Sexless Marriages

[30bandits]

I would advise you to find another willing woman or man to have sex with

are you willing?...

 

[TTawhere]

I appreciate the input but not everyone has a communication problem and talking doesn’t fix everything. Plus I don’t see this as a black and white issue with divorcing or having sex as the only 2 outcomes. There are other factors such as money, kids, etc that factor into these decisions. Life is very complicated for most people.

This. Yes indeed!

For some communication is not the issue. In my looking around, I met a woman whose husband had lost function and desire for a medical reason. She was significantly older than I am, but still had a high drive. No amount of talking was going to fix their issue. Like SWMBO and I, they tried the medical/therapy approach without success. She was unwilling to ask him for an open marriage.

While she and I were not compatible to be partners, we have remained friends who email each other occasionally. Strange the friends you make sometimes.

 

[Yerkiddin]

Years ago, my wife and I had a dry spell for about 5 months and I talked to her about it, she considered giving me permission to find another. Oddly enough, the more she thought about it, the more she got jealous and decided to take it on herself. We had to talk about sex alot - and honestly. Some of the talk was very painful. Over 6 months the open communication, dating eachother again, and scheduled weekly sex led us to fantasies, Lit, and very regular and hotter than ever sex.

I have to keep putting this out there because I want folks to know you can move past it. It is hard, and you need to put in the effort - and if you still love her, its worth it. If she still loves you, she will put in the effort and things may improve, or she will give you permission to look elsewhere. If neither, get a divorce and move on.

Our problem is that neither of us wants another of our gender in the mix. She's never had anyone else, and someone I thought was a friend has asked her to peg him. I've said "yes" to this, as it isn't something I want done to me, but I said "no" to them having dinner at some nice restaurant first, and "no" to him giving her oral afterward. She has told me before that she's ok with other women giving me oral (as if there were an abundance of such offers), but I've never been as into getting oral as I am into giving it.

 

[ccs29745]

Our problem is that neither of us wants another of our gender in the mix. She's never had anyone else, and someone I thought was a friend has asked her to peg him. I've said "yes" to this, as it isn't something I want done to me, but I said "no" to them having dinner at some nice restaurant first, and "no" to him giving her oral afterward. She has told me before that she's ok with other women giving me oral (as if there were an abundance of such offers), but I've never been as into getting oral as I am into giving it.

Always wondered how open marriage would be. Feel like I'm cheating if I was in one I think. With way our schedules go, not much time to do much

 

[curiouschattycouple]

This. Yes indeed!

For some communication is not the issue. In my looking around, I met a woman whose husband had lost function and desire for a medical reason. She was significantly older than I am, but still had a high drive. No amount of talking was going to fix their issue. Like SWMBO and I, they tried the medical/therapy approach without success. She was unwilling to ask him for an open marriage.

While she and I were not compatible to be partners, we have remained friends who email each other occasionally. Strange the friends you make sometimes.

To each their own of course. It is arguable that ethical non-monogamy is preferable to the alternative.

 

[Beachaged]

This. Yes indeed!

For some communication is not the issue. In my looking around, I met a woman whose husband had lost function and desire for a medical reason. She was significantly older than I am, but still had a high drive. No amount of talking was going to fix their issue. Like SWMBO and I, they tried the medical/therapy approach without success. She was unwilling to ask him for an open marriage.

While she and I were not compatible to be partners, we have remained friends who email each other occasionally. Strange the friends you make sometimes.

How well did you know her before she told you about her sex life. I feel there are many of us in the same situation and don’t even know it.

 

[TTawhere]

How well did you know her before she told you about her sex life. I feel there are many of us in the same situation and don’t even know it.

Not very well, really. Was one of the first topics of our discussion, however.

 

[TTawhere]

To each their own of course. It is arguable that ethical non-monogamy is preferable to the alternative.

True. It is a choice, and a very personal one.

People will debate the “ethical” part till the cows come home, ‘tho.

 

[maxlow999]

I have been in a nearly sexless marriage for longer than I wish to remember. It is not because we haven't tried tho. I have a high sex drive and my wife doesn't. We have tried roleplaying, fantasies etc,. She has very low self-esteem. I have tried throughout the years to boost her confidence to no avail. We have tried but are just tired of trying. Literotica has been a long time FWB.

 

[Polranny]

I have been in a nearly sexless marriage for longer than I wish to remember. It is not because we haven't tried tho. I have a high sex drive and my wife doesn't. We have tried roleplaying, fantasies etc,. She has very low self-esteem. I have tried throughout the years to boost her confidence to no avail. We have tried but are just tired of trying. Literotica has been a long time FWB.

Nearly sexless isn't nearly as bad as sexless but I'm sure it's nearly as frustrating

 

[ccs29745]

Nearly sexless isn't nearly as bad as sexless but I'm sure it's nearly as frustrating

Second the notion. Sexless sucks

 

[photobuff56]

I would advise you to find another willing woman or man to have sex with

I did just that, other men and it's a turn on, but not always easy to find the right guys or time schedule.

