Play Gone.. Sideways: Help please!

[CrimsyBites]

Hello everyone. First I'd like to say I appreciate this forum being here as a safe place. Everyone I've spoken with has been very kind and welcoming. As such, this seemed like the est place to ask for help.

So now I would like to put to you my dilemma:

The other night my boyfriend and I were talking -he's on a trip just now, which is good because there's a little part of me ((liar it isn't little)) that just wants to shake him by the shoulders, tie him and bite something- and we were discussing possible play scenarios.

I suggested a game. The "Try not to C**m Game" The rules are simple, I please and tease him, he does the same, with whatever means we so choose - but the position is 69.

Then he tells me he can't. I was confused, as you may imagine, so I asked some questions along the lines of "what's holding you back?" I thought it was that he was worried about skill -this isn't one of our usual positions- and I told him not to worry because it was supposed to be fun, and experimental. A once off, rewards included for the winner after.

I finally get out of him why, and here's where my issue is: He says that going down on a girl is weird and to him kinda gross. Then he goes further saying he doesn't really like kissing either.

This was after we'd been rather extensively talking about some other scenarios we were interested in. The mood was as it should have been, sexy. But as you may imagine I didn't feel very sexy after being told my body is a off-putting and b that I make him a little nervous.

So here's my question: How do I explain that I'm not mad - a little confused, and I admit a little sensitive, and that while it's okay with me if he isn't comfortable with that right now. And, the bigger question, how do I help him get comfortable with my body? I was surprised, since he's comfortable with more basic play - missionary, BJ's -

Any comments or advice are welcome, But please keep in mind I do love him. I didn't do all this to tattle, or to make fun. I'm just a little helpless in this situation.

Thank you.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Hello everyone. First I'd like to say I appreciate this forum being here as a safe place. Everyone I've spoken with has been very kind and welcoming. As such, this seemed like the est place to ask for help.

So now I would like to put to you my dilemma:

The other night my boyfriend and I were talking -he's on a trip just now, which is good because there's a little part of me ((liar it isn't little)) that just wants to shake him by the shoulders, tie him and bite something- and we were discussing possible play scenarios.

I suggested a game. The "Try not to C**m Game" The rules are simple, I please and tease him, he does the same, with whatever means we so choose - but the position is 69.

Then he tells me he can't. I was confused, as you may imagine, so I asked some questions along the lines of "what's holding you back?" I thought it was that he was worried about skill -this isn't one of our usual positions- and I told him not to worry because it was supposed to be fun, and experimental. A once off, rewards included for the winner after.

I finally get out of him why, and here's where my issue is: He says that going down a girl is weird and to him kinda gross. Then he goes further saying he doesn't really like kissing either.

This was after we'd been rather extensively talking about some other scenarios we were interested in. The mood was as it should have been, sexy. But as you may imagine I didn't feel very sexy after being told my body is a off-putting and b that I make him a little nervous.

So here's my question: How do I explain that I'm not mad - a little confused, and I admit a little sensitive, and that while it's okay with me if he isn't comfortable with that right now. And, the bigger question, how do I help him get comfortable with my body? I was surprised, since he's comfortable with more basic play - missionary, BJ's -

Any comments or advice are welcome, But please keep in mind I do love him. I didn't do all this to tattle, or to make fun. I'm just a little helpless in this situation.

Thank you.

He's stupid and selfish. Dump the asshole.

If you don't want to do that, make him read some of my stories that describe how much fun eating pussy is for both parties.

 

[CrimsyBites]

He's stupid and selfish. Dump the asshole.

If you don't want to do that, make him read some of my stories that describe how much fun eating pussy is for both parties.

Thanks for the story suggestion, I may read some then have him do so.. I was surprised, since I never put much thought into it. I am bisexual, Andi have gone down on girls in the past, and have been the one getting eaten.

But he wasn't being selfish. At least I don't think that was his intention, considering how many times he apologized.

 

[Noor]

Unfortunately, you can't get anyone else comfortable with their bodies, you can only really provide a safe, non judgement place for them to explore.
Also the assumption that he is feeling this because he is not comfortable with your body could be false.
Did he directly tell you that you were off-putting or that all kissing and oral was off putting? That is a big difference. Some people seriously can not handle certain textures and sensations.

I am also not comfortable with 69 but for different reasons, I find it too distracting among other things. I am afraid I may bite my lover if I am not paying attention.
I also go in and out of being into kissing.
I had lovers for years that I never kissed. I am totally comfortable with my body and other people's but I do get sensory overload and that can kick in.

I also have allergies, very serious allergies and other people's mucus secretions can set me off if they have been ingesting things I am allergic too. When I was younger I never considered why I like things sometimes and not others, now that I am more aware of what is happening, I think I don't do certain things when I feel more reactive.

