Dialogue Question?

[LukasGrey]

So, being a character driven author, I find that because my characters and mostly their interaction between each other is what drives my story along, there is a ton of dialogue in most of my stories, often with long conversations between them as they share information. I can't seem to wrap my brain around the idea of just simply quoting back and forth between them.

Example:
"What do you think about that dog?"

"Man, that's an ugly dog..."

Instead, I find myself looking at that naked quotation and having a shiver run up my spine. It feels lazy. So, I find myself NEEDING to add a description of what they were doing.

Example:
"What do you think about that dog?" He asked, pointing.

"Man, that's an ugly dog..." She replied, curling a lip to show her disgust.

In this example, it makes sense and conveys to the reader additional information that helps understanding, but in a really long conversation...

I find myself saying, so and so said, smiling. They responded, a smile on their face...

Long story short, what are your thoughts about naked quotations? I think my main concern is with keeping the reader engaged and also to keep them on track with who is speaking but it is very difficult to do this with every line of dialogue without feeling like I'm getting very repetitive.

 

[NotWise]

Long story short, what are your thoughts about naked quotations? I think my main concern is with keeping the reader engaged and also to keep them on track with who is speaking but it is very difficult to do this with every line of dialogue without feeling like I'm getting very repetitive.

I rarely use naked quotations. I describe the character's actions, reactions and setting along with the dialogue. To me it makes the dialogue seem more real. Without "seeing" those other details the conversations become like voices in the dark.

 

[SamScribble]

It is possible to write engaging fiction using little but dialogue. But the dialogue has to either paint a character or move the story along.

‘That dog … would you say that’s a pretty dog?’

She shook her head. ‘Nope. In fact, that dog’s about as ugly as they come.’

The first speaker doesn’t need to point at anything. ‘That dog’ does the pointing. And, if the second speaker was curling her lip, it is extremely unlikely that she would realise that she was. She was just answering a question; offering an opinion.

By the way, your punctuation is a bit off track. ‘He’ and ‘She’ in your examples should be lower case. Laurel is quite rightly picky when it comes to punctuating dialogue.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Mix it up.

Vary naked quotation with descriptive quotation. If you describe additional detail every time, you'll probably end up over-egging the narrative. If you run naked quotation every time, you've just written a play. So find the right mix - that way you can better place emphasis where it's needed. Sometimes a conversation is just a conversation; other times it's all shifting moods and pace that needs to be sign-posted.

Don't treat your readers like idiots, by explaining everything. Some are idiots, I know that, but most readers are smart enough to figure out what your dialogue is really saying, without you telling us.

(I've just left feedback elsewhere about 'show, don't tell' - this might be another example of that.)

 

[latecomer91364]

Context is everything

Whenever possible, have all the elements do double duty - exposition and character development for example.

The 'ugly dog' line doesn't need an accompanying description of disgust - possibly a laugh, if it's meant humorously. What drives me to click off a story is what they call 'shoe leather': text or dialogue that neither promotes the plot/story or the character development, that just adds stuff to read.

Keeping it simple, making sure your dialogue fits both the character and that point in whatever personal journey you've set for them - that's what's important.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Instead, I find myself looking at that naked quotation and having a shiver run up my spine. It feels lazy. So, I find myself NEEDING to add a description of what they were doing.

Example:
"What do you think about that dog?" He asked, pointing.

BTW, this is incorrect punctuation style. In this case, the whole line is one sentence (containing a quote) so "he" should not be capitalised.

"What do you think about that dog?" He pointed at a brown-and-white ball of fluff. <- this is OK, because "He pointed... fluff" is a stand-alone sentence.

"Man, that's an ugly dog..." She replied, curling a lip to show her disgust.

In this example, it makes sense and conveys to the reader additional information that helps understanding, but in a really long conversation...

There's a fine line between "reinforcing" and "belabouring"; tastes vary, but to mine that example is definitely on the "belabouring" side. She's called the dog "ugly", and she's curled her lip. Adding "to show her disgust" really feels like over-explaining.

I do like to mix it up, but ideally the non-quote material would add depth/complexity to the discussion rather than just restating what's already conveyed through dialogue.

 

[sr71plt]

Mix it up.

This. Too much of either way too long will set up a drumming rhythm in the reader's mind and starting to intrude in the read.

