Can you suppress your fetish?

[misssweetashoney]

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[LeatherPissPunk]

I say, talk to the person you're in relationship with, tell them how you feel. If they truly love you they will want you to be happy. And this is a starting point for non-monogamy. As long as it's agreed by the partner, it's not cheating. js.

 

[ThatsTheGuy]

I say, talk to the person you're in relationship with, tell them how you feel. If they truly love you they will want you to be happy. And this is a starting point for non-monogamy. As long as it's agreed by the partner, it's not cheating. js.

Yes! Thank you. Me and my true love tried it once after many discussions. Only once. We never did it again. Not the thrill we expected or wanted. A lot of emotional guilt about it for a long time.

 

[LeinadVirgo]

I tend to avoid relationships that would require me to make a choice (open relationships for me).

But I have been tempted to end a relationship, but when we started having sex that included my fetish... i stayed with her a lot longer than expected.

So I guess the opposite, my fetish kept me in a relationship instead of causing me to stray.

 

[YoYoMa1]

I have several fetishes and they are not being seen too. My wife has often work trips out of town and I have a hard time not indulging. I do my best to..... make it as fun as possible alone but want to play them out. when wife is in town shes pretending to be interested, but not into it.

 

[4ceIT]

Sorry that you find yourself in this predicament hon...

There is no right answer as every situation and people are different..

but in my experience sooner or later..whatever it is that drives you deep down always wins...

 

[JadeNYC]

I have no problem suppressing my fetishes and even my plain old desires. It's a must for me to be in control of my urges in order to have a happy, fun, successful existence. I don't let my groin or the "darker" corners of my mind run my life.

I hope you can figure out how to be happy and have everything you want!

 

[kalens99]

I’ve needed to find online outlets. I’ve also played stories and pictured favorite porn images in my head during sex

 

[twister947]

I can/do suppress mine, but it comes at a cost: vanilla sex is no longer very interesting.

 

[screwher]

My wife

I was actually able to suppress my fetish, or this certain sexual desire, for many years. Even though it wasn't a desire that meant betrayal. Quite the opposite.

For many, many years I held this secret desire from my wife of wanting her to have sex with other men. It started soon after she cheated on me. At first I was furious. We were an eyelash from splitting up over it. But we managed to keep it together. The whole ordeal caused a lot of heartache and pain. Everything that an affair causes in a monogamous relationship. As we started rebuilding our relationship I actually started to become aroused by her tryst. I started fantasizing and getting off on the idea of other men fucking her. But after all we'd been through I felt I couldn't exactly say "Hey honey, scratch that! I wanted you to have sex with other guys now!" So I kept it quiet and to myself.

Now that's one of my life's regrets. We're a hotwife couple now. She's having sex with other men! But I wish I handled things differently then. All these years other men could have been fucking her!

 

[screwher]

Multiple men, wife swapping, DP, anal, being submissive, generally anything non vanilla that involves me having an orgasm as well

If it's any consolation, if you were my wife all these would be realized and on going for you.

 

[txwife594]

Hubby is obsessed with stretching me before sex. Very rarely do we have sex without him stretching me first. He always wants to know if I can feel him.

 

[newhere2learn]

I can/do suppress mine, but it comes at a cost: vanilla sex is no longer very interesting.

Agreed. My kinks, her zero sex drive... Mean that when she offers, I'm hardly bothered

 

[vizio]

for many people there is the old saying if you aint getting it at home you go looking else where

 

[Nezhul]

I could. BDSM is not a major deal for me. If said partner was a woman of my dreams, I'd give my kinks to have her. Naturally it's a drawback, but in life you always chose the best possible deal, and I can imagine a woman being so good that she's worth having even without kinky fuckery. I still enjoy vanilla sex a lot.

I can also imagine a partner with whom I don't connect as much, who has many other drawbacks but having BDSM and awesome sex would make up for most of it. If in that situation BDSM was off the table - I wouldn't call it a deal breaker, but it would definitely be a straw in a pile of other straws that make me decide against this relationship. Definitely not the last straw, but A Straw nevertheless.

 

[MrRetro]

Imagine you're in a relationship where your fetish or kink is not being looked after or considered by your partne...
Do you think you'd be able to to suppress your fetish?
For how long?
Do you have an endpoint/get out date in mind?

