What makes a good title/intro?

[IsaacTolkien]

I reposted an old story I'd originally written on ASSTR many years ago. It got a good number of views, a few comments, favorites, and followers.

Then I worked on a new story, collaborating with an editor. Naturally, after submitting it, I neurotically checked the site every ten minutes to see if it was published, and then continued constantly checking the view count, letting my self-esteem rise when it jumped, fall when it plateaued. The week since then has been one long roller coaster ride.

The new story ended up with fewer views than the old story. And yet, it doesn't seem weaker in any other metric. It got higher (though fewer) ratings, more comments, favorites and followers.

Where do views come from? I'm not an established writer with a reputation. It can only come from the title, intro, and rating. Since the new story had a higher rating, yet still ended up with fewer views, it looks like the title and intro are the decisive factors.

But what makes a good title and intro? I spent some time digging through the 'new' stories in each category and counting page views. Even writers with long track records didn't always get more views. Almost no patterns emerged - the only one I found was in Interracial, where intros with the word 'black' really did seem to get more views.

There are some outstanding stories where the title does not stand out, and there are stories with very promising titles that aren't that interesting.

So powerful is the 'title effect' that I wonder if it deserves a lot more effort. Perhaps I should spend as much time thinking of a super title as I do writing the story.

 

[NotWise]

Where do views come from? I'm not an established writer with a reputation. It can only come from the title, intro, and rating. Since the new story had a higher rating, yet still ended up with fewer views, it looks like the title and intro are the decisive factors.

The category you post the story in is probably the biggest variable that determines its views. Some categories (Loving Wives, Incest/Taboo) have a lot of readers, some have very few. Erotic Coupling gets a lot of stories and it's capable of producing a lot of views, but it doesn't always. Interracial is a small category.

Some readers also pick stories off the "New" list, and you can get views that way that don't depend on category viewers. You can also get bizarre comments from people who don't know what category the story is in.

But what makes a good title and intro? I spent some time digging through the 'new' stories in each category and counting page views. Even writers with long track records didn't always get more views. Almost no patterns emerged - the only one I found was in Interracial, where intros with the word 'black' really did seem to get more views.

There are some outstanding stories where the title does not stand out, and there are stories with very promising titles that aren't that interesting.

So powerful is the 'title effect' that I wonder if it deserves a lot more effort. Perhaps I should spend as much time thinking of a super title as I do writing the story.

Those are great questions, and I don't know that I can answer them. Different authors are all over the place in terms of how the title stories.

I started this thread a few months ago about how to write a good short description and had good responses.

 

[AfterDusk]

To me it seems that most of the views, initially, will come from being on the newly posted story list in each category. After you've built up a following of cultists, they help with the views and popularity. One thing I did notice in my fever pitch writing last year is that if you can keep a story on the newly published lists consistently, all of your others will benefit. Depending on the category this could mean publishing once every few days (like in nonhuman, which seems to be dominated by a few authors) or once every few weeks.

As far as the rest, well, I’d defer you to whatever standard creative writing pitch there is these days; grab the reader’s attention in the first paragraph, begin with action and throw them right into the scene, etc etc. There’s no standard formula obviously, and at some point someone will break the rules and succeed.

From my personal taste, things that will make me stop reading further are: beginning with a flashback, beginning with a journal entry, blatant character descriptions (“Jenny’s 32FFF tits offset her 17 inch waist nicely blah blah”), introducing an absurd amount of characters to the point where I can’t remember any of their names, obvious amateurs who think an online thesaurus makes them sound smarter (the inane ramblings of...), and last but not least characters with names I cannot pronounce.

As far as titles, well you’re on your own for that one. I’m shit at naming things. I have been working on a story for three plus years and it is saved as “X” on my laptop because I couldn’t figure out a title. Another one is saved as “Elves or Whatever”.

Good luck

 

[SimonDoom]

Titles and intros are two totally different things, so the issues with the two of them are different. I'll focus on titles.

