First person character descriptions

[ThisNameIsntTakenYet]

I've only ever written a handful of first person stories years ago when I just started writing. After that I moved on to third person exclusively. However, I decided to challenge myself to write my summer contest story in first person, because I think it's a good fit for the story and it was a nice way to get out of my comfort zone.

I'm running into some unexpected difficulties though because of my inexperience with this point of view. Most of which I've been able to resolve, but there's a few that remain. The biggest of which is showing the gender and/or name of the protagonist, and the second is giving him a physical description.

Some context: my protagonist is alone at the start of the story and doesn't really talk to anyone for the first 1500 words. His name is finally used around the 2k mark when introducing himself to someone, but that feels a bit late. There is also no sexual content that would justify mentioning his junk either. He is shirtless at the start of the story (because of the heat), but that might not be direct enough to let everyone know without a doubt that this character is male. I would have used "topless" if it was a female character though, but I guess it's not a definitive male/female thing. As for the physical description, I remember using a mirror or other reflection in the past, but that feels cheap and not something you should do in every story.

So I'd like to know how people more familiar with this point of view handling dropping the protagonist's gender/name (one or the other is enough), and their physical description.

 

[KeithD]

I sometimes don't give the first-person character a name at all, and that only becomes a problem when I have to write a blurb for the story. It's easily handled by have another character (sparingly) use the name in direct-address dialogue. (For years there were a couple of critiquers here on the Feedback board who said characters had to be named up front--thankfully, that has pretty much stopped, because you are a juvenile-level reader if you require that).

The description of a first-person protagonist can be given in narrative of what they do and the effect they have in others and in the dialogue from others. And it doesn't need to be dumped in one place, it can be fit in as it's relevant to the storyline. Descriptors can be slipped in here and there in the narrative.

 

[Areala-chan]

It's a tad cliché, but a quick scene where he looks in the mirror and reflects on what he likes/dislikes/sees is always good for this kind of thing. Couple sentences at the start, and you're golden from there on out.

 

[NotWise]

I'm running into some unexpected difficulties though because of my inexperience with this point of view. Most of which I've been able to resolve, but there's a few that remain. The biggest of which is showing the gender and/or name of the protagonist, and the second is giving him a physical description.

I've had the same problem before. You can look at the first ten paragraphs or so of Sex and Dinosaurs to see one way of dealing with it. Looking in the mirror is another, but it's so common as to be trite.

You may not need to describe your main character as much as you think. The readers will fill in the blanks. Another way is to describe physical features in dialogue. Something like, "Go slow. I'm not used to a dick that big," takes care of a lot, and it does it at the time in the story where (if it needs to be said at all) it is probably most useful.

Starting out with 1500 words without dialogue does pose extra problems.

 

[ThisNameIsntTakenYet]

(For years there were a couple of critiquers here on the Feedback board who said characters had to be named up front--thankfully, that has pretty much stopped, because you are a juvenile-level reader if you require that).

Yeah, I wasn't trying to fit in the name because I felt like it was needed, but more so because I felt like I could possibly find a more natural way to do it compared to his gender.

I've had the same problem before. You can look at the first ten paragraphs or so of Sex and Dinosaurs to see one way of dealing with it. Looking in the mirror is another, but it's so common as to be trite.

You may not need to describe your main character as much as you think. The readers will fill in the blanks. Another way is to describe physical features in dialogue. Something like, "Go slow. I'm not used to a dick that big," takes care of a lot, and it does it at the time in the story where (if it needs to be said at all) it is probably most useful.

Starting out with 1500 words without dialogue does pose extra problems.

Read the start of your story, that was very helpful indeed. I guess I'll just sprinkle in some details here and there whenever it's relevant, but otherwise not stress to much about giving him a full description. I guess the goal is different with first person and you want the reader to picture themselves as the character, I assume.

As for the gender, well... Since he's on a humid tropical island, finding a way to complain about ball sweat or something might work, even if that's a bit gross. Would fit the narrative and at the same time make it very clear that this is a man we're dealing with. Might look for something more subtle and less gross, but I think I'm no the right track here...

 

[NotWise]

As for the gender, well... Since he's on a humid tropical island, finding a way to complain about ball sweat or something might work, even if that's a bit gross. Would fit the narrative and at the same time make it very clear that this is a man we're dealing with. Might look for something more subtle and less gross, but I think I'm no the right track here...

You could just have him pee -- that answers the gender question.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Name is not critical, I think. It’s first person, right? How often do you yourself use or think your name when not communicating with somebody else? It can wait.

As to revealing sex, how about something like: I took a minute to think, scratched my unshaven chin. Short, yet it proclaims BOY without a doubt.

 

[Ada Stuart]

So I'd like to know how people more familiar with this point of view handling dropping the protagonist's gender/name (one or the other is enough), and their physical description.

I've seen several examples of Kindle ebooks written in 1st POV where the name of the person is simply used as a heading. Then as the attention turn to another person, they just use the name in the next heading and keep switching back and forth.

