Gentlemen: Can you explain the appeal of cuckolding?

[suckonsimon]

... If a married woman is having sex with others, the husband is defined as a cuckold. ...

Thanks for your post, jimmytm.

I quote this one sentence of it as a prime example of how language and terms must needs adapt when social norms change and people's shared experience tells a tale which will no longer fit the 'old' language. Perhaps there was a time when hardly anyone could conceive of the arrangement we're discussing here except in terms derogatory of the husband. That probably links with the old notions of a wife being in some sense the 'possession' of her husband. Experience has thankfully moved us on from that. The term, once accepted for the whole range of the possibilities of that lifestyle, fits it no longer. So we need to either drop it altogether, or give it a much narrower definition.

 

[OpenMouth]

For me, it's the understanding that there's a fine line between aversion and obsession, and like most sexual interests, has its roots (for me) in early teens.

I remember that dread feeling on learning that a girlfriend had kissed another boy while I'd been on holiday with my parents. On another occasion, I'd fallen for a girl and kissed with her at length (she tasted of cigarettes, which kickstarted another major obsession) only to find she was a serial offender. My first real girlfriend was sexually experienced with multiple previous boyfriends when I met her; I was 16, she was a year younger).

So, for me it's the excitement of being with a girl who is hot for other men, and you're just not sure what she's up to. I think, latterly, it's the fact it's the opposite of the reality of my current relationship.

 

[magicalmoments]

Thanks for your post, jimmytm.

I quote this one sentence of it as a prime example of how language and terms must needs adapt when social norms change and people's shared experience tells a tale which will no longer fit the 'old' language. Perhaps there was a time when hardly anyone could conceive of the arrangement we're discussing here except in terms derogatory of the husband. That probably links with the old notions of a wife being in some sense the 'possession' of her husband. Experience has thankfully moved us on from that. The term, once accepted for the whole range of the possibilities of that lifestyle, fits it no longer. So we need to either drop it altogether, or give it a much narrower definition.

Oops, fucked this up so deleted it

 

[Somehowyou]

My wife had no idea until I was bringing home a lot of porn with the theme of housewives getting fucked, with and without their husband's blessings. The cat was eventually out of the bag and my wife was not impressed. In spite of my protestations, that it was for her benefit, there was no convincing her otherwise. Despite my assurances, she was of the mind that giving her permission to fuck others would mean that I no longer found her sexually desirable and/or that I would use it as a springboard to fuck other women. We managed to keep it as a very low level of fantasy, but there was no way she would let it get any further.

To this day, this is one of my strongest and most sought after fantasies to come true.

You're probably lucky. Yes, it would be hot but then the next thing you know she is leaving you for another man and taking you to divorce court AKA the cleaners. Yes, I find it hot too but it is risky behavior. Hey, maybe that is why it is so hot?

 

[Green_Knight]

...If I ever get round to writing up the fruits of my research, I'll put it on here.

I have and it's at: https://www.***********/s/t1qibs2rrvxcmjv/The Whys and Wherefores of Sharing.pdf?dl=0

Be aware that it is quite lengthy and that some of you may find the questions, issues and conclusions it raises uncomfortable. But it's a contribution to the debate and you're welcome to argue against it.

 

[jimmyturtleman]

Thanks for your post, jimmytm.

I quote this one sentence of it as a prime example of how language and terms must needs adapt when social norms change and people's shared experience tells a tale which will no longer fit the 'old' language. Perhaps there was a time when hardly anyone could conceive of the arrangement we're discussing here except in terms derogatory of the husband. That probably links with the old notions of a wife being in some sense the 'possession' of her husband. Experience has thankfully moved us on from that. The term, once accepted for the whole range of the possibilities of that lifestyle, fits it no longer. So we need to either drop it altogether, or give it a much narrower definition.

It all boils down to semantics, and that is why I prefaced my remarks with a dictionary definition. That is how I see and understand the definition of 'cuckold'. Just because some people misunderstand the definition, I find no reason to change it. It has no derogatory implications attached to it, except in the minds of those who wish to think that way. And nowhere does it imply that the wife is a 'possession', as you suggest. It is quite simple to grasp, if you are a married man and your wife is having extra marital sex, you are a 'cuckold'. If someone thinks of that as derogatory, then so be it.

