Litiquette V

[SMNaughtywife]

Takers and givers. That pretty much sums up fellow litsters. Maybe it's not cut and tied one way or another but no matter your Sub/Dom tendencies, your need to be pleasured, your need to give pleasure, at the end of the day we all fall on one side or the other.

I get why givers give(or st least I think I do) but why do takers take?

I feel it’s something you’re born with, mixed and hidden away in your DNA. Sure, I think life experiences can alter your giver/taker tendencies, but only to a certain degree.
I don’t want to say that takers are missing some beneficence or unselfishness DNA, because that’s not necessarily true. But then why do some taker’s behavior vary substantially from individual to individual or even circumstance?
Seems I’m digging even deeper. Damn it! And I don’t even think I answered the question.

Well... what ever it is, I don’t think one will or can easily switch from taker to giver or vice versa. There’s no on and off switch with being unselfish and having a gracious heart. There just isn’t.

 

[Little_Sister]

Judgement & Perception.

What do you perceive as take and give? What judgments do you make about what is entitled to you?

I don't work. My husband pays for everything, my car, my phone, all of our household expenses, my clothes, my nails, all of our children's needs, every gift, even the ones from me to him, he pays for. If you only look at finances I am the ultimate taker.

What value do you put on, taking care of the house, clothes, laundry, the children, their school stuff, their sports stuff? Is that giving or something I should do because I am their parent?

Same when it comes to sex. I am giving my body to you, what if you "do all the work"? Does that make the gift of myself, or my tush, or wherever you decide to cum, any less valuable?

Give and Take are two sides to the same coin. We are all both equally, IMO.

 

[Suz_anne]

*totally derailed by LS's tush*

 

[Little_Sister]

*totally derailed by LS's tush*

Cross you fingers SMN keeps CU, chained up today.

Tushy pics.

https://78.media.tumblr.com/0a43fa452794aa330633a261634182d0/tumblr_niw835xnUc1r21xm5o1_500.jpg

https://78.media.tumblr.com/bd7ae2a290ad527eedb2ced7d1dc22b4/tumblr_p5qyjlTOEv1wpuvt4o1_500.jpg

 

[lakesailer_mi]

Takers and givers. That pretty much sums up fellow litsters. Maybe it's not cut and tied one way or another but no matter your Sub/Dom tendencies, your need to be pleasured, your need to give pleasure, at the end of the day we all fall on one side or the other.

I get why givers give(or st least I think I do) but why do takers take?

Judgement & Perception.

What do you perceive as take and give? What judgments do you make about what is entitled to you?

I don't work. My husband pays for everything, my car, my phone, all of our household expenses, my clothes, my nails, all of our children's needs, every gift, even the ones from me to him, he pays for. If you only look at finances I am the ultimate taker.

What value do you put on, taking care of the house, clothes, laundry, the children, their school stuff, their sports stuff? Is that giving or something I should do because I am their parent?

Same when it comes to sex. I am giving my body to you, what if you "do all the work"? Does that make the gift of myself, or my tush, or wherever you decide to cum, any less valuable?

Give and Take are two sides to the same coin. We are all both equally, IMO.

I think think LS has really hit the nail on the head. It's often a matter of perception. I know, for example, that I love to talk. I'll talk your ear off in person. I think I'm "giving." Telling you stories, keeping the conversation going.

But I have learned, over the years, that many of my introvert friends feel like...I'm taking. Taking their quiet. Not listening. Not waiting.

Most people are something of a mix, but it you're talking chronic taker my assumption is that they are selfish, or entitled, or feel superior in some way to the giver. As an oddity, it's not unusual for people I view as ginormous *takers* to view themselves as *givers*.

Not sure whether I find that more amusing or exasperating.

Depends on the day.

Like EN, I think that many of us are a mix and how that mix is perceived, depends on the people involved.

I think it's important to find people where you have a match. People who appreciate what you have to give as the gift you intend. And people who are willing to give to what you need to take.

And the problem is, often, that we mis-communicate. We think we are giving. We are being kind. We are being noble. Some people might perceive it that way, and you'd be fine. Others, perceive it differently and we are labeled as takers. Or worse. Neither person is bad. Or wrong.

And then of course, there are people who are simply assholes.
*shrugs*

 

[SMNaughtywife]

Judgement & Perception.
.....

I like this thought and agree.

Cross you fingers SMN keeps CU, chained up today.

Tushy pics.
https://78.media.tumblr.com/0a43fa452794aa330633a261634182d0/tumblr_niw835xnUc1r21xm5o1_500.jpg

Grabs that bottle of Jack and takes a swig. Whew, damn that burns going down.
What a week. That is quite the perfect ass. Mmmhmm...

