Daddy's Little Girl: Second Edition

[cascadiabound]

https://78.media.tumblr.com/2abb7fb1bfa2fec516b19a23a75289b7/tumblr_p0ba0u5uuc1qinh1vo1_1280.jpg

a hug with a lot of heart.

 

[Angedesoleil]

soooooo.... allo there... Alright... y'all know I've never walked this road in a GOOD way. In a healthy way. I acknowledge I've been who I am pretty much forever... but that doesnt mean I've done it right.
Daddy and I have had a heck of a conversation tonight about the concept of rules. Why they are needed. Are they needed. When are they needed. How to handle that the right way. We both have some learning to do here and I've not got the slightest clue where to go with this. So... anyone have any sage advice to throw out about the concept. Be it general or specific?


Context that may or may not help...
Daddy... the rules are to protect me. Some real truths here:

I DO STUPID SHIT.
I trust people I shouldn't.
I put myself in danger.
I risk myself. I risk us.
I don't know when I'm doing it.
I don't feel safe without very strong walls and boundaries I feel scared. The world is too big for me sometimes.
I need rules because I feel comfortable in them. It speaks three things to me #1 clear expectations means I KNOW I'm doing a good job. #2 clear rules means I KNOW I'm not risking us. #3 clear consequences means you've got us. You won't let me do something stupid that will ruin us.

 

[LostGirlTink]

So... anyone have any sage advice to throw out about the concept. Be it general or specific?

My only advice on this is I only like rules if I know they matter.
Like... I 100% wouldn't want a rule that was thrown out there because someone just wanted to throw a rule out there and if they didn't care if it was followed I'd never do it.
So make sure they make sense to you and you know why a rule is in place.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

https://image.ibb.co/hJbRCe/20180822_125520.png​

Number seven.

I'm tired of drowning my partners!

It doesnt feel healthy, and neither of us enjoys it.

I want balance. And enough space for everyone to feel good and happy about the relationship.

But... how?

 

[Angedesoleil]

agreed with that. That's why I was giving context. Kinda feeling stupid about asking... but this is the place if any.

 

[barefootgirl69]

soooooo.... allo there... Alright... y'all know I've never walked this road in a GOOD way. In a healthy way. I acknowledge I've been who I am pretty much forever... but that doesnt mean I've done it right.
Daddy and I have had a heck of a conversation tonight about the concept of rules. Why they are needed. Are they needed. When are they needed. How to handle that the right way. We both have some learning to do here and I've not got the slightest clue where to go with this. So... anyone have any sage advice to throw out about the concept. Be it general or specific?


Context that may or may not help...
Daddy... the rules are to protect me. Some real truths here:

I DO STUPID SHIT.
I trust people I shouldn't.
I put myself in danger.
I risk myself. I risk us.
I don't know when I'm doing it.
I don't feel safe without very strong walls and boundaries I feel scared. The world is too big for me sometimes.
I need rules because I feel comfortable in them. It speaks three things to me #1 clear expectations means I KNOW I'm doing a good job. #2 clear rules means I KNOW I'm not risking us. #3 clear consequences means you've got us. You won't let me do something stupid that will ruin us.

You want rules... am I understanding this correctly?

Somethings are needed by the lg that the DD isn't willing or comfortable with. Somethings are wanted by the DD that the lg isn't comfortable with. Expectations should be talked about at the beginning when you're seeking whether or not you're compatible. In my opinion, long before either of you accept the DD/lg relationship... though things evolve, needs evolve... things are discovered that need resolved.

All too often, I see Lit LDR where things are rushed. Littles want a Daddy, he wants a little. They don't take the time to be friends first and talk about what their expectations are. I recall my experiences here, my learning. The best DD/lg I found was by being friends for two months before starting to talk about things, then we had a contract so neither of us could say we didn't know certain expectations. (I'm saying this for all the lurkers out there)

I don't think your expectations are bad or wrong in any way. Sometimes we need to have rules or suggestions (you should set your alarm so you get up earlier) put in place. But you can't force someone to give you rules if it's not something they also desire.

 

[ExiledWelshman]

You want rules... am I understanding this correctly?

Somethings are needed by the lg that the DD isn't willing or comfortable with. Somethings are wanted by the DD that the lg isn't comfortable with. Expectations should be talked about at the beginning when you're seeking whether or not you're compatible. In my opinion, long before either of you accept the DD/lg relationship... though things evolve, needs evolve... things are discovered that need resolved.

All too often, I see Lit LDR where things are rushed. Littles want a Daddy, he wants a little. They don't take the time to be friends first and talk about what their expectations are. I recall my experiences here, my learning. The best DD/lg I found was by being friends for two months before starting to talk about things, then we had a contract so neither of us could say we didn't know certain expectations. (I'm saying this for all the lurkers out there)

I don't think your expectations are bad or wrong in any way. Sometimes we need to have rules or suggestions (you should set your alarm so you get up earlier) put in place. But you can't force someone to give you rules if it's not something they also desire.