I think a lot of people on Lit will relate well to this thread..!

It’s surprising what a person can suppress to maintain a partnership.. We all need to provide an outlet though for our desires though, otherwise it’ll expose itself in other ways.. Lit is great for this..

 

[CandiCame]

I tend to avoid relationships that would require me to make a choice (open relationships for me).

But I have been tempted to end a relationship, but when we started having sex that included my fetish... i stayed with her a lot longer than expected.

So I guess the opposite, my fetish kept me in a relationship instead of causing me to stray.

I'm like this too. Sex is really important for me, so it's a conversation I always have pretty early on to see if we're compatible, because I don't think I could suppress it forever. Maybe I could, but I feel like it's a relationship thing. Like people who really love each other take an interest in each other's interests. That's part of being in a relationship. So they're not like... two different things in my head. It's a compatibility issue.

 

[Jada59]

Yes but for me I'm not sure I would call it a fetish. To me a fetish is something one must have or they can't have sex. I do have things that I like that aren't so vanilla but bottom line, I want sex to be good for both of us. And if we have good sex but he isn't interested in some of the things I like, that's fine. I can keep those things in the fantasy realm.

 

[magicalmoments]

Imagine you're in a relationship where your fetish or kink is not being looked after or considered by your partne...
Do you think you'd be able to to suppress your fetish?
For how long?
Do you have an endpoint/get out date in mind?

Yes you can suppress it, for a considerable time but sooner or later you reach the end of your tether.
For me it took 7 years.
I chose to try and control my partners behaviour by serious game playing, manipulation and cheating. That spun things out another 20 years but in the end I exited, or rather we agreed there was no point in continuing the relationship.
The next few years were the best of my life. I lived my fetishes, got it out of my system. I'm now content in my monogamous relationship an living a happy retirement with heaps of happy memories.
Would I get back into it, yes if my partner seriously wanted it but I'm not interested in pressing the issue.
I wish you eventual contentment.

 

[Mr. Briggs]

Imagine you're in a relationship where your fetish or kink is not being looked after or considered by your partne...
Do you think you'd be able to to suppress your fetish?
For how long?
Do you have an endpoint/get out date in mind?

It's not too hard to suppress it. My wife's not into what I'm into. That's ok I love her and am happy to live without indulging in my fetish or fantasies.

 

[JustbeingRandy]

It would be a doomed relationship

 

[luckyseven]

Cfnm

I enjoy CFNM - A sexual scenario where the male(s) naked and the female(s) fully clothed. I spend more and more of my time naked and my wife and her friends have accepted it. Never had a problem with nudity and love being in the company of clothed women naked.

 

[MrRetro]

Yes but for me I'm not sure I would call it a fetish. To me a fetish is something one must have or they can't have sex. I do have things that I like that aren't so vanilla but bottom line, I want sex to be good for both of us. And if we have good sex but he isn't interested in some of the things I like, that's fine. I can keep those things in the fantasy realm.

I think some things are left in the fantasy realm if both don’t enjoy it, you’re right.. I agree with you on many levels, but how does one successfully suppress intense desire..? Is this desire left alone in the fantasy realm enough..?

 

[Kitschshaman]

already there...

I'm already in a very vanilla no-sex scenario, so anything other than missionary man-on-top-get-it-over-with-quick is now deemed a fetish. It's hard, very hard...and I feed my fetish/desires with writing and time on here...it's not natural, in my opinion, to completely deny ones deep desires...you just have to not hurt anyone...

 

[liqueur]

Imagine you're in a relationship where your fetish or kink is not being looked after or considered by your partne...
Do you think you'd be able to to suppress your fetish?
For how long?
Do you have an endpoint/get out date in mind?

I suspect hearing from all the people who haven't had to suppress their kinks is not helpful to you.

Yes, I have suppressed these things, including my bisexuality, which is fundamental to who I am as a human being. Have done so for years at a time, in order to make a relationship work. It doesn't feel healthy or life-affirming, and I would advise anyone to stay out of a relationship where that was necessary.

That said, if you're already in the relationship, and you love the person enough, sometimes it feels worth doing.