cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,722
Litster,
you were the best friend I could ever ask for. you gave me six weeks of sunshine that broke through two years of cloudy rain. you taught me more about myself than any other friendship I've had. you brought me more smiles, more tears, more laughter, and more late nights than I recall ever having. you introduced me to kinks i never expected and played in ways i never could have guessed. you changed my life in the best of ways and for that i will forever be grateful.
i'm sorry our communication suffered at the end. neither of us had the time or mental energy we needed. i'm sorry I hurt you by allowing my real life struggles to impact my friendship with you. i'm sorry i was short with you. i'm sorry i was overly sensitive your silence spoke volumes to me, but i don't know if the book i read is the book you wrote. my insecurities tend to jumble the words around, adding to them meanings that might not be there, drawing connections that might not exist, or illustrating points that were not intentional.
I think every day about messaging you again but I can't bring myself to do it. i know i have virtually nothing to lose and everything to gain, but i can't bring myself to seek finality for something that is already final. i believe if you needed closure you would have sought it by now. it sucks that i am now last in a line of sucky endings for you but i hope some how you know that i never wanted it to end. i wish i could have a do-ver so that our forever friendship could last forever.
I know you'll never read this, but I want others to know how special you were to me. i want others to know to treasure whomever they have and to do their damnedest not to let anything stand in the way of a beautiful friendship.
broken hearted guy
This feels so familiar. The pain so palpable. Seems like you have made your decision to leave it alone and hold your tongue... not reaching out to her anymore. Only you know whether that is really the right decision or not.
All I can say is that when push came to shove, I kept reaching. I never stopped reaching and even when I thought all hope was lost, it wasn't. We do not get an infinite number of chances. And some people are too special, too connected to us, too much the other half of our soul to ever really cut that thread.
So... it seems to me, in the end, there are only 2 tests in life:
1. Learn to love completely
2. Learn how to forgive completely
That’s it.
I am still working on both of these things. But the struggle is worth it. He is worth it. I am worth it. Nurturing that friendship that binds us together is worth it.
Loving others. Loving ourselves. Forgiving those we love. Forgiving ourselves.
None of us is perfect. We all make mistakes. We miscommunicate. We say the wrong thing, our words are imperfect. So... try again. Fail better. It is worth it.
~ cascadia

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