Yeah. We've talked about this. I agree rules will be a good idea, but have said I need time to come up with rules that are reasonable, achievable and beneficial. And if that takes weeks, it takes weeks.

No point doing it on the fly, there be demons.

 

[SubTulip]

.........

 

[Angedesoleil]

Tonight we touched an area NEITHER of us has experience in and we are interested in learning about. Both of us. Isn't that why this thread exists? To grow and learn? That's what we were asking advice on. Not because one of us has an expectation the other wasn't comfortable with.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Yeah. We've talked about this. I agree rules will be a good idea, but have said I need time to come up with rules that are reasonable, achievable and beneficial. And if that takes weeks, it takes weeks.

No point doing it on the fly, there be demons.

I think it's wise to take your time.

Most of what I said was really just put out there as my opinion. Maybe, just maybe, it will help some other little who needs to take their time and not just jump into a relationship. There are many of us that come here seeking/learning.

 

[Angedesoleil]

Waving white flag at the words jump into a relationship. Really hurtful. Really invalidating.

 

[LostGirlTink]

Can I call a white flag here please?

I don't think anyone was judging? I hope?
I think we were just talking.
God knows I'm not in any space to talk about things moving too fast.
I mean.. yeah.
So fast.
But that's not always a bad thing right? That just means that you have that much time together.

I leaped. Fast. Off a cliff kinda.
And fell super hard.
Sometimes I still freak out.
But you know what? He caught me.

 

[Moochienanu]

*selfishly seeks safety so I can sleep*

I know it’s going to be just fine when my rest is over and I wake... I just hate to do this and walk away without being available for a few hours. Daddy has a lot of RL stuff happening today soon so, *blows a kiss into the abyss* it’ll be the best and you will find a solution because I believe in you..

Good night everybody!

 

[AlwaysFara]

Tonight we touched an area NEITHER of us has experience in and we are interested in learning about. Both of us. Isn't that why this thread exists? To grow and learn? That's what we were asking advice on. Not because one of us has an expectation the other wasn't comfortable with.

Ange, I didn’t get that BFG was being specific to you with her post. It does happens here, quickly. All around. Every type of cyber relationship, even “just” friendship.
I’m a clear example of being too open. Trusting too much. Look what just happened because I was naive.

I digress. That’s not keeping with the topic, and it’s a good one.
Communication is key, obviously. It seems like you have that going strong in your relationship, but often, more often than not, things move waaaaay too fast.
Often in a good way, often with disastrous results.

As far as rules? I have one. I can’t put myself down. Ever. When I do, that’s the only time I get “punished”. Usually I have to grab my tongue and pinch it and apologize, and rephrase what I said. While pinched. And know that I’ve made him unhappy.
But then we talk about it.

 

[SubTulip]

.......

 

[barefootgirl69]

Waving white flag at the words jump into a relationship. Really hurtful. Really invalidating.

I don't think anyone was judging? I hope?
I think we were just talking.
God knows I'm not in any space to talk about things moving too fast.
I mean.. yeah.
So fast.
But that's not always a bad thing right? That just means that you have that much time together.

I leaped. Fast. Off a cliff kinda.
And fell super hard.
Sometimes I still freak out.
But you know what? He caught me.

Ange, though you asked the question, my answer was for the general population. There are MANY that lurk here. Your question brought up something that should be addressed in general, not just for you.

When I arrived here, I got tangled up looking for a Daddy, and it wasn't fun for any of us involved. If I can save one person, help just one, to learn to look out for herself, not jump into things, then I'm happy.

 

[ExiledWelshman]

May I?

We've just had a seriously intense few days. For a number of reasons. So there's no harm done here.

All cool?

Yeah?

Anyone need a cup of tea? I may even has some biscuits.

Ffs. Cookies.

 

[Angedesoleil]

Right ... but... can I ask please not to be used as a cautionary tale? Can you see how it would hurt? Yes, we all need a safe place to agree or agree to disagree.... but when the context is a question I asked... I'd prefer not to be used as a warning to lurkers. It might hurt less if it was broken into a secondary topic like address my question.
Then say : I think that it brings up the concept for me of what I discuss before entering a relationship. Then it's about YOU not about US


Word to the wise... I'm a bit protective. Someone even looks at him or us sideways and I will react. I'm working on it. It's not necessarily positive... I admit my faults. But that's part of who I am. So you just hit salt on a sore spot. Someone likes to goad me about this and I'm sorry I took it badly. Honestly it's just me being protective.

