My Girl Can't Cum NEED HELP!

[Mac98]

Hey everyone,

So I've been seeing this girl for the past 2 years. She's beautiful, she's tall and slim, she's French (oo la la) and we really have amazing chemistry together and the sex is always amazing.

But I'm constantly confronted with one major problem... She can't reach orgasm. She never has.
She's in her late-mid-20's and she's never had an orgasm. She's gotten closer and closer over two years, but I can never seem to get her over that edge.

Here's the deets:

- She is vaginal. She cannot cum through clitoral stimulation.
- I have read books, I have watched tutorials on PornHub, my technique is pretty good. But I can't get her there.

- There are two positions that make her crazy, and often bring her close to... I will try to describe them.
The first looks a lot like missionary. I push myself all the way inside her, she locks on with her hips, and while I'm completely inside her, she'll push her hips up and down... for lack of a better word, this creates a "grinding".

The other is pretty much the same thing, only she is mounted on top of me, facing me and proceeds to rock and sway her hips back and forth.

I say this with little pride, but I just can't. It feels just too fucking good to have my dick rocked at its base like that and I can never last very long. 15 seconds at most. And each time I feel like I'm letting her down.

We've tried toys, I've worked my fingering technique a LOT (and she has noticed this too) but I can just never get her over the edge.


Now I know lit is chocked full of really experienced and sexual people, so I was hoping for any and all advice.
Thank you for taking the time. Cheers!

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Not uncommon, sadly. Can she make it by herself?

 

[Mac98]

Not uncommon, sadly. Can she make it by herself?

No, she can't. She's used toys, I've used toys on her... She's legit never had an orgasm. Ever. In her Life...

I've read enough to know that biologically, every girl can cum. Some girls find it much much harder to attain that first one than others who can almost cum on cue haha.
I just don't know how to get her there. My techniques and practice and research has helped, but still enough.

 

[Nezhul]

It may not be about you.
Some women have that situation when they don't orgasm. She should actually see a doctor about that, a sexologist or maybe even a gynecologist. And she should have done it years ago.

Literally, that's the best thing you can do for her - is get her to see a specialist to figure out what's wrong. I can understand how this may be embarrassing for her, but sometimes you just gotta step over such hurdles.

On another note, she could try hypnotic therapy or tantric exercises or stuff like that. Hypnosis actually works surprisingly well on some people, and it's a rather relaxing experience. There are a bunch of non-sexualized self-help recordings that are meant to deal with different things, and anorgasmia is one of them.

One last piece of thought - orgasm is about relaxing and letting go. Some people tend to, on the other hand, tense up and concentrate. I know it's probably too simple of an advice to help you, but just have her completely relax while stimulating her in her favorite way. You may even give her a full body massage before that, to get her muscles relaxed. You can't imagine how a relaxed body makes a difference.
Also some people are self-conscious about it which prevents orgasm. Tell her to just get everything out of her head, lie back and just have a go at it. If you get sucess - that's great, but if you don't - no big deal!

good luck!

 

[albertaboy]

Ever tried a Magic Wand?

 

[ElectricBlue]

Ever tried a Magic Wand?

Or your tongue?

 

[Jada59]

Could be a mental thing. When I was younger, it too me longer to cum, most likely because I didn't know what I was doing. People seem to assume that the clitoris is where it's at but that's not the case with me. I need vaginal insertion. Anal stimulation is good too. After I've had the first orgasm, I can cum with clitoral stimulation.

I can actually cum with no stimulation whatever, but I learned to do that by myself. Once I learned how to bring myself to orgasm easily and quickly, it became next to impossible to delay my orgasm.

What you need to work on or more to the point, have her work on is the mental stuff. She should work on herself with her fingers or a toy and look in the mirror while doing so. If she will let you watch, all the better. Sometimes just seeing the changes that go on in her genitals is enough to bring her to orgasm. She might not have an orgasm the first time. She might have to do this many times. And don't put a time limit on it. It might take two hours!

She should work on other areas of the body too. Nipple stimulation works quite well for me. Stroking the skin near the genitals will increase blood flow to the area. Such as from the belly down or upwards on the thighs. Varying the type of stimulation can help too. She should try this every day for about two weeks. But she shouldn't give up even if she doesn't orgasm.

Along those lines, there are things you can do as well. One would be to blindfold her and tie her up. This doesn't have to be a full on BDSM type thing. Use soft scarves and tie them somewhat loosely so that if she freaks, she can get out by herself.