First of all, every piece of advice about stories on Literotica needs to be prefaced with the point that you probably can find successful stories that violate every rule you might give. Story success is noisy and unpredictable. It may come down to such things as how many other stories in the same category happened to be published on the same day as yours, and how long the story appeared in the new story list. In Incest, for example so many stories are published every day that it's possible to publish a story that spends almost NO time on the new story list because it gets bumped off by others as soon as it's published. You're shit out of luck if that happens, and you won't get the views you want.

But, bad luck aside, there are things you can do to improve your chances of snaring readers with a good title:

1. Make an overt appeal to the readership of the category in which the story is published. This may not always apply, in categories like, say, erotic couplings. But it sure as hell applies in Incest. If I write an incest story about a mother, the word "Mom" always will appear in the title. Always. I'd be a fool to leave it out unless I am indifferent to the number of readers I have, which I'm not.

2. Make it clever, alliterative, catchy, poetic. It can only help.

3. Study the stories that do well. I did this, and I figured out that including the words "mom" and "seat" in your story title triggers a near-Pavlovian rat response from readers in the Incest category. My story "Late Night on the Loveseat with Mom", published two years ago, is by far my most popular and still gets hundreds of views every day. Its companion story, Late Night Under The Stars With Mom, though higher rated, has only one-third the views. It's missing the word "seat." I think that's a factor.

4. Study tags. Find out which tags are popular for searching or reading in various categories. Use tag words in your title. Use words that are titillating.

 

[AlinaX]

Just to add...

I often scroll through people's lists of favourites, and then it's the one-line description I'm reading rather than the title. The title itself is more useful for filtering out multi-chapter stories.

 

[ElectricBlue]

2. Make it clever, alliterative, catchy, poetic. It can only help.

Simon and his sister Suzy play dress-ups with Mom. She's a Domme .

 

[Bramblethorn]

Story success is noisy and unpredictable. It may come down to such things as how many other stories in the same category happened to be published on the same day as yours, and how long the story appeared in the new story list.

Yep. I had one chapter in a series that sat at the top of the New Stories page for about 8 hours, and another in the same series that was pushed off the first page as soon as it posted by a flood of other stories. I think it made about a 40% difference in views during that first week.

But, bad luck aside, there are things you can do to improve your chances of snaring readers with a good title:

1. Make an overt appeal to the readership of the category in which the story is published. This may not always apply, in categories like, say, erotic couplings. But it sure as hell applies in Incest. If I write an incest story about a mother, the word "Mom" always will appear in the title. Always. I'd be a fool to leave it out unless I am indifferent to the number of readers I have, which I'm not.

I go a different way on this. I usually aim for a title that is going to provoke curiosity: "The Wasp of St. Judith's", "Anjali's Red Scarf", etc. with little or no direct information about what kind of sexyfuntimes it contains; that I leave to category, blurb, and tags. I'm not sure whether this is better or worse at attracting readers, or at attracting the right kind of readers - is there somebody who's tried both approaches in the same category, who can compare them?

Simon and his sister Suzy play dress-ups with Mom. She's a Domme .

Title: "Dommy Mommy".

 

[Bramblethorn]

Re. intros, the main consideration for me is that an intro should set reader expectations for the story they're about to read.

Roger Ebert wrote in his review of Battlefield Earth: "The director... has learned from better films that directors sometimes tilt their cameras, but he has not learned why." Same applies for devices like flashback: used right they can be very effective, but don't throw them in just because the cool kids are doing it.

Sticking with cinema, Baz Luhrmann's Moulin Rouge is an excellent example of when to use flashback. He begins with "The woman I loved is dead", and then flashes back to tell the story of Christian and Satine's romance, ending with her death. The flashback flips the emotional shape of the story upside down: we already know she's going to die, so that doesn't come as a let-down at the end, and we're able to feel good about the moral victory that she and Christian win.

