ghosting is …..

[lonely_hubby60]

… one of the most heinous crimes committable in Lit-like environments. That's the way I see it, anyway. One reason for that: the cowardice of the perpetrator, and reason #2: the immense damage that can be inflicted by a ghoster. What makes this particular crime even worse: (s)he who is more sensitive than average, will suffer more than callous "ghostees" do. I would not wish getting ghosted on my worst enemy.

Any social media site worth its salt ought to run active anti-ghosting programs, IMHO. Like a threat of permanently banning from the site, any member who maliciously ghosts another one. But no such luck on Literotica; here the only banning that takes place, hits heretics, or members accused of violating Lit's taboo rules. Mind you: being accused of by dried up spinsters is sufficient, a proof is not required.

OK, since no remedy is available to victims usually, I see only very few measures that can be taken. Grinning and bearing is one of them, and the other one is a feeling of relief for having gotten rid of the ghoster. Even if it did not happen voluntarily, the recreant coward is gone from one's life, and one is better off without her or him. Cowards usually have other character flaws as well, and the sooner one of them disappears from one's life, the better off one is.

Another possibility – but it is only so in theory I guess – would be a kind of association of ghostees here on Lit. A self-help group, with features for telling others "I was ghosted for this" or "for that", providing kindred souls countless opportunities for consoling fellow sufferers.

But I suppose the most effective weapon against feeling misery from being ghosted, could come from positive thinking. How about cutting the concept of "opportunity cost" (from the field of investing) and pasting it onto one's internal pin board. When I think about all the other women I can now meet, I'd be a fool crying over that coward I was associated with for so long.

I wonder whether anyone feels like chiming in on a subject most likely familiar to many of us here.

 

[lacandy]

In my world when it happens I create a story about how they must have been in a horrible accident that left them with great memory loss. Just helps with the ego

 

[Smoothshavendad]

In my world when it happens I create a story about how they must have been in a horrible accident that left them with great memory loss. Just helps with the ego

Love this, LA!

 

[Stillrandy]

I am afraid it goes with the territory. One way I console myself is to imagine that the conversation I had with a lady who disappears on me must have resulted in her having a very satisfying orgasm and she is too overwhelmed to continue.

 

[Chris_Michael]

That’s pure insanity to think ghosting should be a ban-worthy offense.

Maybe they just didn’t feel like talking to you, but your overreaction freaked them out enough to make them too uncomfortable to let you down easily. Because let’s be real, this post doesn’t seem like it’s coming from somebody who handles rejection or break ups reasonably.

 

[lonely_hubby60]

....... Because let’s be real, this post doesn’t seem like it’s coming from somebody who handles rejection or break ups reasonably.

So what's the reason why you feel qualified to join this discussion, Chris?

 

[Chris_Michael]

So what's the reason why you feel qualified to join this discussion, Chris?

My qualifications are:

1. I registered on Lit
2. I felt like it

What is it that makes you feel qualified to control people’s behavior via force and/or fear of being banned?

 

[barefootgirl69]

I have to agree with Chris. Banning someone over ghosting sounds a bit ridiculous, especially when they don't even ban people who stalk you.

We're all adults here. No one has to talk to 'you' (points at each one of us)...and no one is obligated to continue talking, or even explaining why. Do you have the same requirements for your neighbors who say hello one day, but haven't in a week?

It may be they are ill, or found someone more interesting, or are trying to manage the time spent online with their homelife...or was in an accident like LA mentioned or just plain GOT CAUGHT by a SO.

I'm sorry you seem to be hurt by this action, because I've been there, but this is just a thing that happens. How you handle it says just as much about you as their actions say about them.

 

[Chris_Michael]

I have to agree with Chris. Banning someone over ghosting sounds a bit ridiculous, especially when they don't even ban people who stalk you.

We're all adults here. No one has to talk to 'you' (points at each one of us)...and no one is obligated to continue talking, or even explaining why. Do you have the same requirements for your neighbors who say hello one day, but haven't in a week?

It may be they are ill, or found someone more interesting, or are trying to manage the time spent online with their homelife...or was in an accident like LA mentioned or just plain GOT CAUGHT by a SO.

I'm sorry you seem to be hurt by this action, because I've been there, but this is just a thing that happens. How you handle it says just as much about you as their actions say about them.

This.

It’s really important to define ghosting if you’re going to call for policing it. I have ghosted a lot of people, and a lot of people have ghosted me. That said, there are certain people who have claimed I stopped all communication, when in reality, I didn’t think I ghosted them at all.

So, how long do you have to know somebody before it’s considered ghosting? One day? A month? A year? 10 years?

Also, how many days must pass before it’s considered ghosting?

What form of communication is required? Do they have to talk to you via voice?

Finally, how do YOU feel knowing that you’re controlling their life? How selfish are you being by forcing them to talk to you? Are they even really worth it if they truly don’t want to talk to you?

So, just chalk it up to them being a complete piece of shit. Sure, ghosting is awful... but there are many personal demons we’re facing, especially those of us who come to Lit.

