Yacht_racer
Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2017
- Posts
- 52
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YR,
One thing to consider: if you are waiting for a guy to "convert" you, you may be in for a very long wait.
Most bi and gay guys I know are very sensitive about so-called straight men who do not want to take responsibility for their desires. That condition offers an easy way to blame the guy who did the "converting" when guilt or shame sets in for the one who was "converted".
Yeah I need to come to terms with whether it's something that will just be in my imagination or real life.
Will need to maintain my integrity with the Mrs.
Cheers
...research same-sex-attractions on an intellectual level to the extent that you truly believe you are "normal" and not some pervert who needs to hide in the dark of an alley...share all this new found knowledge with your wife, and work through any issues...then hopefully she will give her blessing for you to safely pursue trying to find a male friend who you can explore all your curiosities with.
This is the only way, in my opinion.
To me, this scenario sounds almost as rare as finding a unicorn. None of the married bi men I have met have this sort of arrangement with their wife. I have heard that it exists, but I simply have not encountered it. Most wives in our culture at this time are not open to having actively bisexual husbands, unless they are into swinging themselves. What percentage of us have had spouses in that category?
The married bi men I have met are not looking for men as a prospective spouse. They are seeking safe sex with another man. They don't want to mess up their primary relationship, but they want to be sexually expressive with men, also. Men who must reveal everything to their wives are not suited for this approach to bisexual behavior, and probably do need to either pursue the route you describe or skip bisexual activity altogether.
I never said it was easy![]()
So, I think my way is the safe way. It's also the honorable way. But we each do what we will, and I'm not trying to save the world...just sharing thoughts with others.
Hey, I'm just sharing my thoughts also, based on decades of bisexual experience. Safe MM sex for me has been mostly mutual masturbation, and very occasional oral sex with a few guys who were the most trustworthy. I never had a bad experience with my dozen or so past male lovers, and no one ever pushed me beyond that safety zone. Part of that record is related to the fact that I met all of those lovers in real life situations, not on line.
I talked with almost all of them. Not one of them felt that their wife would understand or approve of them getting off with another guy. The two who did confess these desires to their wives said it caused a major freak-out and resulted in divorce. One couple I met at a nudist resort who were interested in three-way sex gave me a bad feeling for some reason, so I passed on that. That was the only wife-sanctioned example I have encountered.
You may live in a more progressive world than what I have experienced. The guy who started this thread seemed to want to know what it felt like to be sexual with a guy. It can tell him that it feels great, but I would not recommend waiting for someone to convert or seduce him, unless he is a young Adonis or something. I also indicated that most bi guys only want to be sexual under consensual circumstances, not in chasing down some self-identified "straight" guy who does not want to be upfront with another man about his desires.
The whole "cheating" thing and monogamous marriage as a "property right" is another topic. If you consider yourself to be more honorable than what my experience represents, that's OK with me. I gave up on worrying about the opinions of others regarding my sex life. You may have achieved an ideal situation, for all I know...
coati, The bold parts up above we can certainly agree on. I fear I may have come across too strong in trying to make my point about cheating. In general, I was trying to point out to the OP, and others in a similar situation, that there are serious repercussions in letting fantasy overtake reality. I stand by what I said, but realize that everyone has a unique life situation...I fear that may have been read as a personal attack and just wanted to say that it's not. I enjoy reading your input and respect your opinion.
I appreciate your views and your self-monitoring skills. It appears we just happen to have a different set of experiences in real life.
Thanks for your note.