The Mantis

[Kantarii]

I would like some feedback on my latest chapter in my series “The Mantis”.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-mantis-pt-04

The series started out as non erotic, but has been updated to show as nonhuman. It was initially visualized as a different kind of “transgender” story. The chapter shows cases that evolution in the later half of it.

 

[Jada59]

I would like some feedback on my latest chapter in my series “The Mantis”.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-mantis-pt-04

The series started out as non erotic, but has been updated to show as nonhuman. It was initially visualized as a different kind of “transgender” story. The chapter shows cases that evolution in the later half of it.

I've been busy but will look at it later when I have the time.

 

[Jada59]

I would like some feedback on my latest chapter in my series “The Mantis”.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-mantis-pt-04

The series started out as non erotic, but has been updated to show as nonhuman. It was initially visualized as a different kind of “transgender” story. The chapter shows cases that evolution in the later half of it.

Missing question mark here: "Where are we," she asks.

This should read "in case". Incase is another version of "encase": "Leave the door open incase someone pulls up," he says.

Another missing question mark: "Who's the woman with blonde hair in this picture with you," she asks, studying it.

And here: "So where are they now," she inquires.


I think these two sentences should have exclamation points:


"There you are," Ethan says.

"You scared the fuck out of me," she gasps.

I see more incorrect or lack of punctuation but I don't feel like picking that apart line by line.

I do find the use of present tense a bit odd but maybe that's just me.

I will say that I wouldn't normally read stories of this genre, but I actually really liked it. It drew me in and made me want to read more. So except for the punctuation stuff, I would say, well done!