A question about rape motivation

[Yerkiddin]

Long ago, when I was even more ignorant than I currently am, but far more sure I know what was happening, I thought rape happened when some guy couldn't get sex in any other way. After years of thinking that, someone explained to me it was all about control. Now, I am not sure whether or not I am more confused.

Am I right in thinking that, since guys typically want sex more than women, they're not as picky as to who they have it with?

Am I right in thinking that women typically have more control over whether sex happens or not, and since they almost always have control, more of them fantasize about not having control?

What I have noticed is that fantasies where women are in control seem to be the minority in the story ideas. (Or am I wrong about that?)

 

[acerbedingfield]

feminists and idiots say power. Its actually about sex. Study most rape cases, and its simply a horny pervert and a random victim that looked too appetizing.

 

[Yerkiddin]

That was what I thought before, but I have read about some people getting raped that I cannot imagine anyone being attracted to.

 

[MelissaBaby]

feminists and idiots say power. Its actually about sex. Study most rape cases, and its simply a horny pervert and a random victim that looked too appetizing.

And you don't think that's about power?

 

[Lost_Yonder]

And you don't think that's about power?

Exactly!

To assume that one has a right to sex regardless of what the other person wants is ultimately an expression of power, not sex...

As for the OP, all your assumptions are utterly ridiculous.

 

[DarkPleasures]

Where's the "story idea"?

 

[Yerkiddin]

Exactly!

To assume that one has a right to sex regardless of what the other person wants is ultimately an expression of power, not sex...

As for the OP, all your assumptions are utterly ridiculous.

Ok, then what is true?

 

[emap]

What is true is there isn't one answer to the question. Experts say that rapists are that way because they want power or think they have it. Actually it is closer to rapists do that because they want to, the reason for wanting to are about as varied as fish in the sea.

 

[LupusDei]

It's more about wanting that exact person now and here. Or wanting whomever, now and wherever. And so forth. For what is sure, it have absolutely nothing to do with getting sex otherwise or not. It may not even matter was there really a chance to get (more normal) sex with that person in a later occasion or with additional effort. More, it is actually about not wanting that effort of courting and seduction, not wanting expense of time, resources or any kind.

And only after all that comes, "just because I can," but that's actually a good bit of the cases that are fulfilled. That's also where that "it's about power" comes from, because there must be power for it to happen.

Rape as corrective means for perceived gayness. Rape as punishment. Rape as punishment of a bystander (as in raping girlfriend of guy who haven't hold a deal). Rape for establishing control, claiming, enslaving a person. Yeah, a lot of those are about power and control, and not sex.

Each person's motivation in each exact case will differ a lot, and perhaps a whole lot more than for any normal relationships.

 

[Hypoxia]

Do not allow too much reality to pollute LIT tales. In LIT wonderland we can devise any fantastic motive we desire. Power; sex; insanity; conquest; group initiation; barbarism; mindcontrol / possession; fetish; disease; ideology; etc.

But I prefer to see rapists harshly punished soon afterward. Consequences!

 

[acerbedingfield]

That was what I thought before, but I have read about some people getting raped that I cannot imagine anyone being attracted to.

I see people that would make a fucking puke buzzard throw up to look at, who got kids..

enough everclear and meth can get even the ugliest thing fucked?

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Anyone who thinks rape is about sex, is an idiot. Or maybe a would be rapist.

It is about someone who has no control or power in their life and thinks they can get that by attacking helpless women and forcing themselves on them.

The only reason they get sexual gratification, is they are the one in control, they have the power over the person they are assaulting.

It boosts their ego for a while and they can go back to their uneventful life where they have no control and no real power.

 

[acerbedingfield]

Anyone who thinks rape is about sex, is an idiot. Or maybe a would be rapist.

It is about someone who has no control or power in their life and thinks they can get that by attacking helpless women and forcing themselves on them.

The only reason they get sexual gratification, is they are the one in control, they have the power over the person they are assaulting.

It boosts their ego for a while and they can go back to their uneventful life where they have no control and no real power.

You are a complete idiot.. Rape is not about some egotistical power trip. Never really did much studying on it have you?

FEMINISTS and LIBERALS like to say its about power, but interviews with actual rapists are essentially this:

needed sex, hence I raped the 18 year old cashier who wouldn't give me her number, or why they raped the 60 year old woman they found taking a nap while they robbed her house.

 

[DarkPleasures]

Has story ideas turned into another general board?

 

[Yerkiddin]

Has story ideas turned into another general board?

