Are women over 50 invisible?

[Sugartitties]

Not as much as I want to!

Aw, thanks! I've been feeling pretty good about myself lately, so I think that carries through and shows in my confidence.

 

[Sanadack]

“Mature” women are smart, wonderful and sexy. I find women with gray hair highly alluring, mentally and physically. I wish that society (specifically American) was different and women who have gray hair could be seen as complete and powerful as men are of the same age who have gray hair. But it’s not that way. It’s unfair and bullshit.

 

[Hipshot1554]

Aw, thanks! I've been feeling pretty good about myself lately, so I think that carries through and shows in my confidence.

That's not the only place it shows.

 

[Sissy_Trish]

"French author, 50, says women over 50 are too old to love
Yann Moix, a prize-winning novelist, says women of same age are ‘invisible’ to him."

Link

From the folks we had to bail out in two world wars. What do they know

 

[Ezeerider]

History 101

From the folks we had to bail out in two world wars. What do they know

Easy there, Captain America. You might want to dig a bit farther into American history, since if it hadn't been for French troops and Mexican silver shipped from Havana for Gen. Washington, you'd likely be bowing to a queen and eating bad food in a whole country called New England.

 

[sht4brains]

Easy there, Captain America. You might want to dig a bit farther into American history, since if it hadn't been for French troops and Mexican silver shipped from Havana for Gen. Washington, you'd likely be bowing to a queen and eating bad food in a whole country called New England.

Was just thinking the same thing.

 

[LoveLiving]

Aw, thanks! I've been feeling pretty good about myself lately, so I think that carries through and shows in my confidence.

I'm feeling damn good about you too.

 

[LushLeanora]

As a woman slightly over 50, I'm glad to hear that some men profess to finding our demographic of interest. Still, when I saw the article, it left me a bit sad. Perhaps he's being brutally honest.

He speaks for himself and guys who think like that, not all men. I'm 53. There are men around our age who appreciate their contemporaries. And apparently, it's a thing for some younger men as well.

I think he's got a right to his preferences, if he wants younger partners, that's his thing and his business. But then he should be extolling the virtues of a younger partner vs. criticizing older women. The former comes across as a personal preference, the latter as bitter because he either got shot down by women his own age or can't handle women his own age.

 

[LushLeanora]

When most older women look in the mirror, they don’t see the youthful beauty that society celebrates. Instead of seeing the character and substance of their life, their attention may be focused on wrinkles, grey hair, the odd bulges in their body that weren’t there a decade before. There is some pressure for women to try to forestall aging: if only they ate right, exercised right, used the right creams, they would continue to look youthful and sterotypically “attractive.” It might be easier to give up rather than to gracefully carry their age as a badge of honor, of survival and experience. It may be easier for some older women to not “try” anymore, especially if menopause and life have made them feel less needful of men. Perhaps they worry that they will appear silly if they flirt with a man, wear their hair long, or show off their legs or breasts with what clothing they wear. I think it helps women to know that men are still interested in them, and that their sexual lives are not over.

I started going gray young. Got my first gray hair in my early 20s. By 30, it was noticeable enough to start dyeing it to cover the gray. I was 5'8 and 120 pounds in my 20s. I'm now, well, let's just say, significantly larger than that and leave it at that, shall we?

I think trout pout plastic surgery and botox is not a route, I personally want to go. I do dye my hair, not because I don't like gray, but because it's easier for work and dating. I may go over to the gray or more like white, when I'm 60.

I try to find clothes that are classic and flattering. Not easy to do in plus size, but there are places that carry tailored, flattering clothing in my size. A nice knee grazing skirt or dress can work some magic if it's A line or fit and flare. I try to stay away from both extremes of teen trendy and matronly/dowdy.

Being on the larger side bust wise, a well fitting bra is worth every cent!

One of my life long friends is my hair stylist. She picks flattering colors and as it's getting harder to cover the gray, she's taking my hair color lighter. I think updating, within reason, my hairstyle, makeup and colors I wear is important to looking my best. If other people choose not to, well to each, his or her own.

