Experienced Doms

[Misshotndeep]

Those men weren’t being “dominant.” They were creeps taking advantage of the power structures in their respective industries. Someone working for you or in need of a job is not on equal footing to consent to sexual advances.

��

 

[LiamHDunn]

This s just my experience, but I've found that if you talk to your partner, they -in my case she- will make sure you know what the current limits look like. Personally, I don't know if you can over communicate, but I know you can under communicate. Just by seeking to know her, her interests, her kinks, I've never had to ask if we were in a place where she was up to being manhandled. I have missed some cue's, but in those cases, the girl just made it crystal clear.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Sexual attraction?

I gently poked someone in the Personals. They didn't take too kindly to it. I'm guessing he cybered with "her" and now he's "her" knight. Or he is her.

Either way, it's fun to collect trolls. I haven't had a good one in a while though, including the current wannabe.

I am standing by my comment, but I like your's, too...

 

[RawHumor]

I am standing by my comment, but I like your's, too...

Well, I do feel pretty today, so maybe you're right.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Well, I do feel pretty today, so maybe you're right.

Oh, no... now that song is in my head!

 

[BeautifulBlueSky218]

Thanks for your inputs on what a true Dom is. I made an Ad not to long ago and it seems the Dom's that seem to come my way want to talk about sex right off the bat and not even want to know me as a person, my hobbies or my opinions about different things. Isn't it all based on trust and be willing to be patient with their sub?

I can't seem to open up to people right off the bat of meeting them. I have to get to know them and learn to trust them. Each time I get a pm saying they want a nude photo right away or asking me very bizarre questions, I delete it.

So now I'm pretty much just pming people back and forth, simply just talking to them as friends. I'm very shy and it takes awhile for me to open up and learn to trust people, cause I've had a bad experience with a Dom in the past and it was when I was very naive and young. So now I want to be careful.

and when I say shy, yes I'm very very shy...
http://media.giphy.com/media/1fN5hlfDJQnFC/giphy.gif

 

[cascadiabound]

Thanks for your inputs on what a true Dom is. I made an Ad not to long ago and it seems the Dom's that seem to come my way want to talk about sex right off the bat and not even want to know me as a person, my hobbies or my opinions about different things. Isn't it all based on trust and be willing to be patient with their sub?

I can't seem to open up to people right off the bat of meeting them. I have to get to know them and learn to trust them. Each time I get a pm saying they want a nude photo right away or asking me very bizarre questions, I delete it.

So now I'm pretty much just pming people back and forth, simply just talking to them as friends. I'm very shy and it takes awhile for me to open up and learn to trust people, cause I've had a bad experience with a Dom in the past and it was when I was very naive and young. So now I want to be careful.

and when I say shy, yes I'm very very shy...

Often the people trolling the personals are under the impression that women who present as subs = easy and that if they call themselves a Dom they can just give you orders and you will go all weak in the knees and do whatever they say. Of course that's just plain stupid. I would consider any person who started giving orders right away, insisting on some kind of protocol immediately or asking for images of you are just hoping they are going get their rocks off and are not interested in developing an actual relationship.

typos corrected, original post was made typing on my phone...

 

[Uggg]

Often the people trolling the personals are under the impression that women who is as subs = easy and that if they call themselves a Dom they can just give you orders and you will go all weak in the knees and do whatever they say. Of course that's just plain stupid. I would consider any person who started giving orders right away, insisting on some kind of protocol immediately or asking for images of you is just hoping they are going get there rocks off and are not interested in developing an actual relationship.

I agree in general with what you say but I think ignorance is the problem.

I often think that (safety disclaimer right there so now no one is allowed to bite my head off, please I like my head where it is even when I have an opinion.) too many people see the beauty of a submissive's surrender without having any information about what kind of tender love and care has been required to earn that level of trust.

They watch some BDSM porn and see images of a sub who has given over control completely, who has surrendered dignity and self determination. Of course they are going to see the Beauty of it. It is beautiful. They want that but they don't know or don't have the patience for what is required to earn it and they don't realise it is a gift. they think something is being taken and don't realize that actually something is being given.

Submission is a gift that grows the more it is appreciated. I am submissive and have self respect. They are not mutually exclusive. Too many ignorant people equate submission with giving up self respect.

Uggg

 

[Dreamliner]

Submission is a gift that grows the more it is appreciated. I am submissive and have self respect. They are not mutually exclusive. Too many ignorant people equate submission with giving up self respect.

Uggg

There it is, right there. Well said. Submission is a gift to be treasured, to be nourished as only then with complete trust and respect in each other will a sub truly let go. A sub is a person. Respect them, listen to them, they deserve our respect. A sub does have other needs to be satisfied, complete. A Dom will know and understand that person and the things they need to do to satisfy that need.

 

[RawHumor]

Thanks for your inputs on what a true Dom is. I made an Ad not to long ago and it seems the Dom's that seem to come my way want to talk about sex right off the bat and not even want to know me as a person, my hobbies or my opinions about different things. Isn't it all based on trust and be willing to be patient with their sub?

