Are you in a sexless marriage?

[Jada59]

I was and it sucked the life right out of me.

I did want out but he made it impossible for me to get out. Threats to family and friends, and keeping most of the money for himself in an account I had no access to. Despite the notion that some lawyers will work Pro Bono, they won't for a divorce. At least not anywhere I lived. He finally let me out. What a relief!

But if you are in such a relationship; why do you stay?

 

[CLE4fun]

I am currently. I stay because we're have a life together and I'm hopeful(if naive) that it could get better.

 

[Stillrandy]

I was and it sucked the life right out of me.

I did want out but he made it impossible for me to get out. Threats to family and friends, and keeping most of the money for himself in an account I had no access to. Despite the notion that some lawyers will work Pro Bono, they won't for a divorce. At least not anywhere I lived. He finally let me out. What a relief!

But if you are in such a relationship; why do you stay?

I was in one for many years. Why did I stay: mainly for the sake of the children. There were also church related pressures to stay. Keeping up appearances. Eventually we divorced, but now I see it should have ended much sooner, we would both have been happier. The terms of the divorce were equitable, so I have no leftover concern about that.

Marriage is a tough gig...

 

[Mtnmike]

I was and it sucked the life right out of me.

I did want out but he made it impossible for me to get out. Threats to family and friends, and keeping most of the money for himself in an account I had no access to. Despite the notion that some lawyers will work Pro Bono, they won't for a divorce. At least not anywhere I lived. He finally let me out. What a relief!

But if you are in such a relationship; why do you stay?

Because in this state the law's favor the wife, so I can't really afford to give up most of everything at this late stage of my life

 

[Jada59]

I am currently. I stay because we're have a life together and I'm hopeful(if naive) that it could get better.

That's good!

 

[Jada59]

Because in this state the law's favor the wife, so I can't really afford to give up most of everything at this late stage of my life

That's so sad.

*Hug*

 

[ThaDonger]

Is sex the only thing that makes a marriage? I haven't had sex in...well sometime. We have kids together, we get along. Granted, we rarely spend time together. Kind of evolved into a roommate kind of situation. I care for her tremendously.

Why do I stay? I see my kids everyday, I eat dinner with them and to me that means more than sex.

 

[FL30]

I was and it sucked the life right out of me.

I did want out but he made it impossible for me to get out. Threats to family and friends, and keeping most of the money for himself in an account I had no access to. Despite the notion that some lawyers will work Pro Bono, they won't for a divorce. At least not anywhere I lived. He finally let me out. What a relief!

But if you are in such a relationship; why do you stay?

I'm not in a relationship at the current time but I have several friends that are in very bad ones for various reasons.

It's sad that they stay in them but they all have their reasons.

Unfortunately, about 20 years ago, I had a friend that was extremely unhappy with his marriage (he hated his wife with a passion) and was just waiting till his kids graduated from high school to file for divorce. That never happened as he had a heart attack and died.

So when I hear of people staying in bad relationships, I always think of him and think to myself that they really should do what would make them happy - even if it means getting divorced as life really is to short to not be happy.

 

[Jada59]

I'm not in a relationship at the current time but I have several friends that are in very bad ones for various reasons.

It's sad that they stay in them but they all have their reasons.

Unfortunately, about 20 years ago, I had a friend that was extremely unhappy with his marriage (he hated his wife with a passion) and was just waiting till his kids graduated from high school to file for divorce. That never happened as he had a heart attack and died.

So when I hear of people staying in bad relationships, I always think of him and think to myself that they really should do what would make them happy - even if it means getting divorced as life really is to short to not be happy.

My ex waited like that. It was actually much harder on our daughter that he did that. I have read that the earlier the divorce happens, the better for the kids. She spent the first half of her life listening to us fighting and him showering me with abuse, then the last half with him not here but still trying to control things.

 

[FL30]

My ex waited like that. It was actually much harder on our daughter that he did that. I have read that the earlier the divorce happens, the better for the kids. She spent the first half of her life listening to us fighting and him showering me with abuse, then the last half with him not here but still trying to control things.

My friend didn't try to control her, he just didn't want to have anything to do with her. The only time he was around her was when he had to be or he was around his kids and she was there, too.

 

[FL30]

My friend died at a really early age, too. he was only 48 when he passed away

 

[Jada59]

My friend died at a really early age, too. he was only 48 when he passed away

Sad.

 

[FL30]

Sad.

It was as he was extremely healthy. We called him, "Mighty Mouse" as he was just solid muscle. He got up at 5am every day to go to the gym to work out - every single day. Also ate an extremely healthy diet - no junk food! The worst thing that he did was drink a few beers now and again when the guys would get together.

The saddest part was he had the heart attack at home after leaving the gym and no one was home. He laid in the hallway until his son got home from school that afternoon.

If someone would have been home or even with him, he could have been saved by someone calling 911. He died because he was alone with no one to help him.

 

[Mtnmike]

That's so sad.

*Hug*

Thanks I needed a Hug

 

[L8tnIt]

My marriage has a distinct imbalance when it comes to mine & my wife's libido;
My libido is at an all-time high, where hers has been nearly eliminated. It feels like a Cosmic Harmonic Convergence has to occur to even try and interact on a physically intimate level. And I can honestly say that for the past year, I have had to initiate all such activity. After a while, I start to feel like an over-zealous perv on the verge of Spousal Rape and I try to just rub one out elsewhere just to not go too far. Needless to say, That is not a pleasant state to be in

I do absolutely respect and understand how Life, Reality, Adulting, and Stress has had it's affects. Where I will turn to the physical and emotional connection of Sex as a form of [interactive] Stress Relief; she does not.
But even with such understanding, that doesn't make it any less frustrating *Roars to the Heavens!*

I do absolutely agree with another Litster's posting here that there is more than just Sex in a Marriage, because there is far more to a Marriage than Sex. Sex is a part of Marriage... the part that a lot of us feel has been neglected.

