Rules for slasher-film villains

Kirkrapine

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Sep 24, 2018
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If I am stalking a group of teenagers, I will not begin with the horny couple screwing in a parked van. Such can easily be picked off at my leisure. Instead, I will begin with the smart, spunky virgin who might figure out a way to defeat me.

My Chamber of Horrors will not be located in the remote countryside. True, that makes it easy to make sure no neighbors will hear my victims' screams, but if enough disappearances are reported, the authorities will comb the area. Instead, my Chamber of Horrors will be some place where neither screams nor disappearances will attract attention, such as the South Bronx.

If someone comes in breathless, who has noticed signs of my Great Work but not its connection with me, I will not say, "Calm down! Who else have you told about this?" They've got to be on to that one by now. Instead, I will ask him to tell me the whole story from the beginning. This takes more time, but allows me to determine who must or must not be eliminated to protect my Great Work.

I will never send gloating and taunting messages to the police. If they're going to nail me, let them work for it.

I will always bear in mind that I am almost certainly insane, and that is bound to affect my judgment.

I will carefully contemplate the nature of the absurd before committing any murders at the behest of a supernatural being speaking through my dog.

I will never leave my manifesto on the office copier.
 
Despite enormous evidence on display throughout the genre, I will never assume the police are incompetent idiots.
 
Just like you did continually pushing Laurel with your copyright infringement with legalistic rationalizations for why it was okay for you to violate Forum rules This Thread is nothing more than an attempt to do the same thing.

Couching it in fiction or not this particular forum is not available to you for your violent masturbatory fantasies.
 
Just like you did continually pushing Laurel with your copyright infringement with legalistic rationalizations for why it was okay for you to violate Forum rules This Thread is nothing more than an attempt to do the same thing.

Couching it in fiction or not this particular forum is not available to you for your violent masturbatory fantasies.

There is nothing in the forum rules against violent jokes. Lighten up. It's humor.
 
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There is nothing in the forum rules against violent jokes. Lighten up. It's humor.

Why the sudden interest in violent jokes the very day that you were given a final warning for posting specific threats of violence against groups of people that disagree with you?
 
The only positive that could out of this is that the snowstorm which constantly

encircles Kirkaprine's head could help offset global warming.
 
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