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Do you tell them...?

I do tell early on.
Honestly, if she can't tolerate a bit of my fantasies, I don't see her as a partner for life. I mean, it's not like I want to do everything of that to her without any consent or discussion.

In fact, I'm pretty OK with forgoing a lot of my fantasies and sticking to more vanilla experiences. But I think that it's just a major waste not to discuss them. I mean, you never know if your SO is dreaming about the same but thinks you would totally freak out if they discussed it with you. OR your SO may not have ever thought about those things, but after you tell them they will, and they will become interested to explore them with a person they love. It'd be a shame to just keep it a secret.
 
Nezhul said:
I do tell early on.
Honestly, if she can't tolerate a bit of my fantasies, I don't see her as a partner for life. I mean, it's not like I want to do everything of that to her without any consent or discussion.

In fact, I'm pretty OK with forgoing a lot of my fantasies and sticking to more vanilla experiences. But I think that it's just a major waste not to discuss them. I mean, you never know if your SO is dreaming about the same but thinks you would totally freak out if they discussed it with you. OR your SO may not have ever thought about those things, but after you tell them they will, and they will become interested to explore them with a person they love. It'd be a shame to just keep it a secret.
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Very true,that's how I introduced some things I was really into by telling her about dreams I had and she sort of confessed she felt the same or told me new things she really liked,some surprised me in a good way and some were already known but either way it's so much fun to discuss it with eachother especially already in bed
 
My husband and I have a rather unique and fulfilling sex life, but my fantasies are not all that crazy compared to our present lifestyle. If there are things he wants that are beyond what we already do, I don't want to know.
 
My wife knows most of mine; she just doesn't know the extent to which I'd like to take them (or already have, in some cases)...
 
Oh yes we do. That's how we got to sharing me. We still share daily.
 
I tell her all of my fantasies because she is in all of them.
 
I speak from experience when I advise you to share your fantasies with your SO as soon as you feel everyone is ready. I wish I had shared my fantasies and desires with my wife years ago. We're in a hotwife relationship now but she could have been having sex with other men for years now.
 
screwher said:
I speak from experience when I advise you to share your fantasies with your SO as soon as you feel everyone is ready. I wish I had shared my fantasies and desires with my wife years ago. We're in a hotwife relationship now but she could have been having sex with other men for years now.
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you are a lucky man, you already know that. not every woman is as open minded as Mrs Screwher. I wish mine was
 
I find that when sharing fantasies it's important to portray them as such. To let them know that these are not your NEEDS, but just pictures in your head that amuse you. That your SO has a say when it comes to fulfilling them or discarding them. That everything can stay just as a one-time topic for conversation, or you can go ahead and try a few things.

Thing is, it's very hard to deal with something when you find your loved one needs something you are unable or unwilling to provide. It becomes a strain that always hangs in the air as some sort of unspoken accusation.

The hesitation of talking about sex often comes from fear of rejection or being judged.
Some people are judgmental. But you will find that they are less so towards people they love - actually we are ready to forgive a lot to those we are madly into, especially if there's no immediate commitment asked from us.
I'm thinking of myself for example. What could my GF possibly say to me that would turn me away from her? Pretty much nothing. There are things that I will take persuading to do (like crossdressing); there are things that I will NOT do no matter what (like sleaping with another man).

But when I think about it, even if she said "Hey, I like zoophilia, wanna buy a dog so we could play with it in bed?"... That'd be a bomb to drop, and I would think it's disturbing on many levels. But as long as it's just a fantasy and not an ultimatum, I can be fine with her having that fantasy. I can say no, we aren't buying a dog, but I don't care what in your head, so come to bed, let's fuck.:cattail:

What I'm trying to say is that your SO will probably not freak out as much as you think they would. IF you leave them a leeway to back out. Your only aim is planting the thoughts in their heads - not asking them to do things, but just saying that you find those things interesting. They may have never thought about it, and may need time to process it. But if they love you, nothing you say pretty much can ruin it, unless you push them.
It's about talking. Tell them you are interested, let them think about it, then find out if they are interested, then if they are - ask if maybe you should try it. If not - just drop it, find something else.

Also I'm aware there are people who have a NEED to do specific stuff. For those I recommend coming clear very early on. Like, on a third date or after having sex a couple of times. You will spare yourself and your partner a lot of emotional turmoil if you find your incompatibility early.
 
Hipshot1554 said:
Do you tell your SO of your fantasies?

Mine would be shocked.
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YES, wish sissy had told the first SO, do not know how she would have taken it but very glad that sissy finally shared with Her. She thought about it for a while and finally did something and Sissy Salina was born. It has been a great trip ever since.
 
We have been married twenty years and l l’ve my husband to bits but sex has never been his strong point, l managed to ignore it because he is a great husband and father and l was resigned to having a boring sex life until things developed with my father.

After Daddy died, things became difficult and l dearly wanted to tell my husband what l’d been doing. That was when he had been having fantasies about me with other men for years but had been afraid to tell me.

All l can say is to share your fantasies, when we finally did our life suddenly changed and things are wonderful now, he can’t keep his hands off me which is great, plus we have started swinging with old friends. If only he had told me years ago.
 
Everything Nezhul said was awesome and spot on.

I share everything I actually want to happen. Some good times, some not so great ones. He completely freaked when I bought him a Fleshlight. I was completely flummoxed. I've bought him waaaaay more out there stuff and he ranged from amused to happy, but the Fleshlight? Weeks of him worrying and stressing despite me explaining it was bought so I could better tease him when he was tied up (I give terrible handjobs). Plus, men playing with sex toys are HOT. He just interpreted it 'my wife no longer wants to have sex with me' and it took a LOT to convince him otherwise.

As if I'd give up dick! 😂
 
Rebecca75 said:
We have been married twenty years and l l’ve my husband to bits but sex has never been his strong point, l managed to ignore it because he is a great husband and father and l was resigned to having a boring sex life until things developed with my father.

After Daddy died, things became difficult and l dearly wanted to tell my husband what l’d been doing. That was when he had been having fantasies about me with other men for years but had been afraid to tell me.

All l can say is to share your fantasies, when we finally did our life suddenly changed and things are wonderful now, he can’t keep his hands off me which is great, plus we have started swinging with old friends. If only he had told me years ago.
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You are two of the lucky ones. Not all are as open to it as you. I know, I've tried.
 
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