If they're that impatient and demanding right off the bat, then what type of "dom" do you think they'd be? So, it's good of you to ignore those types.

A relationship takes time.

Too many men think that D/s is like a Pop Tart. I wanna push a button and have a sub pop out ready to submit to my every whim.

 

[Farawyn]

What Uggg said.

 

[MeekMe]

I disagree with the submission being a gift thing, but I do agree with submissives not giving up self respect (and even then there are people who really love giving up the self respect). In no other relationship would I think my end of the dynamic was a “gift” to the other. Just as what they bring isn’t a gift. It’s a mutual relationship. That’s just my opinion.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I disagree with the submission being a gift thing, but I do agree with submissives not giving up self respect (and even then there are people who really love giving up the self respect). In no other relationship would I think my end of the dynamic was a “gift” to the other. Just as what they bring isn’t a gift. It’s a mutual relationship. That’s just my opinion.

You beat me to it. I don't ascribe to it being a gift, either. When I submit to someone it's because I've gotten to know him and feel that is the direction I need to go, it happens naturally... it's a mutual acceptance, if I can say it that way (a relationship like any other)... but not a gift to him. He doesn't earn my submission either, but that's another thread....

 

[KimGordon67]

You beat me to it. I don't ascribe to it being a gift, either. When I submit to someone it's because I've gotten to know him and feel that is the direction I need to go, it happens naturally... it's a mutual acceptance, if I can say it that way (a relationship like any other)... but not a gift to him. He doesn't earn my submission either, but that's another thread....

I always struggle with the 'earn' thing too ... I can never think of any other way to phrase it, but 'earn' really isn't right either. And the problem is that as a concept it implies that any old guy could have that if he just 'worked' hard enough, or figured out the right way to go about it. Which is totally not the case. It's a dynamic between two specific individuals, and it develops over time. Sometimes, without that even being the initial intention. Like all actual relationships, I guess - we never quite know where they're going to go when we start them.

 

[BeautifulBlueSky218]

Thanks for you're input's everyone. I think I'm going to sit back for a bit until I meet someone I truly connect with. I like taking the time to get to know someone, I don't like jumping into things right off the bat. I've never been that type of girl.

When people drop pm's in my box and ask me sexual questions right off the bat, it makes me wonder what their intentions might have. I like building a friendship with someone before I can move into sexual chat and open up to them about more personal things.

Everyone has different opinions on things and I respect them. One day, I'm sure I'll find the right Dom for me. There's no need to hurry.

 

[Farawyn]

Meek, and BFG, yes.

 

[Dreamliner]

I find that interesting, as to me, the D/s dynamic works for the two, and that comes with understanding between two people. The gift being she has trust and confidence in him. It is all about respect, in my view, and in particular listening to her.

It is not about "earning" a right, that is not it.

 

[Uggg]

I disagree with the submission being a gift thing, but I do agree with submissives not giving up self respect (and even then there are people who really love giving up the self respect). In no other relationship would I think my end of the dynamic was a “gift” to the other. Just as what they bring isn’t a gift. It’s a mutual relationship. That’s just my opinion.

I agree in regards a relationship being mutual. I see it as being gift giving that goes both ways. I can only speak for myself but I feel like I am giving something when I submit and I feel like a Dom is giving me something when they give me the physical and emotional gratification I need. Maybe gift isn't the right word?

You beat me to it. I don't ascribe to it being a gift, either. When I submit to someone it's because I've gotten to know him and feel that is the direction I need to go, it happens naturally... it's a mutual acceptance, if I can say it that way (a relationship like any other)... but not a gift to him. He doesn't earn my submission either, but that's another thread....

Interesting that you say he doesn't earn your submission. In my case I can't truly submit unless I trust and trust has to be earned? That's how I feel about it.

yeah. I am with these two lovely ladies.
maybe we are a gift TO EACH OTHER in the D/s dynamic. But yeah. Not a gift.

I should have worded my original post like that. Yes a gift to each other that's how it feels. But not the same type of gift. I'm giving roses and getting chocolates

---------

Interesting that we feel differently about this! I wonder if its a gender thing? Or it could just be an individual thing but I do notice that Dreamliner agreed with me and hes a guy and you three are ladies? What do you think?



Uggg

 

[barefootgirl69]

I agree in regards a relationship being mutual. I see it as being gift giving that goes both ways. I can only speak for myself but I feel like I am giving something when I submit and I feel like a Dom is giving me something when they give me the physical and emotional gratification I need. Maybe gift isn't the right word?

Interesting that you say he doesn't earn your submission. In my case I can't truly submit unless I trust and trust has to be earned? That's how I feel about it.



I should have worded my original post like that. Yes a gift to each other that's how it feels. But not the same type of gift. I'm giving roses and getting chocolates

---------

Interesting that we feel differently about this! I wonder if its a gender thing? Or it could just be an individual thing but I do notice that Dreamliner agreed with me and hes a guy and you three are ladies? What do you think?