Aside from managing expectations about unhappy endings, it's often a good idea to use the intro to show readers something of the heart of the story: what is it that's important about this one? What is this going to be about?

For instance, my current work in progress is about two women who've known one another for years before they accidentally (?) end up in a sex-for-money arrangement. That backstory is important to the dynamic of their relationship, but it's also long, and if I just told it in chronological order my readers would probably wonder "where the fuck is this going, if it even is going anywhere?" So I lead with the moment where Anjali tells Sarah that she's thinking of going into escorting, as my way of telling readers "this is the kind of story I'm writing here", before going back to how they met.

 

[8letters]

I go a different way on this. I usually aim for a title that is going to provoke curiosity: "The Wasp of St. Judith's", "Anjali's Red Scarf", etc. with little or no direct information about what kind of sexyfuntimes it contains; that I leave to category, blurb, and tags. I'm not sure whether this is better or worse at attracting readers, or at attracting the right kind of readers - is there somebody who's tried both approaches in the same category, who can compare them?

I can give you two examples of two very similar stories being published about the same time, one with a non-descriptive title and one with a good-but-not-great title, and the one with the non-descriptive title is doing much worse for views and comments.

"My European Summer Vacation" and "Quixotic Rapprochement" are both brother-sister stories that finished second and third in the 2016 Summer Lovin' contest. Both have 4.84 ratings. "My European Summer Vacation" has 617.7K views, 639 favorites and 148 comments. "Quixotic Rapprochement" has 266.8K views, 326 favorites and 105 comments.

"My Cookie-Baking Sister" and "Folie à Deux" were published withing three days of each other and both are brother-sister stories. They have very similar ratings (4.76 and 4.74). "My Cookie-Baking Sister" has 139.4k views, 327 favorites and 60 comments. "Folie à Deux" has 46.2k views, 114 favorites and 32 comments.

 

[8letters]

1. Make an overt appeal to the readership of the category in which the story is published. This may not always apply, in categories like, say, erotic couplings. But it sure as hell applies in Incest. If I write an incest story about a mother, the word "Mom" always will appear in the title. Always. I'd be a fool to leave it out unless I am indifferent to the number of readers I have, which I'm not.

To me, your title should give a strong hint as to what type of kink the story contains. For I/T stories, that means putting the type of incest in the title (LoveCraft68 argued this in his How To for writing incest). If it's a mom-son story told from the son's point of view, "Mom" should be in the title. If it's a brother-sister story told from the brother's point of view, "Sister" should be in the title.

2. Make it clever, alliterative, catchy, poetic. It can only help.

I don't think those work.

My story "Late Night on the Loveseat with Mom", published two years ago, is by far my most popular and still gets hundreds of views every day. Its companion story, Late Night Under The Stars With Mom, though higher rated, has only one-third the views. It's missing the word "seat." I think that's a factor.

I think a great title conjures up an appealing picture in the reader's mind. "Late Night on the Loveseat with Mom" makes me picture a mom and son on a loveseat late at night. I'd think that picture would really appeal to readers whose kink is mom-and-son stories. "Late Night Under The Stars With Mom", while descriptive, doesn't give me the same clear, appealing picture.

 

[SimonDoom]

I can give you two examples of two very similar stories being published about the same time, one with a non-descriptive title and one with a good-but-not-great title, and the one with the non-descriptive title is doing much worse for views and comments.

"My European Summer Vacation" and "Quixotic Rapprochement" are both brother-sister stories that finished second and third in the 2016 Summer Lovin' contest. Both have 4.84 ratings. "My European Summer Vacation" has 617.7K views, 639 favorites and 148 comments. "Quixotic Rapprochement" has 266.8K views, 326 favorites and 105 comments.

"My Cookie-Baking Sister" and "Folie à Deux" were published withing three days of each other and both are brother-sister stories. They have very similar ratings (4.76 and 4.74). "My Cookie-Baking Sister" has 139.4k views, 327 favorites and 60 comments. "Folie à Deux" has 46.2k views, 114 favorites and 32 comments.

