge attitude) that women tend to respond very favorably for me. Fuck, even a lot of married women do it to. This is usually subconscious, but it it is there and can and often does influence conscious behavior. And I am certainly no Don Juan DeMarco. I'm fairly attractive and getting back in shape, but Women, even supposed feminist women, tend to respond favorably to a masculine man. It's simple biological programming.

And I've seen many marriages come and go over the years. All the Marriages that ended followed a certain theme, though some more extreme than others. Two met, fell in love and got married. But along the way something happened. It was likely subtle at first but over time it became more pronounced. Husband tried to be 'nice' and treat his wife like an equal and bis best friend. Along the way the attraction and lovers banter and flirting was set aside. Routine set in, communication broke down and sexual frustration set in. And often it's the clueless Hubby who isn't aware its happening until he comes home early to find his wife getting railed out by another man. Or HD comes home to an empty house or divorce papers after his wife says those 4 words a man never wants to hear "We need to talk".

But the wife? Yeah, she's keenly aware of all of this and will act on her feelings. And in today's day and age it's the wife 70% of the time initiating divorce.

A fundamental truth is this. Men and women are not equals. No woman will ever by my equal, and nor will I ever be her eqiual. That may sound sexist but it's not. Its just a fact. Men and women are very different from each other biologically and mentally. We are hardwired differently. And there is nothing wrong with that. But there needs to be respect and communication. Those are key to any relationship.

The Marriages that have survived and are happy also have a common theme. Polarity. Meaning Masculine and Feminine energy and maintaining that polarity throughout the relationship. There is so much more to this but I don't want to go on a tangent on this. But highly suggest anyone here look up the works of Coach Corey Wayne, Donovan Sharpe and Rolo Tomassi. They tell it like it is and don't color their language as they give it to you straight.



Bottom line is not everyone is going to agree with me and that's okay. You do you. And Literotica is very much a crowd that very much buys into feminism and alternative sexual lifestyles and relationships. Hey, if it works for you, great.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

You bring up some good points JHarp. Especially about how peeps change after marriage.

My wife really wanted me to stop my medieval fighting as it did not appeal to her. Yet, this was part of me (the man) that she fell in love with and got married.

I just remind her time to time, that I am who I am. I have not changed much from 20 years ago. Should be no surprises.


Women marry men hoping that they will change. (They do not).
Men marry women hoping they will not change. (they do).
(half joke but funny)

 

[tonydude]

.....

 

[Jada59]

Masculine energy female = awesome.

Have a passing interest in this stuff. From my dating days I wasn't the stereotypical man... why? I'm an emotional feminine energy man, but I'm still a man. Same drive and needs as most men and very attracted to women.

When I was with a feminine energy women then relationships just did not work. Masculine energy female? Now that worked every time.

So all those things they've told you are flaws... are exactly the things that work for men like me.
- Woman who messages first? Wow.
- Women who ask men out? Amazing, shows they really like me.
- Women who suggest places for a date? Perfect. They are clear on what they want.
- Women who don't necessarily want a committed relationship? See above!
- Women who want FWB / sex without commitment? Oh my. Awesome.

So yes there are different energy types... but it's down to finding the right person where you compliment each other. Definitely do not change because there are a lot of men like me out there who think your amazing.

Thanks so much!

 

[Jada59]

You bring up some good points JHarp. Especially about how peeps change after marriage.

My wife really wanted me to stop my medieval fighting as it did not appeal to her. Yet, this was part of me (the man) that she fell in love with and got married.

I just remind her time to time, that I am who I am. I have not changed much from 20 years ago. Should be no surprises.


Women marry men hoping that they will change. (They do not).
Men marry women hoping they will not change. (they do).
(half joke but funny)

Yep! My ex thought I would turn into Suzy Home maker. Nope. I do love to cook. But clean? Ack.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Great topic, Jada!

The opinions you read have limited application. Not all men are alphas, nor do all women want an alpha. Regardless of which energy you are in, find someone who compliments you.

Sounds like you've already figured that out!


As a side note, i think this makes an interesting addition to the conversation about male submission, the stereotype in media being that all dominant women are super masculine and all sub men are feminine. Obviously only true for a certain percentage of those in F/m relationships.

 

[Suburbia]

We believe fully in this masculine feminine energy stuff.

Because we are each others yin yang.

Mrs is pretty masculine Mr pretty feminine.

To look at us you wouldn't know. Mr is stereotypical athletic and attractive and Mrs is stereotypical cheerleader pretty.

But Mrs is a breadwinner and ladder climber and corporately aggressive. Mr is a stay-at-home who nurtures family.

We are perfect for each other and in case you wonder, Mr tops Mrs just the way she likes it.

 

[Jada59]

Thanks for all the responses!

 

[goodsonformom]

Just no! I know I am not the one most would really like an opinion on this from, but I love it when women are equals, like taking the initiative to ask me out, say what they would like.
Maybe it’s a generational thing...but I’m just not into the idea of women having to quietly wait for others to make the move!

I agree. I love strong women, not dominating women per say.....strong confident girls and women who make choices and go for it. Who love themselves and don't doubt their abilities.......we are equals and men who don't agree are weak, and afraid....