For example, with dark hair and fair skin, I was able to pull off black tops well and look semi-gothy with red lipstick. Now it's a little harsh looking so I aim to have more color around my face.

When I have made an effort and I'm in a good confident mood, I'm not invisible. People pay attention to me at work because I know my field and what I'm talking about and I project a professional air. And even walking on the street or on transit, I still catch some admiring glances and nods. It's more subtle, which is just as well, because "suck my cock" never really suited me as an introduction. Some men thought it was ok to yell at me in my 20s, when I was walking down the street and we had never met.

Being comfortable and confident is important for both men and women of all ages.

 

[FloridaBob]

Luscious Leanora,you look just fine to me ! I love all women !,

 

[hulmule]

I'm 60 and find myself looking at older women. something about older women with gray hair and keep themselves classy. Makes me so horny to see some of them.

 

[Crownvic]

Thanks for all who have replied here. It seems that we're not invisible at all to many men, which is encouraging to hear.

And Runsilent, men over 50 are not invisible either.

Over five-0...are smart...classy...and very sexy...

 

[JLCC]

I haven't read the articles or thread, but here's my personal take.

I'm 56, divorced, and seemingly more attractive than I was in my 20s, prior to marriage.

My best real relationships have been with age-appropriate women. One in fact will linger with me until my end; we just couldn't find our way with each other.

Now to my general experience. The last two involvements I've had were/are young women, 25 and 24. One met through my social circles and one off tinder. I'll speak to tinder.

Women on tinder really suck. Don't know how to sustain a conversation to even get to the point of making a date. If I craft a half decent opening to either not be responded to or responded to with a 'hey', I'll unmatch promptly. They aren't worth my time.

We make a date and they show up all comfy with no apparent thought to making other than an *adequate* first impression. I'll always up my game and especially for a first date. I was gratified that one age appropriate woman actually noticed this. I put effort into HER.

OTOH, the 24 yo has been one of the best converationalists I've met and top 2 of any of the tinder girls. I had that opinion even though she initially rejected me (pro tip: she had the decency to say so!), then poked in again before she unmatched. I didn't unmatch because I wasn't satisfied we were done. And on top of that, she had a magnificently expressed sexuality. I met her on Friday, cooked her dinner, she stayed the night but that's beside the point.

So, considering one week of texting and one meeting with a 24 yo can be summed up as the best time I've ever spent with a woman, I have to ask: What are you bringing to the table?

 

[LushLeanora]

Luscious Leanora,you look just fine to me ! I love all women !,

Thank you

 

[quietlylooking]

I haven't read the articles or thread, but here's my personal take.

I'm 56, divorced, and seemingly more attractive than I was in my 20s, prior to marriage.
(edit for length)

So, considering one week of texting and one meeting with a 24 yo can be summed up as the best time I've ever spent with a woman, I have to ask: What are you bringing to the table?

I may not have completely understood your final point. I would say that that 24-year old made a wonderful impression on you and appears to be a mature and special woman, but one week of texting and one meeting may not be a valid assessment of longer-term relationship success. But perhaps that isn't what you seek. And that is fine.

I'm not on the market now, but if I compare my 24-year old self with my current self, I think the woman I am now would be the better one for a man of a comparable age to my current one to have a relationship with. I am better educated and have more knowledge of the greater world these days, although I'm behind the curve on certain types of current music, clothing styles, and social media. I'm much more emotionally and financially stable, and I think I'm much more likely to appreciate and cherish small things now. I believe I'm more forgiving and less likely to judge others than in my younger days. I think I'm less of a perfectionist but a much better cook and driver. I can't run as fast and my body is bigger than it was, but I have learned to love other activities and make exercise something that is important to me over the years. Now that I'm in my 50's, my hair is longer and brighter thanks to the gray, and my breasts are much bigger albeit less perky. In some ways I feel "prettier" and sexier to myself than I did as a 24-year old. I have gained much more knowledge about sex over the years. I know so much more about different things that might arouse a man, and I have a much greater understanding of what things please me. I have fewer qualms or inhibitions about many things, and am more adventurous in some (but not all) ways. All of these things make me feel that I would be more interesting and desirable to a man now than when I was young.