I did not know what I was starting. I was here when I typed it, as it was the story ideas forum that showed me there's a lot more here on Literotica about women getting raped by men than I think I will ever see about men being raped by women. I was just wondering why, which led to the question I posted.

This thread has had such negative reactions that I would have already dumped it if I knew some way to do so.

 

[rubandlickmi]

It is most definitely POWER. This is also why it can be such a hot fantasy... being overpowered is what is hot, not the sexual part.

 

[emap]

Don't worry it will go away eventually, helps if you stop posting in it. Oh darnit.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Anyone who thinks rape is about sex, is an idiot. Or maybe a would be rapist.

It is about someone who has no control or power in their life and thinks they can get that by attacking helpless women and forcing themselves on them. ...

You are a complete idiot.. Rape is not about some egotistical power trip. Never really did much studying on it have you?

FEMINISTS and LIBERALS like to say its about power

I've been around these boards a few years and argued politics with Zeb now and then. I think this may be the first time anybody has accused him of being a "liberal".

But if I recall correctly, he has some experience in (military) policing, so I'd be surprised if he doesn't have some experience with these issues.

but interviews with actual rapists are essentially this:

...and as we all know, criminals never lie when interviewed!

There are plenty of cases of men who had enough fame and money to get consensual sex but became rapists anyway. You think Bill Cosby, R. Kelly, and Roman Polanski couldn't find women who were willing to sleep with them? By all accounts Ted Bundy was a charming and handsome man, but consensual sex wasn't what he was after.

In those cases, it's more about guys with power who enjoy abusing that power, but Zeb is absolutely right in saying it's not just about men who can't get sex any other way.

 

[Jada59]

Rape is an act of violence. It's less about sex and more about exerting their power over someone they perceive as helpless. It's meant to hurt the other person.

Then there is the issue of date rape. That can be more convoluted, but I could write a novel on that. In some cases, IMO, it's not really rape in that the woman maybe was a willing participant at the time then changed her mind later. Please note, I am not saying this is common but it could happen.

And in some cases, the woman is unsure about the sex or she figures she will just get it over with to end the date sooner. The guy may not have used forced but she may fear that he might use force, so she goes along with it.

There are just a lot of variables. Did the rapist know the woman prior? Is he in a position of power? Was she a stranger? Does the person have a history of sexual offenses?

In my mind, there is no one size fits all, but I was told many years ago by a policeman who was teaching a rape prevention class that it's a crime of violence.

 

[Jada59]

It's more about wanting that exact person now and here. Or wanting whomever, now and wherever. And so forth. For what is sure, it have absolutely nothing to do with getting sex otherwise or not. It may not even matter was there really a chance to get (more normal) sex with that person in a later occasion or with additional effort. More, it is actually about not wanting that effort of courting and seduction, not wanting expense of time, resources or any kind.

And only after all that comes, "just because I can," but that's actually a good bit of the cases that are fulfilled. That's also where that "it's about power" comes from, because there must be power for it to happen.

Rape as corrective means for perceived gayness. Rape as punishment. Rape as punishment of a bystander (as in raping girlfriend of guy who haven't hold a deal). Rape for establishing control, claiming, enslaving a person. Yeah, a lot of those are about power and control, and not sex.

Each person's motivation in each exact case will differ a lot, and perhaps a whole lot more than for any normal relationships.

I was sexting with someone early this morning. He had me so turned on that I said, "Rape me!" Perhaps I should have said, "Take me now!", or some such thing. At that point in time though, I just wanted him to overpower me at that point in time and yes, overpower me. In fact I made a comment that I was helpless beneath him.

The difference here is that this is a long time partner. I know what he likes and he knows what I like. And it was just sexting, but had it been the real thing, I still probably would have said what I did. I did give my consent though.

I think sometimes people get the rape fantasy type thing confused with real rape. Or so it seems. I don't mean you, it's just that your reply reminded me of what I said.

 

[Jada59]

Long ago, when I was even more ignorant than I currently am, but far more sure I know what was happening, I thought rape happened when some guy couldn't get sex in any other way. After years of thinking that, someone explained to me it was all about control. Now, I am not sure whether or not I am more confused.

Am I right in thinking that, since guys typically want sex more than women, they're not as picky as to who they have it with?

Am I right in thinking that women typically have more control over whether sex happens or not, and since they almost always have control, more of them fantasize about not having control?

What I have noticed is that fantasies where women are in control seem to be the minority in the story ideas. (Or am I wrong about that?)

