Do you have a goals or a bucket list?

[pink]

I went a majority of my life not really having goals. When others talked of goals, I felt weird that I never have had them.

For some odd reason lately I've started thinking of things I'd like to do.



One is learn to play the guitar. I've been looking at guitars. There are 2 or 3 people here in town who give lessons.

I'd like to start a card collection from old tv shows that I watched as a kid.


Do you have Goals? Do you have a bucket list?

 

[y=mx+b]

I keep thinking I should.
I keep making attempts to

You know... to maintain focus and direction
And bring about a sense of purpose and accomplishment.


But it always falls apart.

 

[oralaccents]

I went a majority of my life not really having goals. When others talked of goals, I felt weird that I never have had them.

For some odd reason lately I've started thinking of things I'd like to do.



One is learn to play the guitar. I've been looking at guitars. There are 2 or 3 people here in town who give lessons.

I'd like to start a card collection from old tv shows that I watched as a kid.


Do you have Goals? Do you have a bucket list?

Just yesterday I booked a European vacation for August; landing in Frankfurt, renting a convertible and will be chasing euroskirt for two weeks.

An Evening with Dolf is penciled in, pending her taking me off ignore. I hope to sniff the nape of her neck.

 

[pantalaimonlyra]

I have a goal to complete a 500 hour ryt, and go back to school for a yoga therapy degree. Small steps, but working towards something is really rewarding for me.

 

[CandiCame]

I did but then I did it.

When I was in therapy I made a goal chart and it had a bunch of shit on it, get the nursery built, go back to school for something I would actually like and stick with, get off narcotics, meet my dates for NA and shit, get a job in my field to pay the bills, etc.

But I did that shit and all of that was like... stuff I HAD to do. Like there was no not doing it or there would be real consequences. If I didn't get all my shit out of that room and make it suitable to put a kid in, I would have nowhere to put my kid. If I didn't go back to school and get a job I would have no money to support my kid. If I didn't get off drugs and prove it I could lose custody-

Actually, typing all that out I realize I didn't really have goals I just wanted to not lose my kid. It was really just the one goal.

Anyway, my point is, now that there's no fire under my ass from an outside source I don't do anything. I don't even do little things. We cracked the sink in the bathroom and I bought a new one to put in and it is, hand to god, still sitting on the counter like a year later.

Bitesize started brushing her teeth by herself two years ago, and we got this little like, "Kid's first toothbrushing" kit that was spiderman themed (she was gonna marry spiderman at the time, it was this whole thing, bitch thought spiderman powers were like an STD or something, idk, she thought if she married spiderman she got spider powers. She was like 2.) It had this web thing that you glued to the mirror. Well she broke that not even a month later and the toothbrush wouldn't fit in it anymore because she fucking FULL BODY SLAMMED the toothbrush into it every time. Guess what's still on my mirror? If you said a broken piece of spiderman crap, you are correct. I could pry that off and throw it away in like 10 minutes. But I haven't.

I only do things if I have a reason, I think. I'm not a good self-motivator. Also I don't really have anything I want. I can just be a piece of shit who doesn't speak multiple languages or play musical instruments or make a lot of money or whatever and just be completely cool with it. I don't have ambition.

And I know I should do those things, I know those are personal flaws that I just don't work on but... I have always been lazy, my whole life. I hate doing things, like anything. My ideal life would be me sitting on my ass playing video games and ordering pizza to keep myself alive while people bring me weed until I die.

And when you're a lazy sack of shit at your core it is so hard to set goals because you just... cannot give a shit because you don't want the thing. Like to set goals you have- I know how to make vision charts and shit, I know how goals work. But the core tenant of the goal is "I want X, now I will break it down into steps so I can achieve it! Goal 1, Goal 2, etc."

But I just really don't want anything?? I have absolutely no ambition. And I don't have that core concept that I would need to make goals so I just don't. I just kinda float through life while stuff happens around me.

And this is shit that I know I have to do or I will die. Like picture a nerd. Did you picture a scrawny pale guy with greasy black hair and glasses? That's me. I live in the middle of the woods. Do you know how easy it would be for me to take my dog and hike a couple of miles, like even for like 20 minutes a day? You know why I don't do that? Because I'm fucking lazy.

Like here's the chart I would need for "Living past 40"
-quit smoking
-get rid of the deep fryer like gf keeps bitching about and use the air fryer
-drink water instead of kool-aid
-get off your ass for like half an hour

That's a four step to-do list and I haven't done step one in the last like, five years, because I don't give a shit.