Most women over 50 could easily compile a similar or better list. I believe these women "bring a lot to the table" for men who are willing to look beyond wrinkles, grey hair, thickened bodies, etc. However, the pull of biology (younger women are more fertile, etc.) really maybe too much to overcome for a small subset of men. Or maybe there is something about youth itself that forces an irresistible attraction with its relative innocence and thirst for knowledge and experience.

 

[JLCC]

Won't reply with the whole previous message.

The real relationship potential is much more pronounced with an age appropriate woman. That's why I highlighted the first one I did. Honestly, she'd have everyone beat if we could have connected on one specific level. She was/is graceful, stylish, fun. We related on a lot of levels.

24yo and me? No real long term potential for sure. But the short term has been great and somewhat deep.

My real point is, and I accept your corollary re. men, that I have found age appropriate women to be very difficult. I don't know what they're seeing on tinder or wherever nor what they expect, but it's as though social skills have gone out the window and that provides zero incentive for me to put effort back. While there's no Incentive, I'll still do it. And I do seek age appropriate as a rule.

 

[jehoram]

Most women over 50 could easily compile a similar or better list. I believe these women "bring a lot to the table" for men who are willing to look beyond wrinkles, grey hair, thickened bodies, etc. However, the pull of biology (younger women are more fertile, etc.) really maybe too much to overcome for a small subset of men. Or maybe there is something about youth itself that forces an irresistible attraction with its relative innocence and thirst for knowledge and experience.

Well said. And I'm glad for the reference to the "small subset of men." Most of us aren't like that, despite what Hollywood thinks we are.

I admit that there's a certain allure for inexperienced woman, since many men's fantasies revolve around being the first man to penetrate a virgin and introduce her to sex. But most men I know have outgrown that pretty quickly, and now look for women who are comfortable with their bodies and appreciate sex on its own merits.

 

[CandiCame]

I may not have completely understood your final point. I would say that that 24-year old made a wonderful impression on you and appears to be a mature and special woman, but one week of texting and one meeting may not be a valid assessment of longer-term relationship success. But perhaps that isn't what you seek. And that is fine.

I'm not on the market now, but if I compare my 24-year old self with my current self, I think the woman I am now would be the better one for a man of a comparable age to my current one to have a relationship with. I am better educated and have more knowledge of the greater world these days, although I'm behind the curve on certain types of current music, clothing styles, and social media. I'm much more emotionally and financially stable, and I think I'm much more likely to appreciate and cherish small things now. I believe I'm more forgiving and less likely to judge others than in my younger days. I think I'm less of a perfectionist but a much better cook and driver. I can't run as fast and my body is bigger than it was, but I have learned to love other activities and make exercise something that is important to me over the years. Now that I'm in my 50's, my hair is longer and brighter thanks to the gray, and my breasts are much bigger albeit less perky. In some ways I feel "prettier" and sexier to myself than I did as a 24-year old. I have gained much more knowledge about sex over the years. I know so much more about different things that might arouse a man, and I have a much greater understanding of what things please me. I have fewer qualms or inhibitions about many things, and am more adventurous in some (but not all) ways. All of these things make me feel that I would be more interesting and desirable to a man now than when I was young.

Most women over 50 could easily compile a similar or better list. I believe these women "bring a lot to the table" for men who are willing to look beyond wrinkles, grey hair, thickened bodies, etc. However, the pull of biology (younger women are more fertile, etc.) really maybe too much to overcome for a small subset of men. Or maybe there is something about youth itself that forces an irresistible attraction with its relative innocence and thirst for knowledge and experience.

I didn't read the OP, just what you quoted and I was so confused. I thought the OP was the older woman and the 24-year old was a guy she was dating. I had to read this like three times to figure out what was going on. I had a whole rant to go on (I'm a guy in my 20s, about how we're worth having/worth dating for cougers' consideration) but now I realize I misread it.