 

[hulmule]

My marriage has a distinct imbalance when it comes to mine & my wife's libido;
My libido is at an all-time high, where hers has been nearly eliminated. It feels like a Cosmic Harmonic Convergence has to occur to even try and interact on a physically intimate level. And I can honestly say that for the past year, I have had to initiate all such activity. After a while, I start to feel like an over-zealous perv on the verge of Spousal Rape and I try to just rub one out elsewhere just to not go too far. Needless to say, That is not a pleasant state to be in

I do absolutely respect and understand how Life, Reality, Adulting, and Stress has had it's affects. Where I will turn to the physical and emotional connection of Sex as a form of [interactive] Stress Relief; she does not.
But even with such understanding, that doesn't make it any less frustrating *Roars to the Heavens!*

I do absolutely agree with another Litster's posting here that there is more than just Sex in a Marriage, because there is far more to a Marriage than Sex. Sex is a part of Marriage... the part that a lot of us feel has been neglected.

Well said..., im in the same way. Wife has depression, takes med which kills her sex drive. Now is in menopause and even worse. But she raised to wonderful sons and is a good person. Im so horny even in a late age. So we have many talks, arguments etc, but im still very lonely. She has no interest in it, so what do you do?? I love to neck, get naked, caress each others bodies... but its just memories from past relationships. Take matters in your own hands but that gets old. Bummer...

 

[Mtnmike]

Well said..., im in the same way. Wife has depression, takes med which kills her sex drive. Now is in menopause and even worse. But she raised to wonderful sons and is a good person. Im so horny even in a late age. So we have many talks, arguments etc, but im still very lonely. She has no interest in it, so what do you do?? I love to neck, get naked, caress each others bodies... but its just memories from past relationships. Take matters in your own hands but that gets old. Bummer...

Pretty much the same for me, been sexless for over 10 years now. About 5 years ago I just quit talking about or begging is a better word and yes jerking off gets old real quick, so much so I very seldom can get an erection w/o visual or vocal stimulation. One reason I'm on Lit, to get away for a little while and get a little of that stimulation. Seems there are quite a few of us out there, if you'd ever like to talk about it, I'm a good listener, you can reach me here.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

MtnMike,

I know you mentioned about giving up everything (due to the state you live in)...but think about the rest of your life. If the kids are out the house, you would lose 50%. Yea, tough. But you gain your life back.

On another note...a strong shock like that may wake up your wife a bit.

 

[Mtnmike]

MtnMike,

I know you mentioned about giving up everything (due to the state you live in)...but think about the rest of your life. If the kids are out the house, you would lose 50%. Yea, tough. But you gain your life back.

On another note...a strong shock like that may wake up your wife a bit.

The kids are grown, had 1 move back after a horrible relationship but she's doing better. Been thinking a lot about this lately just haven't pulled the trigger.

 

[BlkPntyLuvr]

It has been 6 years with no sex as of this month. I stay because we still get along and we have a adult special needs son who I am his care taker. So I stay home and do the house work, cooking cleaning and stuff. She had a hysterectomy 7 years ago and won't take hormones so she has no desire at all. But I do have my shower time

 

[trevorness]

I am getting less and less sex in my marriage. One every few months.

I enjoy her, hanging out, doing things with her. No kids.

But the lack of sex does leave me horny and distracted.

 

[Mtnmike]

I am getting less and less sex in my marriage. One every few months.

I enjoy her, hanging out, doing things with her. No kids.

But the lack of sex does leave me horny and distracted.

Does she recognize there's a problem and is she willing to get help ? If not, I hate to tell you it's going to get worse, a lot worse, till 1 day she will not ever want sex again.

 

[CLE4fun]

I know that my stress levels and general unhappiness aren't good for me in the long run but I'm really trying and i hope that she is also, not just playing along for the time being. I love her and the life we've built together. Sex being removed from the equation really led to a breakdown of our relationship overall. Now we're trying to pick up the pieces, way later than we should have but i can't change the past but i can try to change the future. So i have to try. I don't want to be a 2 time marriage failure.

 

[FL30]

I know that my stress levels and general unhappiness aren't good for me in the long run but I'm really trying and i hope that she is also, not just playing along for the time being. I love her and the life we've built together. Sex being removed from the equation really led to a breakdown of our relationship overall. Now we're trying to pick up the pieces, way later than we should have but i can't change the past but i can try to change the future. So i have to try. I don't want to be a 2 time marriage failure.

There are plenty of people that have gone on to have happier marriages after they've been divorced twice, or three times, or sometimes even 4 times.

it's not a failure. It's just figuring out that something is wrong and it's time to move on.

Everyone fails in life - multiple times.

learning to walk - how many times did you fail that, before you actually learned to walk?

Driving a car, taking a test at school, etc.

We learn from our failures!! It's NOT a failure - it's just learning what works and what doesn't work.

Think about some of our greatest inventions. How many times did those people fail before they learned what actually worked. Think of Edison - 1000 times before he got the light bulb right.

You need to get over the failure mind think and just move on and relearn to be happy again.

 

[Ingwe]

Now we are both approaching 70 and financially, a divorce is out of the question. We are like friends who share a bed. It was my wife who, over twenty years ago, stopped having sex. She accepts it wasn't fair but wouldn't do anything about it. She has said she feels guilty but still changes nothing.
I am no longer prepared to raise the matter and fear that, even if willing, we would never be intimate again.
It has devalued our marriage. I feel angry, hurt and resentful but accept that this aspect of my life is over. I do love my wife but the everall feeling I have is sadness.