 

[ashesatwork]

People make realizations after the fact. you just arent who they wanna talk to.
real life also happens.
sometimes they feel guilty about real life and sometimes they dont.
but to get on with life they move forward.
to someone else or right back to what brought them here.
im guilty of both.

you should just do that too.
either way.

move forward.

 

[seeshelly]

Attention Literotica Users

If your self imagine and emotional stability is dependent on complete strangers that you communicate with on Literotica you may want to consider getting a life.

If you get ghosted remember that other users maybe do have a life. Real life things come up. Computers crash. People take trips or have to move. Relatives come to visit. They feel creeped out by a creep. Stuff happens. People get sick. Some die. Lots of sneaky people on Literotica are playing without their marriage mates knowledge or consent and some get busted. Get the point? There are lots of reasons that things go bump in the night. That is why it is important to have a life.

 

[MidnightRyder007]

People make realizations after the fact. you just arent who they wanna talk to.
real life also happens.
sometimes they feel guilty about real life and sometimes they dont.
but to get on with life they move forward.
to someone else or right back to what brought them here.
im guilty of both.

you should just do that too.
either way.

move forward.

Very true.

 

[Dribble]

There is 3 sides to EVERY story. Yours, theirs and the truth.

 

[Jada59]

I have been ghosted. Sometimes I think I know why. Other times I am clueless.

I have ghosted people. Why? They would *not* leave me alone. I told them repeatedly that we had nothing in common or I wasn't interested or in one case, the guy was just an outright pest. I'd tell him I was busy and I was, but he was messaging me every five minutes! It's not like I went straight to ghosting. I did tell them repeatedly to look elsewhere. But they didn't. So I felt like I had no choice but to ghost.

 

[phil_o]

Is this place haunted!?

Seriously what is ghosting ?

 

[Chris_Michael]

Is this place haunted!?

Seriously what is ghosting ?

It's when somebody you have met stops talking to you completely without warning. And they don't return any of your messages, calls, texts, etc.

Essentially, one day they're there and the next, they're gone forever.

 

[Jada59]

It's when somebody you have met stops talking to you completely without warning. And they don't return any of your messages, calls, texts, etc.

Essentially, one day they're there and the next, they're gone forever.

Doesn't have to be someone you've met. Could be someone you've talked to online.

 

[Chris_Michael]

Doesn't have to be someone you've met. Could be someone you've talked to online.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

 

[phil_o]

Thanks peoples, every day a school day

 

[keith117]

It happens. The first couple of times it happened to me I was pretty hurt. Didn't know what the problem was, just "poof", gone. Now, I just throw it in the ghosting closet, realize it happens, and move in. Just had it happen recently too. We had some great conversations and great banter back and forth, then, gone.
Don't let it get you down.

 

[lonely_hubby60]

It happens. The first couple of times it happened to me I was pretty hurt. Didn't know what the problem was, just "poof", gone. Now, I just throw it in the ghosting closet, realize it happens, and move in. Just had it happen recently too. We had some great conversations and great banter back and forth, then, gone.
Don't let it get you down.

Thanks for your friendly words, Keith. But let me tell you: I am NOT letting it get me down. If you look at my opening post, the entire end of it contained what I find positive about being ghosted.. You and I both have understood, how to deal with the phenomenon.

Unfortunately the joker, who hijacked this thread, made casual readers believe that I am feeling devastated, which is not the case at all. Quite the contrary is true, since one sweet lady sent me a PM full of understanding. But that's what I got from my silly attempt, to pack more than ten different thoughts into one single post. One of the most stupidest ideas of my life, I would say.

I thank you of all the posters here, for recognizing + highlighting the main problem any "ghostee" has to face: not knowing why the ghosting happened in the first place. Something the cowards ought to know, who perpetrate such crimes, I am sure.

 

[WadeNorthman]

In my case I got caught and everything needed to change

 

[keith117]

Thanks for your friendly words, Keith. But let me tell you: I am NOT letting it get me down. If you look at my opening post, the entire end of it contained what I find positive about being ghosted.. You and I both have understood, how to deal with the phenomenon.

Unfortunately the joker, who hijacked this thread, made casual readers believe that I am feeling devastated, which is not the case at all. Quite the contrary is true, since one sweet lady sent me a PM full of understanding. But that's what I got from my silly attempt, to pack more than ten different thoughts into one single post. One of the most stupidest ideas of my life, I would say.

I thank you of all the posters here, for recognizing + highlighting the main problem any "ghostee" has to face: not knowing why the ghosting happened in the first place. Something the cowards ought to know, who perpetrate such crimes, I am sure.

Glad it's not getting you down and good for you! Just know you're not alone.

 

[TooShyGirl]

I'm usually the one that gets ghosted. Probably because I come to these sites and expect to find just normal conversation. Then when I don't talk like that, most just stop talking to me. Which I guess in understandable.
Anyway, that's just my thought.

 

[keith117]

I'm usually the one that gets ghosted. Probably because I come to these sites and expect to find just normal conversation. Then when I don't talk like that, most just stop talking to me. Which I guess in understandable.
Anyway, that's just my thought.

Welcome to the club.