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Marriage counseling.

Tryharder62

Tryharder62

Keep Believing
Joined
Jan 27, 2012
Posts
12,752
It is kind of like having your breath sucked out of you until you are close to death.
 
After 30 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable – an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched – with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"

"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays I fish."
:D
 
My sister in law came up to my brother and said, counseling or half the checkbook
He grabbed the checkbook and said, that was easier than I was expecting
He lived happily ever after
 
It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."
 
Tryharder62 said:
After 30 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable – an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched – with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"

"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays I fish."
:D
Click to expand...

NICE!
 
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
 
thør said:
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
Click to expand...

i lol'd. I did!
 
:rolleyes:

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."
He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
 
Why are those kind of jokes always oriented in that fashion... as in, man complaining, woman = so hard to live with?

I don't mean to critique, mere curiosity.
 
EternalFantasies said:
Why are those kind of jokes always oriented in that fashion... as in, man complaining, woman = so hard to live with?

I don't mean to critique, mere curiosity.
Click to expand...

Personally, I think that it is because of who has to clean the toilet. Seriously, every married woman I know has to clean the toilet. It would be interesting to take a poll on that. Women literally get sick and tired of clean up men's poop and pee. It makes us hard to live with.
 
Tryharder62 said:
Personally, I think that it is because of who has to clean the toilet. Seriously, every married woman I know has to clean the toilet. It would be interesting to take a poll on that. Women literally get sick and tired of clean up men's poop and pee. It makes us hard to live with.
Click to expand...

But that was not the question i asked.

As to your jumping the gun answer, these jokes often seem to be the product of, or in the context of, rich people, man on golf course, wife shopping, with help to clean up.

So, well. hehe. I'll go back to: that wasn't the question I asked.
 
Tryharder62 said:
Personally, I think that it is because of who has to clean the toilet. Seriously, every married woman I know has to clean the toilet. It would be interesting to take a poll on that. Women literally get sick and tired of clean up men's poop and pee. It makes us hard to live with.
Click to expand...

Ummmm... shared housework isn't unheard of.

Just sayin' :D
 
Dr Denny esq

Tryharder62 said:
Personally, I think that it is because of who has to clean the toilet. Seriously, every married woman I know has to clean the toilet. It would be interesting to take a poll on that. Women literally get sick and tired of clean up men's poop and pee. It makes us hard to live with.
Click to expand...
My wife and I have most likely been happily married longer than most members have breathed. If and when our toilet is dirty, or not, I automatically clean it... or my wife does. We even use those pretty blue cleaners yet swab the shit hole now and then.

If I want to leave the seat up, I do. She knows how to put it back down and has learned the white porcilan part is cold.

Tryharder62 said:
I have never done drugs, but this thread is more like Ms. Manners on speed!:eek: vs. Rodney Dangerfield.:D
Click to expand...
I don't smoke ever, don't drink much, and have never done drugs. But some of these comment posts want to make me start snorting, sniffing, or injecting. As long as I get her respect I'll get by without illegal medications.

EternalFantasies said:
But that was not the question i asked.

As to your jumping the gun answer, these jokes often seem to be the product of, or in the context of, rich people, man on golf course, wife shopping, with help to clean up.

So, well. hehe. I'll go back to: that wasn't the question I asked.
Click to expand...
I don't think a person has to be rich to golf. Still I've felt it silly to beat my little white ball around in the grass and try to recover it from the woods.
My wife has shopped all of our married life. The kids needed food and school supplies, I needed toilet bowl cleaner and junk food.
We learned all about house keeping from Harriet Nelson, June Cleaver, and Blonde Bumstead.

If we need counseling we go to a biker bar. Most half drunk bikers know everything about life and it'll only cost a few cheap beers.
 
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