Sexless Marriages

[sam1234price]

Same boat people sexless marriage for 4 years now. I have a very high sex desires, everyday my hand becomes my best friend.
I had a great sex life with my ex gf.. remembering good old days.
M 32 here..
Open for casual chats and sexting

 

[Bpar721971]

Sexless Marriage

I’m a 53 yr old male with a high sex drive. I’m also in a sexless marriage. Lucky if I get once a month. I sleep nude every night always ready, she’s not. She’s 47. It sucks especially when you want the one you’re with but they don’t want you. Guess that’s why I’m here.

 

[Sanadack]

Lol. Actually quite sick of talking if you know what I mean

Reading and getting one's self off gets really boring and frustrating. I mean, sex is all about the actual senses, right? And while the mind is a huge part of it, IMO actually touching, smelling, tasting, hearing should be the destination and experience. Hence, I am a firm believer in making it happen IRL. There are people out there in the same boat, wanting the same thing, and there have never been more ways to find them (sites, apps, etc.) than there are today.

Reading this thread brings couple of slogans to mind:

"A great libido is a terrible thing to waste"

"Just Do It"

 

[AnnieLit]

My experience on Lit so far - about half of man here are in a completely sexless marriages, and another quarter are having regular sex, but not the kind they want.

Me... I guess another victim of the surge. In my late 30s went though a period of a few years when I had to make myself to have sex monthly, not even sure that I was getting to it every month and did not skip few.

Then at 40 things got better. And better. And better some more. I am 47 now, most nights it is ME asking for sex, he is happy just to go to sleep. I absolutely need it! I can live without the orgasms, but I can't without hugs and kisses, and feeling his hands on me.

And then there is kink... At about the same time I was coming back to life, I finally agreed to try some of the things he was asking for years for. That led to other things. Now all of that is part of our sex life. But only the staff that he likes. Things that I like either don't happen at all or I have to ask for them. And after a while asking gets pretty old.

So, mid 40s, not sexless, but often have to ask for any sex and even then it is usually not the kind I really want.

Solution? Unfortunately, not Lit. I played around here for a while, had few "relationships", but words, and voice, and even video chats can get you only so far, at some point you want to have it for real. But with Lit it is rarely possible - distances are too great, marriages on the other end are too strong. So chances to find somebody local are close to none.

For me it looks like solution is FetLife. Did not get to in person part there yet, but at least all connections are local and there it's ok to talk about the expected end result right from the start. We will see how that goes Still scary and I know it's unfair, he did wait for me to come back to life after all, but I can't. I don't know how much time of this surge do I have left, menopose is right around the corner, so I can't really afford to wait another 5 years for him to catch up.

Sometimes it feels like I have much more sexual energy and desire now, than i has 30 years ago. Which is crazy, but not something i can control.

Good luck to all of you to find what you are looking for and not wreck your marriages in the process!

 

[Sanadack]

Sometimes it feels like I have much more sexual energy and desire now, than i has 30 years ago. Which is crazy, but not something i can control.

Nice post, thank you for sharing your story.

There's the libido part, we all change and sometimes it's amped up, sometimes not so much, and for some it's always up. But I think that if your libido is up as one get's older it makes sense that the sex only gets better - more confidence, knowledge (what you like, don't like, want) and let's face it, skill.

 

[30bandits]

Lol. Actually quite sick of talking if you know what I mean

mmm...hello....

 

[MiGuy1953]

Interesting

Late fifties couple, find myself in the same boat. Suddenly my wife has totally lost her sexdrive. This includes almost all forms of intimacy, including the casual type, holding hands, touch on the arm, nothing.
Its interesting that I'm not the only one. But my sexdrive and the need fo intimacy has increased
Afraid I too will seek a lover, or someone someone that desires the intimacy, a smile, a touch.
From the midwest, thanks again all for sharing.

 

[LordofChocolateSauce]

this may become the new hookup thread!!

someone is definitely promoting their hall pass

 

[BeginningAuthor]

Good luck to all of you to find what you are looking for and not wreck your marriages in the process!

Hi AnnieLit,

I hope you find what you are looking for. It is difficult to be miserable and missing something on the marriage end, but feeling guilty on the other as well.

Good luck on Fetlife, look into local events on the events tab and see if you can arrange to go to a few. Locals who will understand your issue and may be able to help.

 

[Twistedkink]

Sexless Marriage

My experience on Lit so far - about half of man here are in a completely sexless marriages, and another quarter are having regular sex, but not the kind they want.

Me... I guess another victim of the surge. In my late 30s went though a period of a few years when I had to make myself to have sex monthly, not even sure that I was getting to it every month and did not skip few.

Then at 40 things got better. And better. And better some more. I am 47 now, most nights it is ME asking for sex, he is happy just to go to sleep. I absolutely need it! I can live without the orgasms, but I can't without hugs and kisses, and feeling his hands on me.