I thought this was smooth way of showing who is telling the story, as it was clear from the start who was "talking".

I've read a few stories where you're constantly wondering, and after a few paragraphs you finally find out that you've guessed wrong Quite annoying

 

[ThisNameIsntTakenYet]

I've seen several examples of Kindle ebooks written in 1st POV where the name of the person is simply used as a heading. Then as the attention turn to another person, they just use the name in the next heading and keep switching back and forth.

I thought this was smooth way of showing who is telling the story, as it was clear from the start who was "talking".

I've read a few stories where you're constantly wondering, and after a few paragraphs you finally find out that you've guessed wrong Quite annoying

I agree that that would work very well. However, I'm not changing viewpoints, the entire story is told from the perspective of the same person. I think it would look very weird to only do this at the start of the story, so probably not an option for me.

I agree with the confusion and annoyance though, which is why I wanted to make sure I made it clear what the gender of the protagonist was early on.

 

[Oz_John]

How about having the character introduce himself at the very start? e.g. "My name is xxx and this is my story. I was …"

 

[8letters]

I've only ever written a handful of first person stories years ago when I just started writing. After that I moved on to third person exclusively. However, I decided to challenge myself to write my summer contest story in first person, because I think it's a good fit for the story and it was a nice way to get out of my comfort zone.

I'm running into some unexpected difficulties though because of my inexperience with this point of view. Most of which I've been able to resolve, but there's a few that remain. The biggest of which is showing the gender and/or name of the protagonist, and the second is giving him a physical description.

Some context: my protagonist is alone at the start of the story and doesn't really talk to anyone for the first 1500 words. His name is finally used around the 2k mark when introducing himself to someone, but that feels a bit late. There is also no sexual content that would justify mentioning his junk either. He is shirtless at the start of the story (because of the heat), but that might not be direct enough to let everyone know without a doubt that this character is male. I would have used "topless" if it was a female character though, but I guess it's not a definitive male/female thing. As for the physical description, I remember using a mirror or other reflection in the past, but that feels cheap and not something you should do in every story.

So I'd like to know how people more familiar with this point of view handling dropping the protagonist's gender/name (one or the other is enough), and their physical description.

Personally, I've never used the mirror trick. What works best for me is for the protagonist to compare himself to some other character. In my last story, my protagonist early on thinks about how he looks nothing like his sister, and then describes both him and his sister. Also, I frequently make my protagonist an athlete or former athlete, and I think that gives people an idea of how he/she looks.

I've used other methods. In "My Sister Set Me Up on a Blind Date", the cop doesn't believe the protagonist's last name really is Chevrolet.

"I find it hard to believe that anyone is really named Chevrolet."

"Can I show you an article from my high school that has my name in it?"

"That'd be nice."

I learned long ago that seeing my name on a website somehow made it real for people. I pulled up an article from my senior year. The picture with the article showed me with short, dark blond hair and blue eyes.

"Here you go, Officer," I said as I handed him my phone.

"Wrestler, huh? Made district semi-finals?"

"In the 170 weight class." For a school as small as ours, it was an impressive performance.

From "My European Summer Vacation":

"I'm Noel Vaupel." My first name is pronounced like "gnoll", the race of humanoid hyenas in some fantasy games.

"Noel is my father's name."

"Seriously?" She nodded her head. "I've never met another Noel."

I had hated my name as a kid. I had thought it was a girl's name. Many, many kids in school had taunted me with the same opinion. At one point, I tried to get everyone to call me by my middle name "Liam". That had failed because my mother had refused to go along - "I named you Noel because I wanted to call you Noel."

"Noel is a good Cork name. Where's your family from?"

"All over Ireland."

"But Vaupel isn't Irish."

"It's Hessian. Hans Vaupel was a Hessian mercenary who decided to stay in America after the Revolutionary War. But I'm seven-eighths Irish."

During World War One, my great-grandfather James Vaupel had served in the First U. S. Division in France. There, he became best friends with Tip O'Sullivan of Boston and started corresponding with Tip's sister, Rosemary. After the war, he went to Boston and married her. Somehow, the Hessian looks have bred true as I had black hair and dark eyes, same as my father.

But in some stories, I was never able to work in a physical description of the protagonist.

 

[Hypoxia]

In one I/T series, I start with preliminary dialog; then the narrator describes and contrasts himself and his sister. Another series has narrators checking themselves in mirrors. In other stories the narrator paints a brief picture of themself and their surroundings.

My general rule, if any: Don't be too obvious with data-dumping. Make other stuff happen before the narrator goes self-explanatory. Keep it sparse.

 

[Voboy]

You could just have him pee -- that answers the gender question.

This.

Or shower.

Once he mentions soaping his balls, you’re fine. Seriously, there are a million ways to go about this. Read some FP to get ideas.

 

[NotWise]

This.

Or shower.

Once he mentions soaping his balls, you’re fine. Seriously, there are a million ways to go about this. Read some FP to get ideas.