You know, part of this might be crippling depression.

 

[pink]

I'm confused between the terms "goals" and "bucket list."

What is the difference or is it mearly semantics?

 

[AnneSexton]

I did but then I did it.

When I was in therapy I made a goal chart and it had a bunch of shit on it, get the nursery built, go back to school for something I would actually like and stick with, get off narcotics, meet my dates for NA and shit, get a job in my field to pay the bills, etc.

But I did that shit and all of that was like... stuff I HAD to do. Like there was no not doing it or there would be real consequences. If I didn't get all my shit out of that room and make it suitable to put a kid in, I would have nowhere to put my kid. If I didn't go back to school and get a job I would have no money to support my kid. If I didn't get off drugs and prove it I could lose custody-

Actually, typing all that out I realize I didn't really have goals I just wanted to not lose my kid. It was really just the one goal.

Anyway, my point is, now that there's no fire under my ass from an outside source I don't do anything. I don't even do little things. We cracked the sink in the bathroom and I bought a new one to put in and it is, hand to god, still sitting on the counter like a year later.

Bitesize started brushing her teeth by herself two years ago, and we got this little like, "Kid's first toothbrushing" kit that was spiderman themed (she was gonna marry spiderman at the time, it was this whole thing, bitch thought spiderman powers were like an STD or something, idk, she thought if she married spiderman she got spider powers. She was like 2.) It had this web thing that you glued to the mirror. Well she broke that not even a month later and the toothbrush wouldn't fit in it anymore because she fucking FULL BODY SLAMMED the toothbrush into it every time. Guess what's still on my mirror? If you said a broken piece of spiderman crap, you are correct. I could pry that off and throw it away in like 10 minutes. But I haven't.

I only do things if I have a reason, I think. I'm not a good self-motivator. Also I don't really have anything I want. I can just be a piece of shit who doesn't speak multiple languages or play musical instruments or make a lot of money or whatever and just be completely cool with it. I don't have ambition.

And I know I should do those things, I know those are personal flaws that I just don't work on but... I have always been lazy, my whole life. I hate doing things, like anything. My ideal life would be me sitting on my ass playing video games and ordering pizza to keep myself alive while people bring me weed until I die.

And when you're a lazy sack of shit at your core it is so hard to set goals because you just... cannot give a shit because you don't want the thing. Like to set goals you have- I know how to make vision charts and shit, I know how goals work. But the core tenant of the goal is "I want X, now I will break it down into steps so I can achieve it! Goal 1, Goal 2, etc."

But I just really don't want anything?? I have absolutely no ambition. And I don't have that core concept that I would need to make goals so I just don't. I just kinda float through life while stuff happens around me.

And this is shit that I know I have to do or I will die. Like picture a nerd. Did you picture a scrawny pale guy with greasy black hair and glasses? That's me. I live in the middle of the woods. Do you know how easy it would be for me to take my dog and hike a couple of miles, like even for like 20 minutes a day? You know why I don't do that? Because I'm fucking lazy.

Like here's the chart I would need for "Living past 40"
-quit smoking
-get rid of the deep fryer like gf keeps bitching about and use the air fryer
-drink water instead of kool-aid
-get off your ass for like half an hour

That's a four step to-do list and I haven't done step one in the last like, five years, because I don't give a shit.

You know, part of this might be crippling depression.

I love this post so much. If you wrote a book I would read it.

 

[AnneSexton]

I really struggled with resolutions this year. I couldn’t think of a single thing I want bad enough to actually work for it. Not one. I used to want to be promoted, make a difference, travel to India, work abroad, write a family history, contribute something meaningful... Then I went and did those things and more things and better things and stupid things and now I’m just old, and miserable, and tired. I feel finished. Like Jesus Christ I’ve done enough. Most days I just think, dear god, can this life please be over soon. I’m so tired. Please let me die tonight.

 

[AnneSexton]

I'm confused between the terms "goals" and "bucket list."

What is the difference or is it mearly semantics?

I think of goals as any size thing you want to accomplish. Lose ten pounds. Be promoted. Write a book.

I think of bucket list as a list of pretty big goals you want to accomplish before you die. Hike Kilimanjaro. Earn a Michelin Star. Achieve enlightenment.