These are good examples of how the practical approach to choosing a title can work.

You can also use the title and tagline in tandem to (a) give the reader a better idea what the story is about than the category alone does, and (b) tease the reader in a playful way.

8Letters did this with "My Lingerie-Loving Sister Moves In." That's a great title because it gives you a clear, and titillating, picture in your mind about the story. And the tagline is this: "We're definitely not going to . . ." which plays to the incest readers' desire to see reluctance and the sense of taboo come into play with the characters. That story was very successful.

I did this with Late Night on the Loveseat with Mom. The tagline is "Mom and son get under the blanket, and well . . ." Another teasing use of the ellipsis. You know darn well what's going to happen, but the tagline implies tentativeness and something that happens that is unintended. These are themes that work well in incest. That story has done well.

It all depends on the category and the type of story. Every different type of erotic story has different themes that work well, so work with those when you come up with the title and tagline.

 

[SimonDoom]

I tentatively disagree with 8Letters that poetry, catchiness, and alliteration don't work in titles. I think it depends. If it comes off as goofy then it can kill the mood, and that's bad for erotica.

I do try, within limited space, to come up with titles that to some degree emphasize poetic meter and alliteration, if possible. I think it may make a little difference.

In "Late Night on the Love Seat with Mom", for example, "Late Night" and "Love Seat" are parallel two-syllable noun phrases consisting of two single syllable words, where the emphasis is on the first syllable (they're trochees). I think the use of trochaic units gives the title a rhythm. The title ends decisively with the most important word one can have: "mom." I think the title has an appealing rhythm, and I think that helps.

In my story "Photoshoot for Bobby's Fiancee", my title begins and ends with dactylic units (three syllables with the emphasis on the first) both of which start with the "F" sound. That story has received a decent number of views for a story in the Exhibitionist category.

In "Slut Lessons for Scott's Wife" I again have two noun phrases that begin with words that start with the same letter: S. The meter isn't consistent, but in both phrases the emphasis is on the first words that start with the same letter, and I think the repetition of sound and emphasis give it a rhythm. That story also has received a respectable number of views for a story in the Exhibitionist category.

Maybe the number of views has nothing to do with such considerations, but I think every little thing helps.

 

[8letters]

I tentatively disagree with 8Letters that poetry, catchiness, and alliteration don't work in titles. I think it depends. If it comes off as goofy then it can kill the mood, and that's bad for erotica.

I do try, within limited space, to come up with titles that to some degree emphasize poetic meter and alliteration, if possible. I think it may make a little difference.

In "Late Night on the Love Seat with Mom", for example, "Late Night" and "Love Seat" are parallel two-syllable noun phrases consisting of two single syllable words, where the emphasis is on the first syllable (they're trochees). I think the use of trochaic units gives the title a rhythm. The title ends decisively with the most important word one can have: "mom." I think the title has an appealing rhythm, and I think that helps.

In my story "Photoshoot for Bobby's Fiancee", my title begins and ends with dactylic units (three syllables with the emphasis on the first) both of which start with the "F" sound. That story has received a decent number of views for a story in the Exhibitionist category.

In "Slut Lessons for Scott's Wife" I again have two noun phrases that begin with words that start with the same letter: S. The meter isn't consistent, but in both phrases the emphasis is on the first words that start with the same letter, and I think the repetition of sound and emphasis give it a rhythm. That story also has received a respectable number of views for a story in the Exhibitionist category.

Maybe the number of views has nothing to do with such considerations, but I think every little thing helps.

Those had a far more subtle use of poetry and alliteration than I was thinking of.

I was thinking of stories the use the same letter to start every word of the title like "Super Sexy Slut Sister Sucks Superbly". Or a silly rhyme like the above "Dommy Mommy". Or the overly clever "My Home-Cumming". Those don't bring pictures to my mind. They make me think that writer is going to be trite or overly clever in his/her story.

