NEED ADVICE: am I being ghosted?

[savethebeebees]

Hey everyone, thanks for being willing to read my post. Let me just get straight into it:

So, my Daddy (not DDLG, I just call him daddy bc I have a kink, thanks) hasn't really been responding to me. The last time I talked to him was during the afternoon of September 24, it's now the night of October 2nd. I completely understand that he has a busy life, in fact I told him it's okay if he doesn't have time to talk to me every day. I have my own life too. So, I've been messaging him about every other day with updates about whats been going on. He's been reading them (according to the read receipts), but he never responds.

He has a family, which is fine with me because this is just an LD relationship. So, again, I can understand him being busy, but if he has a second to read what I'm sending him why can't he just send me a message back saying "hey, got your message. Still really busy."

I just feel stupid, because I know that more than likely he maybe just lost interest, but for some reason, I don't think that's what's happening. I'm literally every person getting catfished on MTV's Catfish ever.

I could use whatever advice you have to share, but please don't be an asshole.

*UPDATE* On the night of October 3rd he finally messaged me back, basically just saying "hey, I'm not ghosting you" and "I think about you often" but "work has been so crazy". He apologized. I forgive him because it wasn't that big of a deal to me in the first place, but at the same time, I just find it a little irritating he couldn't find 30 seconds worth of time in the past 9 days to message me before I started feeling like he was ghosting me. Thank you all for the support + advice. I really hope this doesn't become a trend. I would still like advice about this whole situation even though it's been resolved. Give me your 2 cents.

Thanks,
Erin

 

[twister947]

This sounds familiar...

 

[cookiecat]

Yes. You are being ghosted.

Other alternatives:

He fell and all his fingers are broken.

Someone in his family discovered your text messages and he is on lockdown.

He lost his phone.

But I think it's ghosting.

It sucks. It's wrong. You're exactly right though. If he wanted to communicate, he would. Even if it was - as you said - a quick "thinking of you." It would be that easy.

Let us know if you hear from him and it was truly something else than shitty manners.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Yes, you are most likely being ghosted. While it’s possible he has a legitimate reason for lack of communication, the simple truth is that if he wanted to reply, he would have, even just a quick response. It sucks, and a lot of us have been there. I would encourage you to not continue messaging him.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Sometimes no answer at all is your answer.
I’m sorry.

 

[savethebeebees]

If he wanted to communicate, he would. Even if it was - as you said - a quick "thinking of you." It would be that easy.

Let us know if you hear from him and it was truly something else than shitty manners.

Thanks for responding He's been active today + he read my messages, but he hasn't said anything. I've decided to no longer message him unless he can message me back. However, I did message him before I made this post saying "I know I said I understand that you're busy and I do!!! but if you have a second can you just let me know you're reading my messages and not ghosting me? I hope everything is okay."

So, hopefully, he responds, but if he doesn't then I'll get over it. We've only be talking for like 3 1/2 months.

Erin

 

[savethebeebees]

This sounds familiar...

It sounds like every episode of Catfish ever made.

 

[coffeelover5]

At times the silence can be deafening. It is a sad truth that for whatever reason or for no reason at all people drop off our personal need to comunicate list.

My heart goes out to you....

 

[Bramblethorn]

Thanks for responding He's been active today + he read my messages, but he hasn't said anything. I've decided to no longer message him unless he can message me back. However, I did message him before I made this post saying "I know I said I understand that you're busy and I do!!! but if you have a second can you just let me know you're reading my messages and not ghosting me? I hope everything is okay."

I was going to suggest something like that. I once had a serious misunderstanding with a friend because I thought she was ignoring me; it turned out something was eating her emails before they got to me. It may be that he's ghosting you, but best to ask first.

 

[savethebeebees]

My heart goes out to you....

Thank you

 

[supercollider00]

Sorry to hear that, you deserve better!