 

[Mich4905]

I believe an event that took place when I was younger was the cause of my cuckold desires. I witnessed my girlfriend and another guy and another girl have sex. They did not know I could see them and I watched and masturbated. Many years later, I had a girlfriend that I was arguing with and we decided to see other people. She went out with a guy one night and had sex with him. She came to my house after and also slept with me. I ate her pussy and didnt realize that I was eating a creampie until much later.

What did you think when you found out you eat another person creampie? how did it taste?

 

[Porkwarrior]

As soon as anyone can predict what a particular person finds arousing...bottle that algorithm and sell it for as many millions as you can get.

Until then, my anecdotes...

I found listening to my ex-wife's stories of her escapades arousing, she liked to hear mine, I get hard thinking about my girlfriend being fucked 1000km away, I used to know a fun married couple that would both get turned on the dirtier I talked about how AWESOME her mouth felt on my cock while hubby was fucking her, I've met a few couples that had the hubby watch while she sucked anonymous cock in an honest glory hole, and yes some where the wife sucked and hubby got sucked by another man...

If they're both into it....I learned a long time ago to stop asking questions and just hope I got off along with everyone else.

 

[ADIDAS00]

Thank you, Simon. You know that I value your input.

I think my greatest concern in a real life situation is that my SO would want the same freedom that he had extended to me, and I don't think that I could find a way to be okay with that. I know that it seems hypocritical, but that is my honest assessment of my own heart.

In addition, it would take a lot of reassuring on his part to convince me that expanding our boundaries in this way wouldn't have an irreparably devastating effect on our relationship.

Your concern is common.....but usually, the stag/cuck doesn't want anything to do with other women. It doesn't turn him on to be with other women. You're the center of his fantasy so he wants you to be his personal porn star! Lucky you right....you get to have all the fun with others, and he's totally devoted to you. That's how it works. Have fun with It and good luck!

 

[MilkFountain]

No!

Thanks for your post, jimmytm.

I quote this one sentence of it as a prime example of how language and terms must needs adapt when social norms change and people's shared experience tells a tale which will no longer fit the 'old' language. Perhaps there was a time when hardly anyone could conceive of the arrangement we're discussing here except in terms derogatory of the husband. That probably links with the old notions of a wife being in some sense the 'possession' of her husband. Experience has thankfully moved us on from that. The term, once accepted for the whole range of the possibilities of that lifestyle, fits it no longer. So we need to either drop it altogether, or give it a much narrower definition.

Sorry, Suckonsimon is wrong . . . CUCKOLD is when the man does NOT know. It's when the woman is cheating, going behind her husband's back. The basic tenet of FIDELITY means having one sexual partner.

SHARING is when either the man or the woman has sex, intimacies, with someone else, and his or her partner knows, perhaps even encourages the adventure.

 

[MilkFountain]

Yes!

Your concern is common.....but usually, the stag/cuck doesn't want anything to do with other women. It doesn't turn him on to be with other women. You're the center of his fantasy so he wants you to be his personal porn star! Lucky you right....you get to have all the fun with others, and he's totally devoted to you. That's how it works. Have fun with It and good luck!

Well said, well written.

Male, the husband, I'm as you describe. I'm fortunate that my wife and our marriage have survived the stages of her feeling hurt and insulted, insecure and angry, to flashing and increasing her own exposure to others, until she is now -- when she's in the mood! -- a willing partner or accomplice in our adventures. And, adidas00, you're right, she's the center of the universe, her sexuality completing mine.

I've descovered, through pillow talk with her, through her answers to my searching questions, that she now:

1. welcomes the little vacations from one partner, me;
2. enjoys the release of tension and feeling rejuvenated;
3. feels more in control of herself, her body, her life;
4. does not feel trapped in marriage;
5. loves her sexual adventures GUILT FREE;
6. looks to me for ideas and the best way she can feel she is doing or saying "the right thing" with her new suitor . . . because she asks me to suggest what she might do and say to please him the most.
7. she is able to abandon herself completely, without reservation, to enjoy a new lover, without INSECURITY, without feeling she is cheating, without feeling she is acting outside the CHURCH because she has permission from her highest authority, her husband, me, according to her interpretation of the Bible.
8. and she LOVES BEING WATCHED. I discovered early on in our relationship, before we were married, that she is an exhibitionist (as is the common nature of women), and . . .
9. she now locks into the extreme eroticism of arousing me and the new man she's with, enjoying -- whether I watch from afar, from beside them, or participate, worshipping her as she's used by another -- in a perfectly arranged THREESOME . . . and experiencing the deepest intimacy at the same time.