 

[NotWise]

This. Too much of either way too long will set up a drumming rhythm in the reader's mind and starting to intrude in the read.

I've noticed that "drumming rhythm" in my writing before, so I try to break it up. One thing that impressed me after I started writing was the enormous variety in how things could be said. One of my delays in finishing a new story comes from switching phrases around to break up rhythms (or sometimes reinforce them) and get the right tone and pace.

 

[LukasGrey]

By the way, your punctuation is a bit off track. ‘He’ and ‘She’ in your examples should be lower case. Laurel is quite rightly picky when it comes to punctuating dialogue.

See, this is why I ask questions!

I never even noticed this in my writing and it's an error I know that I make constantly. Grammatical rules are, I admit, the weak point of my writing for certain.

Want to hear the funny thing? I have posted two very long stories, 80k words each, that I KNOW are filled with this mistake and both sail straight through approval. I'm embarrassed now to see such low quality slip through...

Looks like I got lucky with getting approval in the first place! Well, maybe not lucky as now I have to go back and re-edit those two novels, the third I just finished, the one I have that's almost done, and the one that I'm about a third of the way through to fix every one of these errors.

On the plus side, I learned two new, good lessons today! Thanks!

 

[oggbashan]

I think that you can use the bare "he said" or "she said" as much as you like because they don't distract the reader or break up the interaction.

Once you start adding information into the dialogue tags such as "she said playfully", you could break the flow of the dialogue.

Using a few "he said" or "she said" when necessary to identify which person is speaking is enough.

 

[PervOtaku]

I only use the "naked quotation" as you call it when a two-person conversation devolves into a talking heads style back-and-forth. Leaving off the he/she said quickens the pace a little and if you're paying attention you don't need the indicators.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Its likely I'm the lone writer who does this, but I read lotsa stuff by the very best dialog writers.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

Donald E. Westlake was the best dialogue writer I ever read.

I did tend to notice he was 'doing dialogue,' but there again, it was brilliant anyway, and funny.

There's this thing called 'auto-tune' nowadays, isn't there. It's for singers - makes them sound as if they can sing.

Why do I get the feeling people think there are all these 'techniques' for writing a readable and interesting story? Like there might be 'auto-tune dialogue.' You know, ya plug in the dialogue right here, and everything just plain well, works, doesn't it...

I don't think you guys are living in the real, today world - here is the dialogue between people today:

1. Someone DIALS

2. The call is LOGGED

Then, 3. 'Hiya' 'Wassup'

4. 'Nut#!' H'bout u'

5. 'Zip2'

6. 'k'

7. 'k'

8. 'k cyl8r'


...Dialogue.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Donald E. Westlake was the best dialogue writer I ever read.

I did tend to notice he was 'doing dialogue,' but there again, it was brilliant anyway, and funny.

There's this thing called 'auto-tune' nowadays, isn't there. It's for singers - makes them sound as if they can sing.

Why do I get the feeling people think there are all these 'techniques' for writing a readable and interesting story? Like there might be 'auto-tune dialogue.' You know, ya plug in the dialogue right here, and everything just plain well, works, doesn't it...

I don't think you guys are living in the real, today world - here is the dialogue between people today:

1. Someone DIALS

2. The call is LOGGED

Then, 3. 'Hiya' 'Wassup'

4. 'Nut#!' H'bout u'

5. 'Zip2'

6. 'k'

7. 'k'

8. 'k cyl8r'


...Dialogue.

Maybe between two illiterates that might be considered dialogue, but you put that in a story here and you will most likely get bombed by anonymous. Text speak is not dialogue even though it is creeping into our language little by little.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

Splrtgurgglellol-lol-lol

Right that's it. I'm stickin' into a story just to see if you're right. To see what happens.

I reckon I'll get all these kids pm'ing: 'Oo, finely, sumbuddy hoo unnerstanz s.'

 

[sbrooks103x]

I think it's like a lot of things: It depends! Certainly, line after line of naked quotes is going to get old very quickly. On the other hand, adding description for every single quote, whether it really adds anything or not is also annoying.