And then there is kink... At about the same time I was coming back to life, I finally agreed to try some of the things he was asking for years for. That led to other things. Now all of that is part of our sex life. But only the staff that he likes. Things that I like either don't happen at all or I have to ask for them. And after a while asking gets pretty old.

So, mid 40s, not sexless, but often have to ask for any sex and even then it is usually not the kind I really want.

Solution? Unfortunately, not Lit. I played around here for a while, had few "relationships", but words, and voice, and even video chats can get you only so far, at some point you want to have it for real. But with Lit it is rarely possible - distances are too great, marriages on the other end are too strong. So chances to find somebody local are close to none.

For me it looks like solution is FetLife. Did not get to in person part there yet, but at least all connections are local and there it's ok to talk about the expected end result right from the start. We will see how that goes Still scary and I know it's unfair, he did wait for me to come back to life after all, but I can't. I don't know how much time of this surge do I have left, menopose is right around the corner, so I can't really afford to wait another 5 years for him to catch up.

Sometimes it feels like I have much more sexual energy and desire now, than i has 30 years ago. Which is crazy, but not something i can control.

Good luck to all of you to find what you are looking for and not wreck your marriages in the process!

Appreciated your post very much. For me the sex life with my wife is that once a month interaction and is not kinky at all. While I respect that she may not have the same desires, I do have my needs. I always find it interesting that people always talk about wanting the deepest love, the deepest intimacy and with complete honesty. But how do you achieve that without embracing each other’s deepest parts of our needs and desires. First we must feel comfortable sharing those with each other. But if we do not embrace those deep and dark desires we will never achieve the above mentioned qualities in our marriage. So I like all of you have turned to find my deeps desires outside my marriage. So far it has just been cyber fantasies, but some day I’m sure that will lead to more. I wish I could find this in my wife, but it has failed me I. This regard for too long and she has made it clear that discussing such thinks she wants no part of.

 

[Katiedidwhut]

.....

 

[busty_cpl_fun]

N, my wife, is a therapist and finds that many sexless marriages can be helped with a minimal amount of communication. Often times one big discussion about the state of things followed by time to reflect then a couple more small discussions can help significantly. Often times it’s just a couple that get in the mood two different ways.

For example, I like when my wife is overly sexual, slutty, and way over the top. She, on the other hand, wants to be treated like I’m trying to court her. Random “I love you”, random hugs and kisses, flowers for no reason, making out just to make out, etc. to me that stuff is boring after 15 years. But I know that if I invest some time then it’ll help her do the same for me by wearing revealing clothing, “accidentally” brushing against my dick while we’re in line at a store, or sending me sexy pictures from work.

Once a year or so it seems that we have an unplanned talk about where we feel happy and also neglected and we fix things. It’s work but after a while it becomes second nature. We aren’t special—this can be the case for any relationship out there.

 

[OX2]

I'm a 57 year old MWM in a good marriage. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But my wife is very content with sex once a month or so on the average..... and I am as obsessed with sex now as I was in my teens and 20's. Glad to know I'm not alone....

I know what you mean. My wife is the same way. Told me last night she had to get up early and gave me a hard no. We both get up at the same time. Her libido was never very high, and now at 52, it's definitely in neutral. I have met a few women on here that are in the same boat with their husbands, so this isn't too new. But it's good to have a place to meet with women that have the same issues. They don't want to cheat on their husbands but need to get laid. I have a friend on here that was in that state, finally got herself a friend with benefits and no chains. She's pretty content with that. A couple of times I've thought about asking my wife if it's ok for me to find a mistress to take over the tasks she doesn't want to do. I mean, she doesn't like to dust or mop so we got a house cleaner. We'll see how that goes.

 

[Jack94]

My marriage was sexless for a very long time. There were other issues as well, that will go unspoken of here but I am willing to discuss through PM if anyone is remotely interested. The lack of desire and excitement actually led me into the arms of my best friend, who was going through a similar situation with her husband. The affair was intense and actually gave me the oomph I needed to get the divorce I needed in order to be whole again.

 

[The_gladiator]

When I got married I knew my wife didn't have the same sex drive that I had, but I figured it wouldn't matter, as long as we had sex semi regularly and we both made each other feel attractive, I didn't think it would be that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. As her libido diminished and mine increased I realized it was really important to me. I wish I'd know how much it would be earlier. I honestly don't know what I miss more, the actual sex, or simply feeling attractive to someone and wanted.

I could have written this post. It is so difficult being at a different place athan her. I miss feeling desireable so much. I love her dearly and my desire for intimacy with someone else takes nothing away from how I feel for her, but do not have the words to help tell her that she sees it as her failing or me not wanting her.

 

[Katiedidwhut]

.....

 

[Bpar721971]

Sexless Marriage

Hey Annielit and Katiedidwhut
Thanks for sharing your perspective from woman’s view. Appreciate us men are not the only ones dealing with this issue.