Then leave the room for a few minutes. Don't tell her what you are doing or where you are going. Gather up a few things. You might have to procure some of them first. Things of varying temperatures and textures. Like a feather, ice cube, cup with some hot water in it, something slightly sharp like the tines of a fork. Don't stab her with it. Just trail the tines lightly down her skin. Leave her guessing as to what you are doing to her. You don't have to use any of these things on her genitals. You could use them on her arm, leg, belly, wherever. In between giving her these sensations, do something to stimulate her genitals. Don't put your cock in her yet. Use your mouth, fingers a toy. Vary what you are doing. Always keep her guessing. This will instill a little bit of fear into her and that in and of itself can bring on an orgasm.

If she gets upset, quickly untie her, remove the blindfold and provide comfort to her. A cuddle, massage, soft words.

Doing this is not so much of a control thing on your part but more of a release on her part. Assure her that you are going to give her pleasure, no matter how long it takes. Don't have orgasm be the goal. Just give pleasure. Then maybe let her rest a little. Hold her, kiss her, talk to her, then try again.

It is possible that she's just not able to fully relax. By doing what I said above, you can gain her trust, if that is the problem. It's possible that something happened in her past, perhaps something she doesn't even remember that is causing her to not be able to relax enough to let go. Or... She could just be trying too hard.

A couple of other possibilities. She might actually be having orgasms and not realizing it. Not all of my orgasms are the earth shattering type. Some are quite mild. I am multi-orgasmic. Sometimes I have a combination of types.

Or... Maybe she just flat out can't have an orgasm. I know women who say that they can't but personally I think it's just a matter of time. Have her give it as much time as it takes. I think the orgasms will eventually come...or cum.

 

[luckyseven]

It isn't all about fucking!!!

Many young women have not experienced an orgasm but still enjoy sex.

I am sure you are a good lover, but we can all learn.

Many women find it difficult to have an orgasm through intercourse alone, but can easily climax through masturbation. Some people find it difficult to orgasm at all.

Only 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse.
Only one-quarter of women reliably experience orgasm during intercourse-no matter how long it lasts, no matter what size the man's penis, and no matter how the woman feels about the man or the relationship.

This statistic comes not from just one study but from a comprehensive analysis of 33 studies over the past 80 years by Elisabeth Lloyd in her fascinating book The Case of the Female Orgasm (Harvard University Press).

Rounding things out: About half of women sometimes have orgasms during intercourse. About 20 percent seldom or ever have orgasms during intercourse. And about 5 percent never have orgasms, period.

In other words, intercourse is not the key to most women's sexual satisfaction.
In addition, a study into what women regard as the best length of time from penile penetration of the vagina to until ejaculation also breaks another male stereotype that longer sex gives the greatest pleasure for women. A man's or woman's interpretation of his or her sexual functioning as well as the partner's relies on personal beliefs developed in part from society's messages, formal and informal and is often wrong when comes to how we achieve orgasm.

The range is:

From 1-2 minutes is “too short”
From 3-7 minutes is “adequate”
From 7-13 minutes is “desirable”
From 10-30 minutes is “too long”

Sex with a loving partner can be one of the most beautiful and intense experiences in life.

Sometimes the best sex happens when you're not worrying about making it exciting or orgasmic. Relax with your partner and great sex may find you. Intimacy, love, and feeling aroused and sensual can be just as pleasurable as having an orgasm. For some people, these things are more satisfying than always having an orgasm. Gradually move on to touching and stroking each other, masturbation, oral sex, or whatever feels right for you. Avoid orgasm.
Masturbation, by yourself or with your partner, can be a bonus for your sex life. Exploring your own body and sexual responses means you can share this knowledge with your partner.

Masturbating your partner can help you learn more about what turns them on. It can also be an option if one of you doesn't feel like full sex. Talk about this with your partner.

Though some men may think of foreplay as an annoying obligation rather than something to be enjoyed, any woman will tell you it's just as integral to a well-rounded sexual experience as the act itself. Neglecting to put in quality time before intercourse is only going to lead to frustration. If you want to give her a mind-blowing orgasm, nailing your foreplay routine is crucial.

 

[Bluewatercpl]

I would let her read a book called Come as You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski. It is really written for women but guys should read it too. There is a lot of science about sex but that is good. The main message is that what most women experience is NORMAL. As I remember there is a whole appendix for women that haven’t orgasmed. Even better than a book may be a good sexologist. If she isn’t willing to do that or if money is a factor, take the focus off of the Orgasam and make touch and pleasure the goal.
Finally I can’t say enough about the Magic Wand. My partner climaxes in less than a minute. Many of our friends have the same result. But, everyone’s experience is different.