Having said that like... if the OP is the guy who wants to date younger then I don't really get how that's different if you can find a chick that young who'll take you. Guys don't generally do the cougar thing as well, as a rule. Like I know that silver foxes exist but usually you're supposed to bring more to the table than great sex because your sex drive goes down instead of up as you age. So... idk OP dude, I hope you got money because if you're making this a competition as the OP seems to imply like... my dick still works. So... if you want to date younger women know that you're in the same dating pool as young guys and we have more in common to build relationships on and, again, our dicks work. I hate to keep coming back to that but this is way weirder to me than women dating younger men. I guess because I am a guy and I know that the dating competition is usually more for guys than chicks in my society (I'm from the US) where men are expected to instigate most relationships.

I'd be more worried, OP, about what YOU bring to the table. Because I forsee you getting eclipsed if you don't keep your game up. You sure you know what the kids are into these days?

 

[LushLeanora]

We make a date and they show up all comfy with no apparent thought to making other than an *adequate* first impression. I'll always up my game and especially for a first date. I was gratified that one age appropriate woman actually noticed this. I put effort into HER.

Can you give examples of what "comfy" is as far as clothes shoes & makeup and what you think is appropriate for a first date?

My real point is, and I accept your corollary re. men, that I have found age appropriate women to be very difficult. I don't know what they're seeing on tinder or wherever nor what they expect, but it's as though social skills have gone out the window and that provides zero incentive for me to put effort back. While there's no Incentive, I'll still do it. And I do seek age appropriate as a rule.

Online dating is a mixed bag. I have friends, both men and women who met their spouse on dating sites. So it obviously works for some people. In my experience a lot of men just want to chat and not meet. Or you get the ones who fit fake scammer profiles and also don't want to meet. I've pretty much stopped looking online.

So why, I don't doubt your experiences, But I don't think the behavior is specific to 50+ women.

 

[JLCC]

CandiCame

I ain't worried about what I bring to the table. These are mutual attractions. Obviously, I AM bringing something to the table and I don't need to buy affection. I'm under no illusions about how long this will last, but gonna enjoy it while it lasts.

I know most younger girls wouldn't look twice at me. But there are some who genuinely like older guys, not just as sugar daddies. Sorry to raid your pool.

But really, you miss the point. Both these girls were way more engaging than most 50+ women. This is about why 50+ women are invisible.

Sorry, I didn't get it from your post. Does your dick work?

LushLeanora

First, I think you're the only one who's gotten the intent. I will state outright that my ideal is a girl age 45-55. I am facing, at my instigation, bringing 24yo into my social circle for the first time this week. I have some trepidation about it. Not that she can't conduct herself well, but the whispers that are sure to be there.

They often look like they've just gotten off work - some kind of leggings, Chelsea type boots, sweater, cross body purse (for me, that's pretty much a gack).

Bring the sex appeal! You don't have to be a slut but show yourself off. Smell good, heels, skirt will score points. If you're going on a date, you have to believe there's potential. Invest in it. If you match, you must have thought there was a little something. Invest in it. I know I'll invest in you, even if it's just for coffee or lunch. Youve nothing to lose really.

 

[MrRetro]

I have received more notice and compliments in the past 5 years than I had in the rest of my life combined. I don't really know what it is, but it is wonderful! My husband has helped me to notice the looks and accept that I must look ok.

Oh, I am 56.

You look incredible for 56..!

 

[CandiCame]

CandiCame

I ain't worried about what I bring to the table. These are mutual attractions. Obviously, I AM bringing something to the table and I don't need to buy affection. I'm under no illusions about how long this will last, but gonna enjoy it while it lasts.

I know most younger girls wouldn't look twice at me. But there are some who genuinely like older guys, not just as sugar daddies. Sorry to raid your pool.

But really, you miss the point. Both these girls were way more engaging than most 50+ women. This is about why 50+ women are invisible.

Sorry, I didn't get it from your post. Does your dick work?