......

And then of course, there are people who are simply assholes.
*shrugs*

^^^ This is how I read the question. People with the mentality of always withdrawing from the bank and/or very rarely depositing funds. Can’t do that forever, good chance it will catch up to you.

 

[Matt_Next_Door]

It seems like the question was presented with an already preconceived notion that takers are bad, givers are good when there is no definition of the dynamics that create these scenarios to each individual sets that accept being labeled giver or taker.

One would have to wonder what is wrong with taking what another willingly offers? Is there mutual benefit between both partners? Is there pleasure experienced from both or is it a purely oppressive situation? Is this give and take just in the realm of sexual experiences or does it also bleed into day-to-day living?

I don't believe I have the right to generalize and judge others who may be givers or takers or what that actually means to them in that each and every relationship is unique and without better understanding and looking from the inside out, I can't justify why others give or others take and whether that is a positive or a negative....and wonder why my opinion would be needed with respect to others except for the opportunity to be judgmental about something that doesn't concern me at all.

From a dominance reference, my opinion is taking is not derived from my own power, it is a gift derived from the power of the giver.

 

[parker77]

my two cents. to me giving is an act of consideration, kindness, selflessness. a giver does so without expectation of anything in return other than the satisfaction of giving that comes from the pleasure enjoyed by the recipient. i don’t see taking as the other side of the giving coin. the recipient of the actions of the giver does just that, receives. to me giving is not synonymous with submission. both d&s are givers in that both are satisfying a desire of the other; that is, giving what the other wants.

i have typically thought of taking in just the opposite way; as an act of undesired forcefulness, perhaps deception even. i realize that’s too extreme a description. but generally speaking, i think of taking as a negative act.

i try to be a giver. i try to avoid takers.

 

[parker77]

btw, LS, thanks for the tushy pics. a true example of the act of giving!

 

[Trekka]

Takers and givers. That pretty much sums up fellow litsters. Maybe it's not cut and tied one way or another but no matter your Sub/Dom tendencies, your need to be pleasured, your need to give pleasure, at the end of the day we all fall on one side or the other.

I get why givers give(or st least I think I do) but why do takers take?

First off, I think I'm gonna incorporate "cut and tied" into my household vernacular. That was a #blessed typo.

Does givers vs takers really sum up all fellow Litsters? I dunno bout that.

I don't see give/take as the operative words here. I think it's give/receive. Which, ideally, is occurring in different ratios in all relationships pending the needs of the people involved, regardless of the dynamic.

Doms and subs didn't invent, and don't own, the concept of reciprocity.

Who gets off on giving and who gets off on receiving, and to what extent, are just offerings on the sexual buffet of what turns people on. Which I like to picture as a giant rotating Vegas buffet and depending on the day, I might want egg rolls, or I might want Tandoori chicken... but I'll *always* love crab legs. With buttery garlic sauce. And lemon......

If you're talking about "taking" in a nonconsensual sense, well, that's a crime in most countries.

 

[tnman03]

First off, I think I'm gonna incorporate "cut and tied" into my household vernacular. That was a #blessed typo.

Does givers vs takers really sum up all fellow Litsters? I dunno bout that.

I don't see give/take as the operative words here. I think it's give/receive. Which, ideally, is occurring in different ratios in all relationships pending the needs of the people involved, regardless of the dynamic.

Doms and subs didn't invent, and don't own, the concept of reciprocity.

Who gets off on giving and who gets off on receiving, and to what extent, are just offerings on the sexual buffet of what turns people on. Which I like to picture as a giant rotating Vegas buffet and depending on the day, I might want egg rolls, or I might want Tandoori chicken... but I'll *always* love crab legs. With buttery garlic sauce. And lemon......

If you're talking about "taking" in a nonconsensual sense, well, that's a crime in most countries.

Hmm. I read all of the others in this venue but I'll be pondering on key excerpts of the Trekka musings here for a while.

 

[dacoach44]

Well Treks....

First off, I think I'm gonna incorporate "cut and tied" into my household vernacular. That was a #blessed typo.

Does givers vs takers really sum up all fellow Litsters? I dunno bout that.

I don't see give/take as the operative words here. I think it's give/receive. Which, ideally, is occurring in different ratios in all relationships pending the needs of the people involved, regardless of the dynamic.

Doms and subs didn't invent, and don't own, the concept of reciprocity.

Who gets off on giving and who gets off on receiving, and to what extent, are just offerings on the sexual buffet of what turns people on. Which I like to picture as a giant rotating Vegas buffet and depending on the day, I might want egg rolls, or I might want Tandoori chicken... but I'll *always* love crab legs. With buttery garlic sauce. And lemon......