 

[sally_sparrow]

Unfortunately yes

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

I have been in a sexless marriage for a year now. It is incredibly depressing.

 

[WillJ8787]

sympathetic and empathetic

20 year marriage, first ten pretty good, second ten not so. Last five horrible.
Sex declined to once a month or less at times.

Try fucking someone who can't stop talking about her middle school kids she is teaching!

I vowed never to be in this situation again after divorcing. I met a very compatible sexual partner and things were spectacular for about 4 years. Now she is sick with cancer and just can't do anything. This is a terrible situation and I wish this had never happened to her. And, Sexlessness comes is all shapes and sizes.

So, I'm sticking with her til the end. She is the lover and partner I couldn't even imagine existed before meeting her. And I need sex!

So, I'm getting sex where I can and I'm not going to leave my partners side. Go figure this fucking life!?!?!? Both of us are on our second go arounds relationship-wise so we both realize that no one deserves to be held prisoner to anyone else and not have what they need.

find your happiness in the life...its too short and too difficult not to.

Will

 

[Girac]

I hate to be one of these dudes in a sexless marriage. I am on year 2 of my 2nd marriage and never had this issue with the 1st wife in the 18 years we been married, other issues buy not sex. I feel more alone now that when I was single

I am 50 year old male with a lot of energy and no ways to burn it off, my wife is 8 years younger and has low or no energy. Don't know what happened to cause that. Sigh...

Hoping to find some ladies to have fun with.

 

[lacandy]

When I started here I talked to several men who were in sexless marriages...some two years, some seven or eight years. I was astounded! I thought how can you NOT have sex...not feel that amazing skin against skin intamacy that happens during sex? I mean these men were attractive (at least I thought so) and smart and funny and I couldn’t believe that they felt unwanted and undesired....

And now? I’m three years into my marriage being one of those. We’ve never been super active sexually, but not a caress or anything that has made me feel desired or wanted in over three years. So, now I’m wondering how I got to this place and where do I go from here? *sigh*

I think really it’s having someone want and desire you that I miss most. I can get myself to where I want to go, but the trip is so much better when someone else is at the wheel

 

[newhere2learn]

So question anybody else have talks with the other half that go nowhere? I’ve hand multiple talks with her and I’ll see a tiny bit of change but it always goes back to her looking like she just doesn’t care and isn’t trying, I do the things she asks but get nothing back. It’s just weird

Used to try and discuss it, but she just gets angry and defensive. Goes one of two ways; she either claims my cock is small and I'm crap in bed (never complained for the first 5-7 years, had very good sex life) or becomes angry and brings up her health issues. Tells me I'm selfish and don't understand.

 

[GreenManOfTheWood]

Yep. Same situation over this way. Husband has t been intimate (not even hugs or kisses) for a bit over six years when he told me he’s now asexual.

I’ll go with others and say that while I abstained and behaved for six years... not so good a behavior as of this year. I have needs and not ready to live a life without sex.

VIVA LA SURGE!

It's funny Rivvie, you described my situation to a T, just flip the sexes of the players. It's just been longer than six years and this year the "good behavior" fell away ... just can't deny my own well-being any more.
When you wake up and realize that it's not OK to have to ask for a kiss on the cheek as you leave the house and that request is met with disdain ... it's a terrible moment but perhaps you have to have the terrible to find a way out of that place?
I have to agree that it's nice to read through this thread and see that "I am no alone" is a common statement. It's easier when others share your pain.
Here's to hoping that every single one of us finds a way to happiness that suits us.

 

[SIRealism]

I feel your pain

My marriage isn't totally sexless; it is just the next best thing.

My wife rarely wants to have sex, and will often have an excuse as to why we cannot. When we do, she is unresponsive, and it seems like she is just putting up with it to put an end to my annoying her.

 

[AnnieLit]

N, my wife, is a therapist and finds that many sexless marriages can be helped with a minimal amount of communication. Often times one big discussion about the state of things followed by time to reflect then a couple more small discussions can help significantly. Often times it’s just a couple that get in the mood two different ways.

For example, I like when my wife is overly sexual, slutty, and way over the top. She, on the other hand, wants to be treated like I’m trying to court her. Random “I love you”, random hugs and kisses, flowers for no reason, making out just to make out, etc. to me that stuff is boring after 15 years. But I know that if I invest some time then it’ll help her do the same for me by wearing revealing clothing, “accidentally” brushing against my dick while we’re in line at a store, or sending me sexy pictures from work.

Once a year or so it seems that we have an unplanned talk about where we feel happy and also neglected and we fix things. It’s work but after a while it becomes second nature. We aren’t special—this can be the case for any relationship out there.

And not withstanding all that, all your understanding and "unplanned" talks, both of you are still here on Lit. And not just reading stories for inspiration, but here on the discussion boards. Why? (no need to answer that)