I liked TP's suggestion of the unshaven chin. It gets to the point without going straight to the genitals.

 

[KeithD]

I don't really think you need a hammer to get the gender across. I've never considered that a problem and I've written a whole lot of first-person stories (featuring both genders). Just write and decide later whether there was a problem.

I will say that I've written a few where I wanted to hide the protagonist gender in first person to become a surprise later.

 

[BelleCanzuto]

As to revealing sex, how about something like: I took a minute to think, scratched my unshaven chin. Short, yet it proclaims BOY without a doubt.

I like this too. I was also thinking something along the lines of having him run his fingers through his short hair (though not universally male, I think a lot of people would start assuming that). Or something about the sweat trickling through the hair on his chest. And, imo, you don't have to worry about describing his junk until he's using it with someone. And maybe not even then.

How about having the character introduce himself at the very start? e.g. "My name is xxx and this is my story. I was …"

I know thisis common, but it's a really quick way for me to stop reading a story. Even when it's the second or first line of a story i (personally) find it jarring.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I don't really think you need a hammer to get the gender across. I've never considered that a problem and I've written a whole lot of first-person stories (featuring both genders). Just write and decide later whether there was a problem.

I will say that I've written a few where I wanted to hide the protagonist gender in first person to become a surprise later.

Fully agreed. And that’s a fun kind or surprise.

 

[ThisNameIsntTakenYet]

Yeah, I really like the facial hair thing. Subtle, yet very clear. Already know a good point for it too, pretty early on in the story... Thanks for all the advice though everyone, it was very interesting and I've picked up on a few other interesting things about writing in first person.

I know thisis common, but it's a really quick way for me to stop reading a story. Even when it's the second or first line of a story i (personally) find it jarring.

I agree. I wouldn't really use it unless I'm writing a biography or something similar, either real or fictional. Or maybe a story framed as a letter or journal entry or something. It can work, but I'm not a big fan of the "I am X and this is my story." either.

 

[Hypoxia]

I do not like reading anonymous first-person tales and I do not write them, nor intuit much likelihood, except for zonkers. (*) Yes, I see the drama of an unnamed narrator. It's too bad we can't tell how many who 'view' a piece abandon it by the fourth paragraph, so we can't be sure just how unpopular is the structure.

IMHO a major hook of erotica is knowing the fucking players. IMHO that's easier when everyone is named. Do you identify with an anonymous narrator? I find that difficult.
_____

(*) I've long been cooking a first-person present-tense tale of lovers as their airplane crashes. They cum in the chaos. No sequel, except with ghosts. I may write it eventually.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Yet another option is to give a short third-person summary at the start of the story, e.g.:

In which John discovers that his neighbour isn't who he thought she was.

On Literotica you can also do this in the blurb.

 

[Bramblethorn]

IMHO a major hook of erotica is knowing the fucking players. IMHO that's easier when everyone is named. Do you identify with an anonymous narrator? I find that difficult.

It cuts both ways. It's hard to identify with a character if you don't know anything about them, but the wrong info can also drive readers away. Some guys apparently find it really difficult to identify with anything told from a female POV - do you have a better chance of retaining them if you lead with other stuff that they can identify with? Or is it more jarring if they've already made assumptions about the protagonist and then discover they were wrong?

 

[KeithD]

What's in a name? How separated and spoon fed do you need to be as a reader of a story to demand that you be given a name up front?

 

[Polyacrylate]

It seems that I am the only weirdo whose internal monologue refers to him by name. I mean, there's a few different categories of thoughts, but when I'm trying to plan or think through a problem, my thoughts tend to work as a conversation rather than a series of statements. Is that just me?

To give the name in a non-dialogue setting, a line like this would work:

'Well, Polyacrylate, this is another fine mess you've gotten yourself into!' I thought, trying to decide which car to follow.

If that's too out-there, you also have the option of memory surfacing, with something like:

Watching the boat in the water near the setting sun reminded me of Kristen. 'I'll always treasure our time together, Polyacrylate,' she said, her blue eyes shining like the sea we had just dumped the bodies into.

Beyond that, for physical features, the chin stubble suggestion is good, and describing the character in relation to the environment and surroundings would work, too. To establish the narrator as being tall, you could use a line like:

As I stood, I hit my head on the overhead cabinet, which had only been built to give clear passage for someone of average height.

You can surely do better than my example, but that's the idea. You could do that for almost any characteristic you wanted to mention.

 

[LinneaLundin]

I remembered something from back when I was a young lad...

 

[ElectricBlue]

I'm sitting here scratching my head on this one. How hard can it be, really, to establish the gender of a first person narrator, as and when you want to reveal it?

Here's a spin on it - how long does it take, reading this story, to figure out there's something weird about the world when it comes to women:

https://www.literotica.com/s/songs-of-seduction-water

I don't spell it out explicitly, but after a while you just know there's something a little strange going on. You don't need a billboard and bright lights to ease an idea into a story.