If you're talking about "taking" in a nonconsensual sense, well, that's a crime in most countries.

I think you got a LOVELY imagination. I take delight in many ways; I guess its the benefit of an insatiable curiosity about almost everything.

 

[Endless_Night]

Gosh I get tired of reading about D&S as gifts. Neither are gifts. Gifts are given without expectation of something in return or for an occasion. When I submit I expect an awful awful lot in return. Nor is my submission an occasion.

I don't mind so much when other people refer to it as such. It's more an issue for me when they want to ram it down your throat as the norm, or the way it *should* work.

There is nothing about my submission that's a gift. If you aren't up to wrestling me for it on a near daily basis you should keep on walking.

Or maybe run.

< Which I like to picture as a giant rotating Vegas buffet and depending on the day, I might want egg rolls, or I might want Tandoori chicken... but I'll *always* love crab legs. With buttery garlic sauce. And lemon......

Aaaaaaaand, now I am ravenous!



For food.

Actual food.

Just in case that wasn't clear.

 

[Trekka]

I don't mind so much when other people refer to it as such. It's more an issue for me when they want to ram it down your throat as the norm, or the way it *should* work.

There is nothing about my submission that's a gift. If you aren't up to wrestling me for it on a near daily basis you should keep on walking.

Or maybe run.



Aaaaaaaand, now I am ravenous!



For food.

Actual food.

Just in case that wasn't clear.

Was it the Tandoori? Or the crab legs?

I feel I also need to be in clear in that I don't actually *eat* at buffets because they give me the heebie jeebies? But conceptually, I like the idea.

Except for Indian buffets. Curry trumps norovirus.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Does givers vs takers really sum up all fellow Litsters? I dunno bout that.
.

Agreed. Which, pray tell dear chainey-boy, am I?
I've been thinking about it all day and I can't seem to classify myself (which makes me lean towards being a taker?).

 

[Suz_anne]

All of this givers/takers makes me think of catchers/pitchers and bottoms/tops. And then to the time when someone here referred to me as his bottom bitch and then tried to tell me it was a compliment. And it turns out that it kind of is, along the lines of top kitten, but more hooker-ish. But I don't look good in cheap hooker gear and I like more expensive shoes, so where does that leave me?

I give till it hurts, yo.

 

[Little_Sister]

Who gets off on giving and who gets off on receiving, and to what extent, are just offerings on the sexual buffet of what turns people on. Which I like to picture as a giant rotating Vegas buffet and depending on the day, I might want egg rolls, or I might want Tandoori chicken... but I'll *always* love crab legs. With buttery garlic sauce. And lemon......

Sexual... buffet..

If you're talking about "taking" in a nonconsensual sense, well, that's a crime in most countries.

Consensual non-consent is one of my buffet faves.

Was it the Tandoori? Or the crab legs?

I feel I also need to be in clear in that I don't actually *eat* at buffets because they give me the heebie jeebies? But conceptually, I like the idea.

Samzies. I won't do it. I only like the buffet conception when it comes to sex. Is it odd that eating your pussy is way more appealing than eating after you.

I give till it hurts, yo.

#girlcrush Hurts so good?

 

[dacoach44]

Well Suz....

All of this givers/takers makes me think of catchers/pitchers and bottoms/tops. And then to the time when someone here referred to me as his bottom bitch and then tried to tell me it was a compliment. And it turns out that it kind of is, along the lines of top kitten, but more hooker-ish. But I don't look good in cheap hooker gear and I like more expensive shoes, so where does that leave me?

I give till it hurts, yo.

Find a guy who will take U shopping for shoes. I go to L & T.

 

[Suz_anne]

Find a guy who will take U shopping for shoes. I go to L & T.

I was just being flippant. IRL, Mr. Suz and I have agreed upon a generous shoe budget.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

Sexual... buffet.. Hurts so good?

I should know better than to click on your links...but it's like a train wreck...you just *have* to watch, you know????

 

[Little_Sister]

a train wreck...you just *have* to watch

Aww. That is the nicest thing you have ever said to me Lakey.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

Aww. That is the nicest thing you have ever said to me Lakey.

LMAO...that's not true!!!!

 

[Suz_anne]

How did I miss the sexual buffet link earlier?? That's wacky.

And I think Lakey likey links.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

How did I miss the sexual buffet link earlier?? That's wacky.

And I think Lakey likey links.

Suzanne surely sees sailor's sport!!!!

 

[Little_Sister]

Suzanne surely sees sailor's sport!!!!

Is sport code word for dick??