 

[oralaccents]

I really struggled with resolutions this year. I couldn’t think of a single thing I want bad enough to actually work for it. Not one. I used to want to be promoted, make a difference, travel to India, work abroad, write a family history, contribute something meaningful... Then I went and did those things and more things and better things and stupid things and now I’m just old, and miserable, and tired. I feel finished. Like Jesus Christ I’ve done enough. Most days I just think, dear god, can this life please be over soon. I’m so tired. Please let me die tonight.

Bucket List, right?

 

[jaF0]

My goal is the total and complete annihilation of all humans and all traces of past human existence.



OK, more of a wish really.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I went a majority of my life not really having goals. When others talked of goals, I felt weird that I never have had them.

For some odd reason lately I've started thinking of things I'd like to do.



One is learn to play the guitar. I've been looking at guitars. There are 2 or 3 people here in town who give lessons.

I'd like to start a card collection from old tv shows that I watched as a kid.


Do you have Goals? Do you have a bucket list?

Finish school.

Become a counselor.

Have children.

My husband's goal is to have his own restaurant someday. So that becomes my goal as well, I suppose.

 

[CandiCame]

I love this post so much. If you wrote a book I would read it.

How to do Fuck All - By Candicame

Guys I really, sincerely need to quit smoking. It's a bad influence and a bad habit and I need to stop. How do you guys get motivation to do things?

 

[AnneSexton]

How to do Fuck All - By Candicame

Guys I really, sincerely need to quit smoking. It's a bad influence and a bad habit and I need to stop. How do you guys get motivation to do things?

I know fuckall about motivating myself, but I do know that when I quit smoking a year and half ago it helped a bunch that I simultaneously started a new job because that change in routine eliminated most of my usual smoking triggers. So, I guess my advice is to get a new job in an industry where you’re stuck in conference calls all day and smoking is frowned-upon. (The patches also helped me.)

 

[AnneSexton]

P.S. Perfect title.

 

[AnneSexton]

Bucket List, right?

Stop flirting with me, Lance. I’m not gonna wear a bodystalking to work for you.

 

[pantalaimonlyra]

How to do Fuck All - By Candicame

Guys I really, sincerely need to quit smoking. It's a bad influence and a bad habit and I need to stop. How do you guys get motivation to do things?

Have you ever read Hyperbole and a Half? I think you'd get a kick out of it. I've read it a handful of times and crack up still.

 

[CandiCame]

Have you ever read Hyperbole and a Half? I think you'd get a kick out of it. I've read it a handful of times and crack up still.

I have not, but I'm gonna google it right now.

Is it a webcomic?

 

[pantalaimonlyra]

I have not, but I'm gonna google it right now.

Is it a webcomic?

It's written by Allie Brosh. Memoir in book form cobbled together from her webcomic/blog. She's just wonderfully real and hysterical.

 

[adrina]

It's really only been recently that I have thought of such things. I have spent so many years just pretty much surviving that the idea of thriving... well, that wasn't something I even thought about. Honestly.

Thing is... when I look back it's not like I have to struggle to do things. So it's all very silly for me to be starting this late with purposeful goals. I got good grades without having to work excessively hard for them, went to college, got a degree, got a job, moved across country, found a new life, quit smoking, quit drinking, saved my teeth... I was able to accomplish a lot. But those don't feel like goals. They just feel like a sequence of events I lived through. Well the quitting drinking and saving my teeth was huge. And took some effort.

But fear is a powerful motivator.

Smoking was odd. I had been trying for about a year and a half. I'd just got back from vacationing with some smoking friends and had indulged. It was awful. I couldn't breathe normally for a month. So that was that. I quit and haven't smoked since - nor had the conscious desire. The dreams are irritating - I still dream I smoke now and then. It's weird.

But a couple years ago I needed to do some things for myself. I needed to get a new job. I needed to quit smoking pot for a while to do that. Considering I come from a stoner family... well, there you go. I saved my teeth so I figured I could. So I quit smoking, worked on my resume and waited until I peed clean to do the job search in earnest. Every day I worked my regular job and then I would come home and look for a new job. It was awful. I mean really awful. Ten eleven hour work days essentially, endless applications, phone interviews, in person interviews, the rejections, or worse the silence. And no pot to smoke to get me through it. I spent the money shopping for clothes, I built a new wardrobe. And shopping was a distraction.

I had a silly thread about self motivation. I posted some of the smarmiest, most ridiculous things. Almost nauseating in some senses. But it worked. It kept me on track. It kept me pushing through. When I would get tired and feel overwhelmed, I'd go in search of quotes to inspire and motivate me. I would re-read the thread remembering each moment that I felt low and that it forced a refinement, an improvement that put me closer to where I wanted to be.