 

[SimonDoom]

Those had a far more subtle use of poetry and alliteration than I was thinking of.

I was thinking of stories the use the same letter to start every word of the title like "Super Sexy Slut Sister Sucks Superbly". Or a silly rhyme like the above "Dommy Mommy". Or the overly clever "My Home-Cumming". Those don't bring pictures to my mind. They make me think that writer is going to be trite or overly clever in his/her story.

Agree 100%. Since this is erotica, you need to seduce the potential reader. Being silly might be sexy for some (how's that for alliteration) but it will turn off most.

It is possible to write a really good erotica story that skirts, or sometimes crosses, the boundaries of the absurd and ridiculous. An excellent example is Specter Dugan's "Use Your Sisters Instead", which is based upon a completely outlandish and semi-comical premise but (IMO) works. The title is good because it uses the words "sisters" and it hints at the plot idea without completely giving it away. It's one of the most-viewed stories on Literotica of the last two years.

 

[gordo12]

For me the simplest explanation is: it's like fishing.

Bait the hook with something that makes them bite. Curiosity. Without giving away the story.

Any copywriter will tell you the major hook is in the title and the first few words of text are designed to set that hook. A copywriter can spend up to 50% of their time just designing the title.

You just have seconds to grab their attention and get that click. They say 8 seconds, but I'd bet on Lit, skimming a long series of titles and descriptions, that figure is a lot less.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I can give you two examples of two very similar stories being published about the same time, one with a non-descriptive title and one with a good-but-not-great title, and the one with the non-descriptive title is doing much worse for views and comments.

"My European Summer Vacation" and "Quixotic Rapprochement" are both brother-sister stories that finished second and third in the 2016 Summer Lovin' contest. Both have 4.84 ratings. "My European Summer Vacation" has 617.7K views, 639 favorites and 148 comments. "Quixotic Rapprochement" has 266.8K views, 326 favorites and 105 comments.

"My Cookie-Baking Sister" and "Folie à Deux" were published withing three days of each other and both are brother-sister stories. They have very similar ratings (4.76 and 4.74). "My Cookie-Baking Sister" has 139.4k views, 327 favorites and 60 comments. "Folie à Deux" has 46.2k views, 114 favorites and 32 comments.

That does seem pretty clear. I wonder if it works the same in other categories. Probably not going to change my titling approach since I'm not looking to maximise views, but I'm always interested in understanding how these things work.

 

[gordo12]

I can give you two examples of two very similar stories being published about the same time, one with a non-descriptive title and one with a good-but-not-great title, and the one with the non-descriptive title is doing much worse for views and comments.

"My European Summer Vacation" and "Quixotic Rapprochement" are both brother-sister stories that finished second and third in the 2016 Summer Lovin' contest. Both have 4.84 ratings. "My European Summer Vacation" has 617.7K views, 639 favorites and 148 comments. "Quixotic Rapprochement" has 266.8K views, 326 favorites and 105 comments.

"My Cookie-Baking Sister" and "Folie à Deux" were published withing three days of each other and both are brother-sister stories. They have very similar ratings (4.76 and 4.74). "My Cookie-Baking Sister" has 139.4k views, 327 favorites and 60 comments. "Folie à Deux" has 46.2k views, 114 favorites and 32 comments.

Do you have a separate ID. I don't see half those stories in your list?

 

[8letters]

Do you have a separate ID. I don't see half those stories in your list?

The first of each pair is my story. My European Summer Vacation and My Cookie-Baking Sister. The second of each pair was some other author's story published at about the same time as mine. Quixotic Rapprochement and Folie à Deux.

 

[SimonDoom]

Do you have a separate ID. I don't see half those stories in your list?

In each of his pairings, the second story was by another author. Folie a Deux was by AwkwardMD. Quixotic Rapprochment was by Mindsmirror.

