my 5th attempt at a "personals" ad

[glBock]

It's been some time since my last try, and I learned a thing or two in the mean time. I also received some unsolicited advice, which I decided to ignore. If a woman dislikes the way I write this ad, what I am looking for, or that I dare to look for something specific in the first place, or how I express what I am looking for, then most likely I would not want to meet her anyway.

My profile states already that I seek a woman who feels horny enough to exchange erotic mails with me. You can be assured that I DO NOT believe I am God's gift to the female world; if I were, and if my circumstances were more favorable, I would not need to advertise here. But the following listing will explain what I am hoping to GET OUT OF, as well as what I am prepared to PUT INTO such a mail exchange:

Erotic and other EXCITEMENT most of all. For that to happen, there needs to be some harmony in what turns you and me on. But most likely we'll have to develop some kind if personal liking for each other as well, to keep exciting each other.

COMPANIONSHIP, within the restrictions that mail exchanges entail, and also that our primary relationships allow. I am not prepared to endanger my marriage for the companionship I offer you, and I don't expect you to do that for me either.

EMPATHY and intellectual intercourse, on subjects beyond erotica, if you are game for that, and if you enjoy finding them with me.

As a result of all that, I hope for an additional overall feeling to develop with time, which eliminates some of the emptiness in those respects, which we felt, before we began sending each other mails.

That's about the most important items I should mention, I figure. Other things are important in addition, but those should better be discussed in a set of PMs, which will hopefully follow my ad. If in fact YOU OF ALL PEOPLE read this ad.

 

[Iceprincess12]

How in the heck did I miss the first four?!?!

What is...

God's gift to the female word

I swear, I never get the important memo's. It's always "my sock is wet" " I have 10 inches" or "10% off at Target".

 

[glBock]

How in the heck did I miss the first four?!?!

What is...

God's gift to the female word

I swear, I never get the important memo's. It's always "my sock is wet" " I have 10 inches" or "10% off at Target".

sorry for the typo; fixed it in the mean time

 

[Misha_Davis]

Here's a "fifth time's the charm" bump for you

 

[glBock]

(still) looking for a miracle

I have deposited five "personals ads" here on Lit so far, and none of the replies I received have resulted in lasting happiness. Of course I wonder, why that might be so.

Am I really such an unbearable prick, or am I doing something fundamentally wrong, or have I simply not had the luck that the RIGHT woman runs into an ad of mine and replies to me?

I tend to believe the latter. Because it is the most comfortable explanation and most acceptable to me. But maybe I am wrong, who kows?

One "school of thought" here on Lit claims that coming here with concrete expectations in mind is a fundamentally wrong approach. Better to just participate in the conversations that occur here, and hope for something to develop between me and a female Litster.

Trouble is that many conversations here lack substance, and most of them quite severely so. What good does it do me (or anybody else in the world, for that matter), to find out that a particular Litser never thinks an ill thought of another one "who posts above her?" Or whether she dreams of getting fucked by another one? Or what she would say, when going to bed with a particular one?

And when I (rarely) read a comment from someone, who seems to have something to say, and I contact her privately, I often find out that what she expressed, she did so only because she was fishing for compliments. Or worse yet, that she never meant what she wrote in the first place.

If I were a smart man, I would give up any hopes of finding a woman thru Lit that represents anything like a suitable match. But I am a hopeless optimist, and so I continue to hope for a miracle. In case you read this and wonder, what kind of a man I am, and what I am looking for, I invite you to take a look at my signature post, the OP of this thread. And in case you like what you see there, that you drop me a line via PM.

 

[NubianPrincess1960]

Saying that you "deposited" five personal ads makes it sound like you shit them out LOL

In all seriousness, though. I thought, if you don't mind, that I'd make some comments. Take them for what they are. Dear Abbey I ain't!

I have deposited five "personals ads" here on Lit so far, and none of the replies I received have resulted in lasting happiness. Of course I wonder, why that might be so.

Lasting happiness can be considered a lofty goal, and some people may never achieve it. Have any of the replies that you received been at least pleasant enough to have a friendly exchange? I know that your OP indicates you'd like exchanges of a more sexual nature, and that's fine. Are you getting less than that, or nothing at all?

Am I really such an unbearable prick, or am I doing something fundamentally wrong, or have I simply not had the luck that the RIGHT woman runs into an ad of mine and replies to me?

I tend to believe the latter. Because it is the most comfortable explanation and most acceptable to me. But maybe I am wrong, who kows?