 

[Knoturnal]

Hey everyone, thanks for being willing to read my post. Let me just get straight into it:

So, my Daddy (not DDLG, I just call him daddy bc I have a kink, thanks) hasn't really been responding to me. The last time I talked to him was during the afternoon of September 24, it's now the night of October 2nd. I completely understand that he has a busy life, in fact I told him it's okay if he doesn't have time to talk to me every day. I have my own life too. So, I've been messaging him about every other day with updates about whats been going on. He's been reading them (according to the read receipts), but he never responds.

He has a family, which is fine with me because this is just an LD relationship. So, again, I can understand him being busy, but if he has a second to read what I'm sending him why can't he just send me a message back saying "hey, got your message. Still really busy."

I just feel stupid, because I know that more than likely he maybe just lost interest, but for some reason, I don't think that's what's happening. I'm literally every person getting catfished on MTV's Catfish ever.

I could use whatever advice you have to share, but please don't be an asshole.

Thanks,
Erin

You never know exactly whats going on especially if he has a family. Everybody has their own opinion but it would be good if you got some sort of answer even if it wasn't a great one. If least then you would actually have some idea of what he tells you. It would be good to ask instead of thinking he was ghosting you. I hope it all works out for you.

 

[Knoturnal]

Why don't you just send him a short note making sure he's okay? Tell him your worried about him and are just making sure he hasn't been hurt somehow or something else.

 

[KimGordon67]

I recently thought I was being ghosted by a guy I met on Tinder ... multiple messages every day, and then suddenly silence.
After a week or so I messaged saying if he'd lost interest, that was fine but would be nice if he just let me know so I could move on. The response was: "1. Sorry for going quiet. 2. Heart attacks suck."
So yeah, sometimes there can be a good reason ... but sadly, more often than not, the obvious answer is the actual answer. Sorry. I hate how people use the distance of online communication to behave poorly.

 

[StudlyCowboy]

Hey everyone, thanks for being willing to read my post. Let me just get straight into it:

So, my Daddy (not DDLG, I just call him daddy bc I have a kink, thanks) hasn't really been responding to me. The last time I talked to him was during the afternoon of September 24, it's now the night of October 2nd. I completely understand that he has a busy life, in fact I told him it's okay if he doesn't have time to talk to me every day. I have my own life too. So, I've been messaging him about every other day with updates about whats been going on. He's been reading them (according to the read receipts), but he never responds.

He has a family, which is fine with me because this is just an LD relationship. So, again, I can understand him being busy, but if he has a second to read what I'm sending him why can't he just send me a message back saying "hey, got your message. Still really busy."

I just feel stupid, because I know that more than likely he maybe just lost interest, but for some reason, I don't think that's what's happening. I'm literally every person getting catfished on MTV's Catfish ever.

I could use whatever advice you have to share, but please don't be an asshole.

Thanks,
Erin

I saw your post and I wanted to respond. I'm in a very similar position as he is . Married, family, lots of whirling dust going on but that's life. From many years of experience, I'd have to say he's lost interest for whatever reason. Most often, I'd have to say he may have been caught but even then, there's always a moment to make contact if you really want to.

I've been caught in all sorts of predicaments but I always manage to let my friends know wtf was happening. Even if I wanted to stop chatting with a particular person, I have the common courtesy to simply say so. I've had the same thing done to me where I knew they saw the messages but never said a word. It's hurtful and chickenshit in my book not to simply say that you are no longer interested. So I do feel for you and I'm sorry this has happened to you. It does seem that it has become the way that it is with on-line relationships though. The most ugly part is when they show up in 6 weeks looking to start up again like nothing ever happened, something I just won't do anymore. Fool me once.......

As tough as it is, the keyboard is a method we all use for different reasons. Take time to reminisce, then move beyond it , learning from your experience. The investment of caring can be a tough one. Good luck in the future and be careful who you let hold your heart.

 

[cookiecat]

I recently thought I was being ghosted by a guy I met on Tinder ... multiple messages every day, and then suddenly silence.
After a week or so I messaged saying if he'd lost interest, that was fine but would be nice if he just let me know so I could move on. The response was: "1. Sorry for going quiet. 2. Heart attacks suck."
So yeah, sometimes there can be a good reason ... but sadly, more often than not, the obvious answer is the actual answer. Sorry. I hate how people use the distance of online communication to behave poorly.