 

[Justfantasies]

If you have a particularly sexy wife who has always loved sex, that you are going to be cucked is simply part of the deal.

Accepting this is better than worrying where she is all the time. And enjoying hearing about her adventures is always so erotic

 

[midwestdude]

.......

 

[yukonnights]

Thanks for your post, jimmytm.

I quote this one sentence of it as a prime example of how language and terms must needs adapt when social norms change and people's shared experience tells a tale which will no longer fit the 'old' language. Perhaps there was a time when hardly anyone could conceive of the arrangement we're discussing here except in terms derogatory of the husband. That probably links with the old notions of a wife being in some sense the 'possession' of her husband. Experience has thankfully moved us on from that. The term, once accepted for the whole range of the possibilities of that lifestyle, fits it no longer. So we need to either drop it altogether, or give it a much narrower definition.

I totally agree with the statement that language/words/definitions change based on current usage. I argued for years against the phrase; 'straight but love cock'. It made no sense to me, but it did to millions of others...and guess who won the argument The meaning of 'cuckold' has likewise evolved.

 

[Somehowyou]

This drives me crazy. We all know what the hell the OP means. Every time someone starts one of these threads half the posts are arguing about the definition of cuckolding.

We are talking about men that like it when their wives or girl friends want to fuck other men....Period.....I personally find it exciting.

 

[screwher]

This drives me crazy. We all know what the hell the OP means. Every time someone starts one of these threads half the posts are arguing about the definition of cuckolding.

We are talking about men that like it when their wives or girl friends want to fuck other men....Period.....I personally find it exciting.

I got to agree with this. I'm a married man whose wife is having sex with another man with my blessing. And much to my arousal. I refer to her as a hotwife though I'm pretty sure she isn't by common definition. I sure as hell aren't a cuckold (or a beta male, thank you) either. But if someone calls me a cuckold...no prob.

 

[TransChick]

It all boils down to semantics, and that is why I prefaced my remarks with a dictionary definition. That is how I see and understand the definition of 'cuckold'. Just because some people misunderstand the definition, I find no reason to change it. It has no derogatory implications attached to it, except in the minds of those who wish to think that way. And nowhere does it imply that the wife is a 'possession', as you suggest. It is quite simple to grasp, if you are a married man and your wife is having extra marital sex, you are a 'cuckold'. If someone thinks of that as derogatory, then so be it.

It's not that some people misunderstand the definition, it's that current usage has moved on and the dictionary needs to catch up. It's the same reason that we don't use 'thee' and 'thou' anymore and that no one uses 'queer' to mean 'odd' or 'gay' to mean 'happy'. Language evolves.

It simply doesn't reflect actual contemporary usage of the term to, for example, describe a man in an open or polyamorous marriage as a cuckold.

 

[magicalmoments]

It's not that some people misunderstand the definition, it's that current usage has moved on and the dictionary needs to catch up. It's the same reason that we don't use 'thee' and 'thou' anymore and that no one uses 'queer' to mean 'odd' or 'gay' to mean 'happy'. Language evolves.

It simply doesn't reflect actual contemporary usage of the term to, for example, describe a man in an open or polyamorous marriage as a cuckold.

I understand your logic but I disagree with your conclusion. A cuckold is and always will be a man whose wife is having sex with someone else, either with or without his knowledge or consent.

The fact that a very small minority of people who indulge in a wide variety of sexual activities of a cuckolding nature, and I place myself in that group, is not enough to warrant changing the meaning of the word.

Gay and queer are not good examples to compare with. Those words still have their original meanings and in any event the new homosexual meaning is global and in common usage as much as in the straight community as it is in the more liberal parts of society.

New words may be needed to describe all the shades of cuckolding but cuckolding will always be cuckcolding as I have defined it above.

 

[Bigspurt]

For me, and I am not a cuckold, a cuckold is a man who is married to a woman that has sex with another man or men and, maybe even more so, in the presence of the husband.