I did find the new job. With the pay and benefits I had come to want while going through the process - which was considerably more than when I started. Honestly I think that was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was a humbling, grueling, enlightening and rewarding process. I think it helped that I started with the attitude of listening to the help and advice offered - several people on Lit were instrumental in my success.

I think after writing all this (universe only knows why I'm feeling so talkative) I think it comes down to what I just said up there.... where I wanted to be. Where I want to be and what I can do to get there. Since I've not spent a lot of time thinking about it in the past I can't say I have ready answers. I do know it is important to be cautious in one's goals. Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it thing.

It's really a big experiment in a lot of ways.

I am in the process of figuring out (or trying at least ha) what I really want. I'm in a position I've never been before. I've got some serious thinking to do.

In bocca al lupo.

 

[patient1]

How to do Fuck All - By Candicame

Guys I really, sincerely need to quit smoking. It's a bad influence and a bad habit and I need to stop. How do you guys get motivation to do things?

First, know yourself. I know from trying to change habits, quitting stuff, adding things into my life, Lent, saving money ... whatever, that cold turkey isn't the answer for me. Why? Because all I do is obsess 10,000 times a day. Eventually I'll screw up and give up, because the change seems like more trouble than it's worth.


For example, I had kidney stones, and REALLY wanted to not repeat the experience. I drank a lot of black tea, so that was the likely contributor of kidney stone material. I knew that if I tried to quit I would fail. So I planned to cut down to one cup a day. Every time I wished for a cup of tea, I would relax, knowing I would have the next one to start tomorrow. Sure, sometimes I broke my rules and had a second cup. I simply skipped the next day as a penalty. I HATED that, but I knew I could look forward to my next one, put it out of my mind until the time came. I learned to slow down and savor that daily tea. Once I made that the new habit, I sometimes skipped tea for a day. At one a day it lost it's power over me, and I could quit completely, or only indulge when I needed caffeine, or switch to green tea, or maybe only drink it in a social setting.

Some things I can approach as a once a week thing, and look forward to that. I can start an exercise program with one daily pushup, situp, lift, lap or whatever, and simply add one each week.

But maybe you're one of those cold turkey people that are better off getting rid of all of the "teabags" in your home and car and stop associating with the other tea drinkers in your workplace and socially, because you can't self regulate or resist temptation very well.

I'm not judging, I'm simply saying know yourself. One of those approaches will work better for you. When one fails, try the other. When you know which is more successful, keep trying.

I've known some other cases. An article by an automotive writer who realized he'd smoked away his dream Ferrari, quit and started saving the money. As I say, smokers literally have money to burn. One of my co-workers could never quit. Eventually her Dad got lung cancer and she took off time to take care of him until he died. Then she quit.


In your case, maybe you need to do it for your daughter. So she can have a phone or pony or car or trip to Disney or an education or something. So she doesn't have to watch you die from lung cancer. So you can be around to play with your grandchildren. But you need an answer for when it doesn't seem worth it and you wonder why you're making yourself miserable.


So 1) make up your mind to change your life. 2) know the reason why 3) choose to taper, limit, or quit. 4) When you fail, keep trying. Because 2).

Usually my motivation comes from not wanting to become "that guy". The one with the heart bypass. Or sticking needles in his belly and having his toes amputated. Or drowning in his own body fluids. I don't want the pain or expense or limitations of those diseases.

 

[Comshaw]

I'm confused between the terms "goals" and "bucket list."

What is the difference or is it mearly semantics?

Goals are set when your young, energetic and think you have all the time in the world to accomplish them.

A Bucket list is made when you're old and wore out (me) and have a list of things you still want to accomplish stuffed into the finite time you have left.

The only difference is the view: one from the beginning with your whole life ahead of you, one close to the end with the majority of that life behind you.


Comshaw

 

[CandiCame]

First, know yourself. I know from trying to change habits, quitting stuff, adding things into my life, Lent, saving money ... whatever, that cold turkey isn't the answer for me. Why? Because all I do is obsess 10,000 times a day. Eventually I'll screw up and give up, because the change seems like more trouble than it's worth.