Only you can answer this. I don't know if you're a prick or not; I'm not going to go back through all of your posts to try to determine that for myself. But you seem open to the possibility that you are. Let's say for sake of argument that you are the worst of pricks on Lit. What are you going to do about it? Most women don't want to associate with pricks if they can help it. And if any of thw women have called you a prick in their replies, have you asked yourself why she may have said it?

One "school of thought" here on Lit claims that coming here with concrete expectations in mind is a fundamentally wrong approach. Better to just participate in the conversations that occur here, and hope for something to develop between me and a female Litster.

You can certainly have some expectations, and maybe you'll hook up with a like person right off the bat. I haven't been on Lit very long, but that sort of thing probably doesn't happen too often. My observations so far tell me that most people come here to socialize for a few hours, and then go back to reality. They're not necessarily looking for long term relationships. Some are, and some may be looking for their true love. They're certainly welcome to do that, but that's the one in a million shot, in my opinion.

And I don't think there's anything wrong with talking with people in the threads. You can probably tell fairly quickly if the person you're talking with is someone you'd like to get to know better, or decide they're not for you and talk to someone else. See if there's some chemistry between the two of you.

Trouble is that many conversations here lack substance, and most of them quite severely so. What good does it do me (or anybody else in the world, for that matter), to find out that a particular Litser never thinks an ill thought of another one "who posts above her?" Or whether she dreams of getting fucked by another one? Or what she would say, when going to bed with a particular one?

You don't fine ABC games and "Three Words After Sex" conversations filled with substance? Okay, bit of sarcasm there. Sure, there's a lot of light conversation. I think that's the whole purpose of the Playground. I personally don't come here expecting to discuss the feminist themes in the works of George Eliot! Have you explored any of the other areas on Lit? Or let me ask you this: what would you consider conversation of substance if you were to start a discussion about anything?

And when I (rarely) read a comment from someone, who seems to have something to say, and I contact her privately, I often find out that what she expressed, she did so only because she was fishing for compliments. Or worse yet, that she never meant what she wrote in the first place.

Then you scratch her off the list and look to see who else is saying something of interest.

If I were a smart man, I would give up any hopes of finding a woman thru Lit that represents anything like a suitable match. But I am a hopeless optimist, and so I continue to hope for a miracle. In case you read this and wonder, what kind of a man I am, and what I am looking for, I invite you to take a look at my signature post, the OP of this thread. And in case you like what you see there, that you drop me a line via PM.

I do wish you luck in your search. Don't be in too much of a rush to give up.

 

[Conager]

You mentioned that you received unsolicited advice last time and chose to ignore it.

That's perfectly within your prerogative to do so and often it is the best course because everyone has advice and not all of it is any good.

My unsolicited advice is to keep an open mind about feedback. When people take the time to give you some feedback it is giving you a perspective that you currently don't have. If you spend some time and thoughtful reflection you can easily see the things that might help you personally and those that won't. But rejecting it all out of hand doesn't seem wise.

When you decide that you want to start a new ad it's not usually a good idea to reference previous unsuccessful attempts. You never see a car ad where they reference a previous ad that didn't work well for them.

My dad was, among many other things, an unabashedly persistent salesman. He was quite good at it. One of his favorite savings was "Success breeds success!" The idea being that people want to sign up with a winner. This is why the bandwagon approach works and why it always seems that girls seem flirtier when you already have one.

Harping on your struggles with finding someone that is interested in the authentic you creates a self-defeating cycle. Same reason that recently out of a relationship is tough. Damaged or depressed goods don't sell well.

It does not appear that you have posted very much here what I would suggest is look for threads where you do find things to be interesting, comment in the threads so that in addition to the girl that you were interested in there you might very well meet one of the many lurkers who aren't posting at all.

It's always a fun surprise when I get an unsolicited p.m. from some girl that I've never met, have never seen post, but who was intrigued by something I wrote. Nine times out of ten it's something that I would never thought was the least bit intriguing. The other time it's usually something that I really almost regretted posting because it seemed a little over the top.

Be authentically you, but go ahead and talk to various people in the forums as you normally would in real life. Think of it as a mingle not a browse for merchandise. Not that there's anything wrong with fondling the merchandise. Sometimes the merchandise likes it.

 

[GhostFeather18]

If you find the conversation on Lit so disinteresting, why are you using it to find a girl in the first place? This isn't eHarmony or a mail order bride service. People get on here because we enjoy talking about sex with other people who understand our wants and needs. If that isn't your style then try something different. Not sure why I'm posting this though since you ignore the advice of those around you.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Dude.

You are married.

