Submissives: Help me understand this, please...

[midlifecrisispanties]

Background:

I have spoken of the arrangement with my wife/Mistress before. Some of you know the general story. Suffice it to say that I have dedicated myself to her completely.

We have the practice of me wearing my panties 24/7 now. And due to her health issues, our sessions are limited. (For decorum sake, I'll leave it at that.)

In one fashion, I am afraid I have been ruined. I've been made to do a thing a certain way so many times that I don't think I can ever do it differently again.

I am only allowed to cum in my pants except on very special occasions. It doesn't matter what else is going on, I'm not allowed to release outside my pants except on very special occasions.

Recently, one of those special occasions occurred and it took me nearly 45 minutes to finally cum. But, whenever I am made to cum in my pants. it happens in ten minutes or less. She has even quietly made me do it on car trips or in public.

I've come to enjoy it so much, that it has become almost a disappointment when she tells me to take off my pants and cum for her or I'm given permission to cum for my stories and texts here.
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Question: Is this sort of thing a normal condition of submission?

Clarification question: Are there practices you perform as a submissive that make it impossible to enjoy sex any other way?

 

[QuasiSemiDemiEsqueIsh]

So, I spent all my allotted pre-gym time responding to another post, and I don't have any more time to really respond the way I'd like to here. I'll have to come back to it to give a more in-depth reply, but the gist is:

I have definitely heard of and experienced people being conditioned to only cum in a specific way or in very specific circumstances. If you like it, it's not really "ruined;" it's "trained." But that's up to you to decide. There is a way to undo it, but it takes time and effort, ime.

 

[surrenderedfaith]

Reply coming. In brief: yep. It can happen WAY quicker than you imagine, it has a lot to do with how " suggestible" you are, and how diligent your partner is at expressing the desire that this be binding in a way. It is very much conditioning or training as QuasiSemiDemiEsqueIsh said. Fyi... it can happen to Doms too EEP.

 

[Jada59]

I don't know if it has to do with submission or not. Sounds more like a fetish to me.

 

[QuasiSemiDemiEsqueIsh]

In one fashion, I am afraid I have been ruined. I've been made to do a thing a certain way so many times that I don't think I can ever do it differently again.

I am only allowed to cum in my pants except on very special occasions. It doesn't matter what else is going on, I'm not allowed to release outside my pants except on very special occasions.

Recently, one of those special occasions occurred and it took me nearly 45 minutes to finally cum. But, whenever I am made to cum in my pants. it happens in ten minutes or less. She has even quietly made me do it on car trips or in public.

I've come to enjoy it so much, that it has become almost a disappointment when she tells me to take off my pants and cum for her or I'm given permission to cum for my stories and texts here.
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Question: Is this sort of thing a normal condition of submission?

Clarification question: Are there practices you perform as a submissive that make it impossible to enjoy sex any other way?

OK. I have the time for my full reply now.

Without sharing too many details, I actually have a fair amount of experience in this, but I'm still not an expert. I'll be speaking from my personal experience here, not from any expertise or knowledge. That disclaimer out of the way...

First things first. It's not really "normal" in the traditional sense, as far as I know, but that doesn't really mean anything. If it's normal for you in your relationship, I think that's more important than whether it's normal for anyone else. It does happen as part of submission; some dom(me)s seem to like training their subs to cum in only certain ways, from what I've heard.

Most of my experience is with this occurring accidentally. I've had several partners who have accidentally trained their bodies to only cum from specific stimuli. Because they masturbated in a specific way for so long without ever changing it up, their bodies learned that doing x, y, and z meant they were going to cum, and they eventually stopped being able to cum in other ways.

Sometimes, like in the above example, it's a physical thing. Sometimes, it's a mental thing. For instance, I cannot orgasm without the help of a dominant partner. I don't need to go into details, but basically it's a combination of having a D/s fetish, C-PTSD causing me to repress and avoid strong emotional states, being mostly numb to my own touch, and lacking the patience to provide myself with the necessary build-up.

So, while it's not necessarily super common to train one's body to orgasm only in certain ways, it is possible, for sure, as you already know. But you're not "ruined." Unless you like the idea of being "ruined," and then you can call it that, if you want.

Now for your clarification question.

I wouldn't really say that there are practices I perform as a submissive that make it impossible for me to enjoy sex any other way. I can only enjoy sex as a submissive, but that's more because of how I'm wired (and because of the above reasons I gave) than because of any practices I perform or any dominant practices that are performed on me.

I do find it a *lot* easier to let go and give into the sensations when I'm bound, for various reasons, but I can enjoy sex without bondage as long as the D/s is still there. I did once have a partner who toyed with my psycholagny (ability to achieve orgasm through mental/verbal stimulation, rather than physical stimulation) and got me to the point where I could go from 0 to cumming from a carefully chosen phrase, but that didn't interfere with my ability to reach orgasm in other ways because he and my other partners at the time made sure the phrase wasn't the only way I ever achieved orgasm.

 

[WardenDios]

I know you wanted submissives perspectives, but as a dom myself, I would like to confirm that your conditioning can be broken as easily as you were generally trained to do it. Some conditioning can require more effort or recondition due to certain factors or triggers, but I wanted to confirm you are not broken. I also intend no disrespect to your domme, but it seems she may not have understood what her actions would do by not letting you release in other situations. I myself have enjoyed orgasm denial and forced orgasm among my subs, but I do allow them to come at will at times as well. I do this partially so that they're never truly conditioned in such as you are that they can ONLY achieve release in the one or two specified ways. I want them to fail at times as I get off on that as well.

 

[Erosfan]

I don't know if it has to do with submission or not. Sounds more like a fetish to me.

I agree. This sounds like a fetish to me as well.

 

[SissySalina]

In the old days they would call it "mind control". It is a trained reflex that can be broken over time as it took time to obtain it.

 

[Nezhul]

This is not really limited to submision. This is a normal thing to cum faster in a scenario that deeply excites you. If cumming in your pants is your thing - then you'll cum faster like that.

Also it could have been a random thing. Sometimes, I find myself simply not in the mood, and it takes longer.

 

[Lascivity]

Easier said than done, but it's definitely helpful with things like this not to think of yourself as "ruined". Negative thinking can reinforce issues like this until they start to seem insurmountable. Think of it as just a preference that you've gotten into instead, if you can.