I'm not sure why you think men want more sex than women. Or maybe I'm the odd one out. I almost always want sex. I do have a life though so I rarely get as much sex as I want. That doesn't mean I go around just randomly attacking every guy I see who looks appealing. I might be thinking it though!

 

[ChuckWolf]

Never written a story about a guy raping a female (and probably never will), because I think those stories are overdone, meanly misogynistic and a little too real.

In a few of the femdom stories I've written, when a male or female has been raped by other women, the motivation is usually revenge, but the secondary motivation has usually just been pure lust for the victim.

I know that's not a true depiction of rape, but it's not meant to be.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Long ago, when I was even more ignorant than I currently am, but far more sure I know what was happening, I thought rape happened when some guy couldn't get sex in any other way. After years of thinking that, someone explained to me it was all about control. Now, I am not sure whether or not I am more confused.

Am I right in thinking that, since guys typically want sex more than women, they're not as picky as to who they have it with?

It's not that guys want sex more than women; that's a myth. It's that the person more likely to get pregnant, be murdered by a partner, or be shamed as a "slut" has more reason to be cautious about partners.

(Just a couple of hours ago, I read a letter where a guy who's slept with ten women was asking why people think it's so unreasonable that he expects his wife to be a virgin...)

There was a famous experiment (Clark and Hatfield) where researchers got an actor to approach opposite-gender students on campus and proposition them for sex. Men were far more likely to say yes to a woman than vice versa. But more recent research (Baranowski and Hecht, Conley) found that this difference has a lot to do with perceptions of safety and whether they believe the other person is going to be good in bed.

Am I right in thinking that women typically have more control over whether sex happens or not, and since they almost always have control, more of them fantasize about not having control?

"Being more picky" doesn't mean "having more control".

In a situation where nonconsent isn't an issue, man and woman each have the power to offer and the power to accept or reject. They have absolutely equal amounts of control. A woman who decides not to sleep with an unappealing man isn't more powerful than him... she just has less attractive options.

Also, this whole "women have more control" argument is often made by guys who are very, very picky about what kinds of women they would sleep with - they usually seem to be hung up on barely-legal waifu types. Most of these guys would never dream of sleeping with a 50-year-old woman with cellulite, but somehow that preference doesn't count as "control".

What I have noticed is that fantasies where women are in control seem to be the minority in the story ideas. (Or am I wrong about that?)

I think that may be partly to do with the readership of the site. Readers here tend to be a bit unfriendly to stories where a woman dominates a man, and some of the people who are into that may have moved to other places more accommodating to their preferences. Over time that kind of thing can become self-perpetuating.

 

[SimonDoom]

My perspective is a little different. I'm not sure we have to choose one pole or another in the sex v. power narrative. Both suffer from the fallacy of essentialism -- that a broad range of human behavior can be reduced to one thing, essentially, as opposed to another. My view is that reality lies in the particular. A thousand rapes may be very different from one another and we can't make any assumptions about what all of them are. When we do, we're probably letting our ideology speak rather than our fidelity to reality.

Rape involves sexual activity, so in some sense it's sexual in nature, but it's also an act of violence and control. I'm not sure what purpose is served in trying to determine that it's one thing rather than another, except that emphasizing the violent and controlling nature of rape probably helps move us beyond a past when the awfulness of rape was minimized and many rapists went unpunished.

To go back to the OP's questions, I think one needs to be cautious about making ANY generalizations about men and women and sex.

It may be true that men want more sex than women (I'm not sure -- I'm not a woman and am reluctant to say how women feel), but that doesn't mean women are pickier. Some women aren't at all picky. Some men are very picky.

It may be true that more often than not women are the "gatekeepers" about whether sex happens, but that doesn't necessarily determine whether women have fantasies about lack of control. It IS a fact that many women have fantasies about losing control, and even about being raped, but I imagine the reasons for that are complicated.

It may be true that stories about women being in control are in the minority, but by no means does that mean they're rare. Male fantasies about giving up control to women are EXTREMELY common, as are fantasies by some women about dominating men.

The variety of sexual experience is nearly infinite.

 

[LupusDei]

Has story ideas turned into another general board?

Unfortunately, it is impractical to attempt serious discussions on general board, the way it is right now. Moreover, this discussion is intended to be used for writing, or so we may hope and react accordingly.

Including a genetic story idea wherein rape motivation would be important might have pinned the topic on the board undoubtedly, but also would significantly narrow the scope of the question, what might be good, but not necessarily what OP interest was.