And while I do NOT speak for the entire Female subset of our species,
you might want to try to understand us a bit better.

Consider the following.
You love to fish and have a special tacklebox.

You care deeply for that box. You love to go fish and can't wait to get into your tackle box. But as much as you enjoy fishing, it can never be the only thing you do. So you inevitably have to close the tacklebox, put it up to take care of regular life, and may or may not get a chance to go fishing for a while.

The woman you seek has to be willing to be the tacklebox box. A temporary, partial, incomplete bandaid to what you lack in your current relationship. A past time.

She may be seeking the same thing in a relationship, except you're more like her favorite face cream. If it's a good face cream, she is NOT going to go a single day without it. Despite her insistance that partial is "ok".... she needs her face cream everyday. More than likely, if you bond at all... She's gonna want more than just the superficial.

You are taking a slippery slope ride down a razor blade.

Not saying what you're looking for does not exist..just saying the vibe you're sending out is one of desperation, frustration, and in no way attractive.

Again, I know I'm painting with a broad brush, but men can compartmentalize better.

Just chill out. Seek a friend first. Let whatever you find take a shape organically.

If you're so hard up for that erotic connection immediately, you might want to try RP for a quick fix.

 

[fafhrd09]

I have posted four ads, and gotten no reply to any of them; I have some quite specific non-sexual preferences, and the ads apparently aren't seen by women within the stated parameters. I doubt it has anything to do with me, more likely that the demographic for which I'm searching is not widely represented here.

I wouldn't necessarily turn the blame for a lack of response inward.

 

[Iceprincess12]

sorry for the typo; fixed it in the mean time

I didn't realize it was a typo. I thought you knew a secret word women could utter and cause instant obliteration. Now that would be a great conversation!

My advice, don't be boring and desperate. No one is here to entertain you. If you want interesting conversation, then be an interesting conversationalist.

If I were a smart man...

So many ways to end that sentence.
~I would turn the lawnmower off before checking the blade
~I would realize nose picking isn't a sport
~I would know socks and sandals are not a fashion statement

Good luck with sitting on the sidewalk and holding out your hat. Fingers crossed someone drops a shiny penny in!

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

xxxx
!

xxxxxxx

 

[Iceprincess12]

You forgot

~ don't point the flamethrower at your face.

See this is where fantasy and reality diverge. Your cock is not a flamethrower, I don't care how many times it burned when you peed.

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

xxxx

xxxxxx

 

[Iceprincess12]

This burning sensation, you must tell me about it as I have never felt it. Let me know what it feels like. And I was referring to a real flamethrower, but you must not watch James Bond movies.

You seem very literal which leaves little room for humor. Carry on Dr. No.

 

[Conager]

See this is where fantasy and reality diverge. Your cock is not a flamethrower, I don't care how many times it burned when you peed.

Roasting weiners...

 

[Iceprincess12]

Roasting weiners...

I only touched it with a stick, promise.

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

xxxx

xxxxxxx

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

xxxx

I've removed my comments so as to not TC over this poor guys personal. It would be decent if others would follow suit.

 

[glBock]

My reply to posts numbers 6, 7, 9, and 10

It really surprised me to read four sensible posts here, which in one way or another commented on my post (#5) with some kind of empathy and sensible advice. I like to thank you authors very much for that.

As can be expected for a forum like Lit, 10 posts appeared also, which had almost nothing to do with what I wrote. But I had alluded to this phenomenon before; Lit also is a place for much meaningless chatter, and apparently once one such chatter post appears, it will draw others like it. You've heard about butterflies + candles, I am sure. I can only say that I am glad, I was able to initiate some fun for IcePrincess and Weiner.

Back to the four sensible posters, the ones I express my thanks to. I apologize for causing you so much work. My post #5 was meant to be nothing more than a BUMP of my ad. With a few extra remarks thrown in. I did not really mean to complain much, and certainly not lament about a lack of responses. All I really wanted to state was that ads, which appear from the scene fast, because lots of new ads are added every day, lose their potential audience quickly. And that I was hoping for a lurker or two (or searchers like me), who might reply to me, this time around.

But I realize that I botched it up to a large extent. For a simple bump, my post # 5 was definitely much too long. And it contained stuff, which was contra-productive. This some of you have correctly pointed out to me; THANKS again.

I have already been following much of the advice you gave me, BTW. And the fact that I have not "found lasting happiness" yet, does not bother me in the least. Some times the irony I sprinkle into a post of mine, is such – apparently – that it becomes difficult to catch.

fafhrd09 (whatever that means), I fully agree with your comment; I am not doing it really. And a word to you, IcePrincess, as well: it does not surprise me that you, of all people here, are unable to distinguish between a beggar's hat and self-irony. Some women can, and if I catch only THEIR attention, that will be fine with me.