 

[8letters]

In each of his pairings, the second story was by another author. Folie a Deux was by AwkwardMD. Quixotic Rapprochment was by Mindsmirror.

Jinx!

 

[SimonDoom]

Jinx!

Great minds . . .. Or, at least, perverted minds . . ..

 

[NotWise]

I have some issue with the guidance so far. If i have a story with more character and plot than sex, then titling the story something remarkably shallow will lead readers to think they're going to get a stroker.

It's my story. They aren't getting a stroker, and If I draw readers in under false pretenses, then some will be mad.

I don't need or want to title stories to draw in readers who won't like the story. On the other hand, an esoteric title, like my working title for my current story, is probably not going to do me much good.

 

[SimonDoom]

titling the story something remarkably shallow

Let me challenge you on your assumption. What do you mean by "shallow"?

Without knowing what your story is about, there's no way to address your concern in a meaningful and specific way. I'm going to call "foul", however, if your interpretation of my advice is that you should be shallow.

My advice -- which anyone is free to reject -- is to write your story according to whatever artistic muses guide you, but once you've done that, use this Site's features to grab as many eyeballs for your story as possible. That means being practical when it comes to things like titles and taglines. "Practical" does not mean "shallow." Feel free to come up with whatever title you think will do the best job attracting the readers that will like your story. But be mindful that the selection of a title may make a difference. I strongly believe this to be true. I think the evidence, if you wish to look at it, demonstrates this to be true, notwithstanding the fact that one easily can find examples to the contrary.

The reality on this Site is that you may have only seconds to grab a reader's attention. So your choice of title makes a difference. If that doesn't matter to you, that's fine. But it's clear from the many threads people initiate on these kinds of questions that many authors DO care about connecting with more readers. So, for them, I think this advice is useful.

 

[NotWise]

Let me challenge you on your assumption. What do you mean by "shallow"?

Without knowing what your story is about, there's no way to address your concern in a meaningful and specific way. I'm going to call "foul", however, if your interpretation of my advice is that you should be shallow.

That's pretty straightforward. The story is about goals and relationships. There is sex involved, but titling the story to emphasize the sex not only downplays what the story is about, but it also draws readers in who will not like the emphasis of the story. Sex is the "shallow" part of the story.

My advice -- which anyone is free to reject -- is to write your story according to whatever artistic muses guide you, but once you've done that, use this Site's features to grab as many eyeballs for your story as possible. That means being practical when it comes to things like titles and taglines. "Practical" does not mean "shallow." Feel free to come up with whatever title you think will do the best job attracting the readers that will like your story. But be mindful that the selection of a title may make a difference. I strongly believe this to be true. I think the evidence, if you wish to look at it, demonstrates this to be true, notwithstanding the fact that one easily can find examples to the contrary.

The reality on this Site is that you may have only seconds to grab a reader's attention. So your choice of title makes a difference. If that doesn't matter to you, that's fine. But it's clear from the many threads people initiate on these kinds of questions that many authors DO care about connecting with more readers. So, for them, I think this advice is useful.

I recall that you came onto the forum with the goal of getting as many views as you could. That's fine, but that's your goal, not mine. I've always had the idea that there was a "target market" among the Lit readers who would appreciate my stories, while the broader community might not.

I don't want to use titles and/or short descriptions that target my stories to an audience that doesn't want them. I can probably do better than I'm doing now, but I don't want to promote my stories to people who don't want to read them.

 

[ElectricBlue]

The reality on this Site is that you may have only seconds to grab a reader's attention. So your choice of title makes a difference. If that doesn't matter to you, that's fine. But it's clear from the many threads people initiate on these kinds of questions that many authors DO care about connecting with more readers. So, for them, I think this advice is useful.

Agree. A title is definitely a filter which works both ways. I'll look at some of the story titles using the "grab the eyeball" techniques mentioned in this thread, and I'll walk right on by, I won't even take a look. What signifies "A" tends to give you "A," I've found. Give me some French, any day .