 

[Nezhul]

From 10-30 minutes is “too long”

I'll just pitch in that while I agree with your other ranges, this one is kinda a matter of personal taste.

Also, the OP specifically said that she never orgasmed, even through masturbation, toys, or any other means.

I think knowing that it's quite pointless to talk about session length, or cumming from penetration alone, because that's clearly not the isue.

 

[Ade_]

I think Nezhul pretty much hit the nail on the head with this issue, seems like you've exhausted everything you can do about this without success. So, the best thing you can do is to seek out any specialist in this area to see if they may be able to alleviate the problem with her not being able to climax.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I think Nezhul pretty much hit the nail on the head with this issue, seems like you've exhausted everything you can do about this without success. So, the best thing you can do is to seek out any specialist in this area to see if they may be able to alleviate the problem with her not being able to climax.

+1

If money’s short, start saving, ‘cause life’s too short without orgasms.

Good luck.

 

[Bramblethorn]

But I'm constantly confronted with one major problem... She can't reach orgasm. She never has.
She's in her late-mid-20's and she's never had an orgasm. She's gotten closer and closer over two years, but I can never seem to get her over that edge.

How does she feel about this?

It's not clear from your post whether the issue is "she's really frustrated because she wants to come, and can't", or "I can't make her come, and that makes me feel inadequate".

If it's the former, then other posters have already given some good advice. But if it's the latter, there's a risk that the pressure to have an orgasm might become more of a problem than the not-having-orgasms in itself. If it's a mix of both (which it sounds like it could be) then you may want to work on letting go of the bits that are about you. Jada mentioned the importance of relaxation, and if she's feeling pressured to come for the sake of making you happy then that may get in the way of relaxing.

 

[bone251]

Since she likes rocking her hips while you are inside, I would guess you are hitting her g spot. Maybe try the finger on her g spot like you were trying to make her squirt. Or just draw circles on her g spot with your finger.

 

[SimonDoom]

I second the suggestion above about using the Magic Wand, if that has not been tried already. It's more powerful than other vibrators, and in my experience it's been the fastest way to make a partner come, or for her to make herself come.

 

[FGB]

In her case You might want to rent one first for the weekend...


https://sybian.com/testimonials/

 

[Jada59]

I second the suggestion above about using the Magic Wand, if that has not been tried already. It's more powerful than other vibrators, and in my experience it's been the fastest way to make a partner come, or for her to make herself come.

Not for me it isn't. In fact it's hard for me to get an orgasm with it and I'm easily orgasmic. The shape of the head is all wrong for me. It hits too many spots at once and unless I use a ton of lube (and I don't like using lube), it can be painful. It can keep me on the edge of an orgasm until I go numb and then I just get frustrated.

I really miss my old vibe. It's no longer being made and anything I've found that looked remotely similar just didn't do that job. That thing made cum in seconds when naked. Through pants or panties, I could cum in a few minutes. Saw that vibe being used in some pornos. Made me all nostalgic.

 

[Nezhul]

Not for me it isn't. In fact it's hard for me to get an orgasm with it and I'm easily orgasmic. The shape of the head is all wrong for me. It hits too many spots at once and unless I use a ton of lube (and I don't like using lube), it can be painful. It can keep me on the edge of an orgasm until I go numb and then I just get frustrated.

I really miss my old vibe. It's no longer being made and anything I've found that looked remotely similar just didn't do that job. That thing made cum in seconds when naked. Through pants or panties, I could cum in a few minutes. Saw that vibe being used in some pornos. Made me all nostalgic.

do you remember the model?
Maybe I could help you with a substitute.

 

[Mac98]

It may not be about you.
Some women have that situation when they don't orgasm. She should actually see a doctor about that, a sexologist or maybe even a gynecologist. And she should have done it years ago.

Literally, that's the best thing you can do for her - is get her to see a specialist to figure out what's wrong. I can understand how this may be embarrassing for her, but sometimes you just gotta step over such hurdles.

On another note, she could try hypnotic therapy or tantric exercises or stuff like that. Hypnosis actually works surprisingly well on some people, and it's a rather relaxing experience. There are a bunch of non-sexualized self-help recordings that are meant to deal with different things, and anorgasmia is one of them.

One last piece of thought - orgasm is about relaxing and letting go. Some people tend to, on the other hand, tense up and concentrate. I know it's probably too simple of an advice to help you, but just have her completely relax while stimulating her in her favorite way. You may even give her a full body massage before that, to get her muscles relaxed. You can't imagine how a relaxed body makes a difference.
Also some people are self-conscious about it which prevents orgasm. Tell her to just get everything out of her head, lie back and just have a go at it. If you get sucess - that's great, but if you don't - no big deal!

good luck!