This reminds me of a Sex and the City episode where one of the women was talking about a date not calling her back. "He better be dead!" and the next scene was the woman at his funeral.

 

[savethebeebees]

Why don't you just send him a short note making sure he's okay? Tell him your worried about him and are just making sure he hasn't been hurt somehow or something else.

I messaged him saying "I know I said I understand that you're busy and I do!!! but if you have a second can you just let me know you're reading my messages and not ghosting me? I hope everything is okay" and he got back to me the next day saying "Things are insanely crazy. I know that's not an excuse" and basically that he meant to get back to me this past week, but something kept coming up. I'm a little irritated that he couldn't simply say "hey. I'm super busy, but I'm still here", instead of just letting me assume he was ghosting me, but I also understand being crazy overwhelmed with work + family. I hope this just doesn't become the norm.

Erin

 

[savethebeebees]

Let us know if you hear from him and it was truly something else than shitty manners.

He responded. He apologized, said that life + work has just been really crazy lately, which I understand, but it's a little annoying that he couldn't find 30 seconds over the past 9 days to just send me an update. We'll see how it goes or if he starts doing this again. Thank you for responding.

Erin

 

[KimGordon67]

This reminds me of a Sex and the City episode where one of the women was talking about a date not calling her back. "He better be dead!" and the next scene was the woman at his funeral.

I felt really bad ... luckily the message I'd sent wasn't particularly bitchy, but it was a salutary lesson in why one shouldn't be bitchy unless one is really sure of what is going on.

 

[KimGordon67]

He responded. He apologized, said that life + work has just been really crazy lately, which I understand, but it's a little annoying that he couldn't find 30 seconds over the past 9 days to just send me an update. We'll see how it goes or if he starts doing this again. Thank you for responding.

Erin

Hopefully you can find a way to say that to him that isn't overly confrontational but still makes it clear that you deserve him being respectful of your feelings.
I had quite a long-term online thing with someone, and it can result in higher-than-usual levels of miscommunication. However, he was amazing - if he knew I was annoyed or slightly upset about something, he would contact me as soon as he could, and he always apologised without making excuses. It was sort of a revelation for me - it was amazing how that immediate and direct action just made all my insecurities melt away, and consequently I think I was a much easier person to be in a relationship with.

So it is possible ... obviously not everyone is like that, but you definitely aren't being unreasonable.

 

[Knoturnal]

I messaged him saying "I know I said I understand that you're busy and I do!!! but if you have a second can you just let me know you're reading my messages and not ghosting me? I hope everything is okay" and he got back to me the next day saying "Things are insanely crazy. I know that's not an excuse" and basically that he meant to get back to me this past week, but something kept coming up. I'm a little irritated that he couldn't simply say "hey. I'm super busy, but I'm still here", instead of just letting me assume he was ghosting me, but I also understand being crazy overwhelmed with work + family. I hope this just doesn't become the norm.

Erin

I imagine the only thing I can tell you now is only time will tell. If it does become the norm then I think you know what to do, if not then hopefully it will get better for you.

 

[savethebeebees]

hopefully it will get better for you.

Thank you. This community is for the most part great and the support I've received recently while I've kinda dealt with this has been so amazing. I'm so thankful for all the advice and best wishes.

Erin

 

[jaF0]

These threads are spooky and a bit haunting.

 

[Knoturnal]

Thank you. This community is for the most part great and the support I've received recently while I've kinda dealt with this has been so amazing. I'm so thankful for all the advice and best wishes.

Erin

Thanks for the appreciation but there were several more than I involved. This may not be over yet as you don't know exactly how long you might have to wait until he's able to talk.
I do wish you the best, and no matter how it works out for you just know we all here have been through something similar at one time or another.

 

[varv]

: D maybe he just has no money?