 

[delicious_man]

Personally, I love reading dialogue that stands alone, that doesn't require further embellishment. It can be fiendishly difficult to get right, but when dialogue is well written you don't need to add a great deal, just a little salt, that's all. Good dialogue sounds like somebody is right there talking to you. It's easy to read. Part of the trick with this is having characters who have interesting things to say to each other.

Cormac McCarthy is a master of it. He doesn't use much punctuation even but you just know what's being said and by whom. Take this well known confrontation between Anton Chigurgh and the Proprietor of a filling station from 'No Country For Old Men'...

What’s the most you ever saw lost on a coin toss?
Sir?
I said what’s the most you ever saw lost on a coin toss.
Coin toss?
Coin toss.
I dont know. Folks dont generally bet on a coin toss. It's usually more like just to settle somethin.
What's the biggest thing you ever settled?
I dont know.
Chigurh took a twenty-five cent piece from his pocket and flipped it spinning into the bluish glare of the fluorescent lights overhead. He caught it and slapped it onto the back of his forearm just above the bloody wrappings. Call it, he said.
Call it?
Yes.
For what?
Just call it.
Well I need to know what it is we’re callin here.
How would that change anything?
The man looked at Chigurgh's eyes for the first time. Blue as lapis. At once glistening and totally opaque. Like wet stones. You need to call it, Chigurgh said. I cant call it for you. It wouldnt be fair. It wouldnt be right. Just call it.
I didnt put nothing up.
Yes you did. You've been putting it up your whole life. You just didnt know it. You know what date is on this coin?
No.
It's nineteen fifty-eight. It's been travelling twenty-two years to get here. And now it's here. And I'm here. And I've got my hand over it. And it's either heads or tails. And you have to say. Call it.

 

[NotWise]

Cormac McCarthy is a master of it. He doesn't use much punctuation even but you just know what's being said and by whom. Take this well known confrontation between Anton Chigurgh and the Proprietor of a filling station from 'No Country For Old Men'...

What’s the most you ever saw lost on a coin toss?
Sir?
I said what’s the most you ever saw lost on a coin toss.
Coin toss?
Coin toss.
I dont know. Folks dont generally bet on a coin toss. It's usually more like just to settle somethin.
What's the biggest thing you ever settled?
I dont know.
Chigurh took a twenty-five cent piece from his pocket and flipped it spinning into the bluish glare of the fluorescent lights overhead. He caught it and slapped it onto the back of his forearm just above the bloody wrappings. Call it, he said.
Call it?
Yes.
For what?
Just call it.
Well I need to know what it is we’re callin here.
How would that change anything?
The man looked at Chigurgh's eyes for the first time. Blue as lapis. At once glistening and totally opaque. Like wet stones. You need to call it, Chigurgh said. I cant call it for you. It wouldnt be fair. It wouldnt be right. Just call it.
I didnt put nothing up.
Yes you did. You've been putting it up your whole life. You just didnt know it. You know what date is on this coin?
No.
It's nineteen fifty-eight. It's been travelling twenty-two years to get here. And now it's here. And I'm here. And I've got my hand over it. And it's either heads or tails. And you have to say. Call it.

Stunning. Bare dialog tells a story.

 

[JaxRhapsody]

Maybe between two illiterates that might be considered dialogue, but you put that in a story here and you will most likely get bombed by anonymous. Text speak is not dialogue even though it is creeping into our language little by little.

I fucking hate it.

 

[JaxRhapsody]

I've found myself lost sometimes when it's just a long list of a conversation(like above) and having to reread to get the order to figure out who's saying what.
"I dumped the clutch and the car rolled smoke for three gears."
"Are you serious?"
"Hell yeah, shit was bad ass."
Half a page of that shit can lose a person. I do it, but often throw in some sort of action.

"I wish I was there to see that!"
"Yeah, it was bad ass for real, I was all like..." mocking shifting gears.
"Awe shit."
Throw in a descriptive thing to break up that monotony, and it doesn't always have to be he or she. To many patterns read like a childrens book.

"Yeah it was bad ass for real, I was all like..." mocking shifting gears.
"Yeah it was bad ass for real, I was all like..." he mocked shifting gears.

I try to use more without the he/she
..." sipped some coffee
..." looked around
..." with a glance
Versus:

..." she sipped her coffee
..." she looked around
..." she said with a glance

That's just me though, I to am trying to get this shit together myself.