Uggg

What does he do to earn it? Stand on his head? Earning to me means working, putting forth effort.

All I know is, in my experience, we were simply friends and the more I got to know him the more the pull to submit to him occurred. He didn't do anything but be himself. He didn't work on being honest and kind.. he just was that way. I brought my feelings to him, not as a gift "Hey, I want to submit to you - here it is." but as something so much more. Explaining to him the feelings I was having, because neither of us was looking. He did me the HONOR of allowing me to submit.

These are just my feelings. I'm aware others may feel differently, but I will never consider it a gift that was earned.

 

[Uggg]

What does he do to earn it? Stand on his head? Earning to me means working, putting forth effort.

All I know is, in my experience, we were simply friends and the more I got to know him the more the pull to submit to him occurred. He didn't do anything but be himself. He didn't work on being honest and kind.. he just was that way. I brought my feelings to him, not as a gift "Hey, I want to submit to you - here it is." but as something so much more. Explaining to him the feelings I was having, because neither of us was looking. He did me the HONOR of allowing me to submit.

These are just my feelings. I'm aware others may feel differently, but I will never consider it a gift that was earned.

Coolio,

in truth I have never really talked about this outside of the couple of relationships where I have been able to explore this aspect of my character so I find what others such as yourself have to say on the subject very interesting.

I think perhaps my shyness is quite a limiting factor for me. My trust might just be harder to come by because of that.



Uggg

 

[Blue]

Coolio,

in truth I have never really talked about this outside of the couple of relationships where I have been able to explore this aspect of my character so I find what others such as yourself have to say on the subject very interesting.

I think perhaps my shyness is quite a limiting factor for me. My trust might just be harder to come by because of that.



Uggg

Is there any specific way you want me to pronounce your name?

 

[Uggg]

Is there any specific way you want me to pronounce your name?

Lets see, hmmmn, spelled phonetically I believe it would be: Uggg lol

No really, however you want is fine



Uggg

 

[Dreamliner]

What does he do to earn it? Stand on his head? Earning to me means working, putting forth effort.

All I know is, in my experience, we were simply friends and the more I got to know him the more the pull to submit to him occurred. He didn't do anything but be himself. He didn't work on being honest and kind.. he just was that way. I brought my feelings to him, not as a gift "Hey, I want to submit to you - here it is." but as something so much more. Explaining to him the feelings I was having, because neither of us was looking. He did me the HONOR of allowing me to submit.

These are just my feelings. I'm aware others may feel differently, but I will never consider it a gift that was earned.

I agree with you bfg, it is not earn't, but I do see it is a gift, one that is treasured. But as Uggg mentions, perhaps it is coming from a different perspective. I am also aware, I may use the English language in a different sense from a person in the US, so there is that as well.

cheers

 

[richard_daily]

Don’t do that. Act all Dommy to everyone you meet.
And inspiring someone to be submissive is not the same as sexual harassment.
Consent is the key word, yes.

Communication is the way to determine the dommyness of your advances.

I mean, it’s not that hard.


“Oooh, now women are speaking up!!! Will this make it more difficult for me to get laid???”

Maybe.

I’m not saying you are saying that, but IMO this current toppling of powerful men who are misogynisitc is waaaaay overdue.

I'm not saying that. I'm simply playing devil's advocate, and trying to make a point, albeit not very clearly apparently.

Misogyny is an outdated and fucked up social construct.

But to the outside world, a lot of what I do sexually might be viewed as such.

 

[LiamHDunn]

About "earning" it and Outside perspective.

I think I agree that "earn" might be the best word available in English.

There is a huge problem, in my opinion, with anything even close to "deserve", so, the opposite may just be the best descriptor.

In my experience and therefore in my opinion, I have needed to earn a level of trust from any pyl I have ever scened with. How did I earn that trust? I have no idea. And further. I suggest that what I did to gain that trust was different for each of them.

With respect to outside perspectives, feminism and mysogenistic behaivor...

I am certain that there are some people who look at our kink/fetish/pick your term and see nothing short of an atrocity. I'm certain, because I had Christmas dinner with them last year! In truth, their opinion is based in ignorance, in the case of my markedly anti-feminist cousins, their sole understanding of what we do was based on a very biased -in this case, Christian Fundamentalist- viewpoint. Trying to educate them of the realities... Not a winning proposition for anyone.

At the same time, I was very recently approached by a markedly feminist friend, a real alpha female type, with questions about my kink. (I don't broadcast my involvement, by I don't hide it actively either.) That she was interested shocked me at first, but when she explained why she was interested, it made sense. She is a very accomplished woman, a senior executive with s major software developer, corner office, respect and authority and married to a very milk toast liberal guy who has never been witnessed standing up to her.

Her interest is no different from the male executives who need to just not be in charge for a moment.