I am upfront with my lovers about this and so far it's been fine since I first had sex.

I would do what you are both comfortable and interested in doing now rather than try to change him. If he isn't giving you what you need, let him know and find a replacement.

 

[CrimsyBites]

Unfortunately, you can't get anyone else comfortable with their bodies, you can only really provide a safe, non judgement place for them to explore.
Also the assumption that he is feeling this because he is not comfortable with your body could be false.

I am also not comfortable with 69 but for different reasons, I find it too distracting among other things. I am afraid I may bite my lover if I am not paying attention.
I also go in and out of being into kissing.
I had lovers for years that I never kissed. I am totally comfortable with my body and other people's but I do get sensory overload and that can kick in.

I also have allergies, very serious allergies and other people's mucus secretions can set me off if they have been ingesting things I am allergic too. When I was younger I never considered why I like things sometimes and not others, now that I am more aware of what is happening, I think I don't do certain things when I feel more reactive.

I am upfront with my lovers about this and so far it's been fine since I first had sex.

I would do what you are both comfortable and interested in doing now rather than try to change him. If he isn't giving you what you need, let him know and find a replacement.

First I'd like to thank you, as you did bring up some really important facts. I suppose mostly I was surprised because we've been together for four going on five years, and he never said anything. Thus I didn't know he wasn't comfortable with it. It simply hadn't come up before.

I am comfortable with my body, and his. I suppose, really what I am asking, is how can I help to provide with a safe environment where he can explore - though no, I don't want to try and force him into anything.

 

[Noor]

First I'd like to thank you, as you did bring up some really important facts. I suppose mostly I was surprised because we've been together for four going on five years, and he never said anything. Thus I didn't know he wasn't comfortable with it. It simply hadn't come up before.

I am comfortable with my body, and his. I suppose, really what I am asking, is how can I help to provide with a safe environment where he can explore - though no, I don't want to try and force him into anything.

I think in some ways you already are because he felt safe enough to tell you how he felt.
I think when stuff like this comes up try not to take it personally. You have been lovers for over 4 years, he is into you or he wouldn't be there. He may try stuff later, he may not, just remember it's something internal to him, and not a reflection on you or his feelings about you.
I would also never make trades like BJ for oral since that puts you both in a weird position.
Just give what you have to give and accept what he has.
People, relationships and lovers ebb and flow through time, stuff changes, you mainly grow with it.

 

[Debbie]

We need to talk always makes the other person go

Perhaps an email or a text where you can tell him how you're feeling but don't know if you'll say it the way you want it to come out as in not mad but that you love him and you're in this together.

I love giving blow jobs but it took a long time before I enjoyed oral sex done on me.

In my case it was:

"PATIENCE YOU MUST HAVE my young padawan."

I'm quite shy and wasn't very good at expressing what I did and didn't like sexually. Till I found the right one and he was patient and we played together on a path of sexual discovery.


Hopefully you can both go through this together with love, patience, communication and understanding and enjoy each other.

 

[CrimsyBites]

Ahh, whoops, I didn't mean to make it sound like I'd try to push for a trade, of any sort. I will step back, though, off the subject of oral when with him. But I'm still not sure how to tell him in not upset with nim, be ause he thinks he's done something wrong, when I can rather plainly see I pushed a little too far, though I didn't mean ask questions to be invasive - I was confused, and I wanted clarification.

 

[Noor]

Ahh, whoops, I didn't mean to make it sound like I'd try to push for a trade, of any sort. I will step back, though, off the subject of oral when with him. But I'm still not sure how to tell him in not upset with nim, be ause he thinks he's done something wrong, when I can rather plainly see I pushed a little too far, though I didn't mean ask questions to be invasive - I was confused, and I wanted clarification.

Just tell him that you have given it a lot of thought, you understand how he feelings and it's ok.

 

[CrimsyBites]

We need to talk always makes the other person go

Perhaps an email or a text where you can tell him how you're feeling but don't know if you'll say it the way you want it to come out as in not mad but that you love him and you're in this together.

I love giving blow jobs but it took a long time before I enjoyed oral sex done on me.

In my case it was:

"PATIENCE YOU MUST HAVE my young padawan."

I'm quite shy and wasn't very good at expressing what I did and didn't like sexually. Till I found the right one and he was patient and we played together on a path of sexual discovery.


Hopefully you can both go through this together with love, patience, communication and understanding and enjoy each other.

Thank you, for that. I of course want to provide him with the right amount of time, so we can discuss it, because I think he and I should reaffirm our comfort zones and limits. Not tonight, though. I'm going to give him a little space

 

[Noor]

Thank you, for that. I of course want to provide him with the right amount of time, so we can discuss it, because I think he and I should reaffirm our comfort zones and limits. Not tonight, though. I'm going to give him a little space

Sounds reasonable