4th submission

[ShaynMackenzie]

I have completed my second story. My first story was split into 3 separate parts.

I intend to build off this current story as I started it as a submission for the April Fools contest, but the characters in the story had another opinion on that matter.

The story went in a totally different direction.

I would love feedback on the story.

https://www.literotica.com/s/dantes-story

 

[storm_usmc]

Need an editor

I have completed my second story. My first story was split into 3 separate parts.

I intend to build off this current story as I started it as a submission for the April Fools contest, but the characters in the story had another opinion on that matter.

The story went in a totally different direction.

I would love feedback on the story.

https://www.literotica.com/s/dantes-story

I saw you get a lot of anon feedback for editor and your responses on the other stories. The story is interesting but very fast paced, try to have it not be so abrupt. You really do need an editor. I get what you say about wanting to put the content out there, but you miss the fact that people invariably turn away from a story that is poorly (grammatically) written.

 

[Tigersman]

consistency

I enjoyed the story but you had two cases of consistency problems. Both dealt with what the woman was wearing. First describing having sex with one person you describe her in a shirt then switch it to a blouse. The second time you did the same.

 

[NotWise]

I enjoyed the story but you had two cases of consistency problems. Both dealt with what the woman was wearing. First describing having sex with one person you describe her in a shirt then switch it to a blouse. The second time you did the same.

And the difference between a woman's shirt and a blouse is...?

 

[KeithD]

And the difference between a woman's shirt and a blouse is...?

Which side the buttons are on?

 

[Tigersman]

And the difference between a woman's shirt and a blouse is...?

A woman's blouse buttons up the opposite of a man's plus it usually has darts on both sides which allows for her breasts. In the story the author was switching in the same paragraph.