For example, I had kidney stones, and REALLY wanted to not repeat the experience. I drank a lot of black tea, so that was the likely contributor of kidney stone material. I knew that if I tried to quit I would fail. So I planned to cut down to one cup a day. Every time I wished for a cup of tea, I would relax, knowing I would have the next one to start tomorrow. Sure, sometimes I broke my rules and had a second cup. I simply skipped the next day as a penalty. I HATED that, but I knew I could look forward to my next one, put it out of my mind until the time came. I learned to slow down and savor that daily tea. Once I made that the new habit, I sometimes skipped tea for a day. At one a day it lost it's power over me, and I could quit completely, or only indulge when I needed caffeine, or switch to green tea, or maybe only drink it in a social setting.

Some things I can approach as a once a week thing, and look forward to that. I can start an exercise program with one daily pushup, situp, lift, lap or whatever, and simply add one each week.

But maybe you're one of those cold turkey people that are better off getting rid of all of the "teabags" in your home and car and stop associating with the other tea drinkers in your workplace and socially, because you can't self regulate or resist temptation very well.

I'm not judging, I'm simply saying know yourself. One of those approaches will work better for you. When one fails, try the other. When you know which is more successful, keep trying.

I've known some other cases. An article by an automotive writer who realized he'd smoked away his dream Ferrari, quit and started saving the money. As I say, smokers literally have money to burn. One of my co-workers could never quit. Eventually her Dad got lung cancer and she took off time to take care of him until he died. Then she quit.


In your case, maybe you need to do it for your daughter. So she can have a phone or pony or car or trip to Disney or an education or something. So she doesn't have to watch you die from lung cancer. So you can be around to play with your grandchildren. But you need an answer for when it doesn't seem worth it and you wonder why you're making yourself miserable.


So 1) make up your mind to change your life. 2) know the reason why 3) choose to taper, limit, or quit. 4) When you fail, keep trying. Because 2).

Usually my motivation comes from not wanting to become "that guy". The one with the heart bypass. Or sticking needles in his belly and having his toes amputated. Or drowning in his own body fluids. I don't want the pain or expense or limitations of those diseases.

The way I quit stuff- because I quit a LOT of stuff, that I am addicted to- is I literally cannot have it around me, at all, for the duration of the chemical addiction (nicotine takes 72 hours, I looked it up) and then I'm usually fine, but it's always been a chemical, not psychological thing for me. I was raised by druggies- like Candi fun fact- I genuinely did not know that everyone's mom didn't give them like, L10s when they had a headache or that the instructions weren't "guidelines". It really was as simple as someone told me that wasn't what you were supposed to do, and as soon as I believed them I quit. I had been raised in it and never really questioned it. I went to rehab, which got me away from my family and therefore the drugs, until I calmed my ass down and got over the DTs, and then I was more or less fine.

You can't get the fuck away from cigarettes. You can't. In particular, I'm a caregiver for my grandparents, and if my granny knows I'm trying to smoke she brings me a carton for free. People bring that shit to your house and smoke it on your porch in front of you. People 'liked you better when you were smoking' and 'can't deal with this nicotine fit bullshit'. People, strangers, do that shit right in public in front of stores and shit and you have to walk past them and it smells so fucking good and you don't control your tongue when it eventually says, "Dude I'm so sorry, but can I bum one of those?"

It's actually the same reason I couldn't stay vegan or vegitarian. People won't fucking stop with the meat. I did not realize how often people showed up to your house with meat, knocking on your door talking about they're gonna have a barbecue or you wanna go to McDonalds or you wanna go hunting this weekend or whatever bullshit that makes it completely goddamn impossible, even if you don't like the shit- you have to restructure your whole fucking life because EVERY goddamn body will offer it to you like a middle-school anti-drug PSA.

People do that shit with cigarettes and meat. I get why. I know why it's a thing. I get that these are social things, generational things, that you don't want to see somebody have a nic fit and put up with their bullshit, or you just want to take somebody out to eat, or whatever- but I CAN'T with that bullshit. I have to cut it out completely. I cannot handle temptation. I can't. I will relapse if you shove it in my face like, "Do you want this?" or "there will be repercussions if you don't do this, like complete social isolation or making your elderly grandma feel like shit".

When I do die from this, Bitesize is gonna be mad as hell. She says that shit all the time. Every time I smoke she gets pissed off and tells me that it's gonna kill me. Like... bitch I got twenty years on you. I know. I can read. Look, says right there on the box, "If used correctly this product causes slow painful death". It's really annoying. Like primary reason is not to have to listen to a preschool's goddamn mouth.

Sorry, sorry, I know that's defensive you just- if that has never happened to you, you cannot fathom how goddamn annoying it is. No one smokes under the impression that they're not killing themselves. This is not new information, to anyone. We got it wrong on purpose because some of us need to settle our goddamn nerves and the high-pitched bitching about the inevitability of death is not helping. I am aware it is a stick of poison. Like... I know.