 

[Angedesoleil]

May I?

We've just had a seriously intense few days. For a number of reasons. So there's no harm done here.

All cool?

Yeah?

Anyone need a cup of tea? I may even has some biscuits.

Ffs. Cookies.

I'll bring punch and biscuits. Nods. And again... I know you didn't mean to aim it BFG. I do. Nods.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Right ... but... can I ask please not to be used as a cautionary tale? Can you see how it would hurt? Yes, we all need a safe place to agree or agree to disagree.... but when the context is a question I asked... I'd prefer not to be used as a warning to lurkers. It might hurt less if it was broken into a secondary topic like address my question.
Then say : I think that it brings up the concept for me of what I discuss before entering a relationship. Then it's about YOU not about US


Word to the wise... I'm a bit protective. Someone even looks at him or us sideways and I will react. I'm working on it. It's not necessarily positive... I admit my faults. But that's part of who I am. So you just hit salt on a sore spot. Someone likes to goad me about this and I'm sorry I took it badly. Honestly it's just me being protective.

Seriously?

I think you're a bit much, sometimes. You think this thread ONLY revolves around you? Recently, you had a problem when I cautioned you about a post, and you were upset that "I was telling you what to say". Now you want to tell me what to say? Hypocrite.

I have a new idea. How about I not answer your posts, and you be less of a drama queen.

Deal? Deal.

Edit: this IS directly to you and only you. I've tried to be kind, but I'm done.

 

[ExiledWelshman]

Sigh.

 

[LostGirlTink]

May I?

We've just had a seriously intense few days. For a number of reasons. So there's no harm done here.

All cool?

Yeah?

Anyone need a cup of tea? I may even has some biscuits.

Ffs. Cookies.

Yes. FFS. Cookies.
Also does anyone want all my pink starburst? They're gross.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Last year I had a Daddy - a good friend who wasn't a Dom, but functioned very nicely as a Daddy.

I learned that I do best with routine and principles and a little accountability, and the freedom to ask for more involvement from him when I'm struggling. Rules? Eh, not so much. They make me feel stifled and very anxious.

We did have a few, though, which were created on an as-needed basis:

1. Take your pills!

2. I was not allowed to play in public without Daddy's consent and presence. I asked for this rule to be made, because i didn't have a lot of self-control in this area. I'm not an exhibitionist, but i am a pleaser, and I sometimes found myself in uncomfortable situations because I didn't know how to say, 'No.' I didnt feel like i could say no on my own authority, so the rule gave me a tool I could use to protect myself while I learned to become more independent and courageous.

3. It's always okay to cum. . Most of our rules were more about giving me permission to do things that I felt guilty or hesitant about.

I'm sure there were others, but that's all that comes to mind.

We didn't do punishment, Daddy said I was hard enough on myself without having to be punished.

 

[Angedesoleil]

I told you politely how your post hurt me and why. I made a suggestion as to how it might not come across as pointed at me in future. I'm sorry you took that as hypocritical. I apologised before about taking things too personally before but in the end you said you understood. I'm sorry you don't like me or the way I conduct myself. This is your thread so I think it's better if I remove myself from it. I wish you the best. I'm grateful for all of the support I had received from you and everyone Here.

Bless. Sincerely. I hope when you need help and advice you find it.

 

[cascadiabound]

I think it is important to remember that comments here are often not "aimed" at anyone in particular. Thoughts or questions are brought up and that brings to mind experiences and cautions that are broader than any specific anyone posting at the moment. I know it is hard when things have been intense and people are working stuff out, but just try try try to read things twice or three times and consider that it is not meant as a personal post, but as a general one. (maybe?)

With that in mind... I have done both... 1) jumped without looking because I had great need and I was in sub frenzy and I made all kinds of mistakes and I trusted when I shouldn't have and all kinds of hurt and pain ensued and 2) became friends first and then slowly slowly discovered that there was something else.

Even in the second category, at least in my case, while things evolved slowly, we had the opportunity to make all kinds of mistakes along the way... lit and on-line is complicated. Sometimes we think we are on the same page and suddenly we discover that the words we have been using turn out to mean really different things to our partner than they mean to us - SURPRISE!!!

And so... it turns out that negotiating things and talking about stuff in a very clear and sober way is very very useful. Discussing specifically what it is you want and need - what is off limits, what you mean, how you are going to behave, what kinks you are and are not gonna explore, how you are going to commit to communicate and how you are gonna address issues together. I have seen lots of contracts on line and in the end, none of them have anything to do with ME and what I need with my partner.

I don't know if any of these ramblings will help anyone else.. this stuff is hard and comes out of hard lessons learned. Pain and hurt... misunderstandings and conflict...

can I please have some tea and a crumpet now?