I always - ALWAYS - engage in extensive foreplay. In fact, it's often a challenge between us of who'll break first. I have never been a fan on condom use (I know I know!) until I started sleeping with her. I think she gets so wet that condom or no condom, it still feels fan-fucken-tastic.
But yeah, I never neglect foreplay. Ever. And this has never been a chore for me. I very much enjoy seeing her respond positively to it.

How does she feel about this?

It's not clear from your post whether the issue is "she's really frustrated because she wants to come, and can't", or "I can't make her come, and that makes me feel inadequate".

If it's the former, then other posters have already given some good advice. But if it's the latter, there's a risk that the pressure to have an orgasm might become more of a problem than the not-having-orgasms in itself. If it's a mix of both (which it sounds like it could be) then you may want to work on letting go of the bits that are about you. Jada mentioned the importance of relaxation, and if she's feeling pressured to come for the sake of making you happy then that may get in the way of relaxing.

This is NOT an issue of me feeling inadequate. I just really really want her to have an orgasm... because as someone else pointed out, life is too short to not have an orgasm hahaha. I've never put pressure on her for that... at least, no intentionally. I have my own praises and hangups about my performances outside of "did I make her cum". I understand her situation and her case and have never put that burden on either of us. And I know she feels a little hopeless about this. But I've read up enough on this stuff to know that biologically-speaking, NO woman is anatomically incapable of reaching a climax. I know we can get there. I'm just running out of ideas and methods.

Since she likes rocking her hips while you are inside, I would guess you are hitting her g spot. Maybe try the finger on her g spot like you were trying to make her squirt. Or just draw circles on her g spot with your finger.

I'm definitely hitting her G-Spot. We both know this. I am just never 100% sure where it is exactly. When I think I know, she doesn't respond to my stimulation when last night she would have responded wildly to me stimulating that very spot.
I've legitimately never encountered anything like this before...

Not for me it isn't. In fact it's hard for me to get an orgasm with it and I'm easily orgasmic. The shape of the head is all wrong for me. It hits too many spots at once and unless I use a ton of lube (and I don't like using lube), it can be painful. It can keep me on the edge of an orgasm until I go numb and then I just get frustrated.

I really miss my old vibe. It's no longer being made and anything I've found that looked remotely similar just didn't do that job. That thing made cum in seconds when naked. Through pants or panties, I could cum in a few minutes. Saw that vibe being used in some pornos. Made me all nostalgic.

We bought a vibrator together. Coincidentally enough, it's only slightly smaller than me and has the same subtle upward edge. She called it Mac Jr hahaha.
I've used it on her a couple of times. She's used it on herself. And we've had great sex with and without it. But never enough to get her to orgasm.





--------------------------------------------------------------


I also wanna say thank you to everyone who chimed in. Reading this has given me quite a bit of insight. I'll definitely change my approach and ease her into changing hers. Maybe we just have to stop focusing on making her cum. And maybe my trying to get her there is putting unintentional pressure on her.

Thanks for all the advice, everyone! I really appreciate it!

 

[Nezhul]

A random thought, but how do you know she's not having one?
I've heard before about women who can't tell when they cum because good feelings just blend together for them, and they don't have this one explosive moment but rather just really good, really satisfying experience.
Thing is, it's easy to tell when a man orgasms, but with women it's hit and miss. There's no universal telltale signs. Some have spasms, some not.

 

[Jada59]

do you remember the model?
Maybe I could help you with a substitute.

Let me post a link the video. I have had similar ones by Sunbeam, Homedic and I think one other brand.

https://xhamster.com/videos/wooden-pony-variation-5233564

I had the exact one in that video.

 

[Nezhul]

nope. Can't help you with that one, first time I see it.

 

[Jada59]

nope. Can't help you with that one, first time I see it.

I have searched high and low. Best design ever. Not sure why they quit making it.

 

[Nezhul]

probably because it's just too bulky. I personally wouldn't buy a large thing like that. Furthermore, most women prefer Hitachi for a strong vibe anyway.

BTW, you said you didn't like Hitachi because of its form factor. Have you considered trying it with different attachments? There are A LOT of them.

Also AFAIK you can plug it through a variable power cord, and this allows you to have a much finer control over the speed (not just two settings, but an entire range of them)

 

[uncle easy]

Buy her a hatachi magic wand. She will cumm fast and hard.