Sorry to keep harping on that but I smoke about once every two hours. So since this kid has been able to talk, every couple of hours I get the same lecture. Actually, before that, too, because my gf quit when she was pregnant, and she had the pregnancy rage, so I tried, I tried my best to quit, and then I started going outside, around the house, like hiding like a teenager who's mom might catch them, but then I'd come back in and you know how you can't smell it but other people can?

God why was everything else so easy but this is so hard? I'm smoking right now. I am sick. I can't breath. I can't breath and I'm fucking smoking. I'm losing teeth and I am fucking smoking. This is so goddamn stupid.

I just... can't want it bad enough. I know everything it's doing to me. I can feel my heart decaying. Like without exaggeration sometimes I can feel it in my chest. Every second I do it I stand here like, "I am doing something stupid" but I just... I just keep doing it.

I've gone two days before. If I had held out a day longer I'd be past that chemical limit. One day is nothing. I had already done that twice.

So what the hell is wrong with me?

 

[CandiCame]

It's written by Allie Brosh. Memoir in book form cobbled together from her webcomic/blog. She's just wonderfully real and hysterical.

I've been reading the webcomic and loving it.

It's really only been recently that I have thought of such things. I have spent so many years just pretty much surviving that the idea of thriving... well, that wasn't something I even thought about. Honestly.

Thing is... when I look back it's not like I have to struggle to do things. So it's all very silly for me to be starting this late with purposeful goals. I got good grades without having to work excessively hard for them, went to college, got a degree, got a job, moved across country, found a new life, quit smoking, quit drinking, saved my teeth... I was able to accomplish a lot. But those don't feel like goals. They just feel like a sequence of events I lived through. Well the quitting drinking and saving my teeth was huge. And took some effort.

But fear is a powerful motivator.

Smoking was odd. I had been trying for about a year and a half. I'd just got back from vacationing with some smoking friends and had indulged. It was awful. I couldn't breathe normally for a month. So that was that. I quit and haven't smoked since - nor had the conscious desire. The dreams are irritating - I still dream I smoke now and then. It's weird.

But a couple years ago I needed to do some things for myself. I needed to get a new job. I needed to quit smoking pot for a while to do that. Considering I come from a stoner family... well, there you go. I saved my teeth so I figured I could. So I quit smoking, worked on my resume and waited until I peed clean to do the job search in earnest. Every day I worked my regular job and then I would come home and look for a new job. It was awful. I mean really awful. Ten eleven hour work days essentially, endless applications, phone interviews, in person interviews, the rejections, or worse the silence. And no pot to smoke to get me through it. I spent the money shopping for clothes, I built a new wardrobe. And shopping was a distraction.

I had a silly thread about self motivation. I posted some of the smarmiest, most ridiculous things. Almost nauseating in some senses. But it worked. It kept me on track. It kept me pushing through. When I would get tired and feel overwhelmed, I'd go in search of quotes to inspire and motivate me. I would re-read the thread remembering each moment that I felt low and that it forced a refinement, an improvement that put me closer to where I wanted to be.

I did find the new job. With the pay and benefits I had come to want while going through the process - which was considerably more than when I started. Honestly I think that was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was a humbling, grueling, enlightening and rewarding process. I think it helped that I started with the attitude of listening to the help and advice offered - several people on Lit were instrumental in my success.

I think after writing all this (universe only knows why I'm feeling so talkative) I think it comes down to what I just said up there.... where I wanted to be. Where I want to be and what I can do to get there. Since I've not spent a lot of time thinking about it in the past I can't say I have ready answers. I do know it is important to be cautious in one's goals. Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it thing.

It's really a big experiment in a lot of ways.

I am in the process of figuring out (or trying at least ha) what I really want. I'm in a position I've never been before. I've got some serious thinking to do.

In bocca al lupo.

I don't think there's anything wrong with cheesy bullshit if it helps. I've always unironically loved cheesy, tacky bullshit. Because if it looks stupid, but it works, then it ain't stupid. And the world is shitty enough that I don't see the need to surround myself with stuff to remind me how shitty it is. If I wanna see tacky inspirational quotes that are all fluff and filler then goddamn it, that's what I'm gonna see.

There's a reason I named myself after candy. It might be empty calories but let me be happy for five goddamn minutes.

 

[patient1]

Candi, if it's a chemical thing for you have you tried the nicotine patches or gum?