The dictionary definition is much more general.
http://www.dictionary.com/browse/cuckold?s=t

 

[Somehowyou]

To the last three posters....yes, but do you like seeing your woman with another man? Does it arouse you and why? If you are a woman does your hubby like seeing you or knowing that you go out and fuck others? Why does he like it? What is the appeal to him?

 

[XirixSeven]

In answering the primary question of why a man would be turned on by this, I cannot say that my response will satisfy this or the interest in what is "cuck".

But I offer my interest which is collateral to cuck but not actually cuck. I am not a cuck, but I do have a sort of fetish that is near to it. By discussing this, I might hit a way of answering the main question of this thread.

I am a candaulist and have been since high school. I accidentally learned this did not realize it was "a thing". I discovered I had this I did not know what to do with it. At the time I didn’t know it was a “thing” that other guys had. I was 17 when I first discovered this, and not in a positive way. My high school girlfriend was very modest, and when we had for each of us our first second base experience, I was 17 and in 11th grade and she was 16 and in 10th grade, and I eventually asked her whether I was the first guy to see her (fantastic Playboy) tits. She said I was, but then checked her comment and said a few months earlier she had to lower her gown before a doctor, not her regular one who was a woman, but a young guy because she went in without an appointment on a chest cold related problem, and she was extremely embarrassed. And strangely, at that moment, I realized that what had happened to her turned me on. And that I was also turned on by her being humiliated over it happening to her. And here's a really weird notion: I was turned on by my own humiliation over "my girl" being seen in the nude. So I'm a candaulist who also has the fetish interest of being 1) excited my girl was seen nude, and 2) excited that I am "unmanned" by her being displayed. Most candaulists do not feel this way and simply enjoy other men checking out their women.

So when my girlfriend or wife when she was my fiancé and I had occasional MMFF foursome play, I not only enjoyed seeing them with another man while I was with that man's girl, but I also, secretly, imagined my humiliation over another man being inside of my girlfriend/fiancé.

So, I've taken a long way to get to the cuck thing. I believe at the heart of it is wanting to enjoy the humiliation of another man being with your girl. I have never shared this with my girlfriends or wife, with the exception of one previous girlfriend who I was very honest about all maters of sexuality. I have never role played any cuck scenario like the porn videos on line where some guy is being "forced" by his wife to suck her lover's cock. But I have imagined my wife humiliating me over her being with a better lover than myself. So mentally I must have something like a cuck psychology, but without the interest in being abused or outdone by a bull or alpha male during the sex.

Anyway, I hope this gives some idea about why a man can get excited by this.

 

[XirixSeven]

To the last three posters....yes, but do you like seeing your woman with another man? Does it arouse you and why? If you are a woman does your hubby like seeing you or knowing that you go out and fuck others? Why does he like it? What is the appeal to him?

I'll chime in here about seeing my girl with another man. It is WAY hot, watching him with her and knowing his mouth and hands are all over her as I am, and his cock is deep inside of her and he knows everything there is to know about her.

Since I only play MMFF foursome, I have often wondered what the other guy thinks about seeing me with his girl.

 

[crashD]

I'll chime in here about seeing my girl with another man. It is WAY hot, watching him with her and knowing his mouth and hands are all over her as I am, and his cock is deep inside of her and he knows everything there is to know about her.

Since I only play MMFF foursome, I have often wondered what the other guy thinks about seeing me with his girl.

so do you do two couples, fucking in the same room??

each with the others spouse?

that is hot as hell to me...

 

[XirixSeven]

so do you do two couples, fucking in the same room??

each with the others spouse?

that is hot as hell to me...

Yes. That is how we played in the past.
It was for me very hot and exciting, especially because you got to enjoy taking in the shared intimacy of the experience. The other guy got to experience my wife when she would cum. She would learn from him how he made love to his wife. Our MMFF included love making and not merely fucking our brains out. Such couples willing to allow French kissing and certain expressions of love were rare, but we sought them out and they were there.

 

[crashD]

Yes. That is how we played in the past.
It was for me very hot and exciting, especially because you got to enjoy taking in the shared intimacy of the experience. The other guy got to experience my wife when she would cum. She would learn from him how he made love to his wife. Our MMFF included love making and not merely fucking our brains out. Such couples willing to allow French kissing and certain expressions of love were rare, but we sought them out and they were there.

i agree - would be good to know the other couple to some extent so there was more to it than just a "fuck"

Watching and being watched, both very hot.