I'm saying that this is a really weird topic to bring up because in my society (I don't know where you're from because if we're being honest I didn't pay attention to what you put in your location tab) men are the ones who traditionally instigate relationships, so it realistically doesn't much matter what women "bring to the table". In a heterosexual courtship they're going to get constant offers- to the point that it's a problem. They're not here to impress us. We're here to impress them.

So you really do need to be concerned with what you bring to the table or you're never going to be able to keep a woman, which you openly acknowledge- that you don't think any of this shit is going to last. So... it doesn't matter how engaging those women are to you, of course they are, they're novel and also know how to work electronics that baffle you and whatnot- but then they're going to get bored and leave you, which you seem to understand and not care about. That's weird.

The obvious answer to your question is no, women over 50 aren't invisible. They're just not interested in you because you come off as a selfish douchebag who doesn't see a relationship is a two-way street that he has to be responsible for. That may not be the case, but it is absolutely how you present yourself to other people.

Younger people have a greater ability to put up with bullshit, for a while, because we've not been through it all yet. The older you get the less willing you are to do that. I'm 26 and even now I wouldn't put up with the kind of bullshit that I did at 18. When you're dating vastly below your age like that it means that you're immature and people in your age range won't have you because of it. They're not invisible, they're hiding from you because of the vibe that you put out that even I can see over the internet without actually haven spoken to you in real life. Think of how strongly you project it when you have actual body language and vocal intonations and whatnot. It's really hard to tell intent over text, but you project it THAT strongly.

You've fundamentally misunderstood the way courtship works- for what appears to be an embarrassingly long time. You shouldn't have to enter a relationship knowing the other person is going to get bored of you and end it. You should have the ability, in your goddamn 50s, to build relationships based on mutual respect and understanding with someone on a similar experience level.

It'd be one thing if age really was just a number and you'd had relationships across the board just because people at different age ranges had similar interests to you. But you make a distinction here, all on your own, based on age with a preconceived end-point, while hiding your obvious bitching about how women your own age ignore you behind a transparent wall of their "invisibility".

The answer seems to be that you're still so immature that you think age is a defining feature, that sex is the most important component of a relationship, and that any woman who doesn't want you is "invisible". Which is something that even most guys MY age have grown out of.

Again, the answer is that someone ignoring you, not texting you back, not giving a shit about you does not make THEM invisible. It makes YOU invisible. So you have to grasp at people who haven't yet gained the experience to know that they should ignore you. I don't know how you got that so ass-backwards.

This wouldn't be true if you could also get a woman your own age and just had more in common with someone my age. Not all spring-winter relationships are bad. But the way you've presented yourself here is... a weird way to do that on a public forum where people can see it. Because it looks like you're compensating for your obvious insecurity over your impending breakup and lifetime of impending breakups because of your low maturity level.

Notice how no one else seems to have a problem seeing or being seen by these women folk.

 

[CandiCame]

LushLeanora

First, I think you're the only one who's gotten the intent. I will state outright that my ideal is a girl age 45-55. I am facing, at my instigation, bringing 24yo into my social circle for the first time this week. I have some trepidation about it. Not that she can't conduct herself well, but the whispers that are sure to be there.

They often look like they've just gotten off work - some kind of leggings, Chelsea type boots, sweater, cross body purse (for me, that's pretty much a gack).

Bring the sex appeal! You don't have to be a slut but show yourself off. Smell good, heels, skirt will score points. If you're going on a date, you have to believe there's potential. Invest in it. If you match, you must have thought there was a little something. Invest in it. I know I'll invest in you, even if it's just for coffee or lunch. Youve nothing to lose really.

Do you use "Gack" around your new gf? Because the only think I know called "Gack" is this slime toy I played with as a kid and I'm almost sure that's not what you're saying because it makes no sense in this context. I don't know if that's supposed to be a good or bad thing.

 

[KimGordon67]

I just found this, which seemed amazingly appropriate.

 

[LuciousLadyMary]

Positive thoughts for you both.

Thank you for those thoughts...

The first one didn't help, it's all still there.

The second one helped. The surgery did help as much as it could.