 

[KPaulNeilson]

Relatively new to the forums but this thread hits a deep spot hard, especially the roommate comment.

Question for the group. Does it add to the... frustration (?) when you have a lot of female friends and coworkers who, to them, you're just the safe, "good-friend" type?. They hug and share incredibly intimate details of their sex lives because you might as well be the gay-best-friend?

 

[ccs29745]

Relatively new to the forums but this thread hits a deep spot hard, especially the roommate comment.

Question for the group. Does it add to the... frustration (?) when you have a lot of female friends and coworkers who, to them, you're just the safe, "good-friend" type?. They hug and share incredibly intimate details of their sex lives because you might as well be the gay-best-friend?

Adds frustration cause some of the ladies are closer friends than others and knowing wife is jealous sometimes about couple of them. A few of them wouldn't mind doing something.

That ever feeling of having hawk watching you

 

[550guy]

While I guess once a week is far from sexless , my wife is only in the mood about half or less of it. When she has sex with me just so I won't complain , it's almost worse then not having sex.

When we were first living together 3-4 times a week was the norm , variety of acts/positions . Now (22+ years later) we have our script, and we rarely deviate. Same time of day , same place, same thing . Always late at night when we are both tired ( kids asleep ) .

Occasionally she switches it up by giving me a BJ ( usually when she's not in the mood ) . It usually takes my forever to get off if I know she's just trying to get it over as quickly as possible. I have to imagine other things so I can .

I have not been able to give her oral in almost a year. A few years ago she actually requested it after a 2 year or so drought . She seemed to really enjoy it .

I'm still VERY attracted to her .

Sounds like some guys have it MUCH worse then my and I shouldn't complain , but still I'm not as happy as I want to be.

 

[Armyguy85]

Definitely

30yo here and my wife and I haven’t had sex in almost a year. I am constantly horny and have to resort to masturbating 4-5 times a day

 

[KPaulNeilson]

Better or Worse

Is it better or worse if she gives in once a month but it's less than vanilla, like a chore she has to get through?

 

[Polranny]

Is it better or worse if she gives in once a month but it's less than vanilla, like a chore she has to get through?

Seek pastures new, go for a different flavour . It's easy for me to say though

 

[ccs29745]

Is it better or worse if she gives in once a month but it's less than vanilla, like a chore she has to get through?

Could try changing it up some. Surprise her with different position.

 

[The Next Big Star]

39/Male. Been married for 11 years and sex happens about once every 4-6 weeks. And when it does, it's boring and vanilla.

 

[TTawhere]

39/Male. Been married for 11 years and sex happens about once every 4-6 weeks. And when it does, it's boring and vanilla.

Sounds like you have the opportunity, but need to figure out what you want together. Does she want something different than you do?

 

[ccs29745]

Sounds like you have the opportunity, but need to figure out what you want together. Does she want something different than you do?

Think I'll try that. See if she wants to try different position or something. Trying to be optimistic.

 

[TTawhere]

Think I'll try that. See if she wants to try different position or something. Trying to be optimistic.

It takes two to tango...

The best sex is all in your head - and her’s. If you can use the discussion about what she wants to build the excitement in the both of you that’s a good start - particularly if she’s excited enough to carry through. Then when bringing those wants to life, it reinforces things.

 

[DanbyDrive]

While I guess once a week is far from sexless , my wife is only in the mood about half or less of it. When she has sex with me just so I won't complain , it's almost worse then not having sex.

When we were first living together 3-4 times a week was the norm , variety of acts/positions . Now (22+ years later) we have our script, and we rarely deviate. Same time of day , same place, same thing . Always late at night when we are both tired ( kids asleep ) .

Occasionally she switches it up by giving me a BJ ( usually when she's not in the mood ) . It usually takes my forever to get off if I know she's just trying to get it over as quickly as possible. I have to imagine other things so I can .

I have not been able to give her oral in almost a year. A few years ago she actually requested it after a 2 year or so drought . She seemed to really enjoy it .

I'm still VERY attracted to her.

It seems I want her much more than she wants me. We used to have good sex, even experimental at times. But, no more. When I bring it up (carefully), I get the stock reply, "It's not you. It's me. You're not doing anything wrong. I just don't really want to do it anymore. I'm tired and depressed half the time and it just doesn't sound good to me. I'm sorry, darling."

Any attempt to push it further can (and has) led to hurt feelings, tears, etc.

I'm stuck in sexual limbo.

 

[10169kek]

I have been in a nearly sexless marriage for longer than I wish to remember. It is not because we haven't tried tho. I have a high sex drive and my wife doesn't. We have tried roleplaying, fantasies etc,. She has very low self-esteem. I have tried throughout the years to boost her confidence to no avail. We have tried but are just tired of trying. Literotica has been a long time FWB.

At least yours is willing to try, mine told me in 2012 that "I have not interest, no desire, handle it". She's unwilling to discuss it and when pushed says "It's all me" (Meaning her). I'm still a horny dude at 63.