And BTW, I am currently busy getting to know two women, who I met through Lit. One who replied to this "terrible" post above, and one who I replied to, when she was looking. So my comunication skills cannot be all that bad!

 

[Conager]

It really surprised me to read four sensible posts here, which in one way or another commented on my post (#5) with some kind of empathy and sensible advice. I like to thank you authors very much for that.

As can be expected for a forum like Lit, 10 posts appeared also, which had almost nothing to do with what I wrote. But I had alluded to this phenomenon before; Lit also is a place for much meaningless chatter, and apparently once one such chatter post appears, it will draw others like it. You've heard about butterflies + candles, I am sure. I can only say that I am glad, I was able to initiate some fun for IcePrincess and Weiner.

Back to the four sensible posters, the ones I express my thanks to. I apologize for causing you so much work. My post #5 was meant to be nothing more than a BUMP of my ad. With a few extra remarks thrown in. I did not really mean to complain much, and certainly not lament about a lack of responses. All I really wanted to state was that ads, which appear from the scene fast, because lots of new ads are added every day, lose their potential audience quickly. And that I was hoping for a lurker or two (or searchers like me), who might reply to me, this time around.

But I realize that I botched it up to a large extent. For a simple bump, my post # 5 was definitely much too long. And it contained stuff, which was contra-productive. This some of you have correctly pointed out to me; THANKS again.

I have already been following much of the advice you gave me, BTW. And the fact that I have not "found lasting happiness" yet, does not bother me in the least. Some times the irony I sprinkle into a post of mine, is such – apparently – that it becomes difficult to catch.

fafhrd09 (whatever that means), I fully agree with your comment; I am not doing it really. And a word to you, IcePrincess, as well: it does not surprise me that you, of all people here, are unable to distinguish between a beggar's hat and self-irony. Some women can, and if I catch only THEIR attention, that will be fine with me.

And BTW, I am currently busy getting to know two women, who I met through Lit. One who replied to this "terrible" post above, and one who I replied to, when she was looking. So my comunication skills cannot be all that bad!

Too funny. I should have caught the sock puppet. Same voice. My ear is usually better attuned.

Friendly bump. Carry on.

 

[Iceprincess12]

Too funny. I should have caught the sock puppet. Same voice. My ear is usually better attuned.

Friendly bump. Carry on.

I'm confused. Is he asking me for sex? I just saw my name posted and cheered a little.

I will admit I have never heard of a beggars hat. Is it like a turban or more like a fedora? Self irony sounds like self flagellation with a little less shame in the morning.

I guess not using emoji really changes everything.

Good Luck

 

[KimGordon67]

I"m just going to make a gentle suggestion here ... you do tend to approach the whole thing with a very specific set of constraints within which you want your correspondent to operate. That's fine - as you say, if you're looking for something specific, it's good to be specific - but it does mean that a potential correspondent might think 'Oh - if I can't fit into those constraints, there's not a lot of point bother'.
Also, your style is quite ... um ... well, it's sort of like it's a project you're embarking on, rather than establishing a relationship with another person.
I think I mentioned this before, but a lot of people in here are really looking for fun, first and foremost. I suspect you have loftier goals than this, and again, that's fine, but it's probably explaining the lack of response. Also, you might find that if you can just engage with the banter, you might get to know someone who does have the same lofty intentions - they just like to get to know someone before deciding whether it's worth investing their energy in something deeper. You sort of barrell in boots & all (excuse the terrible mixed metaphor), which can be a bit daunting, especially for those of us who have busy lives outside of Lit and are often just a bit too tired for graduate level philosophy.
Just some thoughts ... from someone who's managed to engage in one or two fairly serious relationships that started out as fun.

 

[Conager]

I'm confused. Is he asking me for sex? I just saw my name posted and cheered a little.

I will admit I have never heard of a beggars hat. Is it like a turban or more like a fedora? Self irony sounds like self flagellation with a little less shame in the morning.

I guess not using emoji really changes everything.

Good Luck

That little dig out of the blue was how I noticed that he was also the other poster who was arguing with you.

 

[Iceprincess12]

That little dig out of the blue was how I noticed that he was also the other poster who was arguing with you.

I just saw he deleted his posts, awww. Guess we were not destined to be besties.

I can understand the dig. I might be a little on edge if I had tried 5 times to get random sex and no hits. Oh wait, I mean conversation.